Thierro Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) Dear friends, I haven’t been online for a while. I needed time to think, to learn, to experience life. I was crushed when my ‘true love’ broke up with me. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I cried and cried, I befriended fast food (gained a few pounds) and Amaretto Disaronno even though I usually don’t drink. I tried to indulge myself with stuff to feel better; Every time I bought something the cashier would ask me if it was a present. I told them ‘yes’. And every time I got home I would unwrap it like a gift. I kinda felt like Mr. Bean sending himself Christmas cards. I locked myself up at home with the curtains closed at all times. Living the nights and sleeping during day time. I was devastated and swore to myself that I will never love again or find a girl like my ex. This is what you all think and go through. We are ALL the same; no exception. I KNOW that people will think that their story is different even after reading this post. But your story is the same. Really. You WILL get through this when you WANT to. I had a hard time believing this myself after reading similar posts like mine. Especially after reading SMK’s posts. I didn’t understand how he wrote about his heartache and gradually get on top of it all, having fun and meeting other girls. I thought to myself; Did he really love her? How could that be the case if he is doing so well after just a couple of months? No way! It will take years to get over this crap! I met a girl….. We have a LOT in common even more than I did with my ex. It was bizarre. Now I know that there isn’t just ONE girl/guy that is right for you, but hundreds and thousands. A relationship is about having fun together, getting to know each other. This shouldn't be forever. You learn from each other, go on adventures together. But in the end your paths will take you somewhere else. Be grateful. Some funny facts about her; - She writes stories, I do too. - She is reading a book on philosophy; the same book I considered buying a week ago. - She likes classical music and talked about the Moonlight Sonata (my favorite piece) and she asked me if I liked ‘Comptine du’n autre’ by Yann Tierssen. I told her I just finished learning it on the piano. She replied; ‘Wow, that’s my favorite piece’. (I am going to give her piano lessons) - She looks cute, as do I. - Etc. etc. … Really, I could go on for a while. We have a lot of similarities. We get along great... She has a boyfriend, do I care? No, because I don’t need a girlfriend. I am happy on my own. I just do the things I want to do and if she doesn’t recognize that I am gold or doesn’t value me like a romantic partner; than this isn’t my problem at all. I enjoy knowing her, I enjoy her company. I am grateful. The glass is always half FULL; never empty. Accept the world! Accept everything that is! Anticipate on life in a positive manner. No need for negativity. It is all in your head. YOU decide how you act in life. YOU decide what you are going to be or how your life will look like in 10 years time. LIVE the NOW. YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE!!! Let me repeat: YOU..YES YOU… YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE. Don’t believe me? That’s probably the reason why you are still effin op all the time. You need to tame the voice in your head. It is tearing you apart. You need to fight yourself. Defeat negativity. -Dale Carnegie- How to win friends and influence people. -Eckhart Tolle- Practicing the power of now. -The Tibetan book of Living and Dying - Sogyal Rinpoche. -The Art of Happiness- HH the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. -The Awakening Trilogy- Awakening the Buddha within, Awakening to the Sacred, and Awakening the Buddhist Heart. Lama Surya Das -The Art of Power- Thich Nhat Hanh -Ruling Your World- Sakyong Mipham -Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda- Freeman and DeWolf The Break-up+ the above books+ LS posts (especially from some people I speak highly of around here) have changed me. I have changed myself. Good luck. Any questions? Do write them down below. Edited September 11, 2010 by Thierro
bobo113 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Thanks Thierro. I just broke up with my bf 2 weeks ago and I'm still in the bell jar. It's so nice to hear that it does get better again. What do you think got you there?
YSS Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Great news to read and an ecouraging thread. I do agree that our thoughts have much power over us, more than we think they do. Getting over someone is not easy, time does help but at some point in time the decision must be made that we want different. Your suggestion to be present in the "now" is also wise. This also extends to being "present" and in "reality" in looking at our EXs. Many of us suffer so deeply and hold on for so long from our loss of relationship because we are still back there, the day it ended, the times we were together and we do not allow our own feelings to change and grow from the experience to what it was meant to show us and teach us about ourselves. Today, right now, those EXs cannot hurt us....they are long gone - they are not speaking to you, spending time with you etc but our mind and what it tells us does effect our feelings and emotions. We feel trapped, overwhelmed and thinking its never going to get better. For some, doing the same thing over and over as a way to cope (especially when time has been marked by years and not days) and not getting different results, is the definition of insanity. Time to seek out different perspective and strategies. I read a line here from an LS (sorry can't remmeber who)....but it went along the lines of "our decisions are made either out of "fear" from past experiences and hold us back or "anticipation" which move us forward towards what we really want for ourselves. Knowing the difference, is the key". I found it profound and insightful..... Good luck to you on this path of recovery and healing. May it be contagious to all of us coping at the moment.
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 If I may interject, it's important that people acknowledge their emotions, and feel them, respect them, and permit themselves to really know that they are valid and deep. However: It is equally important that you do not do two things: One, is to identify with them, and believe that they define who you are. They do not. They are ephemeral and ever-changing. Even the feeling of sadness is never the same one day to the next. The quality and depth of sensation changes.... Your feelings are not who you are. You might feel sadness, but you are not sad. You might feel anger, but you are not angry. You might feel resentment but you are not resentful. 'Feeling' is different to 'Being'. Secondly, do not elaborate how you feel. Do not let the emotion snowball and build into an unstoppable avalanche of uncontrolled thoughts that invent, manufacture and fabricate their own story. By all means, feel sad, feel unhappy, feel anger, feel resentment. but do not expand on these emotions until the become all-consuming and invasive, and take up your entire existence with their make-believe.... Wonderful books, Thierro. I do believe they are all on my bookshelf......
Author Thierro Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) Bobo113; Being tired of controlling what I can’t control. The way we feel, how devastated we can be after a break-up tells something about who you are. We all make mistakes, we all regret stuff. But why do we feel so torn apart? We are too hard on ourselves. We need to let go. I begged her to come back. Come on, really? If he or she isn’t happy with us, we need to let them go and wish them good luck on their journey. We had a fun time together. We need to appreciate those times. The break-up told me that I wasn’t happy about myself. All the tears told me that it takes someone else to make me happy. This isn’t right. Love yourself and be happy on your own. All the heartbreak told me I was an egocentric, worthless human being. Egocentric because I have loved and experienced such a beautiful thing. A lot of people don’t go through something like that. We, as a human, always want more. It is never enough. There are so many people that have it so much worse. I am thankful that I have a warm bed to sleep in at night and good meals every single day; I am healthy. There is so much misery out there that I am glad that I am not a part of that. Worthless because all the begging, the crying, the neediness, the intake of alcohol. I am a good person that has a lot to offer. I am proud of who I am and what I do. If people don’t want to be with me, that’s ok. We feel this way because we don’t feel worthy and are a bit egocentric. Sure, it’s tough to lose something beautiful and you need to acknowledge your feelings like Tara said, but don’t let it break you. Every time something negatives appears in my head I will take care of it by being logical and nice to myself. I don’t believe we have the right to complain; that’s ignorant. Say ‘STOP’ when a bad thought is running through your head. Raise the ignorant child in your heart and head. YSS; There is only the now. You will only find happiness in the now. You are who you are right now. You are not your past and you are not your future. The future is only an expectation. Your mind can be your worst nightmare. It changes you in your believes. Tara; As usual a great addition to the forums. A question though; My feelings are changing radically. I don’t feel any emotion when “bad” things happen (funny thing is that tears pop up in my eyes when I see someone crying in real life or in a movie.) I accept everything that is, but at the same time I am feeling numb and cold about things that I can’t change. Other people sometimes tell me this too. I got an ‘I don’t care attitude’. I am afraid I am turning into a could soab? (btw, tried to PM you a while back, but there was something about you not allowing private messages in general, so I couldn’t reply to your pm) Edited September 12, 2010 by Thierro
TaraMaiden Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Tara; As usual a great addition to the forums. Thank you, you're very kind A question though; My feelings are changing radically. I don’t feel any emotion when “bad” things happen (funny thing is that tears pop up in my eyes when I see someone crying in real life or in a movie.) I accept everything that is, but at the same time I am feeling numb and cold about things that I can’t change. Other people sometimes tell me this too. I got an ‘I don’t care attitude’. I am afraid I am turning into a could soab? I would suggest you examine this attitude carefully. There is a difference between accepting things as they are, yet still having compassion for the sadness and suffering of others, and having a basic "Well I don't give a schyt-ism".... Accepting things that you cannot change, also, does not mean exempting yourself from natural care and compassion. we owe it to ourselves to be loving. kind and compassionate towards ourselves, and to afford ourselves the generosity and loving kindness we deserve. I'm not talking about self-pity here, and wallowing, but seeing that we are all subject to highs and lows, and during highs, we help others up the ladder. During lows, we look upon the maelstrom of emotions, and permit ourselves the privilege of feeling the way they make us feel. You know, even the Dalai Lama has lost his temper now and then! As one might guess, though, it doesn't last long, and he makes amends very quickly. Being kind, patient and understanding should be extended to all people going through a rough patch. That includes us. (btw, tried to PM you a while back, but there was something about you not allowing private messages in general, so I couldn’t reply to your pm) Don't know why. Should be ok now. TbH, it could have been an infraction.....
Author Thierro Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 I have a lot of compassion for other individuals; I listen, try to be there for them, but in the end I will be very clear about what needs to happen. I don’t feel I have the right to complain..ever; I believe it is very egocentric to feel angry, sad, because there are so many people living real tough lives. I think I am living my life very scientific at the moment because of the break-up; everything has a reason. In a way it feels wrong, unnatural. I really enjoy the girl I was talking about, but I don’t care if she is into me or not. It’s not my problem; I don’t need her. I can’t figure out if this is truly the way to be.
TaraMaiden Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I have a lot of compassion for other individuals; I listen, try to be there for them, but in the end I will be very clear about what needs to happen. So are you saying your Compassion is conditional? That is to say, "I will feel compassion for you, but if you don't work things out in a way I see as progressive or acceptable, then you hit the road, and I'm outta here!"...? I'm just trying to clarify and get down to the nub of the matter..... I don’t feel I have the right to complain..ever; I believe it is very egocentric to feel angry, sad, because there are so many people living real tough lives. This is what Buddhists would term as Wrong (or fractured) View. Emotions are not there to be suppressed, eliminated or denied. Emotions are part and parcel of experiencing life as a Human being. They come with the territory. They should be responded to, accepted, respected and permitted. However, they should not be permitted to dominate, govern, expand beyond manageable size, or pandered to excessively. There are different degrees, varieties, types, levels and ways of experiencing 'suffering'. In fact, all being in the cycle of samsara, we're all suffering, to all intents and purposes. And (this is going to sound harsh) who the hell are you to say why or whether you should 'suffer' or not? you have a Self which is subject to ageing, old age, sickness and ultimately, death. This is everybody's fate. So you really deserve to be as kind, compassionate and caring towards yourself as much as you feel you should be to anyone else. HH the DL tells us that the purpose of Life is "to be happy, and to make others happy". In that order. If we cannot accept ourselves, in the walk we're taking, and treat ourselves in the way we would like to be treated by others, and treat others too - then how can we ever hope to function as we should....? It will all be "trying". not "doing". I think I am living my life very scientific at the moment because of the break-up; In other words it's all clinical, mechanical, precise and calculated. This is designed to steel you against the ups and downs your emotions would subject you to. This is where meditation would serve you well. You would sit, experience and feel whatever comes up. You would free yourself from the constraints of your self-restraint, and unwillingness to Be. everything has a reason. In a way it feels wrong, unnatural. No, I personally dispute everything has a reason. And Buddhists do not believe in Fate (which is in a way, what 'everything has a reason' is....) Everything has an origin. But we cannot always know what that origin is... It's like many people on here keep talking about their exes, and karma biting them on the ass one day, somehow forgetting that their Karma has done, and will do, exactly the same to them. Possibly the heartbreak they are feeling, is their current Kamma. Who knows? it's best to not speculate..... They also forget (or are unaware) that kamma can be a positive result. The secret is not to shut stuff off, and protect ones' self with a wall of immunity to feeling. The secret is to say; I feel so happy! But you know what? it will pass.... I feel so sad! But you know what? It will pass.... We have to look at elation and despair (and everything in between) with the same attitude. I really enjoy the girl I was talking about, but I don’t care if she is into me or not. It’s not my problem; I don’t need her. Really? If you think - nay, believe - that you don't need her, then it should naturally follow that you therefore actually don't 'need' anyone. But we do. There is an interconnectedness that does leave a huge gap in our lives if we perambulate with the thought that we don't 'need' anyone else. Maybe you're right. Maybe we don't 'need' someone. But in order to practise the Four Immeasurables, we must Connect. And in order to benefit from practising, our connection must run both ways. I can’t figure out if this is truly the way to be. I can understand why you feel it might be. But I can't agree that it is the way you should be...... I would say, no.
Author Thierro Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 (edited) Thank you, Tara. No, I am not saying that my compassion is conditional. I would say we are kind of the same in the way we are helping other people. I get the part that we shouldn’t suppress, eliminate or deny our feelings. I respect them, admire them and they intrigue me. But I don’t get why I should throw a tantrum when, for example, I have a flat tire and need to walk 10 miles in heavy rainfall to get back home. The flat tire happened; get over it. In the end I will get home, have a nice warm shower, get a bite to eat and watch a good movie. Why should I nag about the small stuff? Sure, if something happens to my parents and loved once, I will have the right to feel sad. I have the right to feel hurt when something bad happens, but in the end I need to be thankful for everything I have and had and just move on. I shouldn’t dwell on situations that I can not change. I had a really hard time coping with my break-up; I gave myself the time to feel all the emotions, to cope but eventually I needed to say to myself; no more. No more of this. I experienced something great and learned a lot. The wind just took us somewhere else. We do need people in our life. I even ‘need’ you to be here on LS. You have been/are a strong contribution to my life and you don’t even know the half of it. But if you decide to quit LS, that’s ok; I am thankful for you and wish you the best. It’s not like I am going to build a fan page here on LS that is dedicated to you. I don’t need –you- to be happy. Same goes for that girl. I like her, I enjoy her, I love her company and I do have certain feelings for her; but if she decides to flip me the finger and ignore me, I need to be developed enough to say; You know what. It’s a pity that she turned out to be different. I have been good to her, I don’t regret a thing I did; I hope she’ll have a good life. I was just saying by saying ‘I don’t need her’ that I am not going to cry my eyes out and beg her to stay with me when she leaves (like I did with my ex) I need people, but I don’t need a certain person to be happy. What I meant by; everything has a reason, is that every action done by other people has a reason (an origin like you described it). Why do people steal, why do people abuse their spouse, why do I feel sad or happy. I do believe this has a lot to do with the numbness I am experiencing; always looking for answers to why people do things, feel things. I tend to observe my own behavior and that of others. This is what I also got from Eckhart Tolle; Higher consciousness by observing the ‘thinker’. Realizing the intelligence behind thought. All I feel and think is observed beyond my mind of thought. I observe myself and the world. I feel like I am observing life like a biologist and that emotions and actions done by myself or other people are created because of an explainable ‘origin’. I do believe we are on the same page, Tara, but that I am not explaining myself in a clear way. Edited September 16, 2010 by Thierro
Len Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 So are you saying your Compassion is conditional? That is to say, "I will feel compassion for you, but if you don't work things out in a way I see as progressive or acceptable, then you hit the road, and I'm outta here!"...? I'm just trying to clarify and get down to the nub of the matter..... This is what Buddhists would term as Wrong (or fractured) View. Emotions are not there to be suppressed, eliminated or denied. Emotions are part and parcel of experiencing life as a Human being. They come with the territory. They should be responded to, accepted, respected and permitted. However, they should not be permitted to dominate, govern, expand beyond manageable size, or pandered to excessively. There are different degrees, varieties, types, levels and ways of experiencing 'suffering'. In fact, all being in the cycle of samsara, we're all suffering, to all intents and purposes. And (this is going to sound harsh) who the hell are you to say why or whether you should 'suffer' or not? you have a Self which is subject to ageing, old age, sickness and ultimately, death. This is everybody's fate. So you really deserve to be as kind, compassionate and caring towards yourself as much as you feel you should be to anyone else. HH the DL tells us that the purpose of Life is "to be happy, and to make others happy". In that order. If we cannot accept ourselves, in the walk we're taking, and treat ourselves in the way we would like to be treated by others, and treat others too - then how can we ever hope to function as we should....? It will all be "trying". not "doing". In other words it's all clinical, mechanical, precise and calculated. This is designed to steel you against the ups and downs your emotions would subject you to. This is where meditation would serve you well. You would sit, experience and feel whatever comes up. You would free yourself from the constraints of your self-restraint, and unwillingness to Be. No, I personally dispute everything has a reason. And Buddhists do not believe in Fate (which is in a way, what 'everything has a reason' is....) Everything has an origin. But we cannot always know what that origin is... It's like many people on here keep talking about their exes, and karma biting them on the ass one day, somehow forgetting that their Karma has done, and will do, exactly the same to them. Possibly the heartbreak they are feeling, is their current Kamma. Who knows? it's best to not speculate..... They also forget (or are unaware) that kamma can be a positive result. The secret is not to shut stuff off, and protect ones' self with a wall of immunity to feeling. The secret is to say; I feel so happy! But you know what? it will pass.... I feel so sad! But you know what? It will pass.... We have to look at elation and despair (and everything in between) with the same attitude. Really? If you think - nay, believe - that you don't need her, then it should naturally follow that you therefore actually don't 'need' anyone. But we do. There is an interconnectedness that does leave a huge gap in our lives if we perambulate with the thought that we don't 'need' anyone else. Maybe you're right. Maybe we don't 'need' someone. But in order to practise the Four Immeasurables, we must Connect. And in order to benefit from practising, our connection must run both ways. I can understand why you feel it might be. But I can't agree that it is the way you should be...... I would say, no. Superb Tara.
TaraMaiden Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Up to this point, I get you. Yes, I see what you mean, and I can agree. But we must be careful that in Accepting Things As They Really Are, we do not become automatons, and inured to experience. Because shutting down feelings is as bad as feeling them excessively. Remember the tight strings analogy. being unfeeling is equitable with the strings, conversely, being too loose. There must be a median point at which we know that we are fully connected with what we feel, and fully present in the depth of those feelings. But equally, we must be fully connected, and present enough to be able to say, "That's it, I can let go, and let be." Intensity is as important as being able to release that intensity. What I meant by; everything has a reason, is that every action done by other people has a reason (an origin like you described it). Why do people steal, why do people abuse their spouse, why do I feel sad or happy. Have you studied The Four Noble Truths? The First Noble Truth explains why people steal, people abuse their spouses, people feel sad, and people feel happy. Life is inconstant. Life is "unsatisfactorily" in a perpetual state of flux. |Because we believe that achieving control over matters such as those listed above, means we direct our own happiness. But this is not so. people Suffer through Fear and Pain. Fear of the Loss of control, and the Pain of Loss. I do believe this has a lot to do with the numbness I am experiencing; always looking for answers to why people do things, feel things. I tend to observe my own behavior and that of others. The answer is more simple than anyone would imagine, but few find it easy to accept simplistic revelations so promptly. Most people (myself included) when first exposed to these truths, seek to pick holes, find fault, locate exceptions and prove them wrong. It's Futile. People do things because they grasp and cling to certain desires, notions and objects, in the hope of creating permanent stability. Impossible. Hence, they suffer. This is really all you need to understand. Grasp this - in the best way possible - and it all falls into place. This is what I also got from Eckhart Tolle; Higher consciousness by observing the ‘thinker’. Realizing the intelligence behind thought. All I feel and think is observed beyond my mind of thought. I observe myself and the world. I feel like I am observing life like a biologist and that emotions and actions done by myself or other people are created because of an explainable ‘origin’. Eckhart Tolle is an extraordinary being, but I would personally take issue with this separatism of identity. This thinker is still you. You are still but one person. There is no 'you' and 'higher Consciousness'. Your higher Consciousness is simply you considering matters in a different light, with new meaning, with clearer vision. But there is no division, no duality. You are you, and you are who you are. The origin of actions, be they mental, verbal of physical, is personal decision. Will. Desire. Based on the stimulus of outside perceptions. This is why we must evaluate and understand what perception is, and how to view it in its raw state, rather than immediately build up a superimposed scenario around it. Our View, and our Intention based upon that View, are what guide our decisions. I do believe we are on the same page, Tara, but that I am not explaining myself in a clear way. Maybe it is I who am simply not understanding you. But it is fruitful discussion, and I'm delighted to be engaging in it. Len: thank you. I'm merely expounding what I have learnt at the "knees" of others, and have accepted for myself as true.... But you are most kind.
skydiveaddict Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Dear friends, Good luck. Any questions? Do write them down below. I do not agree.. It seems to me that there is that one person in your life you simply cannot get over.
TaraMaiden Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Of course there is. But that doesn't mean we stay stuck in that suffering. we can still be in a state of 'not getting over' someone, but continue living and move forward. Over time the feelings evolve, transform and become less intense. That person remains with us. but their presence is positive, not negative.
skydiveaddict Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Of course there is. But that doesn't mean we stay stuck in that suffering. I don't know, I seem to be stuck..
TaraMaiden Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I'd love to talk this over with you if you want to, but I'm conscious of threadjacking. People stay stuck because they cling to an ideology.... Let me give you an analogy you'd understand. Flinging yourself from a 'plane, means you just Let Go and abandon yourself to that Moment. if just as you leap, you grab the footplate, and cling on, that's not really good for the release, and the free-fall experience, is it? you get buffeted and you de-stabilise everything. It's dangerous, and achieves nothing, other than actually keeping us linked to something we really should release our grip from... You either need to Stay Where You Are, never take that leap, and withdraw from the progress of Moving on - or you take that leap, and hit the ecstasy of having made a decision, and let it go... To do the former, is disappointing, disheartening, and leaves a bitter taste of failure.... But letting go and letting yourself fly, is breathtaking. And then you land, roll, and there you are. Done. you let go, and you're still in one piece. Checking your equipment, and putting your trust in others, is also part of the deal. We can't do this alone, we need teamwork, and there's no reason to do this alone. In fact, there's safety in numbers... I bet you had no idea sky diving could be so meaningful!! If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to just talk about it....
Author Thierro Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 (edited) Use all the space you need, I don’t mind… I do have to say that there is a very thin line. Up to this point I really don’t care when other people are telling me negative things. Like we have already established; it has an origin. There is a reasoning behind it. If someone is negative or positive to me I will analyze their behavior and learn from it and grow to become a stronger and more developed individual. For me this whole thing is a very black and white concept; You care or you don’t care and there is nothing in between. I started reading ‘The art of happiness’ a second time. It made me smile when I read; ‘But this doesn’t mean you get into a state of mind where you don’t care’. The median point you are referring to, concerning this subject, is, in my believe, non-existent. I have always been a strong black and white thinker. It feels like I am on a journey in this life to figure out my own choice to believe or not to believe. We will never have an answer, but I still try to figure out what meaning I want to give to life. Do I want to believe in something more to life or do I approach life as being useless where science is king and that it doesn’t matter what we do, as long as we follow the fundamental rules to gain internal and external success. Happiness is all that we want. Science has been good to me. Every time I did something in the name of science I got something good out of it. Every behavior and the reasoning to why, is already written in books and so are the solutions and answers to every problem/situation. For example; The reasoning behind my thoughts right now is already mentioned in books. Why do people believe in a God? Same thing over and over. People that are arrogant, self-indulged, insecure yadda yadda yadda; No one is unique. I analyse people on the street and it is funny to know what reactions to different behavior will follow. It is the same thing over and over. I do believe that Buddhism is actually science. Psychologist do share the same ideas behind a lot of what is said. The only downside to science, is that we ALL want a meaning to life. We don't want chaos, we want order. I want there to be something after life. I don’t want to lose who I am after I die. I want to keep on living the way I look, think and develop right now. I still think about my ex a lot, but it doesn't hurt me anymore. My ex has changed me and broke a big part of my heart. She was my reason and prove that there was more to life. But now this believe has died. The next girl in my life will be treated differently. A big part of me will stay the sweet guy I was in my previous relationship, but I can’t really trust her words that will say ‘I love you’. Not after my past experience with my ex. I will only tell myself; She is a part of my life right now, enjoy and wish her well when she will leave you in time. I believe we all change immutable after we truly loved our first girl/guy. I feel cold and distant thinking this way, but I am afraid (I know) to believe in something that is not science. Faith has hurt me a lot in my past. While science only gave me success, but also the longing for something more to life. Edited October 9, 2010 by Thierro
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