WowReally Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Hi my name is Wow Really and Im the OW. *wave* Now that Ive admitted why Im here maybe this clears up why Im asking the questions Im asking. Im not ready to tell my whole story quite yet due to just being ashamed. I never thought I'd do something like this and I do have some guilt and I do find myself asking myself "why???". Attachment disorder? Maybe. Jaded from dating? Could be. Product of my environment? Sure. I do back and forth from wanting to walk away to finding myself too attached for my own good. It is like what so many people have said though - there is a connection like it or not, right or wrong. Due to the circumstances going on right now though Im pretty sure this A is over as it should be so he can figure his mess out and end his marriage gracefully or continue to work on it without cheating on her.
Spark1111 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Hi my name is Wow Really and Im the OW. *wave* Now that Ive admitted why Im here maybe this clears up why Im asking the questions Im asking. Im not ready to tell my whole story quite yet due to just being ashamed. I never thought I'd do something like this and I do have some guilt and I do find myself asking myself "why???". Attachment disorder? Maybe. Jaded from dating? Could be. Product of my environment? Sure. I do back and forth from wanting to walk away to finding myself too attached for my own good. It is like what so many people have said though - there is a connection like it or not, right or wrong. Due to the circumstances going on right now though Im pretty sure this A is over as it should be so he can figure his mess out and end his marriage gracefully or continue to work on it without cheating on her. Waving back! I'm a fBS and happily reconciled....no easy task, I can tell you that! I have bled on these pages the process of our healing. If he were free, would you still want him? Would you trust him?
Author WowReally Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Im not sure if Id really want to be with him full time...and that's my commitment issue coming out. It's also not really an option so Im not really thinking that way right now. If the situation presented itself for real Im sure Id be looking at things differently. What I do know is that I do enjoy being around him when we had our time alone, he is very affectionate even in public, he has a great sense of humor, is a high drive man which I love and puts me to shame BUT he is a flirt, handsome and he does have commitment issues It is what it is...
BB07 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Im not sure if Id really want to be with him full time...and that's my commitment issue coming out. It's also not really an option so Im not really thinking that way right now. If the situation presented itself for real Im sure Id be looking at things differently. What I do know is that I do enjoy being around him when we had our time alone, he is very affectionate even in public, he has a great sense of humor, is a high drive man which I love and puts me to shame BUT he is a flirt, handsome and he does have commitment issues It is what it is... Obviously you aren't to happy with it being what it is, so what are you going to do about it?
SouthernLady Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Hello! Just wanted to send you a wave back. I know this is a frustrating place to be and no one wants to be in these situations. The connection is such a trap. However, it is nice to have the support from others, even when some advice is painful to read.
Author WowReally Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Obviously you aren't to happy with it being what it is, so what are you going to do about it? I'll walk away...my gut is telling me that things have shifted...we'll see how right I am
Author WowReally Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Hello! Just wanted to send you a wave back. I know this is a frustrating place to be and no one wants to be in these situations. The connection is such a trap. However, it is nice to have the support from others, even when some advice is painful to read. Thank you
TigerCub Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 What I do know is that I do enjoy being around him when we had our time alone, he is very affectionate even in public, he has a great sense of humor, is a high drive man which I love and puts me to shame BUT he is a flirt, handsome and he does have commitment issues It is what it is... Hi WowReally **Wave** He sounds like the guy I'm hurting over. Personally, I know deep down that it isn't enough for me, but the attachment kept me going for more - hence the constant internal conflict. If you too, deep down know that it's not enough for you, and are concerned by his own commitment issues, eventually you'll get to the point of 'enough is enough'. I wasn't there yet - until "an incident" happened, and now I'm more convinced that I definitely don't want to go back to that. Never experienced an addiction quite like this before- I know what you're going through. I wish you all the best.
Author WowReally Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Hi WowReally **Wave** He sounds like the guy I'm hurting over. Personally, I know deep down that it isn't enough for me, but the attachment kept me going for more - hence the constant internal conflict. If you too, deep down know that it's not enough for you, and are concerned by his own commitment issues, eventually you'll get to the point of 'enough is enough'. I wasn't there yet - until "an incident" happened, and now I'm more convinced that I definitely don't want to go back to that. Never experienced an addiction quite like this before- I know what you're going through. I wish you all the best. Thank you:)
pureinheart Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Hi my name is Wow Really and Im the OW. *wave* Now that Ive admitted why Im here maybe this clears up why Im asking the questions Im asking. Im not ready to tell my whole story quite yet due to just being ashamed. I never thought I'd do something like this and I do have some guilt and I do find myself asking myself "why???". Attachment disorder? Maybe. Jaded from dating? Could be. Product of my environment? Sure. I do back and forth from wanting to walk away to finding myself too attached for my own good. It is like what so many people have said though - there is a connection like it or not, right or wrong. Due to the circumstances going on right now though Im pretty sure this A is over as it should be so he can figure his mess out and end his marriage gracefully or continue to work on it without cheating on her. Hey, try not to beat yourself up...your human. Period. Finding in my case, I was severely traumatised, and now can narrow it down as the the exact trigger of the trauma. ExDM was yet another, of a series of traumas. BUT, like you said, there is an extraordinary connection, which hangs by a thread now, but is still there. I don't like to share either, and totally see why you want him to make a decision:)
BB07 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Hi, my names is Blog Watcher and I'm the MM. I'm trying to figure out why my OW got flaky on me! Good luck with your MM! P.S. Be clear about what you want. If the MM says no, believe him. Did you create yourself 2 identities? One for posting here and one for the infidelity section?
BB07 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 @BB07 No, am I supposed to? @WowReally I forgot to wave. *waves at WowReally* What happened to your other threads from last night? Were they deleted or did you create another id?
newstart43 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Waves! Sounds like my situation, except this guy isn't technically married, but he might as well be. I'm staring to feel that the actions and words don't match up. I'm starting to feel that he's weighing his options too much, as if he can have whomever he chooses. I'm starting to feel as if the wool might just be pulled over my eyes. Mostly, I'm feeling such frustration, and then there's this be patient crap. I am not a patient woman. I want what I want, and I want it now! How did I get myself into this? Oh yeah...I was smitten beyond any sense not going for it...this was no he lured me in story, I went after him. I wanted him from the day I met him. I need to set a date where it is do or die....
Author WowReally Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 @BB07 No, am I supposed to? @WowReally I forgot to wave. *waves at WowReally* Thank you Blog Watcher...so why are you with an OW? I'd love to hear your story if you care to share My MM has not said no to anything...which leaves hope and that's what makes me stick around... It's not a good thing as I am playing chicken with a freight train and I know I am. Eeesh
desertIslandCactus Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I am/was with an OW because my wife can't have sex often. The OW knew this, but took it too far. I would love to resume the situation if she would stop blowing up my phone and expecting things she shouldn't expect. I will probably be looking for a new OW soon. Intimacy turns to love and love turns to wishes for committment. It is Natural.
pureinheart Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 It wasn't intimacy, it was sex. I do not want to interrupt WowReally's AA Meeting. I will start a new thread. This was an AA meeting....OOOOppppssss:)
Author WowReally Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 There are steps to everything it may as well be
Author WowReally Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 I am/was with an OW because my wife can't have sex often. The OW knew this, but took it too far. I would love to resume the situation if she would stop blowing up my phone and expecting things she shouldn't expect. I will probably be looking for a new OW soon. Does she know or are you having an affair?
Author WowReally Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 two can play this game...no texts to instigate from me either...good thing I have to work tomororow, work will distract me and the loss I already feel
KarmasTestDummy Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Waving back! I'm a fBS and happily reconciled....no easy task, I can tell you that! I have bled on these pages the process of our healing. If he were free, would you still want him? Would you trust him? Hi there. I'm new too, and it sounds like we're in a similar situation. My mm and i are in NC while he gets his separation taken care of with dignity. I couldn't have put it a better way. There's clearly the chance I'll never hear from or see him again, but I'm here wondering and waiting.
Author WowReally Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Why am I so sad over losing a married guy? I have no right to feel such a loss and yet I do which just makes me even more sad....never did I think I would fall for a married guy:)
pureinheart Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Why am I so sad over losing a married guy? I have no right to feel such a loss and yet I do which just makes me even more sad....never did I think I would fall for a married guy:) Yes you do have a right, it is a loss, and a big one...I think to minimize what you feel is the wrong way to go about healing. You may not think much of MM right now, although at the end of day we are left with ourselves and our feelings. I think there is a misconception out there, a way of thinking that says if it was wrong it was not real...well it was with you, so I say own it and heal from it:)
Author WowReally Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Well I sent him a late night text last night even after saying I wouldn't...I just said something along the lines of I think you picked the right path by focusing on your wife and family and wished him good luck and asked that he not reply...he has not. One day at a time Off to the gym to work out some of my hurt and frustration.
Author WowReally Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over. ~Gloria Naylor I wish him nothing but happiness...really!
pureinheart Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over. ~Gloria Naylor I wish him nothing but happiness...really! That is an awesome quote, thank you for sharing it!
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