should i be bothered to end it officially?

[trenino]

I have been in relationship with this guy for 5 months. Most of the time we are in long distance. We took turns to visit each other . He has been visiting me every 4- 6 weeks. Everything was great and we got along quite well. never been a major argument. He is 37 and i am 30.

He has been visiting me and we are 4000 miles away and it takes 7-8hrs flight to visit each other. He has been introducing me to his friends and colleagues. He met up with my friends and everytime he visited me he took 1 week or more and everyday he picked me up from office or lunch with me and stayed with me.

he put my photo in his facebook and put it as his gf." in relationship with" - that kind of thing.

 

He told me abt planing to get married and also asked me to relocate to be together with him. which i really discussed with my boss and has planed to do.

So few days ago i took some off days and visited him. on 2nd day i found in his comp that he has been flirting with other girls. It happened that when i logged in to yahoo mail, he forgot to close his email . So i was directed to his emails and i saw he has been flirting with other girls. Not just one but few of them.

They exchanged phone numbers, photos, etc.

I was puzzled and very sad. So during his working lunch, i met him and I asked him calmly what is actually going on.

He apologized and he denied he sent them emails. He said THEY are the one who sent them emails n flirting with him. But the truth is I saw more than that. I didn't tell him that I saw the details.

he said he never cheated on me and he is serious with me. I was struggling and feeling so stupid for being faithful for him.

Long story short, I decided to go back and leave earlier than what i planned. I managed to remain calm. He didnt expect that I will do that and he asked me to stay. But I told him that I need sometime to think abt the relationship and evaluate.

I told him that i am not looking for rich guy with assets or good looking guy but a faithful guy. Because I have been true to him. I told him he needs to think if he really wants me and vice versa. He keeps on saying he wants me and only wants me. he said he would have not asked me to come to visit him if he thinks there is no future.

 

He called me before i left to airport and he said he will do serious thinking abt it. Few mins before the flight he texted me and said he will miss me and hope to see me again. The next day he texted me and said "hi baby..how are you doing today?". But I didnt reply to all of his texts. I am still in pain and everything he did for me seems empty and nothing. I began to doubt everything he did and said to me.

 

Should i just end it ?

 

419D35CC-6B7B-0F54-42B0-33DA528DF54A

1.02.28

[Don Ho]

I think you already know your answer: yes. I think LDRs are extremely difficult and I'm not a big fan. That aside, he was flirting with women and then he lied. I always believe that if you find them doing a "little" that's just the tip of the iceberg. He probably has been doing this for quite a while. In 5 months you really don't KNOW him, particularly since it's been LDR. Easy for me to say, but I think you should end it and don't look back. And, please, next time, find a local guy!!

[Silvaria]

As someone who absolutely demands faithfulness in the guy I'm with, I vote with Don Ho. LDRs are damn hard enough as it is...they require a LOT of trust, and obviously, he isn't trustworthy. I would recommend you end it now before you become more emotionally attached than you already are.

 

Good luck.

[Trovador]

You should answer back to him, if only to prevent he obsseses over you... tell him the truth, that he failed and if that was what you discovered, what else might he be hiding?

 

Once I caught a gf chatting on msn with a guy... she sold me the notion that they were talking about job matters... or that she thought...

 

That was enough for me... maybe you are a saint and will believe him and forgive him or maybe you are a real woman that won't put up with that kind of behavior...

[Don Ho]

Nahhh. No point answering back. A liar is a cheater by definition. You already know the truth.

[Oxo]

Yeah I would be out of there. But I would tell him purely because even if I did something terrible, I would still want the closure of someone telling me "it's over" or I would keep trying. So maybe it's a good idea to tell him it's over, tell him why, tell him to not contact you again, and then start moving forward

[trenino]

Thanks for all the replies. Yes, i agree with all of you. My only worries is just if I talk to him or contact him it will make him think that I care abt this relationship . He probably will give crappy attitude which may hurt me.

I still cant figure out why he did that? Why bother to fly over 4000 miles to see me just to lie to me (he visited me few times) , called me international calls?

When i confronted him, he said he loves me and wants only me and asked me to give a shot and make it works. So all of those are lies? empty words?

 

will it be better just to stay NC so he knows i dont care? I just dont want to hear him talking anymore and i am afraid he said something that hurts me even more.

Edited September 11, 2010 by trenino

[Oxo]

I'm sure he meant it at the time but feelings do change. And sometimes it seems like they change quickly when in reality, it's been coming over a few months.

[trenino]

I'm sure he meant it at the time but feelings do change. And sometimes it seems like they change quickly when in reality, it's been coming over a few months.

 

hi Oxo, he said it that before I left. He hugged me and kissed me and told me that and asked me to stay.

Btw, he is from Melbourne.

[trenino]

so finally I did tell him via text msg that I think breaking up is the only option for me since he was not honest with me. He didnt accept the break up and asked me to be given more time and chances. He said he is missing me and said he asked me if our relationship will work.

I said it will work if both he and i are committed and put efforts . Other than that, I told him that even though I liked him a lot and really care for him but I cant accept when my partner is not true to me. I said I couldnt continue.

He texted me the whole evening until I decided to stop because I just thought I should not entertain this further. So I told him to take care and say good bye. At night, I removed my relationship status with him in FB and removed him from my friend list as well. I just want to have a clean break up and move on.. start my new life.

 

This morning, I opened my FB, I saw him dropped me an email. He said that he saw I had removed him from my FB. He asked me to send him our photos together that we took and was in my FB. I told him i dont have it anymore and it was taken using his camera, so he should have it.

The next moment he told me he will be in my town the next 2-3 weeks time. He said how much he likes me and he cares for me and he wants me to know that.

 

Then after that FB message, his texts msg came one after another...asked me if he satisfied me in bed ,if he was good in bed, etc. I felt awkward but I just answered him that the sex has never been a concern - just to be polite. Then next question is he asked me abt if I would like him to drop by in January before he goes to Milan for business trip.

So I texted him " I dont know what is going on ? I thought we are no longer together?" Then all of sudden he stopped texting me.

 

my question is .. why is he texting me and telling me all of these?

is he pretending that the relationship is not over ? or is this part of his game?

[Don Ho]

He doesn't respect you and thinks you're a doormat and he can get a booty call with you when ever he wants. Duh......