Do most single women only think about men, marriage, kids, etc.?

[always_searching]

Okay, so I am a single woman, and I can tell you that, while I am attracted to certain people, I very rarely think about men, marriage, kids, etc. I have so many other things going on in my life with school, friends, finding work (prayers are welcome), paying loans, and just trying to figure out my life; honestly, finding a boyfriend/husband is the last thing on my mind. If it happens: it happens. But, it's not as though men occupy my thoughts all day long.

 

I guess it never really occurred to me, until recently, that nearly all of my single friends (except those who are thinking of being nuns) are OBSESSED with boys--I mean, not just like a, "Oh, he's cute," kind of thing (that being said, I also don't really understand people interested in the superficial), but really an unhealthy infatuation with certain men, most of whom aren't interested in them.

 

Again, I'm not saying I've not been infatuated--for those of you who remember my adoration for my professor, it certainly wasn't "healthy." The point is, I don't often get infatuated with people, nor do I crush on every man I meet. However, I know many women who are like that.

 

For example, one of my roommates who is in her 30's was talking about a group of people she went out with, and she mentioned a guy whom I am not acquainted with, so I said, "Who is X?" She was like, "Oh, he's not your type--he's short and not very intellectual." I was confused, because I had just wanted to know who he was, not if he was my type. She noticed my confusion and said, "Oh, I guess I'm projecting, because I am always on the look-out."

 

Another single woman I know who is also in her 30's is obsessed with two men who have told her they don't want to date her--she is literally stalking them.

 

I mean, I understand wanting a boyfriend, but I can't even chat with many of my single friends these days without them wanting me to try to set them up with people or talk about perfect husbands, etc.

 

So, what's the deal? Is this normal behaviour and I just have been oblivious this whole time? Are there any single women here who share my sentiment of having no understanding as to why someone would spend all her energy trying to find a man when she could be using that time to better herself?

 

I'm so confused.

Edited September 12, 2010 by always_searching

[Nikki Sahagin]

I think some women are obsessed with the concept of marriage/babies and so they develop quite a needy, dependent fixation with men (their way of achieving this dream/ambition).

 

I have a few friends who are more obsessed with the idea of having a baby than the partner - they just need the man to provide the sperm, and yes I know how pathetic and horrible that is.

 

I don't really notice men either. I do if one leaps out at me, but generally its not on my mind, though sometimes I have worries about ending up alone forever, but I don't worry about marriage/babies, just sometimes about falling in love.

 

I think something is 'missing' in these women's lifes's and so they obsess about what can apparantly make them happy or give their life meaning.

[denise_xo]

 

So, what's the deal? Is this normal behaviour and I just have been oblivious this whole time? Are there any single women here who share my sentiment of having no understanding as to why someone would spend all her energy trying to find a man when she could be using that time to better herself?

 

I'm so confused.

 

I don't think there's anything to be confused about. Just live your life the way it makes you happy. I feel grateful for the days of my life when I have been in a mutually loving relationship, but getting married and having children has never been an objective for me (children are deal breakers). I guess some women get overwhelmingly hit by some kind of biological clock. I'm happy it's passed me by so far. I realize I'm in a minority, but it works for me.

[Cee]

There are other women out there like you. I remember buying a book when I was 25 (many moons ago) called Women Living Single. (Great book. Don't know if it's still in print). It was about women who don't have relationships as a priority and what they think of their lives. It does send the impression that a happily single woman is an anomaly.

 

Personally, I think it's healthy to focus on myself first. Although I admit that after 6 years, I get tired of being single sometimes. But I can't force the issue so I keep living my life and try to meet men along the way.

[GooseChaser]

Yes, people can have dreams, and many people dream of a marriage and children. Others will have different dreams. There's nothing wrong with either.

[Not the love ace]

Some people say there's nothing wrong with them talking about men and while I agree, I totally understand where the OP is coming from. I'm a male and my friends who are girls (I have more girl friends than guy friends these days) talk about NOTHING but men. It's either the single ladies (don't start doing the dance) talking about which guy they think is cute in public or talking about a guy whom they met at a social gathering of some sort who is so cute and they want to have some "bed action" with them etc, etc. The ones in a relationship talk about how good their guy is to them, how in love they are, how he's good in bed etc.

 

It's seriously way too much and a bit over-the-top. It's like they have nothing more to talk about sometimes, and it makes them seem just so juvenile at times to me. I'm totally not "hating" on them trust me. I LOVE sex, LOVE women and LOVE talking about those things as much anyone else and I can get very deep and in depth about it-but I also love to chat about other things in the world, in our lives as well.

[Mutant Debutante]

So get some new friends. Not saying get rid of your old ones, just...add on.

 

I think about men, sure, I like having crushes and I like sex. I don't think about them all the time, I have a job and a life. I almost never think about marriage and kids, I mean those are things I probably want but not for at least five years anyway so why stress? And I am already busy with raising my little sister so I want time to travel and be free in the world before I have any babies. I think about that traveling a lot, and about my hobbies and my goals, and most of my friends are the same. We do talk about our boyfriends of course but it's definitely not the only thing we talk about, that would get pretty old.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Some people say there's nothing wrong with them talking about men and while I agree, I totally understand where the OP is coming from. I'm a male and my friends who are girls (I have more girl friends than guy friends these days) talk about NOTHING but men. It's either the single ladies (don't start doing the dance) talking about which guy they think is cute in public or talking about a guy whom they met at a social gathering of some sort who is so cute and they want to have some "bed action" with them etc, etc. The ones in a relationship talk about how good their guy is to them, how in love they are, how he's good in bed etc.

 

It's seriously way too much and a bit over-the-top. It's like they have nothing more to talk about sometimes, and it makes them seem just so juvenile at times to me. I'm totally not "hating" on them trust me. I LOVE sex, LOVE women and LOVE talking about those things as much anyone else and I can get very deep and in depth about it-but I also love to chat about other things in the world, in our lives as well.

 

I think some of these women lack outside interests.

I know when I was with my ex I pretty much gave up my life, stupidly. But he still had football and various other interests.

I think if either partner stops having much of a life outside of their man/woman, then all they have to talk about is that and sometimes they are showing off as well at how 'great' they have it.