Lovebone Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Ok, first of all, I'm a direct (even crass) person at times, so don't think me a pig, I'm just being honest. I'm trying to gauge the success of my current relationship/girlfriend... I have always been sexually attracted to thin, pretty girls. I like small-framed petite women, and always have. Obviously, it's a purely physical thing, because they usually are riddled with emotional baggage and are spoiled and looking for a man to take care of them, support them, etc... My current girlfriend of 4 months is a chunky girl. She's not what you'd call "fat" but she is certainly thicker than what I usually am attracted to. She played a lot of sports in high school and got really muscular, then after having her kid, she got a little chunky, which I understand....kids are tough on a woman sometimes. I get it. But I met her mother, and it spooked me. Her mom is a BIG lady...and I kinda see my girl's genetics going that route, and that worries me. Sex is real important to me in a relationship, and I dunno if I'm ready to compromise that for everything else she has to offer. The sex is fine, not phenomenal...but good enough. We don't do a lot of foreplay, like I'm used to, because frankly I don't have the desire to see certain parts of her unclothed. I know, it sounds bad, but I'm just being honest. I care about her and she is a very kind and sweet woman, and spoils me plenty. She likes my kid and I like hers and we do things together and have a great time. I'm at the point in my life where it matters less to me that I'm seen out in public with the hottest girl in the club, etc...but I can't help think that the shallow part of me is still in there, and when we're out, sometimes I can't help looking at the hot, skinny girls and think the grass is greener over there. I think my priorities may be fogged up, but I guess I just need to know if it's wrong for feeling this way, and if there's any gentle way to express this to a woman without hurting her feelings. Go...
tornandmarried Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 hmmm....BE VERY CAREFULL...if u have a hard time looking past her weight maybe u feel your settling....ive dated thin and thick girls and believe me, shes 100% capable of breaking your heart as much as any skinny girl, love is blind....and she might stray for a guy that isnt bothered so much about her weight...so before u go any further, evaluate if your really ok with it cuz once the closeness sets in your stuck...just dont treat her any diffrent than u would a thin girl, shes proably insecure about it and needs a man to give her love that sweeps her off her feet, inspite of how she looks.....dont think just because shes overweight shell stay with u forever no matter how u treat her, cuz shell be gone with the first guy that makes her feel beautiful and youll be left in the dust feeling like wow i shoulda treated her better
Swimie Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I think you have right to be concerned. We all want & deserve to be with someone we're attracted to. Is she active? You didn't mention. Take her to invite her to the gym/swim/tennis/train for a marathon... tell her it'd be special to you.. Maybe she'll shed some poundage there. But a huge deal is, if she doesn't keep up this stuff, her genetics may take over all that. Obviously, I really have no idea.. But it's possible. I know you'll be keeping that in mind. But you're not wrong for feeling this way.
Anela Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 She deserves someone who thinks she's beautiful, and would have no problem seeing every part of her unclothed.
bicyclebrat Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Wow, please break up with her right now. She deserves much better than you. Your mind has obviously been warped by society, and I would certainly not want to meet a guy like you...no matter HOW skinny a girl is, you'll always judge them against an impossible standard. I agree that every woman deserves to be with someone who KNOWS that they are beautiful. How horrible to call her "chunky" behind her back. I'd love to know how you feel about your own body, because the men I've known to be most judgemental are also the ones with the least self-confidence. You're pretty much a girl's worst nightmare--skinny and voluptuous alike.
brainblox Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Wow, please break up with her right now. She deserves much better than you. Your mind has obviously been warped by society, and I would certainly not want to meet a guy like you I'm not here to start a war of the sexes but we can't hide what turns us on. Like the guy said, sex and sexual attraction is very important to him, If I love the woman nothing would never bother me personally. I give this relationship about 5% chance of working long term, Trust me we all have wondering eyes but if your being put off by this woman then you should kill the relationship !
Dazzel Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 (edited) I'm gonna give you this perspective which comes from a girl who could stand to lose around 60 pounds (I'm quite overweight). Many fat girls are incredibly sensitive about their weight. Even making a small jab at it can hurt their feelings or make them feel like they aren't good enough. Perhaps my views are a little dramatic, but I must let you know I have very low self esteem. I feel as though my weight makes me less than human. Like I can't relate to thin people because they are in a higher level than I. I have a boyfriend who I literally feel is the hottest guy I've ever seen. I never dreamed I'd get someone who I felt was so physically perfect. I STILL don't understand why he is going out with me. I question him all the time if he minds me weight. He says he doesn't and he still gets boners around me. Howver, he doesn't believe in sex until marriage (which sucks, IMO) so I am wondering if I will ever find out in my lifetime if he truly is attracted to me or not because he has yet to even see me slightly naked. He can't even judge how I look underneath cuz he's never seen it for himself. We've been together almost two years. He is always chastising me for being too hard on myself. Yet he never says anything about me being pretty. So, with my story, and your situation, I am going to come to this conclusion. It's not fair to her at all to stay with her if you feel as though her body won't turn you on. It's also not fair to yourself to stay with her. Physical attraction is more important than people would like to admit. If you are so turned off by your partner's body that it keeps you from getting aroused or maybe even grosses you out, that's certainly going to lead to a doomed relationship. You may like her personality, but if you feel her weight is gonna cause later disgust or it's hindering your ability to truly connect with her, I'd really advise you to just find someone else. It's only fair to the both of you. She may actually be really falling for you while you may not be attracted to her. It's kind of like leading her on (and I'm NOT trying to make you sound like the bad guy, I'm just stating what could be the truth). And depending on the reasons you give for breaking up should you do it, be very gentle. You could really crush her self esteem. It doesn't sound like she's majorly overweight, but you still don't want to make her feel bad. Make something up if you need to. Edited September 22, 2010 by Dazzel
Disillusioned Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 360 lb, 6'6" fat guy here (waves arms)... the bigger they are, the harder they HIT.
Soloquan Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Way to go at being shallow. Society has a lot to answer for when a guy likes a girl but wants to drag her down the gym to 'lose a few pounds' because she doesn't fit his personal taste of skinny girls. If you're looking for answers on a forum then she obviously aint the one for you. Move on and let her be happy with someone that deserves her.
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I have always been sexually attracted to thin, pretty girls. I like small-framed petite women, and always have. Obviously, it's a purely physical thing, because they usually are riddled with emotional baggage and are spoiled and looking for a man to take care of them, support them, etc... So, you believe that all petite, thin women are shallow, damaged, gold diggers, but chunkier girls possess the personality traits you desire- but don't arouse you. You are dating a chunkier girl, but don't even want to undress her fully because she repulses you to a degree...? Let this poor girl go- she deserves better.
Disillusioned Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Send her to Los Angeles. Help ease the shortage.
sbradford2 Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 I definitely think that you should not continue this relationship with this girl. I feel sorry for her. I am a plus size woman myself and its really hard to be with someone that is not physically attracted to you. They can say that they love you all they want but if the person does not light up when they see you then that's not good. So stop wasting her time.
Yo quiero Taco Bell Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Run for the border. Genes and prophecy speak poorly for you my friend. Ella come burritos?
Yo quiero Taco Bell Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Skinny girls are tasty. Big girls are juicy. One each please! chicas delgadas son generalmente más tonto echo back now
NeverLetMeDownAgain Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Ah, Disillusioned. Feel like trying the East Coast for a while? You're just what I'm looking for! Overweight people (of which I am one) already constantly apologize just for existing. If you're genuinely not feeling attraction to her (or her body parts), it's not going to change over time. If anything, it may get worse because you'll feel guilty for altering your standards, which you apparently have. This isn't a bad thing - if you're not attracted to overweight women, it's not a crime. But I think that the kindest thing you can do for your girlfriend is to let her find someone that WILL feel attracted to her - completely and wholly. Anything less is cruel to her and a time-waster to you.
colliejoanie Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I'm in the midst of losing a bunch of weight....so far 32 lbs....I have 30 left. I felt so good about myself until I went on a date from match.com. It was obvious I was too big for this guy. It really threw me into a tail spin. I know, that if I had my old, skinny body this guy and I would have hit it off. You need to let this girl go. Rejection from a stranger was hard enough.....rejection from the guy you're dating and sleeping with is even worse......
Author Lovebone Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 Jeez, it saddens me that there are overweight people here, getting upset about my post. If it upsets you that I have a particular taste in women, you are probably not mature enough to handle an adult conversation, and should sit at the kids' table next Thanksgiving. You know who you are. I don't down fat people or look down on them, I just do not want to have sex with them. Period. that makes me a bad person? wow...
Anela Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I'm not overweight, and that isn't the point here. You are dating a woman who doesn't deserve to be with someone who doesn't want to see her completely naked, because doing so turns him off. How would you feel if a woman felt the same way about you? Try taking some responsibility for the effect that you might have/be having on her, and not only thinking about yourself. If you have a particular taste in women, and she doesn't measure up, leave her alone and find somebody who does fit your standards.
AmItheOnlyOne Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Love I think you're fine dude. Basically, yes, we sometimes get a bit superficial if we can. The point is, right now you look like (not in no homo way) in shape, so right now you can. But, what if in 2 years you go bald? What if, you get some injury and turn into Sloth from the goonies? But.. that's worst case scenarios. You need to remain single, go date, go hook up... get it out of your system... It just means you haven't dated enough. Nuttin wrong with that. If you need to meet 100 people to find out who's really right.. no matter for what reason. maybe you hate black hair. Then date more... until the one without black hair comes. Turns out she may be a B too, then you'll say.. okay black hair is fine. big girls are fine. The problem we have is .. it ain't easy to date 100 people, let alone 1!
AmItheOnlyOne Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 btw, I meant your 'fine' as in no worries. Not fine like 'dayam boy you are fyyyyne'. I'm straight ;P
AmItheOnlyOne Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 and re-reading my post I probably offended a few thousand people. Ugh.
leftfordead2 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Jeez, it saddens me that there are overweight people here, getting upset about my post. If it upsets you that I have a particular taste in women, you are probably not mature enough to handle an adult conversation, and should sit at the kids' table next Thanksgiving. You know who you are. I don't down fat people or look down on them, I just do not want to have sex with them. Period. that makes me a bad person? wow... Heh if you noticed, when guys state their preferences wanting a petite sized, good looking girl etc..., he immediately is put on the chopping board by posters and you see comments like shallow, superficial flying all over. However, when a girl states that she is looking for a sweet, good looking guy, you see posters reassuring her that everyone has their own preferences and she is not too picky. Where does that disparity come from, I have no idea. I only agree with the fact that everyone has their own preferences but I'm not gonna go around calling other people shallow. But like other posters mentioned, you probably shouldn't string the girl along if you're not attracted to her.
Anela Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I find it sad that he heard from several women, how it would feel for us to be treated that way, and instead of listening, he insulted us. I didn't put him down for his preferences, and whilst I feel sick when I see posts elsewhere, stating that a woman doesn't deserve to be treated well, to be loved, etc, if she's overweight, I'm also not going to praise someone for what sounds like, "Giving a a fat girl a chance" and then trying to change her to fit his ideal image. That isn't fair to men or women. If he's such a stud, then he can easily find someone who fits his criteria. Not all hot girls, of any size, are shallow. (And on that note: why is it not okay for anyone to think badly of him, when he basically dissed an entire group of women, saying they're hot, but other than that, they usually have no other good/redeeming features?)
Anela Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 and re-reading my post I probably offended a few thousand people. Ugh. Not me. You made a good point regarding his own looks, and how they will fade, as well as the part about dating.
Awesome Username Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Do you love this woman, and plan on her children and your children becoming a family? Are you willing to put aside some physical pleasure to be with her for the rest of your life and be a family man dad of more than one kid instead of a hunk with random hot blondes on his arm? In all honesty, and I'm not judging you in any way, if it's not worth it to you then let her go. It's more of a serious issue now that children are involved and the longer you delude yourself into being okay with something you're not, the harder it's going to be for not only yourself, but the kids. It's all fun and games until children are involved. I feel for the woman in this scenario, but I also commend you for not assuming that cheating is an option.
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