Leandro Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 ok me and my ex girlfriend started dating June 10 of last year. before that we dated on and off but none of those lasted more than a couple of weeks. When we finally got together in June we stayed that way until the beginning of August this year. Our relationship was great! We meet in high school when I was a senior and she a freshman. Her parents liked me and so did all her friends. we were always know as a cute couple. We were both our first loves. I was so nice and gave her everything she wanted. I thought it would never end. I was wrong. She left me on August 6 at a park while on break from band practice. I didn't see it coming. She said she wasn't ready for a serious relationship and that she might want to see other people in the future. she said that we could be friends and the whole "it's not you, it me" crap. I was devastated . I couldn't hold my feelings in and just burst into tears, but I never once asked for us to get back together. She said she really wants me in her future and I fell for that crap. She says she still loves me and cares about me a lot. She even said that we might get back together in the future and that it won't be for a couple of months, but I think she said all that to make me feel a little better. What made that day worse was that she didn't look sad, she didn't give me a good bye hug or kiss. Anyways we talked that night and I never mentioned the break up and the next day she said we should take a break from talking to "heal" and "adjust" to being friends. She said that when I was ready I could talk to her again. I wrote her a letter telling her how I felt about her and all. About a week after that I asked if she wanted to get together and just talk like friends. she said she needed to think about it. About another week later I asked her why she really left me. she said what she said was the truth but that she felt I was controlling her and all that crap. she needed freedom and space. So I told her I would give her the space she wants and I will work on my problems. I'm working on my problems for me, not her. I haven't contacted her for 6 days since I told her I would give her space and won't unless I get a message saying "I made a mistake, take me back!" or something like that. She was very cold to me during and after the break up. I have never seen her like that before. I also feel like stress and peer pressure had something to do with the break up. She was starting her junior year of high school, she was in the band, and she was going to community college. I think she was afraid she couldn't handle it and me. I think her cousin may have talked her into it. me and her(ex) would always spend time at her cousin's house while her bf was in the navy, I think she got jealous and decided to make her leave me so that she wouldn't have to see us together happy and I'm not the only one who is thinking like this. It makes since because she was there when my ex left me and she never said anything to me about it or even mentioned it at all. 6 days without talking to her and I'm fine. I think what helped me recover so fast was that NO BODY was there for me! Not her, not my so called "friends" who stopped talking to me since she left. So I grew a pair and stopped hurting myself. Why should I cry over someone who isn't crying over me? She would have to work pretty hard to get me back. But she is also a very shy girl and might not say anything. I feel like I'm with her, like the bond is still there, but I know its just a lie. I know the relationship is over and I've prepared myself for the worst. I can live without her and still be happy. I still want to be with her even though she ripped my heart apart. I believe we can work it out, but only if she wants to. She is 16 and I just turned 20. But that was never a problem before. Is it a stage she is going through and could be confused or hormones going crazy? Should I just ignore her WHEN she contacts me and leave her out of my life to teach her what happens when you hurt some one you say you love? or try to rekindle things with her but being careful at the same time, I actually don't mind being hurt again. I survived my first love breaking up with me! It made me a stronger person. I feel confident and all! I'm just confused. Anything will be great!
shayan Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 She is 16, that is the problem she is going to change alot the next couple of years. The probablility of her remaining in a long term relationship at that age is low, simply because she is still maturing. She is incredibly immature one can tell by the way she handled your break up. In my opinion you should start talking to new women your own age. Good luck, I don't want to deter you though if you believe she is that important then go after her.
boltsfan17 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Serious relationships don't last at such a young age. I know of a few instances where high school sweethearts I went to school with ended up getting married. To me, it doesn't sound like you have problems you need to work on. It sounds like she wasn't ready to be in a relationship, especially when she said she needs "freedom and space." I honestly would just forget about her and continue to move on. You both are young. Experience life. You will find someone that will actually want to be with you. If she contacts you, I would just ignore her.
Author Leandro Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Yea that's what I'm thinking. It's going to be hard to ignore her since I'm a very nice guy. She thinks I'm obsessed with her, so I have to prove her wrong. I have to do it for both of us. I have to let her go. Who knows maybe be we just need time away and after many years apart we might get back together or even become friends, but that won't be till I'm maybe 26. I like being single and really don't feel like dating for a while. I can do things that I couldn't in the relationship and can focus more on my school. Either way it's a win win for me. Being with her or with someone else.
Author Leandro Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Well I'm on day 8 now. The days are going by a bit faster now. Started play xbox live again (I stopped for about a month after the break up). It feels good to take some anger out on the little kids on MW2 . I worked out yesterday and it made me feel a little better too. For some reason I can't see my ex's face anymore. I have to think very hard to see her face in my mind. I don't know if that's normal, because I can easily remember other ex's face and I really never cared for them. It makes me feel like I'm a cold person or something. Anyone feel like that?
Billie The Puppet Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Well I'm on day 8 now. The days are going by a bit faster now. Started play xbox live again (I stopped for about a month after the break up). It feels good to take some anger out on the little kids on MW2 . I worked out yesterday and it made me feel a little better too. For some reason I can't see my ex's face anymore. I have to think very hard to see her face in my mind. I don't know if that's normal, because I can easily remember other ex's face and I really never cared for them. It makes me feel like I'm a cold person or something. Anyone feel like that? It's weird how once we lose someone all other little things we use to enjoy no longer matter. It took me awhile just to be able to watch tv, and I too couldn't play VG. The hardest was going out in public and seeing couples it made me sick. I'm on day 9 and she hasn't yet tried to contact me but I didn't do the vanishing act I warned her. Also broke up end of July and only had limited contact up until 9 days ago.
Author Leandro Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 yea it's hard. I didn't tell her I was going NC. She wanted space so I told her that I will give her her space. She knows how to contact me.
Author Leandro Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 My sister just told me she saw my ex holding hands with another guy at school. He's a senior. He's the opposite of me. He is a lot more controlling than me. I'm way better than him. She said she looked happy with him. I never thought she could do such a thing to me when she said she wasn't going to date for a couple of months. It hurts a lot.
Author Leandro Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 Is my ex in a rebound relationship? The guy is way below me. People say she looks happy with him. They've only started dating I think since maybe last week. I haven't said a word to her about it because that will make me look controlling and all. I know she won't miss me because she is with him now. it sucks. I really do think he's a rebound though. It's funny cause she said she needs "space and freedom", but she is going to have to seem him Monday-Friday for like 14 hours a day because of school and band. I'm sure she will get tired of him fast. I don't have many friends that's why I keep posting on here. My only friend isn't helping much, she just says for me to move on and that I can't do anything about it.
Author Leandro Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 Day 10 of NC. I feel so weak. I'm being put on anti-depression pills. I can't eat either. It hurts knowing she is with someone else and moving on so fast. She hasn't said anything about missing me or that she is thinking of me. I think she was actually talking to him while we dated but only for about a week or two before she left me. . She left me for him(she didn't say that but it makes sense now.). I feel like such a failure because I'm way better than him!
mirage12 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Leandro, I definitely know the feeling and have been trying to work through it myself. My ex and I broke up almost a month and a half ago now, and I'm still feeling down and out because of it. I get what you're saying about not being able to "remember her face"...I haven't seen her since we broke up, but I have a hard time remembering what it was like to have her around or how we used to interact together, or the things we used to do...sometimes I look at pictures and I can barely remember what things were like when we took them. I'm sure most people would say that this is a good thing, part of the whole moving on process, but for me I don't feel that way yet...it's more of a gut-wrenching feeling of sadness knowing that I'm slowly losing all of the memories we had, and with each one I lose, she slips even further away from me than she already is. I'm in a similar situation with the friends thing, I recently moved to a new city for grad school and my ex was one of the only people I knew here. Now that she's gone and all of my friends are back at home, I also didn't have many people to talk to about things and it was a horrible transition for me. I guess I can't really offer you any solutions because I don't have any for myself...it's kinda like a roller coaster. I haven't talked or texted her in a week now, and each time in the past that I did because I wanted to hear from her/hear her voice, it never helped, only made me feel worse afterwards. A lot of times I'll wake up in the morning and feel sick because my thoughts instantly go to her and this terrible realization she's not in my life anymore. Things will go well for a period of time and I'll start feeling better, then I might see a picture of her or look at her facebook or just start thinking of her out of nowhere and it feels like I've lost it again, and I'm back to feeling like ****. I've been lucky because my school's very difficult so I devote a lot of my time to that...just try and stay busy I guess, take your mind off of her. I'm feeling the same way you are man, don't beat yourself up about it because it won't change anything, I definitely know it's hard.
Author Leandro Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Yea. I had some money problems with my school so now I can't go back until spring. I don't have a job either. So I just sit here all day thinking. But she cheated on me, maybe not physically but emotionally. You think that they are angels then bam they cheat on you. She never told me the truth. She never really loved me because if she did she wouldn't be dating so soon. I just really hop that she falls very hard for some guy and then bam he cheats on her and leaves her to heal on their own. I'm pretty angry right now. I miss the OLD her, not the NEW slut. Its sad cause she's 16 and already doing this.
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