flyguy23 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 So you're holding out because she won't say "sorry"? Not at all, she doesn't want to be with me but she wants me in her life. She went on a date with a tool the other night but for some reason she keeps sending me these type of texts. She doesn't want to date me.
Don Ho Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Got it. She's toying with you. Have you text her back "then why don't you do something about it?". I'm really straight forward when it comes down to that kind of behavior, you know, tough love. Does your mobile company offer blocking? You could tell her you're going to block her texts.
flyguy23 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Got it. She's toying with you. Have you text her back "then why don't you do something about it?". I'm really straight forward when it comes down to that kind of behavior, you know, tough love. Does your mobile company offer blocking? You could tell her you're going to block her texts. haha no I havent checked into that, good idea. She only does it once in a while, I guess at times she misses me. But if it continues I will look into blocking her
Author Buccaneer55 Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 Small update here. It has now officially become 5 days in a row where she has reached out to say something to me. She does all these little things that I just don't get. She's texted me 3 of the 5 days, and twice posted something on my facebook (Tonight it was I hope you had a good day!) I'm not going to reply to it. All it does is confuses me, but makes me think she misses me. Again why is she reaching out so much too me, UNLESS she's somewhat open to giving us another chance?
Silvaria Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Small update here. It has now officially become 5 days in a row where she has reached out to say something to me. She does all these little things that I just don't get. She's texted me 3 of the 5 days, and twice posted something on my facebook (Tonight it was I hope you had a good day!) I'm not going to reply to it. All it does is confuses me, but makes me think she misses me. Again why is she reaching out so much too me, UNLESS she's somewhat open to giving us another chance? Thanks for the update, I've been wondering how things were going. I totally understand how confusing this is for you, in light of the fact that she -knows- you still love her, and want her back,but she's writing you, anyhow. It sounds like you would like to distance yourself from this confusion right now, so that is exactly what you should do. Personally, that doesn't work for me, LOL...I've come to realize over this past week that I'm apparently cut from different cloth than most, because I prefer some contact even in the context of a friendship than none at all...but, everyone is different. If you feel like NC is going to help you, then you should not reply to her at all.
Author Buccaneer55 Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 Thanks for the update, I've been wondering how things were going. I totally understand how confusing this is for you, in light of the fact that she -knows- you still love her, and want her back,but she's writing you, anyhow. It sounds like you would like to distance yourself from this confusion right now, so that is exactly what you should do. Personally, that doesn't work for me, LOL...I've come to realize over this past week that I'm apparently cut from different cloth than most, because I prefer some contact even in the context of a friendship than none at all...but, everyone is different. If you feel like NC is going to help you, then you should not reply to her at all. I have mixed emotions to be honest. Sure I love hearing from her, like I said it lets me know I'm on her mind, but I don't get why she contacts me so much when she does know how I feel, and it's not what she wants right now. Yes I'd love to distance myself from the "confusing" aspect of it, and I'm trying to enjoy each day of my life. It's just when she reaches out to me so often it gives me some sort of "hope" and I don't want to get let down is all. That's why sometimes I don't even respond.
9Lives Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I have mixed emotions to be honest. Sure I love hearing from her, like I said it lets me know I'm on her mind, but I don't get why she contacts me so much when she does know how I feel, and it's not what she wants right now. Yes I'd love to distance myself from the "confusing" aspect of it, and I'm trying to enjoy each day of my life. It's just when she reaches out to me so often it gives me some sort of "hope" and I don't want to get let down is all. That's why sometimes I don't even respond. I totally understand where you are coming from. I hope she is not playing games. When you care about someone and they break up with you but still want to contact you all the time, its just not fair. It gives them too much control. But at the same time, you want to hear from them. Its a double edge sword. I feel like if they continue to do it but dont reach out for more than a text or email...it is for their comfort benefit. You cant be the cyber ex. Good luck!
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 If you dont want her contacting you, the just be adamant and say so! lol. U have a voice, use it. "If its not important or about the kids. I wish to not hear from you."
stillafool Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 To all of you who are still being contacted by your exes and would rather not be contacted by your exes, the answer is simple: Change your contact info. Change your phone numbers and any other info to prevent them from contacting you.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Good question, how do you go about changing your number? in case those that dont know.
stillafool Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 You can get your phone number changed for free. All you have to do is call the phone company and tell them you have been getting "prank" and "unwanted" phone calls, you fear for your safety and they will give you a new number right there and then. It will be workable in 1 hour. Voila! No more unwanted phone calls. Why don't you people try it and get yourself out of PAIN?
benB Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I have mixed emotions to be honest. Sure I love hearing from her, like I said it lets me know I'm on her mind, but I don't get why she contacts me so much when she does know how I feel, and it's not what she wants right now. Yes I'd love to distance myself from the "confusing" aspect of it, and I'm trying to enjoy each day of my life. It's just when she reaches out to me so often it gives me some sort of "hope" and I don't want to get let down is all. That's why sometimes I don't even respond. I am in the same boat man. I love hearing from her, but I just wish she wanted me the same way I do for her.
Author Buccaneer55 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 I am in the same boat man. I love hearing from her, but I just wish she wanted me the same way I do for her. She called me tonight for 25 minutes. This is now 6 days in a row she has initiated some sort of contact with me (phone call, text, or facebook) I DON'T hate hearing from her at all, I just get frustrated because she KNOWS that I want us to reconcile the relationship. I was happy tonight though, I was able to just talk to her and NOT bring up our relationship, and that is honestly a first. I really "hope" all this contact she is trying is because she misses me and is maybe considering the relationship, otherwise it makes no sense to me.
Don Ho Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Hold tough Bro. I hate to say you have to play "coy" to a guy, but you do.
Author Buccaneer55 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 Hold tough Bro. I hate to say you have to play "coy" to a guy, but you do. I'm trying to do this man. Again I'm not initiating with her, I'm letting her contact me. Usually it's only 1 message a day, but it's still something. What would be your guess as to why she's reaching out to me at least once a day?
Don Ho Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I guess she thinks she can get you back with half-ass attempts. I wouldn't respond too much if at all until she tells you something important.
Author Buccaneer55 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 I guess she thinks she can get you back with half-ass attempts. I wouldn't respond too much if at all until she tells you something important. So I've been thinking that I really need to go NC. Again she KNOWS that I want a relationship, and that I do not want just a friendship with her (5.5 year relationship is just too much of a past to be just friends) Yet she still has been reaching out to me everyday for the last week now, but not saying anything about wanting to get back together. By answering her calls and texts, I'm not really proving to her I don't want just a friendship, but that I want the relationship. I know I'm worried that going NC is going to push her away, but in reality I think two things. 1. She's contacting me a lot now so it might make her come back. 2. If she doesn't then that's ok, I don't want somebody who doesn't want me. I really just want to tell her that she knows what I want and until she wants the same thing to not bother calling me anymore, and that hopefully by the time she does call me it's not too late.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 No contact is killing me, I'm at 1.5 weeks of it. She is at the same point too, I sent her of a NC email which may have just poised her where she is at. She hasn't unfriended myself or my family from FB and still has all of our vacation photos up. My ex has broken NC before even when I told her my intentions but this time it has set her off. Honestly though I think it's for the best because I'm not questioning her reasons to contact me like I did with every trivial questioning she would do during limited contact. It's weird we be on the phone daily when we were together, lc was 1 time a week and now is nada.
Silvaria Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I was happy tonight though, I was able to just talk to her and NOT bring up our relationship, and that is honestly a first. Good for you, seriously! This is partly why I'm OK with conversing with my ex...in fact, we had another 6 1/2 hour conversation on Skype last night. It's been quite a while since I brought up our relationship in any way...so for me, having contact is not only getting me into a place where I'm accepting that we are just friends (albeit very slowly, and for some people, being "just friends" simply isn't an option, which I can understand completely...I seem to be an exception to the rule), but it's also teaching me some much-needed willpower. I really just want to tell her that she knows what I want and until she wants the same thing to not bother calling me anymore, and that hopefully by the time she does call me it's not too late. If you feel that would be the best thing for you, then absolutely that is what you should do. I would only encourage you to give it a lot of thought first, to minimize any potential regrets you may have afterwards, because once things are said, they can't be "unsaid". Please keep us posted.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Good for you, seriously! This is partly why I'm OK with conversing with my ex...in fact, we had another 6 1/2 hour conversation on Skype last night. It's been quite a while since I brought up our relationship in any way...so for me, having contact is not only getting me into a place where I'm accepting that we are just friends (albeit very slowly, and for some people, being "just friends" simply isn't an option, which I can understand completely...I seem to be an exception to the rule), but it's also teaching me some much-needed willpower. If you feel that would be the best thing for you, then absolutely that is what you should do. I would only encourage you to give it a lot of thought first, to minimize any potential regrets you may have afterwards, because once things are said, they can't be "unsaid". Please keep us posted. 4 hours, now onto 6 1/2 hours. and the relationship was not talked about in this 6 1/2 hours? I don't know many people who have 6 hour convo's with their spouses. However if you are okay with just being friends by all means but if you want your ex back that convo should have ended around the 10-20 min mark. Sorry but 6 1/2 hours is not saying much about will power for either parties but it's multiplied on the dumpee.
Silvaria Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Well, I really don't want to hijack Buc's thread, but as I was trying to tell Don Ho in another thread, yes, I seem to be an exception to the rule as I am finding that being friends with him is better than nothing at all. He is a very closed-off person...after he broke up with me, he put up his walls again. "No contact" would have zero chance of breaking those back down, whereas now, he is warming up to me by blatant degrees...which is exactly why NC is not the end-all, be-all answer for every single dumpee. In fact, I was afk just now and when I came back, he had IM'd me. He spends a great deal of his free time chatting with me, and we have a lot of common interests and yes, we can go 6 hours without talking about our past relationship. We laugh and make jokes, talk about politics and life in general, talk about what we're doing, and just enjoy each other's company. You call it a lack of willpower, which seems strange to me...since when it wanting to enjoy the company of a fellow human with whom we have had and still have a close relationship a lack of willpower...? Not having the title of his "girlfriend" isn't as important to me right now as having the chance to get him to open up to me again. Titles mean so little...wife, fiance, girlfriend, whatever...all that can end in a -heartbeat-, just as my relationship with him could end at any time. Having him officially ask me to be his girlfriend again is certainly no guarantee that we will live "happily ever after", as every single person who has been dumped here knows first-hand. Basically, I have decided to take the risk of being hurt more in the hopes that the reward will be worth it. It's a gamble, to be sure, but sometimes life isn't always about taking the safest route possible. Sometimes, you just have to take chances, even with affairs of the heart. Just my opinion. As I've said many times, everyone is different, and everyone has to do what works for them.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Well, I really don't want to hijack Buc's thread, but as I was trying to tell Don Ho in another thread, yes, I seem to be an exception to the rule as I am finding that being friends with him is better than nothing at all. He is a very closed-off person...after he broke up with me, he put up his walls again. "No contact" would have zero chance of breaking those back down, whereas now, he is warming up to me by blatant degrees...which is exactly why NC is not the end-all, be-all answer for every single dumpee. In fact, I was afk just now and when I came back, he had IM'd me. He spends a great deal of his free time chatting with me, and we have a lot of common interests and yes, we can go 6 hours without talking about our past relationship. We laugh and make jokes, talk about politics and life in general, talk about what we're doing, and just enjoy each other's company. You call it a lack of willpower, which seems strange to me...since when it wanting to enjoy the company of a fellow human with whom we have had and still have a close relationship a lack of willpower...? Not having the title of his "girlfriend" isn't as important to me right now as having the chance to get him to open up to me again. Titles mean so little...wife, fiance, girlfriend, whatever...all that can end in a -heartbeat-, just as my relationship with him could end at any time. Having him officially ask me to be his girlfriend again is certainly no guarantee that we will live "happily ever after", as every single person who has been dumped here knows first-hand. Basically, I have decided to take the risk of being hurt more in the hopes that the reward will be worth it. It's a gamble, to be sure, but sometimes life isn't always about taking the safest route possible. Sometimes, you just have to take chances, even with affairs of the heart. Just my opinion. As I've said many times, everyone is different, and everyone has to do what works for them. Your case is different your ok with contact and want to be friends etc, you even say so yourself. However those who are pining for another chance should not go hours talking to each other because it will get them no where.
Trovador Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 As a matter of fact, Silvaria's got a lot of willpower... a 6 hours talk without saying what her heart desires? Kudos to you, dear... and just out of curiosity, has that accomplished something meaningful? Or was just a fix? I don't see things that way... as my fresh experience dictates, no contact is better than LC when they don't want you back... I can't live feeding myself out of crumbs...
tornandmarried Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 me and my x broke up after a short relationship, talked on the phone daily worked great as friends...after 6 months of this, she decides to move out of town and i dont hear from her again till 5 years later...i missed her like crazy that whole time...so be careful, NC is always around the corner whether you might be ready for it or not
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