Broken_Man Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 My story about my ex that cheated on me for pretty much the whole 3.5 years we were together - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t238481/ Anyway, I went against the advice of everyone and gave her a chance to try and redeem herself. I done this purely for myself, I had to do it so I didnt go through my life with any regret about her. I was a mess, I wasnt thinking clearly but I can say I do not have any regrets now. I broke off the second attempt about a month ago. Long story short, she was out on nights out and added random guys she met on FB during the night out. Then I see her flirting with one of them over FB - she deleted posts on her wall but fortunately for me I could see his wall. Then on my birthday I was out with some friends etc but then I go home to find even more flirtier messages on his wall - on my birthday! So I dont even know what she has done when she is out with these guys when she met them in the bar/club but her actions dont show any signs of change from the person she was before. I met up with her a couple of days after my birthday and just explained why I cant handle who she is and that she hasnt changed. It was quite a heartbreaking hour sitting in the car talking about breaking it off but I gave her a chance and she didnt properly take it. Ever since the '2nd break up' she has been more determined than ever to get me back and make us happen. I resist though as She really had her chance before when I tried for the 2nd time. For about 3 weeks she would text me everyday and send me a few emails, but I never replied to any of them. She got me on msn a few times but its not really been anything substantial. The past week she's stopped texting etc, but I see her every morning at the station and she's spokent to me a few times since the second split - but again its nothing substantial. I've only got 2 more weeks before I stop needing to go to the station, as I start back at University in 2 weeks, so that will help when I dont have to see her every morning. I go through really strong stages, where I know I've done the best thing for myself and I know I dont deserve what she has done. There are days though where I'm really low, like today. Yesterday I found out she is back in contact with one of the guys she cheated on me with - and I know she thought he was sleazy. I dont know why, but I am taking that badly. I know we are both single and have nothing to do with each other - but thats really insulting. When I see her, I see the girl I could have spent my life with if she wasnt messed up in her head just now. So yeah I'm still jealous of other guys. I'm sure that will phase out quicker when I no longer have to see her every morning although just now its dominating all my thoughts. Although I've been the dumper twice, why do I feel like I'm the only person who has lost everything in all of this? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry that I've not properly structured the post very well, my head is just a million miles a minute right now and I need to vent somewhere. I know i've made the right move but doubt creeps up on me now and again...
mannpho Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Trust me she's not worth it. My ex would cruise dating sites and tell me it;s curiosity nothing more. When someone loves another person they dont do things. She dumped me or as I am starting to say lost a good man that loved her to death. Ill admit I tried emails, texts, phone nothing she wants no part of me. Stay NC my friend a leopard skin doesn't change. Is she that insecure that wants all the attention? NC all the way. Let her figure out she had the right guy but she now lost. I may sound strong but Im on medication for the anxiety, see a therapist, was drinking a bit. NC really sucks no other way to say it. Break away from her addiction and see how you feel.
Don Ho Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 When I see her, I see the girl I could have spent my life with if she wasnt messed up in her head just now. So yeah I'm still jealous of other guys. Yes you see what COULD have been .... if she had not been a cheating slut. Oh, and messed up in the head! A leopard never changes his spots Bro. I also learned that the hard way. You should have never taken her back, but that's done. You're pining away for a woman that disrespected you and cheated on you continually? That's YOUR bad. Sorry, but when someone cheats no me, I'm done like no other. I don't talk to them or give them the time of day. Of course you're having a tough time and going through lots of emotions. That's normal. It gets easier. Stay away from her, have NC, and don't respond to her. Respect yourself Bro, get the hell away from her.
nobmagnet Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 hello, nobby here. im so sorry you hurt this much:mad: and you wouldnt be human if you didnt. you did your best and she still messed. If you can, try to close your eyes and see what you deserve. NO not bloody pam anderson!! hee hee but seriously you need to have a lady that loves you like you love. Your relationship with her was unbalanced to say the least. and not your fault. its her failing. Cut yourself some slack and see it for what it was. She let you down and you didnt deserve it. unless you murdered her dad or shot her bro im guessing you didnt?? IMO there is never an excuse for disrespect in that way, she is in no way on your intellectual wavelenghth and i dont mean degrees, i mean intellegence. your a top chap. you do deserve more nobby xx
xx.Kael.xx Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Take it from me man, theaters aren't worth it. You gave 3 years to this woman? Take those back & fulfill your life with good friends, good wine, make tons of money, & most importantly, better your choices in future relationships. Hey, your hearing it from a guy who's been cheated on. Go out & find one hell of a honey. You deserve it. Keep posting man, were all ears. I know its easier said than done, but do it for yourself. Keep it strong buddy.
xx.Kael.xx Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Hahaha I meant to say *cheaters*, but that's what I get for choosing a touch screen over a computer. Anyway, to the OP Just put yourself out there. Someone worth your love will come around.
Author Broken_Man Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 I cannot thank you enough for the kind words. I can see the person she is, I suppose I'm just in love with the good times we had together - even though she was doing her thing simultaneously. I know I'll fully recover with time, as the vast improvement in my general approach to everything has greatly increased since the first break up. It's amazing how an event like this completely alters your character. I'm one of the most rational and logical people I know, but some things I've thought and the ideas i've toyed with have been mindblowingly unlike me. The craziest of thoughts can be considered as feasible options when you are in this alternate-character state of mind. It's hard to let go of something you would have given everything to...
leal10 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 ofcourse pure NC...but i think you should really try...not to get any information about her...who is she with...what is she doing...that is just backing you up to go thru and is returning you to stage 1... i hope you can manage not to see,hear,... what she does,thinks,... gl
Thorgs Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 remember, we fell in love with them for who they were, not what they have become.
shockandawed Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 (edited) I thnk deep down, you are in love with an illusion of what could have been. You see a great side of this woman and you feel with perseverance, you can bring this out in her full time and have this wonderful relationship. I had a similar relationship with my ex-fiance. I overlooked alot and comprimised alot of who I was to get the "A" side of her. To see all that she truly entails is to admit failure on your part to adequately handle the integrity of the relationship. You know deep down you should have ended it with her long ago, but you were in love with the potential of this woman. You made all kinds of efforts to bring out this wonderful woman, and it is very hard to admit that those efforts were in vain. Sometimes we all have to take a few shots below the belt to realize the right thing to do. You have now reached that point. Move on, NC, and do not allow her to play emotional games with your head and heart any longer. As others have pointed out, tigers never change their stripes. Edited September 15, 2010 by shockandawed
Author Broken_Man Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 I thnk deep down, you are in love with an illusion of what could have been. You see a great side of this woman and you feel with perseverance, you can bring this out in her full time and have this wonderful relationship. I had a similar relationship with my ex-fiance. I overlooked alot and comprimised alot of who I was to get the "A" side of her. To see all that she truly entails is to admit failure on your part to adequately handle the integrity of the relationship. You know deep down you should have ended it with her long ago, but you were in love with the potential of this woman. You made all kinds of efforts to bring out this wonderful woman, and it is very hard to admit that those efforts were in vain. Sometimes we all have to take a few shots below the belt to realize the right thing to do. You have now reached that point. Move on, NC, and do not allow her to play emotional games with your head and heart any longer. As others have pointed out, tigers never change their stripes. Thank you for this post. This is the best way to put the whole situation. I DID give her the chance to let that potential flourish and I DID give her the chance to work at this with me even though she didn't deserve those chances. The fact she never took the chances is almost insulting considering since the sencond break up she has made quite an effort to even get us talking again. She called me at 3am this morning - so it is safe to assume she had been out at a club again - but it's a good feeling not actually caring what she was calling me for. I dont have any desire to text or phone her back. Her actions in the past few months really do show she actually doesnt see how bad she destroyed it all. She is acting like she cannot see what she has done wrong.
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