Stephie Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 You know what kills me, I have always been that girl, that girl who didn't need a man in her life that carefree person who was happy being single and working for everything she had. Then I met my ex and everything I said I would never do I did. I moved for him, I gave up my job to put him closer to his son which I might add I also swore I would never date someone with kids. I love kids and there is nothing wrong with that its just I wanted "us" to be the first time for marrige and babies. Here I am 5 months after the breakup at 26 working 3 jobs to pay of our debt by myself living back home with momma and its not fair. I was the one left with a broken heart, the one left with starting over, the one left with thousands of debt, the one who couldn't get out of bed somedays, the one who blamed herself over and over for him walking out, and still has her days of tears that wont quit. I sometimes step back for a minute and think ok you have 2 passions in your life kids and photography. I was just offered a youth director job at a church, I have been assisting a wonderful photographer on the weekends for weddings and I work full time in an office job. I found my own place at the end of this month, I met a wonderful guy who sadly lives 4 hrs away but still I can't help but feel like my ex is the only thing missing, like my life would be complete if only he were in it again but why? Why because I miss having him to wake up to everyday, I miss having him to call and tell all my great news to, I miss Sunday morning breakfast together, I miss having that person to go home with after a night out. This day and age at my age everyone especially women are married or with kids. I have 2 friends that don't have either and both can't go out due to bad previous decesions. If I don't have something to do everynight I freak because I became so comfortably use to always having that someone there, and now being out is the only thing that keeps my eyes dry and I hate it. It's not fair that they get to be ok and blame you for the reason "they" walked out and your left trying to pick yourself up everyday with a smile on your face saying there not meant to be. Why? There's a saying never give up on the ones you love a part of me wants to but a part of me knows really truley knows that he really was it for me. I have never missed something so much I miss sitting on his mom's couch, because I have never felt more at home. I miss his family gatherings, I have never felt so accepted. If someone would have told us or anyone we knew that we wouldn't be together down the road we would have laughed in there face. What happend to us, one of the hardest things is his son. I adored him and loved him like he was my own and not only did I lose his dad but I lost him. I get these flashbacks daily of a time we were us sometimes just a 5 second flashback of a time we shared even if it was a grocery trip does anyone else have those daily? Sorry so long but after a while your friends and family are just tired of hearing about it I'm just venting I gues...
HoldingPatterns Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Vent, Vent, and Vent. I just signed up today and vented. Just remember it get's better.
marmaliade Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Sorry to hear you are going through all this. Now i am experiencing the same stuff after four years of relationship, just dumped before marriage. It hurts a lot and actually so sad that he moved on and i'm stuck... but lets hope everything will get better woth the time, wish you luck
Author Stephie Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Yes it sucks, we were engaged for a year and finally started getting plans together for the wedding then boom. I guess it's better that I didn't go through a divorse but at the same time I think it wouldn't have been so easy for him to walk away...
marmaliade Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 ha ha ha, i sometimes think the same. But what happened happened, it's time to start a new life with better and sexier YOU
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