Not Sure if it worth the fight!

[crazedteacher]

I will try to keep it as brief as possible. I am married mother with a 4 year old. Last February I was looking for some files on my computer while in my classroom at work and I found pictures (and I mean graphic) of a woman and of my husband. Pictures of each of them masturbating. Now, 6 months prior to this I found a conversation that he had on chat with some woman where she claimed to miss him and he told her to "saddle up"! I confronted him and he said it was all bravado and that it was nothing more than harmless flirting and that she didn't even live near us. I wanted to believe that and I tried to. He worked hard to gain back my trust and a month later his 12 year old daughter moved in with us. However, this was not a good idea as we were on thin ice before moving a teen into our house. So all was OK until February of 2010 when I found the pictures and confronted him and he admitted that it was some woman he met in a chat room and he had been sleeping(use that term lightly) with her on and off (no pun intended) for 8 months. I was destroyed and trying to hold it together for my daughter and step daughter. We started marriage counseling and it was going great for a while until i realized that he was telling the counselor what she wanted to hear and then not putting to use any of the things she was telling us. He wanted it to just go away and I wanted to face it head on. Long story short, our sex life is nonexistent and my weight yo-yos, I am having acne, cry all the time, my hair is falling out. I can't remember the time I felt loved or had someone make love to me.............! Financially, it would be so hard for me on a teacher's salary and sometimes I feel like it is the only reason I am staying. He says he loves me and I do love him and he is a great father but I don't think he does and I am not happy. I don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice?

[FryFish]

Leave him... well, make him leave. He is a remorseless serial cheater...

[You Go Girl]

Yuck. Creepy sexual stuff online behind wife's back, and in person too? Whatever. Even if only online, he gets his thrills from being a bad boy behind your back. Just how mature can he be? He isn't!

 

Why should you suffer because he's a sneak? Get yourself into the bathroom, wash those tears off your face, make yourself smile at that mirror, get angry at how you've been treated, and see that you are a beautiful person. STand there and look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful until you believe it. You don't need to be justified by his creepy sexuality, and you don't want to be! You have real value that he isn't seeing, so YOU see it.

[YellowShark]

Here's a quote I adore... It really says it all:

 

"Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option."

[crazedteacher]

Thanks for the replies, you are all saying what I know in my heart is the truth. I really appreciate it. Scared to death but true!

[You Go Girl]

Here's a quote I adore... It really says it all:

 

"Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option."

 

damn that's so good I'm writing it down!

[WowReally]

Here's a quote I adore... It really says it all:

 

"Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option."

 

That is an awesome quote!

[phineas]

Here's a quote I adore... It really says it all:

 

"Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option."

 

I've seen that a few times here & started living by it.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Here's a quote I adore... It really says it all:

 

"Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option."

 

Damn, this should be written in some sort of "Relationships 101" hand book! I think I've seen this quote before, just worded a little different. But how true these words are.

 

But in regards to the situation at hand, once again I am reminded how awesome of a destructive tool a thing called a "chat room" can be to a relationship. It was some sort of Yahoo based Internet chat room that helped my marriage "snow ball" to divorce. Sad part is, I really thought I knew me ex-wife, I never thought in a million years she would have gotten tangled up in such a thing. For me computers are the "alpha" and the "Omega" in my world, the "beginning" and the "end"! I have a college degree in Computer Science, there is the "alpha" it provides me an income, helps me maintain a way of life. The very thing I worked hard to learn and now earn a way of life from was also my "Omega", the end! It was a computer that my ex-wife ran into her new man on, it was a computer that she maintained a adulteress relationship on, and in the end it was a computer that printed up our divorce papers!

 

I feel for you, I know I found many of indecent images of things on my ex-wife's old computer here at home, way back when. I know some of the things I found that she was doing with her high speed web cam made my jaw drop and hit the floor.

 

Just remember he is the one who, in better words has the sickness, not you! Your not the one who found someone on-line and continued some sort of sick and twisted affair with. You didn't expose yourself with another man in the picture and reach down and "go for glory", he did, not you, you have nothing to be ashamed with yourself about. And that marriage therapy stuff, only works when both participants participate equally and for the greater good of the situation. If your Husband was kind of just going with the flow, telling the therapist what they wanted to hear, making himself sound like the good Samaritan, yada yada yada.......I'd say he doesn't want good productive change, safe to say he wants out!

 

Just remember, one way or another this is going to pass. I wish you the best of luck and remember there are a lot of good people here on these forums, we are here for you and if you need to talk, just let us know!