i ****ed up

[low-life]

recently i cheated on my wife with a stripper, i talk to the stripper before we had sex then i talked to her for a week after when i came back home. my wife found out and after many fights and arguments on why i did it. sh has finally said she is leaving. i have started to go to counsseling because i cannot process what i did and the fact im losing my family. i did this and it tears me apart because i had such a loving wife and and beautful kids and now its all gone. i couldnt be honest with her and kept lying to her to hope she would just forgive me and we could move on. but with the cheated and lying she says that she hates me and wishes she never met me. she says i will never changed and once a cheater always a cheater. i know it will take time but i know i can change and be the loving husband that i wasnt befre all of this. hopefully there is a chance in the future and we can be together again. i dont want anyone else but her and i cant live thinking i will never have her again. can anyone help and give me some insight? thanks

[WalkingtheAbyss]

First things first you need to give her some time to fully process whats happened.

 

Use that time wisely to do the same self thing.

 

Once shes ready to listen you need to fully explain what happened and why you think it happened. Dont hold back, dont lie and dont expect her to forgive you in a hurry. If she asks questions you have to answer them truthfully and completely.

 

The most important things to remember are communication and truth.

[desertIslandCactus]

If you really want your wife and M back as you have said: Don't date or see anyone, stay celebate, pray for the healing of your marriage. See your counselor if you wish.

 

Eventually it will get back to her .. your repentance, so she can start to trust you again.

[spriggig]

i know it will take time but i know i can change and be the loving husband that i wasn't before all of this.

 

Here is where we both failed. In my case my wife cheated, but the effect is the same. Your marriage was in deep trouble before you cheated, the cheating was simply the final nail in the coffin.

 

She might be able to find a way to trust you again. The problem is without a solid marriage in the past, she doesn't even want to try.

 

You deserve whatever you get for cheating, I can't help you there. But, prior to that--your failure to create a strong marriage--don't beat yourself up over that it was probably plain ignorance on both sides.

 

Search this site for rules for 180 and give it your best shot. Know this, if she or you move out your chances go down the drain statistically.

[Dexter Morgan]

she says i will never changed and once a cheater always a cheater. i know it will take time but i know i can change and be the loving husband that i wasnt befre all of this. hopefully there is a chance in the future and we can be together again.

 

I'd so no. Even if she did decide to take you back, there would always be that part of her that looks at you from time to time and sees "CHEATER" written across your forehead.

 

For her own sake she needs to move on.

 

 

i dont want anyone else but her

 

if that were true, you wouldn't have f####d a stripper

 

I think you need to come to the realization that you will never have anything that would be completely satisfactory for your wife. You may want her back, and she may want you back, but more than likely it would be for the family....not for you.

 

And if she did for some god awful reason take you back, although I don't condone it, I'd lay odds that she would develop, at the very least, an emotional affair with some other man.

[redtail]

...

Sorry mate.

I'm afraid I've got nothing else for you.

 

Truer words have not been written, OP, if you're still around, read and learn...