pandagirl Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Seriously, you need to let go. Stop holding on. Stop clinging. That isn't to say you have no right to feel sad or hurt. You can cry and miss them. This is all part of the grieving process of losing someone really important in your life But, get that idea of getting back together OUT OF YOUR HEAD. I sort of had a breakthrough moment today, where I realized I could simultaneously love someone and also let them go. Mentally holding onto something is absolutely unproductive and energy wasting. Nothing in life in permanent, which is scary. Anything can happen or go wrong at the drop of hat. What's that saying? Love is like sand--the tighter you try to hold onto it, the quicker it goes away. I miss my ex so much. It's really scary to think of my life without him, but I can't hold onto him or the past. Instead, I will let myself love him freely, even if he isn't mine, sending my love to him without expectation. Strangely, that sets me free, too.
bighearted Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 We all have these "breakthrough" thoughts every so often. We all go through periods of being horribly miserable, to the next moment realizing it's over, to the next moment thinking it wasn't meant to be and believing we're starting to let go, to the next being horribly miserable again. We all have these "times" of feeling like we're going to be fine, then like we're going to die without them. But the fact that you're posting in the Second Chances forum, titling your post "the key to second chances," Isn't that in itself not "letting go" and still "holding on," still "clinging?" Isn't that still having SOME bit of hope and having SOME thought of getting them back in your head?
Author pandagirl Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 We all have these "breakthrough" thoughts every so often. We all go through periods of being horribly miserable, to the next moment realizing it's over, to the next moment thinking it wasn't meant to be and believing we're starting to let go, to the next being horribly miserable again. We all have these "times" of feeling like we're going to be fine, then like we're going to die without them. But the fact that you're posting in the Second Chances forum, titling your post "the key to second chances," Isn't that in itself not "letting go" and still "holding on," still "clinging?" Isn't that still having SOME bit of hope and having SOME thought of getting them back in your head? I think you're reading too much into it. I haven't completely let him go yet. Of course not, it's been only 12 days. I'm still in love with him. But I'm realizing that if I continue to hold on so TIGHT it's not good. And just because I start to let go, it doesn't mean everything disappears.
HopeLove Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I think that giving up the hope of getting back together is the key to move on. Whether you get back together or not only time will tell. If you both are meant to be together you will but since you don't know if this will ever happen you have to go on with your life.
Trovador Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Somehow, I don't believe in "meant to be"... I do believe in "working hard to meant to be"... but I digress... I already gave up the hope of getting back with my ex AND I don't want a second chance with her... where that puts me in? I do miss the friendship though...
Author pandagirl Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Somehow, I don't believe in "meant to be"... I do believe in "working hard to meant to be"... but I digress... I already gave up the hope of getting back with my ex AND I don't want a second chance with her... where that puts me in? I do miss the friendship though... That sounds like an ideal situation to be friends with an ex?
Trovador Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Nope, it means I don't expect and I don't want anything from her... And I miss the friendship, not the friend, the same way some dumpees miss the relationship not the exes... But sometimes, keeping hopes of getting back with your ex makes you proactive or at least receptive to the interaction with him/her... doesn't giving up hope mean that you might miss this interaction? That is, your ex will see that you act indifferent and won't get interested ever in you... I don't care but you might...
LoveTNT Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Seriously, you need to let go. Stop holding on. Stop clinging. That isn't to say you have no right to feel sad or hurt. You can cry and miss them. This is all part of the grieving process of losing someone really important in your life But, get that idea of getting back together OUT OF YOUR HEAD. I sort of had a breakthrough moment today, where I realized I could simultaneously love someone and also let them go. Mentally holding onto something is absolutely unproductive and energy wasting. Nothing in life in permanent, which is scary. Anything can happen or go wrong at the drop of hat. What's that saying? Love is like sand--the tighter you try to hold onto it, the quicker it goes away. I miss my ex so much. It's really scary to think of my life without him, but I can't hold onto him or the past. Instead, I will let myself love him freely, even if he isn't mine, sending my love to him without expectation. Strangely, that sets me free, too. I'm there with you, I wrote a poem today. I ve been letting go. So bitter sweet. But it is no good holding on and hoping. Yes love them freely. I pray for him, but I love myself.. so Good bye. I've had no contact. it's been 5 days since i text him last, and the difference this time is that deep down inside I know i'll be fine and I do not have the urge to contact him.. I'm wishing him luck and peace in his life... what else can you do, can't force anything... I'm beautiful inside and out I can get what I want, I don't need to settle. Cheers missy, to moving forward.
CaliGuy Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Agree 100%. Moving on with your life, learning from the hard lessions and becoming a better person should be your priority -- NOT pining for a second chance. Why on earth would you make someone a priority in your life when they only see you as an option?!
skydiveaddict Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Agree 100%. Moving on with your life, learning from the hard lessions and becoming a better person should be your priority -- NOT pining for a second chance. Why on earth would you make someone a priority in your life when they only see you as an option?! Agreed. Sometimes moving on is easier said than done though. I wish I knew how you do it
CaliGuy Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Agreed. Sometimes moving on is easier said than done though. I wish I knew how you do it It's quite easy for me. If someone wants to walk away, you can't make them stay. You can't make them want you back. The simple fact is, they gave up on YOU (me) and decided they wanted someone better (for them). In that case, all you can do is pick up the pieces of your life and move on. The right person for you will never let you go. They'll stick it out. They'll work with you to do whatever it takes to make it last. Someone who doesn't want you?! They'll just walk away. GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!
Billie The Puppet Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 It's quite easy for me. If someone wants to walk away, you can't make them stay. You can't make them want you back. The simple fact is, they gave up on YOU (me) and decided they wanted someone better (for them). In that case, all you can do is pick up the pieces of your life and move on. The right person for you will never let you go. They'll stick it out. They'll work with you to do whatever it takes to make it last. Someone who doesn't want you?! They'll just walk away. GOOD RIDDANCE!!!! That's not always the case though but it is more likely the case. My Aunt and Uncle were on and off for many years and then they got married so they are in an On and have been married for many years and have kids together.
CaliGuy Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 That's not always the case though but it is more likely the case. My Aunt and Uncle were on and off for many years and then they got married so they are in an On and have been married for many years and have kids together. Meh. I look at it this way. If you feel the same way I do then you have the intestinal fortitude to stick it out. If you're gonna walk away, don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out.
In_Repair Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Meh. I look at it this way. If you feel the same way I do then you have the intestinal fortitude to stick it out. If you're gonna walk away, don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. That's the way I have been since my marriage split up two years ago. I don't even need any discussion about it, just a brief explanation. Then I wish them well. I know that I'm not going to take them back, so I have no hope that they will come back. There have been two exceptions to that rule though...I took my (ex)wife back once when we were dating, and I'm on the third try with my current girlfriend... I hope this isn't a trend, cause I really like this one. I'd hate to screw it up by doing something stupid... like marrying her.
Recommended Posts