phineas Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 After a yr & half of BS my STBXW is now my XW? EW? whatever. It feels like a relative that was terminally ill for a long time finally passed except my friends want to take me out to celebrate. I'm at work so i'll figure out how I really feel later on today. I'm just glad it's finally over & done with. I feel like I can now realistically move on with my life now that I don't have it hanging over my head.
spriggig Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I'm right behind you. We have an appointment to sign tomorrow. I feel the same, "terminally ill relative." That's a good analogy.
heartbrokensj Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 hugs Phineas. I don't what else to say except to echo what YGG said, hugs to you Phineas....
GorillaTheater Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 If I had to guess, I'd say that you're probably feeling a little sad; that a marriage you once had high hopes for ended the way it did. But I hope you're mostly feeling relieved at having this trainwreck behind you. Go celebrate with your friends, Phin. You've earned it.
donnamaybe Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Even ending a bad marriage is a little sad - for awhile. You'll soon feel that freeness that also accompanies it. Congrats Phineas!!!
Author phineas Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 If I had to guess, I'd say that you're probably feeling a little sad; that a marriage you once had high hopes for ended the way it did. But I hope you're mostly feeling relieved at having this trainwreck behind you. Go celebrate with your friends, Phin. You've earned it. Pretty much this.
What_Next Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Pineas congrats!!!!!!!!! I know this has been hanging over your head for a while. Embrace the next chapter in your life. I am 13 months away from mine, but I am looking forward to it.
controlledchaos Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 ((HUGS!!)) i'm 5 mo from our 1 yr 1 day we need to file. the way i look at it is, i am sad not to be married. i never wanted a failed marriage. but, i am also OK not being in that BAD marriage. day to day life is easier without all of the negative things that encompassed our married life........ here's to a brighter and happier future!
Trimmer Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 It's been two years now, since it was made official. I remember being a little sad but also the relief. I remember not feeling all the way at either extreme: I didn't want to cry in my drink, but I also didn't want a jolly celebration either. But I was lucky to have someone to go out with that night who knew what was happening, and we had a good time with a group. We didn't ignore the reality, but we didn't dwell on it either... It was just about right.
Steadfast Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 It's OK if you're sad. It's OK if you miss her. It's OK if you're disappointed. It's even OK if you don't feel OK and don't know why. There is nothing wrong with not feeling good about divorce. If you did, seriously, it would cast doubt on your sworn feelings and commitments. The brain takes information and turns it into action: hungry, eat. Tired, sleep. But the heart doesn't work that way...it kind of ebbs along, wondering where it's mate went and why it's broken. Yes, men have broken hearts too ladies; they feel different and hurt differently than yours do. Men, especially men whose wives have replaced them with another man, feel a brand of rejection and sadness that you can't understand. The same no doubt is true for you. You'd have to be a guy to understand. FWIW, I didn't celebrate my divorce either, at the great disappointment of my macho buddies who had a whole evening of debauchery planned. I came home, endured a visit from the ex, then made dinner for my kids. Take comfort in the fact that you can't be cheated on by her any longer. No matter who she is with or what she is doing, it is now legally and morally someone else's problem. Let that sink in and lift your heart. I am sorry, but am glad you have the courage and determination to free yourself of this unhealthy situation. It's a big step. Rest mind and spirit.
witabix Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Trí ní is deacair a thuiscint; intleacht na mban, obair na mbeach, teacht agus imeacht na taoide. Three things hardest to understand; the mind of women, the work of the bees, the coming and going of the tide.
2.50 a gallon Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Another LS success story from last years class. From the sound of it MMI has also recovered. Lupo posted a few months back that he and his old GF from HS days were doing well and talking marriage. Alas, it is too late to take a road trip to Vt. as Broken Hearted posted that she had finally recovered, with the help of her new man. IIRC you had primary care to your kid, with visitation rights for the XW, did that stay the same? I like your Avatar, it says it all
Author phineas Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 I wound up with primary residency during school yr & 50/50 split for legal & physical custody. It cost me though financially in child support & day care & assuming marital debt in order to get her to agree to that. I also picked the youngest to claim on taxes so I can deduct him a few extra years. Last night I got home, cut the lawn, grilled up some chicken & made fajita's. Sat down had a couple beers & watched this weeks TV shows off the Tivo. I can honestly say I didn't even think about it.
Author phineas Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 Last night was also probably one of the best nights sleep I got since I signed the final papers all those weeks ago.
alphamale Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Last night was also probably one of the best nights sleep I got since I signed the final papers all those weeks ago. haha i like your new avatar
trippi1432 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Congrats Phineas - I just have to pay my last bill to the soul-sucking attorney and I'm done....but then again, there was much freedom in signing that document. There is much to be said about taking back your life....you can't love them, but you shouldn't hate them either....but it's not about them anymore is it?
You Go Girl Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 There is much to be said about taking back your life....you can't love them, but you shouldn't hate them either....but it's not about them anymore is it? That's the healthiest thing I've seen you post, Trippi.
Author phineas Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Congrats Phineas - I just have to pay my last bill to the soul-sucking attorney and I'm done....but then again, there was much freedom in signing that document. There is much to be said about taking back your life....you can't love them, but you shouldn't hate them either....but it's not about them anymore is it? No, it isn't about her anymore, but she tries to make it. LOL! So many irrelevant emails & texts & phone calls to update me about the kids.
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