bighearted Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Here's my story for those that don't know... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244024/ It's been a little over 2 weeks since we broke up. Last Wed night, she came by we proceeded to talk about the relationship, in which she explained her reasons why she CAN'T be in any relationship right now. (She says she hasn't really been single, doesn't want ANY relationship right now because everytime she gets passionate about finding God, she loses that passion because she makes her boyfriend her priority. She wants to get a good relationship with God.) We said goodbye and she left on what seemed like a somewhat, "it's going to be a long time" fairwell. The NEXT day i run into her on campus. And she says hi, mentions she's tired, couldn't sleep the night before... and then we part. Just my luck. Now, I know of two different routes to different classes she takes, I know where she will be at certain times on certain days... And I can't help but think of that when Im walking by. Like looking for her. Even worse... last night I go out to the dancehall I ALWAYS went to. I specifically DID NOT go on thursday because the day we talked she had mentioned she was going there thursday and somewhere else Saturday. I go Saturday, next thing I know she's walking up to me with a smile on her face asking what I'm doing here. We share a few words, and dance together. We part, and she comes around again and talks some more. We part for a while, then later a song comes on and she comes and grabs me and takes me out there and we dance again. The whole time, she's smiling, laughing when I spin her, etc. She says this to me... "My roomate told me I smiling so much with that guy I was just dancing with and I was like, 'That's my ex.'" ? She was also a slightly touchy fealy when wes were talking. God this messes with me so much. Females here... If anyone has any insight as to what might be going through her mind, that would be appreciated. It hurts me so much that she's doing all these things now that she ALWAYS said she didn't want to do, and never wanted to, or things she thought were stupid, and so she never did any of that with me. Like drink, (she had been drinking last night), or dancing a certain way, or wanting to go out alot. This dancehall is a place I used to always go with my buddies, we loved it. I actually met her there, because she was just starting school and there for the first time experience. Now... I feel like I can't go to this place that I loved, that I get away, and dance, and have a good time, because she will be there. And then my whole night is thrown off. (Not that it was great in the first place because I'm still torn up about all of this, and think about her ALL DAY, EVERY DAY no matter what I'm doing.) I love seeing her, I love talking to her as long as its nothing that upsets me, I LOVE holding her when we dance. It's like a drug, and inevitably I can't resist dancing with her. I miss her so bad. Dancing with her makes me feel so good... but not being her boyfriend, leaving without her, not being able to tell her I love her, and not being able to kiss her and say goodnight... and watching or hearing about her doing things without me... and wanting to do things with her so bad...is like a shot in the heart. I don't text her or call her or anything, but I feel like I'm still just right there, by her side with all of these accidental encounters. So it's like I'm not having No Contact. I feel so helpless in not only getting her back, but getting past this pain. Because I will always be reminded anytime I run into her. I've already seen her driving by several times, seen her on campus several times, and ran into her at the bar twice. In 2 weeks! It hurts me so bad. This close proximity is going to kill me. I have strong urges to see her. I have strong urges to have her drop by, I have strong urges to drop by her place. I have strong urges to be able to talk about us and have her reminisce about the things that made her so happy, and talk sense into her. Make her see what she's throwing away. My head wants to be able to use logic to get through to her, but I know it won't work. I still have her lingerie she bought for my birthday that she asked to have back. I have no intentions of keeping it, but I don't know if I should drop by and give it to her myself, if I should just leave it so I don't face her, or have her come get it. I don't think i should keep it any longer, as It would just prolong things. (Also a part of me just wants to throw it out as I think it would be wrong to use it with some other guy down the road when she got it as a gift for me. But she was upset when I had suggested this in the past.) I know Ill want to talk to her if I drop it by. What do yall think? Should I just do it as soon as possible? I have a chance tonight.
flyguy23 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Sounds like my situation, we go to the same college so I always see her at happy hours etc. We also have class at the same time in the same building 3 days out of the week. So I am always going to see her and be reminded of her. I don't know what I can do to get over her. I guess we can ignore them? Act like we don't see them? But my ex always come to say something to me so I don't know how that would work. Ugh
Don Ho Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Hey Big. I know it's tough Bro, but you don't have a lot of choices when you go to the same college and places. There is no easy ending it under those circumstances. We talked about the lingerie in your other thread. Hang onto it for now. Do not go meet her tonite and give it back. I know you can't really handle it, but I think the fact that she is finding you and dancing with you could be a positive sign. Remember what I said before? Back way off. You backed off and now she's coming to you. You have to just deal with the anguish, do not contact her, let her come to you and see what happens.
Author bighearted Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 The other night when she stopped by she expected to get the lingerie while she was here. I told her that I hadn't looked for it yet and it was in all my stuff somewhere. We then talked about why she should have it, or neither of us have it. This was when it would be wrong to wear it for someone else in the future when she got it as a gift for me, was discussed. She then stated "Did you throw it out?" "You threw it out didn't you?" I jokingly gave her some looks, and said things like "It's not like either of us need it anyways," and so on. (Because I had feelings against just giving it back to her) So I think she believes I really did throw it out even though I never actually said I did, and she has said "that's ridiculous" and that she couldn't believe it etc. (She also had said "What if we had gotten back together?!" that night) So her believing it is in the trash, she will probably just be mad about it and not inquire to get it back. (thinking its gone) So it would be useless at this point... And I feel if It comes up later and I end up giving it to her, it would be a little weird that I held on to it. Is it just prolonging things?
Author bighearted Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Also, I don't know what to do when I do run into her. At the dancehall, she throws my whole night off. I can't enjoy it at all. (Except dancing with her) When I see her on campus, we have pretty much just said hi... but it hurts and throws me off too. Should I just ignore her at the bar? (or pretend like I am even though I absolutely cannot) Should I leave? Should I say hi, but not dance? I'm being strung along... When she contacts me through texts... should I ONLY respond if it's something absolutely serious about us? What should I do when she texts me sometime asking what Im up to, and asks to see me, or drop by, or something like that? (Remember she did this at 1:50 in the morning one night... she hadn't been drinking either.)
Author bighearted Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Any suggestions? Don Ho?
Don Ho Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 You're in a bind Bro. You have to go along with it or shut her out completely (which is going to be difficult to do). It depends on what you can handle. I'm a little vindictive, so if it were me I would take another woman with me to the dance place. Even if it's a friend that she doesn't know or a friend from college or your cousin. Don't reply to trivial texts, get busy with your life and limit contact with her. If you just can't handle it, you could tell her NC, do not talk to you at the dance place and so on. I'm not sure that's any easier on you, but that's your call. If you can handle the anxiety and the discomfort, then keep going along with what you're doing but limit your contact. Why do you think she's stringing you along? Maybe you only FEEL that you're being strung along.
Author bighearted Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 You don't think she's keeping "tabs" on me, or contact to feed her ego. So she knows I'm always just "there" if she DID feel like she wanted me? Or maybe it's not on purpose... But I feel like running into her, and talking to her, and dancing with her... is stringing me along. I don't want to be this. On the back burner. And, I added some about the lingerie above. What about that? I'm kinda in a bind with that too.
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