Highschool Dating Advice (g/f insecure) Help

[stressed_guy01]

Ok sorry this is kinda long...but thanks for reading and any help is appriciated.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been togather for a little over 2 months, i'm 18 and shes 16, theres a year and a half between us.

 

Ok we met a couple years ago in a history classroom, when i was a sophmore and she was a freshman. We didnt talk much because I think I was stupid/snobby. But i've always been attracted to her.

 

I went to a vocational school the end of that year, and i hadnt seen her for a year. at this time one of my friends started dating her for about a month off and on. (will call him #1.) She broke up with him.

 

So this school year she takes my class at the vocational school also the class my friend and her ex is in. we talked alot this year and I was just being friendly she would tell me things that she would go through and i would tell her some of my things.

 

So in october she starts dating a different guy in the class (will call him #2,) who was just after her for pleasure. they went out for about a month, as soon as he took her virginity he dumped her. this tore her up inside really bad.

 

So the next month or so I help keep herself togather on the bus and at school I talk to her all the time. theres a dance comming up and she hints that she wants to go but has no one to go with, so I said we could go as friends. so that night I go to her house and pick her up it was snowing pretty bad so the dance got cancelled so I just hung out with her at her house for a few hours.

 

that week end she called me up and told me how she really felt about me, and i told her i felt the same way. so we started dating..

 

Her dad and stepmom are bikers but there very strict. she also has a step brother who lives with her.

 

She likes to party sometimes, and im a pretty easy going guy.

 

ok so anyway heres what the last 2 months have been like.. GREAT! i've never had such a good time, she always makes me laugh and feel special. we've been moving at a pretty slow space as far as that goes, I didnt make any actuall "moves" on her at all untill are one month aniversery I did this intentionally so she wouldnt feel like I was doing the same thing that #2 did.

 

So two days ago, at school she had alot on her mind and I asked her about it and she said it was nothing i couldnt pry it out of her... later that day she called and said maybe we should take a break or just end it, she said she loved me but didnt know if she only wanted to be with one person the rest of her life. we talked about it for a while on the phone and she said to call back in an hour.

 

I called back and she seemed in a better mood, she said she talked with her dad and he said something about new shoes looking good but the old shoes fit the best, this was all it took for her to want to stay with me i guess..

 

She said it must have been pms and she was terriblly sorry to put me through that.. I was vomiting etc etc. between the phone calls.. we made up over the phone and even laughed.. and talked about the school dance the next day.

 

so at school she was almost ready to cry again for making me sick yesterday i comforted her and told her its no big deal and that I love her.. in class sometimes she will sit with other guys and talk to them, it bothers me a little bit i know it shouldnt, but one of them is #1 and he still likes her. #2 just ignores her...

 

So anyway I pick her up for the dance later that night, she looks absolutely stunning. and we have a great time, everyone was taking photos of us and telling us how good we look togather. even the year book photographer snapped several of us.. we had a good time..

 

Soo anyway down to the point.. I think shes Insecure and I dont know how to fix it, I always compliment her and im always there for her, no matter what it is.

 

What can I do to make are relationship smoother? and how can I help her get over her insecurities?

[dyermaker]

Everyone has their insecurities, and they don't need fixing all of the time. You said yourself that you're nervous with her around other guys, aren't you a bit insecure? Don't feel like you need to fix her, like you're her doctor.

[faux]

Originally posted by stressed_guy01

Ok sorry this is kinda long...but thanks for reading and any help is appriciated.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been togather for a little over 2 months, i'm 18 and shes 16, theres a year and a half between us...

 

This isn't the response you wanted, but this is what I feel I have to give to you:

 

You're 18. She is 16.

 

Your relationship is illegal.

 

Fine. Go ahead and believe those "16 with 4 years age difference" or "16 is legal" or "the internet website says 16 is legal" myths.

 

You CANNOT be 18 or older and be involved with anyone under the age of 18.

 

What's there to stop this girl's parents from going berserk on you if they find out, or end up disliking you in the end if they are "okay with it" now? What's to stop this girl from accusing you of something you didn't do and sending you to prison?

 

I'm done with my lecture. I'm just saying this because #1: It's illegal (in ANY state) and #2: I'm hoping you'll listen to me and nullify your risk of getting into trouble with the law.

[dyermaker]

Faux, it's possible for young people to have a relationship without sex.

 

Also, Sixteen is the age of consent in:

 

Alabama

Alaska

Arkansas

(Colorado?)

Connecticut

Georgia

Hawaii

Indiana

Iowa

Kansas

Kentucky

Maine

Maryland

Michigan

Minnesota

Missisipi

Montana

Nevada (Know this for a fact, my cousin got married in Nevada at sixteen definitely WITHOUT permission)

New Hampshire

New Jersey

North Carolina

Ohio

Oklahoma

Pennsylvania

Rhode Island

South Dakota

Vermont

West Virginia

 

----

 

I'm curious as to what source you gather that it's eighteen in every state. I'm not challenging you, I'd just like to know where you read it. All the stuff I said is just stuff I read. Except for Nevada, that's for sure, everything goes there

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent#United_States_of_America

[stressed_guy01]

Her parents know im 18, and shes 16 theres a year and a half difference.. thats not a big deal alot of seniors date freshmen and thats 4 yrs difference.. shes a junior and im a senior..

 

anyway to the first response.. I think you are right.. I shouldnt act like a doctor... but i still want to make things go over better... so any posts are still appriciated, thanks

[SoleMate]

She has to do her own work of getting over her insecurities. You deal with your own life, and treat her right in the relationship. You know, be honest, caring, and consistent. Don't blow hot and cold.

 

I notice you have some anxiety too, if you were vomiting because you feared a breakup. It's common for two people with similar emotional issues to find each other, because they share this common bond.

 

This is the kind of reaction I worry about when I hear about teenagers getting sexually involved. High school romances are painful enough even if they are chaste; when you throw sex in, the emotional risks get just too high for many people to handle. Your gf opened herself up physically and sexually to someone who then decided she wasn't even worth a "good morning" anymore. I remember that feeling myself It's not the kind of pain you just roll with and walk away from, especially if you have a tendency towards depression and feeling isolated and unloveable.

 

Not to pry, but are you sexually involved with your gf? If you are, I would be very careful because you are making each other responsible for a portion of your emotional health. And if you are not, I would go slow, and really build a deep relationship without a major physical dimension for now. If you're hoping that this love will last a long time, paradoxically, the "slow growth" model has been proved to work best. Like a plant putting down deep roots to anchor and nourish it.

 

Good luck!