amoon1 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I've posted once on here a few weeks ago about my awful predicament, and would be grateful for advice, as my mind is a mess with the whole situation. I've been in my current relationship with my partner for over ten years, have lived together for many years and have two children together. However, over the last couple of years we have grown apart and seem to be arguing almost daily recently. I feel like I am only staying with her for the children's sake Now to further add to my woes. There's a woman whom I work with who I've know for years - we get on really well and over the last couple of months have developed feelings of love towards her. I'm not falling for her as a substitute for my partner - they re deep feelings of love and I genuinely want to be with her. It is purely coincidental that my partner and I are falling part and I have fallen for this other woman. Do I break up the family unit for my own personal happiness - ie long term relationship happiness??? My mind is a total mess and my heart weighs heavy. Anyone who can offer advice or has been in a similar situation... please help. Thanks in advance.
2sure Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 If your relationship with your partner has fallen apart, she no doubt feels that. If you are also in love with someone else, it is wrong to not sit down together and talk about the reality and logistics of what is happening. Together you will decide how to move forward. Even of she wants to save the relationship and you do not....she will still at least have the opportunity to understand her reality and move forward with that. If you decide to stay for the children - that it is not a decision you can make without your partner.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 You have been with your current for 10 + years and are falling out yet you say you are falling in love with another and want to seek a long term relationship, Its tough but how do you know this other women will work out in the Long Term. Does she love you back? Is it so you can experience the Honeymoon stage all over again? If I were you I would seek couples therapy with your current Long Term Partner to see if the passion can be re-sparked. Before even thinking of leaving for another. You once had passion before, this is why love sucks I wish it was programmed in our minds that once you find it you never lose it thus heart break would never exist.
Iselia Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I've posted once on here a few weeks ago about my awful predicament, and would be grateful for advice, as my mind is a mess with the whole situation. I've been in my current relationship with my partner for over ten years, have lived together for many years and have two children together. However, over the last couple of years we have grown apart and seem to be arguing almost daily recently. I feel like I am only staying with her for the children's sake Now to further add to my woes. There's a woman whom I work with who I've know for years - we get on really well and over the last couple of months have developed feelings of love towards her. I'm not falling for her as a substitute for my partner - they re deep feelings of love and I genuinely want to be with her. It is purely coincidental that my partner and I are falling part and I have fallen for this other woman. Do I break up the family unit for my own personal happiness - ie long term relationship happiness??? My mind is a total mess and my heart weighs heavy. Anyone who can offer advice or has been in a similar situation... please help. Thanks in advance. I'm going to be brutally honest. It sounds like you're all about the "grass is greener on the other side." Do you REALLY want to throw away 10 years, for someone you barely even know within the same context as your current partner? Relationships are not a picnic and take work. Have you talked to your current partner about your feelings? About working this out? What you need from her and what she needs from you? Don't let the butterfly feelings trick you. Butterflies in the stomach =/= love. Love is comfort, familiarity, and so much more.
hopesndreams Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Do I break up the family unit for my own personal happiness - ie long term relationship happiness??? NO, you don't break up the family unit for your own personal happiness. Break it up so SHE can have a man that loves and respects her. As for your "long term relationship", consider it a marriage, minus the piece of paper. You even have kids with her. Don't think what you have had with her means less because you weren't married to her.
Lemontang Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Too true Iselia, the grass may look greener on the other side but all too often people soon discover it's just fake turf. All relationships have a rut especially long term ones which your currently in and this encourages a wondering eye so to speak. It's just a case of how long you want to be in that rut for before one of you decide to call it a day or decide to fix it. If nothing changes nothing changes. So I'd recommend family councelling, you already have the tool box to fix things, they've just gotten a bit rusty and they'll just tell you which tools you need to use. A relationship I was in for over 8 years I ended for the very reason of being stuck in a rut, if I'd actually tried to work on it no doubt things may have worked out and we'd still be on track. But it took me years before I realised what it was I'd thrown away and by then it was too late.
Recommended Posts