Not a good period

[Don Ho]

Shannon: you're blocking your feelings again! How do you REALLY feel about the guy?

[ShannonMI]

Shannon: you're blocking your feelings again! How do you REALLY feel about the guy?

Hahahahahahaha I'm sorry! I'm a bitter, bitter girl these days! I just can't stand these a**hole men who do this sh*t to us.

[aeion]

yeah FB is really f-ed when it comes to NC. like when fb told me "you may know this person" and its my ex's new fb that she didnt invite me to. jeez...

 

i wanna be friends but i find this really petty for the dumper to block the dumpee (especially since its been over a month and i have not bothered her once)

[ShannonMI]

yeah FB is really f-ed when it comes to NC. like when fb told me "you may know this person" and its my ex's new fb that she didnt invite me to. jeez...

 

i wanna be friends but i find this really petty for the dumper to block the dumpee (especially since its been over a month and i have not bothered her once)

Ugh! Just get rid of that damn Facebook! Imagine how much LESS pain we'd have to deal with if FB didn't exist or if we just didn't use it.

[Am4Real]

Ugh! Just get rid of that damn Facebook! Imagine how much LESS pain we'd have to deal with if FB didn't exist or if we just didn't use it.

 

Facebook, TEXT, email and most electronic communications have done nothing but lead to miscommunications and other problems in relationships. They are outrageous insane and immature methods for communications when emotions are elevated.

 

The more I read about “hey I just received this text…..” or “I sent an email and didn’t get a response” and the poster is unsure or puzzled, I just cringe. It’s not only inappropriate as mentioned, it’s as ineffective as the mess the relationship is itself.

[ouch1121]

FaceBook is the devil. I've said it many times and I truly believe that. I have read so many threads and posts on this site about the harmful affects of FB and it's just awful. Ouch, stop looking at that picture. It's not doing you any good. Please block him or better yet, just delete/deactivate your FB account. And your ex still hasn't said anything to you about it being over? This is ridiculous. What a coward and a piece of sh*t he is. He could at least have the DECENCY to tell you it's over instead of just not contacting you. What, is he hoping you just take a hint? Is he hoping the whole thing will just go away? What an a**hole. I'm sure you know this by now, but you are soooooo much better off without this cowardly, lying, cheating bastard. I feel for you. It hurts like hell, I know. Please just stop looking at that picture and go to work tomorrow even if you don't want to. You have to get out of the house and continue on even though it's so damn hard right now. Don't let this jerk ruin you. He's not worth it. We are all here for you:)

 

 

Thanks for the support Shannon. I do think he's relieved he can now pursue his other woman fully and not have to juggle the lies and when to call me and when to call her and how to see her without me knowing. I think he's glad I haven't contacted him so he doesn't have to tell me it's over. That's how much respect he has for me that he can't even tell me it's over, and made me feel like he wasn't doing anything wrong when he was clearly lying about where he was going and with who. IT does hurt like hell. This person is supposed to love you to be your best friend and he just sh*ts on you. He's ruined me a bad way. An irreparable way I think. These scars will run deep. Very deep. I don't know when I will ever bounce back. I've been looking at these threads and posts all day and I see people still suffering heartache a year later. I don't want that. i want to fast forward through all this pain. All I've been doing is reading these posts, crying and sleeping. When I'm sleeping I'm not thinking about him. I feel so broken...

[Username37]

yeah FB is really f-ed when it comes to NC. like when fb told me "you may know this person" and its my ex's new fb that she didnt invite me to. jeez...

 

i wanna be friends but i find this really petty for the dumper to block the dumpee (especially since its been over a month and i have not bothered her once)

 

So she finally blocked you after you haven't spoken to her for a while?

 

Seems like she had a problem looking at YOUR FB.

[Don Ho]

Hahahahahahaha I'm sorry! I'm a bitter, bitter girl these days! I just can't stand these a**hole men who do this sh*t to us.

 

Hey WTF? I resemble that remark!

[Don Ho]

I've been looking at these threads and posts all day and I see people still suffering heartache a year later. I don't want that. i want to fast forward through all this pain. All I've been doing is reading these posts, crying and sleeping. When I'm sleeping I'm not thinking about him. I feel so broken...

 

Sorry that you found the answer a way you didn't want to find it. I don't think you have to be suffering a year from now. I know it sounds easy, but dust yourself off, get out, get busy, improve yourself, hang with your friends, go on some coffee dates, improve your appearance, go work out, go socialize and so on. I think if you focus on the fact that he is a lying ass, you will feel better. Think of how much he screwed you over. Anger is a great motivator and anti-dote for depression. I know what you mean about sleeping and not thinking about them, been there!! It does and will get better Sista. Start moving forward today and put your full efforts into your recovery. The sooner you do, the better for you!!

[ShannonMI]

Thanks for the support Shannon. I do think he's relieved he can now pursue his other woman fully and not have to juggle the lies and when to call me and when to call her and how to see her without me knowing. I think he's glad I haven't contacted him so he doesn't have to tell me it's over. That's how much respect he has for me that he can't even tell me it's over, and made me feel like he wasn't doing anything wrong when he was clearly lying about where he was going and with who. IT does hurt like hell. This person is supposed to love you to be your best friend and he just sh*ts on you. He's ruined me a bad way. An irreparable way I think. These scars will run deep. Very deep. I don't know when I will ever bounce back. I've been looking at these threads and posts all day and I see people still suffering heartache a year later. I don't want that. i want to fast forward through all this pain. All I've been doing is reading these posts, crying and sleeping. When I'm sleeping I'm not thinking about him. I feel so broken...

 

Aw I feel so bad. It's awful. You were with him for 7 years and this is what he did to you. In time you will get angry. It has only been a week though, so don't give up hope. You are repairable. You aren't broken. Your heart is, but you aren't. You will make it through this. Believe me! I was with my ex for 8 years and I was a MESS when we first broke up, but I am doing better. It takes time and you need to be kind to yourself. You have suffered a devestating loss. I know how you feel about losing your best friend and feeling like he sh*t on you. I feel the same way. My ex was my everything and he cheated and disgarded me like trash and it hurts so bad, but we will survive this. I suggest this a lot to people, but maybe consider seeing a therapist. That would help you get through this horrible time. I am and it helps me. There is no shame in getting help. When someone devastates you in this way, it is so hard to wrap your head around it because you never thought they, of all people, would do such a thing to you. I never thought my ex would do what he did to me. Talking to a therapist puts a lot of things in perspective. At least talking to my therapist helped me put things in perspective with regard to my relationship and the breakup. I learned that my ex is really the one with the issues, not me. Don't get me wrong I have some issues, but he has some SERIOUS issues that I didn't even really consider until after I started talking with my therapist. It made me feel better knowing I really did nothing wrong. I would def. consider it if I were you. Keep us posted:)

[ShannonMI]

Hey WTF? I resemble that remark!

What do you mean?

[ouch1121]

Sorry that you found the answer a way you didn't want to find it. I don't think you have to be suffering a year from now. I know it sounds easy, but dust yourself off, get out, get busy, improve yourself, hang with your friends, go on some coffee dates, improve your appearance, go work out, go socialize and so on. I think if you focus on the fact that he is a lying ass, you will feel better. Think of how much he screwed you over. Anger is a great motivator and anti-dote for depression. I know what you mean about sleeping and not thinking about them, been there!! It does and will get better Sista. Start moving forward today and put your full efforts into your recovery. The sooner you do, the better for you!!

 

Thanks Don. It's hard to get motivated to get up out of bed. I feel like a robot going through the motion. I know sleep will elude me tonight and am thinking of taking some nyquil to knock me out, I need it. I know the only thing that makes a broken heart better is time. I dont' have a lot of available friends to hang out with so I feel very isolated and alone. It's why I've spent all day on this website. I have no one else to talk to. So I do appreciate the words of encouragement. Sometimes I read some of the old posts like from a year ago and I wish we could get an update on how some of those people are doing now. I guess there's no reason to visit this section of the website if they are over their breakups now. I hope that can be me someday soon...over the breakup....I won't hold my breath.

[ouch1121]

Aw I feel so bad. It's awful. You were with him for 7 years and this is what he did to you. In time you will get angry. It has only been a week though, so don't give up hope. You are repairable. You aren't broken. Your heart is, but you aren't. You will make it through this. Believe me! I was with my ex for 8 years and I was a MESS when we first broke up, but I am doing better. It takes time and you need to be kind to yourself. You have suffered a devestating loss. I know how you feel about losing your best friend and feeling like he sh*t on you. I feel the same way. My ex was my everything and he cheated and disgarded me like trash and it hurts so bad, but we will survive this. I suggest this a lot to people, but maybe consider seeing a therapist. That would help you get through this horrible time. I am and it helps me. There is no shame in getting help. When someone devastates you in this way, it is so hard to wrap your head around it because you never thought they, of all people, would do such a thing to you. I never thought my ex would do what he did to me. Talking to a therapist puts a lot of things in perspective. At least talking to my therapist helped me put things in perspective with regard to my relationship and the breakup. I learned that my ex is really the one with the issues, not me. Don't get me wrong I have some issues, but he has some SERIOUS issues that I didn't even really consider until after I started talking with my therapist. It made me feel better knowing I really did nothing wrong. I would def. consider it if I were you. Keep us posted:)

 

Shannon, how long since your break up? and are you doing NC? How are you doing? I do have a therapist and will see him on Monday. Unfortunately it is with Kaiser and I can only get in once a month, I need weekly therapy I think but can't afford it. For now this forum is my therapy. He does have a lot of issues and I realize that then and I realize that now, but it didn't stop me from loving him and being there for him. I always knew he was a selfish person who always needed me to vent about work, family stresses, etc and he'd rarely ask about what was going on with me but I accepted that and I was still there for him but now he's found a replacement right? It's tough to lose your best friend, confidante, lover, companion all in one blow. He's the person I want to turn to when I'm hurting but this time it's him that's doing the hurting, and sadly yes I want to turn to him to be comforted by him. It's so difficult for me to understand how he could do this to someone he supposedly loves. Then it makes me think that he never loved me at all but loved what I could do for him. That's devastating to know that the person you loved for the last 7 years and invested so much emotions into didn't feel the same way. Devastating.

[aeion]

So she finally blocked you after you haven't spoken to her for a while?

 

Seems like she had a problem looking at YOUR FB.

 

 

thats what it seems like, but i find that really sad considering shes dating someone.

[Don Ho]

You HAVE to get out of the house. Go to Starbucks, go volunteer, go exercise, go get your nails done and so on. LS is helpful, but you have to get out in the world and get busy!

[Billie The Puppet]

My friend Andy Dufrense use to say " Get busy living or get dying "

[ShannonMI]

It's been 4 months since my breakup. I am doing NC. At first when my ex and I broke up, he wanted to be friends and I told him that I didn't think that would be possible. I was still in love with him and I couldn't just be his friend. I told him I couldn't see or talk to him because it was way too painful. He said he understood. We also shared a dog and he wanted visitation of the dog. At first I was alright with that because he was getting the dog and dropping the dog off when I wasn't home. I wanted it that way because I couldn't deal with seeing him. Although he agreed to this arrangment, he would send me stupid texts about the dog and I just got fed up with it and told him the dog situation wasn't going to work. He was kind of annoyed by my decision, but was understanding. He told me when I was ready to be friends with him and let him see Miloh (my dog) to contact him. I said ok. Then about 3 weeks ago I found out he had a new girlfriend and he had been cheating with her a week before we broke up. Since finding this out, I sent him an email, (which a lot of LSers would say is bad bad bad!!!) telling him I never wanted to hear from him again, to never contact me and he was dead to me. I told him not to respond to my email as I didn't want to hear his bullsh*t denials or confessions. He hasn't contacted me at all which I am thankful for.

 

A lot of what you say in your posts sounds so familar. Your feelings about your ex being your best friend and the one you turn to when you are hurting and need comfort. That was my ex to me. Someone that was always there when I needed him. Now he is the cause of my pain and I can't talk to him or have him hold me like he used to do when I was down. It's devestating. I'm glad you are going to a therapist. Even though its only once a month, it's better then nothing. LS really helps a lot as well. I'm very grateful I found this site. It's helped me quite a bit.

 

As for you saying your ex never loved you, I'm sure he did love you. As I'm sure my ex loved me, but they made really stupid decisions that they will most likely regret in time. It may take a long time, but I'm sure the regret and guilt will set in. Will they contact us? I hope not for my ex's sake! I will rip him a new a** if he ever tries to talk to me. I'm in the anger stage of all this right now and I hope you will move on to that stage soon enough. Anger is part of the healing process and feeling it means you are moving on. I hope you were able to make it to work today. Yesterday, you said you couldn't. I know it's hard, but you have to force yourself everyday, to just do what you have to do. Let me know how you are doing:)

 

Shannon, how long since your break up? and are you doing NC? How are you doing? I do have a therapist and will see him on Monday. Unfortunately it is with Kaiser and I can only get in once a month, I need weekly therapy I think but can't afford it. For now this forum is my therapy. He does have a lot of issues and I realize that then and I realize that now, but it didn't stop me from loving him and being there for him. I always knew he was a selfish person who always needed me to vent about work, family stresses, etc and he'd rarely ask about what was going on with me but I accepted that and I was still there for him but now he's found a replacement right? It's tough to lose your best friend, confidante, lover, companion all in one blow. He's the person I want to turn to when I'm hurting but this time it's him that's doing the hurting, and sadly yes I want to turn to him to be comforted by him. It's so difficult for me to understand how he could do this to someone he supposedly loves. Then it makes me think that he never loved me at all but loved what I could do for him. That's devastating to know that the person you loved for the last 7 years and invested so much emotions into didn't feel the same way. Devastating.

[Don Ho]

Shannon, is that why you mince your words all the time?

[abust1]

It's been 4 months since my breakup. I am doing NC. At first when my ex and I broke up, he wanted to be friends and I told him that I didn't think that would be possible. I was still in love with him and I couldn't just be his friend. I told him I couldn't see or talk to him because it was way too painful. He said he understood. We also shared a dog and he wanted visitation of the dog. At first I was alright with that because he was getting the dog and dropping the dog off when I wasn't home. I wanted it that way because I couldn't deal with seeing him. Although he agreed to this arrangment, he would send me stupid texts about the dog and I just got fed up with it and told him the dog situation wasn't going to work. He was kind of annoyed by my decision, but was understanding. He told me when I was ready to be friends with him and let him see Miloh (my dog) to contact him. I said ok. Then about 3 weeks ago I found out he had a new girlfriend and he had been cheating with her a week before we broke up. Since finding this out, I sent him an email, (which a lot of LSers would say is bad bad bad!!!) telling him I never wanted to hear from him again, to never contact me and he was dead to me. I told him not to respond to my email as I didn't want to hear his bullsh*t denials or confessions. He hasn't contacted me at all which I am thankful for.

 

A lot of what you say in your posts sounds so familar. Your feelings about your ex being your best friend and the one you turn to when you are hurting and need comfort. That was my ex to me. Someone that was always there when I needed him. Now he is the cause of my pain and I can't talk to him or have him hold me like he used to do when I was down. It's devestating. I'm glad you are going to a therapist. Even though its only once a month, it's better then nothing. LS really helps a lot as well. I'm very grateful I found this site. It's helped me quite a bit.

 

As for you saying your ex never loved you, I'm sure he did love you. As I'm sure my ex loved me, but they made really stupid decisions that they will most likely regret in time. It may take a long time, but I'm sure the regret and guilt will set in. Will they contact us? I hope not for my ex's sake! I will rip him a new a** if he ever tries to talk to me. I'm in the anger stage of all this right now and I hope you will move on to that stage soon enough. Anger is part of the healing process and feeling it means you are moving on. I hope you were able to make it to work today. Yesterday, you said you couldn't. I know it's hard, but you have to force yourself everyday, to just do what you have to do. Let me know how you are doing:)

 

Oh my god. Dog visitation. I went through the same thing. It seems so ridiculous looking back.. but we were obviously both clinging for something to control the other.

[ouch1121]

It's been 4 months since my breakup. I am doing NC. At first when my ex and I broke up, he wanted to be friends and I told him that I didn't think that would be possible. I was still in love with him and I couldn't just be his friend. I told him I couldn't see or talk to him because it was way too painful. He said he understood. We also shared a dog and he wanted visitation of the dog. At first I was alright with that because he was getting the dog and dropping the dog off when I wasn't home. I wanted it that way because I couldn't deal with seeing him. Although he agreed to this arrangment, he would send me stupid texts about the dog and I just got fed up with it and told him the dog situation wasn't going to work. He was kind of annoyed by my decision, but was understanding. He told me when I was ready to be friends with him and let him see Miloh (my dog) to contact him. I said ok. Then about 3 weeks ago I found out he had a new girlfriend and he had been cheating with her a week before we broke up. Since finding this out, I sent him an email, (which a lot of LSers would say is bad bad bad!!!) telling him I never wanted to hear from him again, to never contact me and he was dead to me. I told him not to respond to my email as I didn't want to hear his bullsh*t denials or confessions. He hasn't contacted me at all which I am thankful for.

 

A lot of what you say in your posts sounds so familar. Your feelings about your ex being your best friend and the one you turn to when you are hurting and need comfort. That was my ex to me. Someone that was always there when I needed him. Now he is the cause of my pain and I can't talk to him or have him hold me like he used to do when I was down. It's devestating. I'm glad you are going to a therapist. Even though its only once a month, it's better then nothing. LS really helps a lot as well. I'm very grateful I found this site. It's helped me quite a bit.

 

As for you saying your ex never loved you, I'm sure he did love you. As I'm sure my ex loved me, but they made really stupid decisions that they will most likely regret in time. It may take a long time, but I'm sure the regret and guilt will set in. Will they contact us? I hope not for my ex's sake! I will rip him a new a** if he ever tries to talk to me. I'm in the anger stage of all this right now and I hope you will move on to that stage soon enough. Anger is part of the healing process and feeling it means you are moving on. I hope you were able to make it to work today. Yesterday, you said you couldn't. I know it's hard, but you have to force yourself everyday, to just do what you have to do. Let me know how you are doing:)

 

Thanks for sharing Shannon. You seem like you are doing pretty well right now. I wish I was at your stage right now or better yet completely forgotten him. I took nyquil last night around 9 pm so I could sleep. Well it made me sleep until 11 am so I didn't make it to work. It's also put me in a kind of semi-sleep fog which isn't so bad right now. I just feel like I've been in bed forever though. I haven't eaten in two days and I'm a mess. I have to go to work tomorrow so no nyquil tonight. I hope I can sleep though. Of course my mind keeps thinking about him and him and her. I wish I could just press erase and my mind and heart never knew him. Everyone says this is a life lesson but this is not a life lesson I want to learn. Heartache is not something I want to learn. I don't believe he will ever regret his decision. Towards the end I believe I was just an annoyance to him and he was glad to get rid of me. For him to just disregard me the way he did, I do not believe he loved me. You don't do that to someone you love. You have the courtesy to actually break up with them instead of lying to them and then just not calling them again. I wasn't a one night stand, I deserved more for giving 7 years of my life to him. Oh well...you can't force anyone to love you or respect you. How do I ever trust anyone again?

 

Are you dating Shannon? How do you feel about moving on emotionally? I feel like such damaged goods that I can't trust anyone not to hurt me like this again.

[abust1]

Thanks for sharing Shannon. You seem like you are doing pretty well right now. I wish I was at your stage right now or better yet completely forgotten him. I took nyquil last night around 9 pm so I could sleep. Well it made me sleep until 11 am so I didn't make it to work. It's also put me in a kind of semi-sleep fog which isn't so bad right now. I just feel like I've been in bed forever though. I haven't eaten in two days and I'm a mess. I have to go to work tomorrow so no nyquil tonight. I hope I can sleep though. Of course my mind keeps thinking about him and him and her. I wish I could just press erase and my mind and heart never knew him. Everyone says this is a life lesson but this is not a life lesson I want to learn. Heartache is not something I want to learn. I don't believe he will ever regret his decision. Towards the end I believe I was just an annoyance to him and he was glad to get rid of me. For him to just disregard me the way he did, I do not believe he loved me. You don't do that to someone you love. You have the courtesy to actually break up with them instead of lying to them and then just not calling them again. I wasn't a one night stand, I deserved more for giving 7 years of my life to him. Oh well...you can't force anyone to love you or respect you. How do I ever trust anyone again?

 

Are you dating Shannon? How do you feel about moving on emotionally? I feel like such damaged goods that I can't trust anyone not to hurt me like this again.

 

Try melatonin to help you sleep. It's OTC and doesn't leave me as groggy as nyquil.

[ShannonMI]

No I am not dating and won't be for a long time. I am too much of an emotional mess. Some days I'm good and some days I feel like utter sh*t. I am doing better then I was a week after the breakup, though. I was like you, not eating, not sleeping after we broke up. BTW our breakup was totally dumped on me like a ton of bricks. I didn't see it coming. There was no fighting and no issues as far as I knew. The only thing that was weird was the week BEFORE my ex asked for a "break" (not even an official break up) he was going out a lot and a few nights he didn't come home. I asked him what was up and he said he had gotten drunk and stayed at a friend's house. I believed him because he was in a new band and they were party boys. I had no reason to think otherwise because I trusted him. Now looking back, I should have seen it as a red flag. Also, just recently I found out that the week he was acting weird (going out and all that), he met the girl he's with now and he was cheating on me with her during that week. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Sorry! .....I didn't want to go to work, but I forced myself. I forced myself everyday to get out of bed, put makeup on, get dressed and just FUNCTION. It was the hardest thing in the world. I was so depressed and so down that just doing simple things was extremely difficult. You have to force yourself. I know you don't want to, but you have to. Just the simple acts of getting up and getting ready and going to work will help you. It sounds silly, but it will be good for you to do it. I had to force myself to eat as well. I think I lost 10 pounds in about a week because I didn't eat at all. My stomach was in knots. Any food I did eat, would go right through me. It was bad. I started seeing a therapist and that helped. I was already on anti-depressants because I've suffered from depression for years, but I had to get my meds increased because the low dose I was on wasn't doing anything for me. I had a few close friends that I am so thankful for that helped me through the horrible time right after my breakup. My boss was really understanding, as well. So at work when I would break down in tears, she was kind to me. I'm sure your boss and co-workers will be understanding of the situation you are in. It is totally devestating to say the least. Most people have experienced the devestation of heartbreak and they will be nice to you. After a few months of utter hell, I found this site and I'm so glad I did because it has helped me tremendously. I know that there are people going through the same type of thing that I am. It's nice knowing you aren't alone. And the advice people have given me has helped a lot. I hope you get a lot out of this site. I know I did and I'm so thankful for it. Keep posting. I want to know how you are doing.

[ShannonMI]

Try melatonin to help you sleep. It's OTC and doesn't leave me as groggy as nyquil.

Good suggestion. It's also all natural. Non-habit forming which is good. You can get it at any drug store in the supplement/vitamin section. Don't use Nyquil.

[pandagirl]

We are all sad and heartbroken on this forum, right? I am too. But there's nothing like talking to my mom to make me feel better. She's a very simple woman, but she's right when she tells me that the person you're with should want to make you happy and should take care of you. Why should you settle for any less? You deserve more, and the way your ex treated you does not indicate your worth or value at ALL.

 

As my friend says: "All relationships end until one doesn't."

[aeion]

Update:

i got really drunk last night and texted her.

 

Surprisingly the convo on my side was very curt and polite, although i am pissed that i broke NC.

 

it went like this:

 

me: hey sorry for not hiting you back up. I was preoccupied, thank you for the microwave, and ur right its great. I hope things are goin well with you.

 

her: no worries, im glad ur enjoing and using it. I hope your doing well also.

 

me: can we talk at some point? I do want us to be ok

 

her: of course. i do too. whenever your ready and find time.

 

me: but lets meet though. No phone.

 

Her: yes agreed.

 

at that point i blacked out... haha

 

i dont know if im glad i broke NC or not. I DO want us to be ok, but i guess im still wondering if it was cuz i was drunk and feeling good for a min or its because i REALLy want to see her.

 

I guess time will tell.

Edited September 17, 2010 by aeion