Kids and Sports

[jnel921]

I guess I am new to this and can't help but let my emotions get in the way. My son has joined the JV football team a his new HS this year. There are over 50 kids on the team and the coach wont outright cut anyone on the team. So far since the summer a few got hurt and some just quit. Yesterday there were 38 jerseys handed out with the excuse that these were for the starters. Meanwhile the ones that were left including my son was told to show up to the games with their practice shirts on.

 

Is it me or is there something wrong with this? You don't see NFL back up players with practice jerseys on? Also each team member was asked to raise $100 each to go towards the team jerseys. The fact that there were kids omitted is heart breaking to me and embarrassing during gametime.

 

I want to say something to his coach but am not sure what to say as I do not really understand the politics of sports and I am just being a mom wanting her son to participate in a team sport.

 

Am I wrong to concern myself or speak up to the coach about this?

[KikiW]

I am not a sport mom, so I can't say for sure, but it sounds like there are two problems...

 

Coach (or school, if the order is coming from above) needs to grow a pair and put together a complete TEAM and trim the extra people. It's unfair to the kids who probably won't get to play to be strung along, and quite a bit rude to ask them to do fundraising for a team they won't be playing on. It will also give the cut kids something to work for - you REALLY want to play football? PRACTICE HARD and try out again next year.

 

You should see if your son wants to be involved in a different sport (that he actually gets a chance to DO, not just sit on the sidelines) and pull him from football. And I WOULD say something to the coach or school along the lines of above.

 

JMHO.

[turnera]

I'd just call the coach up and ask him what it means.

[herenow]

Hi and I hope you are still here. I'm a football mom. It is a very demanding sport filled with joy and heartbreak.

 

Kids get cut from the team, kids get hurt, but in the end, there are a lot of good life lessons.

 

Football is a true team sport and many kids have to pay their dues (not financial dues) to play. That may mean that your son has to spend a season on the sides lines in his practice jersey. Maybe he can take that opportunity to observe, learn the game and prove to the coach he is a team player.

 

He is in high school now. The last thing a football coach wants is a call from a parent if the issue can be discussed by the player. If your son wants to play football he needs to have good communication with his coach. Your son should be the one to ask what he can do to fix the problem.

 

It may just be that your son is a new player and needs to learn about his team and the game. A good coach will not jeopardize the health and safety of a player by putting him in a situation he isn't ready for.

 

50 kids is a lot for a team. Many coaches would just cut kids from the team. Sounds like this coach is giving kids the opportunity to be on the team even though he has enough players. IMO, you son should take the opportunity and show the coach what he is made of. Practice hard, show passion for the sport, help the coach when he can. It worked for my son and now he is a starting varsity player.

 

The coach does not know your son and his abilities. If your son wants to play football he is the one that needs to earn his spot.

 

In the end your son with either thrive and love the game, or he will realize it's not the sport for him. As a parent, IMO, you should let your son figure that out himself.

 

Question is, does your son have a problem with the jersey situation? If he does, then he needs to decide if he wants to do something about it.

[Trimmer]

Is it me or is there something wrong with this? You don't see NFL back up players with practice jerseys on?

Not that this will particularly change your overall outlook, but I need to correct you, if this is a significant premise that is driving your anxiety. An NFL team carries up to 53 players on its roster, but only 45 are allowed to be "active" on a game day. The others don't "dress."

 

And it is quite common for a cadre of less experienced players to spend seasons on a team "in waiting", inactive, working out with the practice squad, just waiting for any chance to show their stuff and "compete" for their position, to fight their way up the team's depth chart.

 

I want to say something to his coach but am not sure what to say as I do not really understand the politics of sports and I am just being a mom wanting her son to participate in a team sport.

From the early days of kids being involved in sports - say in early grade school - teams are often built with the idea of trying to help everyone participate and play in games, winning tends to be less emphasized, and everyone gets medals and trophies for participation. Somewhere around middle school - and especially by high school - you'll find a transition has occurred, and teams are more likely to be built and operated with winning much higher up the priority list.

 

This doesn't preclude the other worthy goals and lessons of school sports - honor, sportsmanship, dedication to the team, etc. The high school near me seems to do a pretty good job of prioritizing these "good" lessons, but they are also out to win; they don't give out trophies for "participation", and they don't list, among their life lessons: "everyone gets equal playing time."

 

And this isn't just in football, although football may be the most obvious - and in many schools, the most politicized - example. You can consider this a point along the progression toward adulthood. In the early years, just showing up and being a good citizen is good enough to be recognized, get to play, and be praised. At the other end of the journey, in full adulthood, you either prove that you can contribute, or you are out - of a job, off the team, whatever. So, in a way, this is just another way station on that gradual transitional journey, and sport is very much a reflection of that transition.

 

So if your main concern is you wanting your son to get playing time, then I completely agree with herenow: this is just the way team sports are at this level - especially football - the ones who make it to "the show" are the ones who use their passion and dedication as fuel to build their skills - and that can take seasons. This is a part of the experience of being on a football team, and that may not be for everyone.

 

Now, on the jerseys - I would again agree very much with herenow, in asking what is your son's position is on this issue? You said it was embarrassing to you - I think it's important to find out what your son's feelings on this are. Maybe it makes him hungry, and if so, this could be good motivation to keep him focused, passionate, learning, and working. Maybe this is a rite of passage - work hard and build your skills, and one Friday, coach will let you know that you should dress for the game tonight.

 

So in general, if your son was just looking for 'a sport to participate in', then HS football may not be the best fit. (But there are others that may well be a good fit!) On the other hand, if your son has a drive and a passion specifically for football, recognize that it is a slow build with no medals for participation, and encourage him to work at it and see where that gets him. In a significant way, is that not an apt metaphor, and a useful lesson, about the life he will live once he reaches adulthood?

Edited November 13, 2010 by Trimmer

[courtneymaarshall]

Responds to the right of children to the sport, consider its size, age, skills, abilities, and above all his interests, if you have heart about hockey, is not happy, even the most avid volleyball coach and talented.