bolase Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 (edited) I broke up with my boyfrend of 4ish months because he was hot and cold, had stopped going through with plans, and was always clinging to me when he had down periods but didn't seem to care about me when I needed him.. We were friends before this, he always told me that I was too perfect for him, and that he jut didnt have time to give me, and when we broke up he said that he thought we both knew we weren't the love of each others life (Thanks!) He battles with depression too but I felt he was trying to swim upstream against it to be with me, so I really tried to be there for him. I told him it seemed like we were better as friends, he accepted. Now he wanted to hang out for a while, asks if he should let me have time as though its me who was dumped, and he's talking about going to watch a girl he's just met in her play, all week, and has posted stuff on facebook about her and added lots of new girls. I shouldn't stalk, my life is pretty cool at the moment, but this stuff just gets to me. I want to take a rest and eventually find someone who will actually treat me well, but it hurts that he was a lousy boyfriend and has now stopped trying ot hang out, moving on etc. He is insecure but I don't know whether he is moving on in that way or just making amove on her..he does that, adds girls on facebook who he barely knows and wants to sleep with them. I have a new crush, but my crush is (peripherally) friends with my ex. Should I stay in touch with my ex, who seems clearly over me, in order to try to see the new guy again? ? Edited September 13, 2010 by bolase
Eeyore79 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I don't think staying in touch with your ex is the best idea. You're not real friends anyway, because if you were just friends you wouldn't feel hurt by his interest in this other girl. If you stay friends you're doing it to cling onto him, and it's not good for either of you, not to mention hanging onto him would be unfair to any future boyfriend. Besides, he never treated you like a friend anyway - he wasn't there for you when you needed him. The best thing you can do is stay away from him and let him get on with his relationship with this new girl, which shouldn't be difficult as you said he's already moving on and had stopped hanging out with you etc. If you're interested in someone new, don't chase him via your ex - make your own move on him separately.
Thorgs Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 He played you for a fool. You broke up, you stayed friends and during that time he used it to get over you and get a new girl to make you jealous. That's my take anyways.
Author bolase Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 But if he didn't want to try harder to be with me, fair enough - why try to make me jealous now? I went on a date since we broke up which he knows about, but I also want to take things slowly and would not put something like a new person in my life, in his face. He offered to help me with work last week and I didn't reply..you think he has tried this entire time to make me hurt? What a p****.
Thorgs Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Well, you broke up with him and you seem to already have a new guy in mind. why not just focus on that and forget about the ex. there's a reason being friends with an ex doesn't work out.
Author bolase Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Thank you My ex said he wanted to be friends though and it seems petty not to, but perhaps it's unhealthy. Although - the guy I have a crush on is friends (on a very peripheral way) with my ex, so I wonder whether to stay n touch or find another way of seeing the new guy again. My ex has an art show coming up; he invited me and my crush will be there. Should I jsut be brave and go, or will it all be super awkward? Even though ex is clearly over me? I feel like my hand was forced with my ex; he was being pretty uncaring and I still have feelings for him. Missing him is just something I need to get over, and I want to stop having fears and get out there.
Eeyore79 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 If you still have feelings for him, you can't be friends.
Author bolase Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 More frustration than emotional feelings. He wasn't healthy for me to be with.. I could handle seeing him I think, for the chance to see the other guy. I don't miss the ex.
Thorgs Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Well, don't be friends with him and then start going out with one of his friends. That's a bitch move. Him telling you about the new girl is to make you jealous and come back to him.
Eeyore79 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 More frustration than emotional feelings. He wasn't healthy for me to be with.. I could handle seeing him I think, for the chance to see the other guy. That isn't friendship, that's using someone to get what you want. If you can't be a real friend (and it doesn't sound like you can) then don't bother pretending.
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