he's not gay...is he?

[nmchica]

ok so...this is probably ridiculous...and kind of embarrassing to even be asking (and i feel guilty even asking)....but i just got through reading an article i stumbled across that a woman wrote about her husband who turned out to be gay....and now some silly paranoia has kicked in. eek!

 

i wouldn't say that this is weighing me down with worry, but from time to time i've had my suspicions about my boyfriend (of 2 years and we're both late 20's)...and reading that article article got them stirred up a little bit again. so i wanted to get other peoples' opinions...

 

my boyfriend is pretty outwardly masculine...he looks masculine, dresses like your average guy (nothing feminine, fussy or terribly stylish), loves sports (watching and playing), has a certifiable "boy car" that's noisy and fast that he obsesses over and works on all the time.

 

when i first met him i thought he seemed almost too good to be true. he's good looking, very intelligent, really wants to be married and have a family and is very close to his own family, is kind, gentle, sensitive...i probably should NOT worry about those things, but the woman in the article mentioned this same thing...that she thought her husband was "too good to be true".

 

some peculiar things i've noticed are (and yes, some are stereotypes), he loves apple martinis, some of his music is too girly even for ME (mariah carey, kelly clarkson, taylor swift, enya, heart...), ocassionally his gait seems somehow a little less than masculine...almost as if his stride isn't wide enough causing his hips to move a little too much....but not all the time (something the woman in the article mentioned about her husband), he sits down when he pees (he says that it's more comfortable and you don't get pee everywhere), and (another thing mentioned in the article...ugh, stupid article!) he never gets a hard-on from just looking at me.

 

i later realized that my ex was a sleazy, overly-sexed pervert, so maybe that has a lot to do with it...but he always would go from 6 o'clock to midnight if i was naked in the room with him. i didn't even have to lay a finger on him and he would get hot and bothered. so, even though my current bf insists that he's never been this attracted to any of his exes, that he fantasizes about me constantly, and when i questioned him about it (carefully mentioning my previous experience with my ex) he claimed that the ex probably objectifies women (and he does)...it still makes me feel a little weird. :/

 

also...the woman mentioned that sex with her husband seemed "mechanical". i have noticed this same thing in my bf and even become frustrated over it. i've always thought that it was partly due to his somewhat rigid, engineering-type personality (they're very structured, methodical people, you know), but it just seems almost as if there's something missing during sex...passion, spontaneity, some sort of connection....something.

 

he also is o b s e s s e d with anal sex. :/ almost every single time we have sex he asks to do it there or gravitates to that area even when i say no. it's gotten to the point that i've started getting annoyed and resentful (is normal sex so boring??) and automatically say no and push him away from there.

 

when i question him on that, too, he says that none of his past girlfriends were even remotely into that so it's still "new and exciting" for him. we are long distance, and so don't have sex super frequently, but....2 years later it's still "new"?

 

i have caught him covertly checking out other girls, although i don't know if this is something gay men do too, despite their gayness (everyone loves a pretty face, afterall). he knows that i don't like for him to do it around it me b/c it makes me self-conscious....which is contrast to early in our relationship when he would run into the room while wedding crashers was on exlaiming "oh, this is the best part!" and quickly plop down in front of the tv so as not to miss the part with all the boobs. he also had FAR less of a filter when it came to pretty women....which makes me wonder:

 

closeted gay men are known to exhibit extreme homophobia. i sometimes wonder if he made such a big deal (in front of a girl he's interested in dating/impressing, no less?) about his "straightness" as if to prove it. but i'm probably just reaching way out there now....

 

last, his brother is gay. i can't say for sure, but i'm almost certain i've read somewhere that gayness does run in families and often if one brother is gay, another one is likely gay too. not necessarily, of course, but there's a higher probability.

 

phew, ok. that's about it and i'm sure i'm going to get attacked and made fun of for even asking, but i really am curious as to what others might think about all the things i've questioned. sorry this is so long. any thoughts are appreciated...thanks!

[Lemontang]

Here's an idea. He could also be Bi or you may also be reading too much into an article your trying to identify with.

 

But really your better off talking to him about it. Just because I drive an MX5 (miata for you U.S folk), wear pink french cuff work shirts from time to time love the musical Mama Mia and have an unhealthy obsession with buying tonnes of different types of men's cologne and love shopping for clothes certainly doesn't make me gay.

 

Heck a mate of mine goes to the footy, chugs beers like there going out of fashion, rides a chopper and knows more about cars than I'd ever learn in a life time, but is more camp than a row of tents. So sterotypes are just that, sterotypes.

 

But like I said talk to him, especially if things do seem a bit mechanical in the bedroom it maybe time to invest in some ideas to spice up the bedroom activities. He may just enjoy anal sex because it is new to him. I'm sure you like a particular action more than another and he'd be willing to do that for you if you asked.

 

And so what if his brother is (or isn't confirmed) gay, it doesn't mean your boyfriend is as well, but he may be more understanding than some about that sexuality. I'm not aware of it being an 'all in the family' thing either, it's about as random as one twin being gay and the other straight.

 

But like I said earlier you may be reading too much into an article your trying to identify with and putting answers to questions that aren't even there. The best way to gets answers though is to ask him or talk to him about it.