InternationalPlayboy Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I hear stories, read the newspaper and watch TV and it seems like everyone is cheating or having some kind of illicit affair. Everyone except for the people I know evidently. I've read statistics that point to 20 percent to 60 or 70 percent of all married people have cheated. But on a personal experience I only know one friend who ever cheated - and that was after he'd separated from his wife and they were headed for divorce anyway. So are the married people I know extremely pure and having entirely monogamous relationships? Are they simply keeping the secret from me for fear they might corrupt my innocent mind? Is the whole trend of affairs overblown by the media? Or am I just not very perceptive?
2sure Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I think that many of the couples you know have experienced infidelity. It just isnt something people talk about , you only find out if it is exposed. I would not cheat. Many people I know would not cheat. Sometimes I think it depends less on the quality of the marriage than the individuals in it. And you would think that guys would brag to their buddies if they are getting some extra...but they dont.
WowReally Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Nope guys either do not mention their wife at all in conversation period until you point blank as them or they play the happy husband role and make their marriage sound better than it really is
What_Next Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 You aren't naive, it just doesn't often come up in conversation. I'll speak from my own experience. My STBX cheated (lesson here all you women out there some men will NOT put up with that crap) and on one of the weekends she cheated she went with some friends for a "girls weekend". Well one of the friends was a reasonably new friend to her. They weren't that close. Anyway before I had really decided on divorce I told her that she needs to contact this friend and have her talk to me so I could get the full story of the weekend in question. Well when she did she discovered that this woman had been cheated on by her husband. Since talking about this openly with many of my friends I've discovered at least 3 of them had been cheated on as well. It usually just doesn't come up, but trust me it is happening all around you. Also take MC, how many of your friends have or are currently in MC? I can tell you whatever you think the number is, triple it.
Stung Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 It's probably happened in a few more couples than you think, but that doesn't mean he should regard every relationship he sees with a jaundiced eye. Of the many couples I know, I do know for a fact about infidelity in several--some recovered, some did not and it was the end of the relationship. I suspect ongoing infidelity in three other couples, but have no evidence and haven't been asked so haven't said anything. I know a few poly/swinger couples, one of whom seems happy and well-adjusted and the other two groupings I privately think are kind of dragging each other through the mud by handling boundaries poorly, and I do suspect infidelity there also. Yet despite all this, I also know plenty of intimately-connected, happy, monogamous couples who are constantly working on their marriage and clearly really love and respect one another, and I would be genuinely very shocked to find out that either of them were cheating. And yes, some of those happily coupled people have been to marriage counseling, in order to strengthen their connections and maintain or recover happiness--partly so nobody would be tempted to cheat. All of the marriages I know which successfully recovered from infidelity were in marital counseling, also.
thomasb Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Nobody in my circle would ever know I cheated years ago. And by my statements against the practice would never guess. We are so bonded and in sinc with each other that an aquaintence would never guess what a terrible person I used to be. Now it is between me and God. My wife has forgiven. But I don't think I can ever forgive myself!
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