Been about a month since she has been gone.

[Chadd]

Well my love of my life, my ex of one year and seven months left me about a little over a month ago. Im not sure what happen to cause it but I took her out shopping one day and the next day she felt I was being mean to her over texting. She then stopped talking to me for a week. When she did contact me again I found out she was in a new relationship with someone else, someone who is pretty much the opposite of me. Also today would be their one month but idk if she is still with him or not but idc. I figured he is a rebound but still hurt to find out this way. Well she just started college and I some how got a class with her and her current best friend, whom I think is a bad influence ever since she moved in with my ex. Well anyways her current bf doesnt like me, which is fine because I could care less. But she now parties and drinks since the break up. She wants to be friends with me but doesnt want him to know. She also thinks I will tell him we are friends just to see her hurt but i'd never do that to her since I love her. One night he started texting me saying how does it feel that I took your spot and what not to me. We went to lunch about a week ago or so and she got mad at me when she told me to date other people and I said I dont feel like dating and dont want to jump into a relationship. She walked out on the lunch. I've talked to one of her close friends and asked her to talk to her about how she feels about me and what not. She says she still loves me and what not but I dont think she cares much about me. Ever since we broke up she has been acting out and claims she is "living her life". I found out she moved out with her best friend and today she got a tattoo, but I knew she would get a tattoo but not this soon. I've been pretty good on nc but today i kinda lost control about hearing that tat thing. I texted her a few texts about the tattoo but soon told her had to go and she said huh. advice? thanks

Edited September 11, 2010 by Chadd

[Ajax]

Tomorrow it'll be a month since my ex left me too, so I'm with ya there.

 

But it sounds like your ex has some serious issues that she needs to work out that have nothing to do with you. I know it's hard and hurts like ****, but as I've come to learn and everyone else on here will tell you, you gotta go NC (no contact). She wants to be "friends," but you don't want to settle for second best after a year and a half long relationship. And look at it this way, had you not been in a relationship and she was treating you this way, would you really want to be her friend?

 

Best advice is NC, even if she tries to contact you. Do it for your own sanity. After some time has passed and things have settled down maybe you can talk to her. Maybe she'll even figure herself out and realize how lucky she was to have you, but don't expect it. I know it's hard but you have to live your life. You'll have ups and downs, believe me, I'm still reeling from my breakup. But you don't deserve to be treated this way. Best wishes man. Let us know how things go.

[NJL]

Im dealing with the same thing as you also. My gf/fiance of 5 years broke up with me about 6 months ago. It sounds like you are dealing with exactly what I am. My ex also immediately started dating someone else who was the opposite of me and she still wants to be friends but doesnt tell me anything about him and doesnt want him to know that she and I are friends. I took the different pieces of advice that I got on here and mixed them together. If you want to get over her and be done with it, definitely do the NC thing. I feel like if you still want to be with her, then complete NC may or may not work. I do think you should definitely go to very limited contact, dont let her know what you are doing and be really mysterious. When she says you should date other people, act very "down the middle", dont say you dont want to but dont say ok either. Your goal is to make her wonder about you. My problem has been that Ive been at my ex's call anytime she has needed something so she hasnt had to live without me. Ive really backed off, stopped calling her and made her wonder what i am doing and where I am. Maybe you should try the same thing. Keep in contact with her from time to time, but dont be her safety net. Trust me man, I know it sucks. I wont call her, but I watch the clock on the weekend and think about her with her current boyfriend and it drives me crazy. Just keep telling yourself you are doing this to get her back. If she starts to call like crazy or text, you know she notices. If she doesnt care and ignores it, you know that the chance of getting back is slim. Good luck man, we're with ya!

[Chadd]

Thanks guys. I do not think she is still with this guy because his house is near a friend of mines house and I never see her car over there like I did the first 2 weeks. NC will work but I have a college class with her on Mondays but ill be fine, just small chat then gotta go. From what mutual friends have told me just give her space which I have. They tell me she'll be back but we'll see. =p

[Chadd]

well here is a update. Went to class but sat a in a row behind her. She kept looking over at me and what not but I didnt say nothing to her. The class went to the lab and she and her friend got on comps near mine and she then kept looking over often at me. I was talking to a classmate about football and what not and we was talking about TO. My ex and her friend like TO because of his tv show and her friend tells me not to talk about him. Well after class is over she texts me "I love how you try to ignore me." Also on face book she put this "Loves how people wanna be your best friend one minute, then completly ignore you the next. Oh well... going to tennis!(:"

so thats today. I feel pretty good. Maybe she understands how it feels to be treated that way since she did it to me.

[Chadd]

Here is an update. I didnt go to class on Monday. She texts me today asking why I wasnt in class Monday. Any advice? I didnt text back

[Ajax]

She's yanking your chain. It's no longer her concern if you were in class or not. It sounds like she misses having you on a leash and is trying to temp you back as an ego boost fer herself.

[Chadd]

Thats what I thought, I havent talked to her in like 2 weeks. Another bummer is today would of been our 1 year 9 months =p.

[Chadd]

Well here is an update. She texted me on the night of the 23rd and asked my why i wasnt talking to her why i wasnt in class and what not. I told her i was busy. We texted back and forth basically talking about nothing untill she had to go but she told me to text her the next day. The next day she texted me in the morning. I waited like 5 hours to text her then we had a short convo. Later that night I texted her and we talked about her feelings for me and what not. She told me she still has feelings for me then i told her I was talking to this girl and she kinda flipped and asked me q's like new love intrest, crush, gf. I kinda played along. I told her i felt like i should beable to see someone since she is with someone. She got mad because i did tell her i'd wait for her because i love her but that was like a month or so ago. She got really mad and felt that this girl was more important, which i dont understand why she said that but then she was going kinda crazy. I told her i had to go. I then posted something about having a good time with this new girl and she texted me at like 4:30 in the more basically saying she couldnt believe my feels for her went to loving her then to her being more important and she wasnt too happy about my status. Well the next night (sat) i was with this new girl and posted i had another fun time and on Sun morning my ex texted me wanting to talk or just be out of each others lifes. I agreed to talk well we talked for 2-3 hours at her aprt. She told me she was about to break up with her bf the night she found out i was with the new girl but idk if she was telling the truth or not. We had a good talk, some parts i felt she missed me, others i felt she just wanted to tell me how all these guys want her and how she is living her life with her new bf. But she told me her current bf is like trying to keep her tied down which i find odd since she is only seeing him at night due to his work i guess. I feel she is going through a phase ( shes 18) but im not sure what to think. She seemed happy for the most part seeing me but idk what to think. Any advice? sorry for the long read.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Chadd

[Billie The Puppet]

Well here is an update. She texted me on the night of the 23rd and asked my why i wasnt talking to her why i wasnt in class and what not. I told her i was busy. We texted back and forth basically talking about nothing untill she had to go but she told me to text her the next day. The next day she texted me in the morning. I waited like 5 hours to text her then we had a short convo. Later that night I texted her and we talked about her feelings for me and what not. She told me she still has feelings for me then i told her I was talking to this girl and she kinda flipped and asked me q's like new love intrest, crush, gf. I kinda played along. I told her i felt like i should beable to see someone since she is with someone. She got mad because i did tell her i'd wait for her because i love her but that was like a month or so ago. She got really mad and felt that this girl was more important, which i dont understand why she said that but then she was going kinda crazy. I told her i had to go. I then posted something about having a good time with this new girl and she texted me at like 4:30 in the more basically saying she couldnt believe my feels for her went to loving her then to her being more important and she wasnt too happy about my status. Well the next night (sat) i was with this new girl and posted i had another fun time and on Sun morning my ex texted me wanting to talk or just be out of each others lifes. I agreed to talk well we talked for 2-3 hours at her aprt. She told me she was about to break up with her bf the night she found out i was with the new girl but idk if she was telling the truth or not. We had a good talk, some parts i felt she missed me, others i felt she just wanted to tell me how all these guys want her and how she is living her life with her new bf. But she told me her current bf is like trying to keep her tied down which i find odd since she is only seeing him at night due to his work i guess. I feel she is going through a phase ( shes 18) but im not sure what to think. She seemed happy for the most part seeing me but idk what to think. Any advice? sorry for the long read.

 

Wow this story seemed interesting, You made the mistake telling her you would wait for her. It gives her the power to move on and keep you on the back burner. You did the right thing by seeing another girl in which she got mad because you told her you would wait. You simply placed yourself as a fall back guy however you moving on removes you as a fall back guy. When confronted about this since you both are not doing NC as calmly and collected as you could be you should have mentioned that you are not going to put your life on hold for anyone. When she replied why did you tell me you would wait. You could reply I was unstable at that moment. She can't believe your feelings changed as you may have a new interest in your life? Hers did too she has a new interest in her life. Here is why I don't like texting or any e-communication. Emotions can not be easily read and it removes the personal aspect. Also actions are greater than words. However spoken word is greater than written.

 

Like I said actions are greater than words so when she said she was going break up with her new BF she should have. She didn't though did she? It sounds like she wants you to do the breaking with yours first to test the waters to see if you will to come back to her thus making you back into the fall back guy.

 

I say continue doing what you are doing and if she contacts you back ask her what exactly she wants from you. It may be just friends it could be the I don't know (Tell her to contact you when she does) or she may want to work on things.

[whatadeer26]

I've come to the conclusion that all girls are nuts. I know that is probably shocking to everyone on here.

 

Don't do anything drastic. Like Billie said actions speak louder than words. Keep up with what you're doing, talk to your ex about what she wants, but make sure you tell her you're not going to stand for 2nd and you must see a commitment.

 

I personally wouldn't do anything until the other guy is gone and broken up with.

[Chadd]

I feel she'll be tried of this guy soon but im not sure. She told me the other day she wanted to go see a movie with me I told her maybe we'll see. I hope all goes well. =p Im staying strong.

[Chadd]

Havent heard from her since Sunday. She has had a pretty rough week last week. Her parents were fighting, her gma was in the hospital which I bought her gma some flowers and a card. Her and I went to dinner on sat night. Her bf made her mad that night and she told me they broke up and she was stressed and missed her gma. But come Sunday I think they were back together idk. =/ so I havent had contact with her since then. Not too let down but I thought it was getting better between us.

[Billie The Puppet]

Okay you now need to stop being there for her. You have become her emotional support and you are on the back burner now.

 

She broke up with him, who did she end up having dinner with? - You

 

Who is she back to for BF activities? - Not You hmm,?

Edited October 15, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[Chadd]

pretty much, but I felt I needed to be there for her as a friend. He BF didnt seem to wanna be there. so yeah.

[Chadd]

Well she isnt with that one guy anymore but she really hasnt talked to me much. Its fine, but she has kinda changed maybe she is going through a phase. idk =p