wife left for another man

[Sambo]

Dude this sucks but you need to get your life in order ASAP.

 

You say she's lost respect for you ?

 

Well maybe it's because you have let yourself go to the point of being broke and having to sleep on your mothers couch ?

 

What the hell ?

 

Get yourself together, get a job, start making some cash and get your life back.

Edited September 11, 2010 by Sambo

[Sambo]

I gave my heart and soul to him for many years and it just boggles my mind that he threw it all away for what he has now. Maybe this new girl gives him something I didn't.

 

Shannon,

 

Please stop torturing yourself !!!

 

Your ex's actions have absolutely nothing to do with you !

 

He is a lost soul right now and you have to feel sorry for him not be mad at him.

 

It's like being mad at an alcoholic, it's just not worth it and it's useless.

[jdpuppy]

thanks for the KIND words sambo! the respect thing well those words came at a time i had just found out SHE was cheating and at the time i did have a job and had been doing pretty much everything a women should respect her husband for. Yes i'm staying at my mom's and sleeping on her couch as she only has a one bedroom apt and it's in adult living apts-meaning you have to be 55 or older to live there-not quite a nursing home. I am presently looking for a job and as everyone knows the economy is pretty tough out there. I think that has been very hard to get my life moving forward due to the lack of finances and being able to get out and do things for oneself to feel independent. I do however work out alot and have taken advantage of local library. I have a few buddies to go out with now and then. Trust me I do look forward to having a semblance of a normal life again and am exploring every avenue to make that happen. This forum is just one of those avenue i have found to get things off my chest and connect with people who have an UNDERSTANDING ear and possibly some good advice to offer from their own experiences. So to all who have posted thank you so much for you kind words and thoughtful advice I am soaking it all in and grateful to hear from all of you.

[Sambo]

This forum is just one of those avenue i have found to get things off my chest and connect with people who have an UNDERSTANDING ear and possibly some good advice to offer from their own experiences.

 

I am being KIND and I am talking from experience but I'm not going to coddle you and tell you stuff that is BS.

 

We are men and if you want a pity party you might find that from the women in here but not from me because it won't help you and it will only make things worse because you will start to believe your own nonsense.

 

Your a man right?

 

Go ahead and feel the pain for a few days or weeks ... (yes I know how badly it hurts) then stop whining and take your power back.

 

I promise you the sooner you get your life back on track the sooner you will feel a lot better and maybe even get your wife back.

Edited September 11, 2010 by Sambo

[ShannonMI]

I am being KIND and I am talking from experience but I'm not going to coddle you and tell you stuff that is BS.

 

We are men and if you want a pity party you might find that from the women in here but not from me because it won't help you and it will only make things worse because you will start to believe your own nonsense.

 

Your a man right?

 

Go ahead and feel the pain for a few days or weeks ... (yes I know how badly it hurts) then stop whining and take your power back.

 

I promise you the sooner you get your life back on track the sooner you will feel a lot better and maybe even get your wife back.

Why the hell would he want his wife back? Have you read any of his posts? She's a "lost soul" just like my ex. I understand you think he should have a stiff upper lip and just power through it, but when you've been betrayed like he has, it ain't that easy! Have a little compassion and READ his posts, don't just skim through them. You got it wrong about him losing his wife because he was jobless and living with his mom. That happened AFTER the fact. He does need to take his power back and divorce that b*tch. Then he can move on.

[Sambo]

Why the hell would he want his wife back? Have you read any of his posts? She's a "lost soul" just like my ex. I understand you think he should have a stiff upper lip and just power through it, but when you've been betrayed like he has, it ain't that easy! Have a little compassion and READ his posts, don't just skim through them. You got it wrong about him losing his wife because he was jobless and living with his mom. That happened AFTER the fact. He does need to take his power back and divorce that b*tch. Then he can move on.

 

Shannon

 

Your still looking at life through bitter "victim" eye's, I'm looking at life through responsible ones and in time you will get here.

 

There is never ONE side to any story and I'm sure his wife and your husband had their own "good" reasons for leaving you... just like my ex did leaving me.

 

None of us are perfect, it's really easy to BLAME the other person but we all have our own problems and crap.

 

If you sit around BLAMING "this bitch" and "that skank" and never look at YOURSELF and you never ask yourself what did I do to cause this problem in MY life, then you keep losing and giving your ex power over you.

 

As soon as we take responsibility for OUR side of the problems, the sooner we start to heal and can find peace and happiness again.

 

The longer you stay wrapped up in anger and blame, the longer it's takes to heal and move on.

 

It's just that simple.

 

I thank my ex for leaving me, I'm way better off now and I am happy again and I'm going to go and have a fantastic day ... how do you feel today and what are you going to do today?, wouldn't it be nice to feel free and happy again?.

 

We are all here to help each other through a tough time so it might be wise to listen to those people that are further along the road of healing then you maybe right now.

Edited September 11, 2010 by Sambo

[Sambo]

JDPUPPY,

 

My point to you is: It's doesn't matter WHY you are where you are right now.

 

It's sucks and everyone in this forum knows exactly how you feel !!

 

It's ok to talk about the problem and hash things out with other members in here because it's all part of the healing process BUT I want to give you HOPE.

 

I want you to look down that deep dark tunnel that your in right now and I want you to see that light at the end of it.

 

There are thousands of posters in this forum that have survived and so will you.

 

Your on your way buddy so just sit back and enjoy the ride because you will get to the other side and one of the fastest ways for you to do that is to start to earn a living again and start to feel like a man again.

 

I know this first hand because I lost a huge job because I was in self pity mode as well but it all worked out.

 

Best of luck to you !

Edited September 11, 2010 by Sambo

[ShannonMI]

Shannon

 

Your still looking at life through bitter "victim" eye's, I'm looking at life through responsible ones and in time you will get here.

 

There is never ONE side to any story and I'm sure his wife and your husband had their own "good" reasons for leaving you... just like my ex did leaving me.

 

None of us are perfect, it's really easy to BLAME the other person but we all have our own problems and crap.

 

If you sit around BLAMING "this bitch" and "that skank" and never look at YOURSELF and you never ask yourself what did I do to cause this problem in MY life, then you keep losing and giving your ex power over you.

 

As soon as we take responsibility for OUR side of the problems, the sooner we start to heal and can find peace and happiness again.

 

The longer you stay wrapped up in anger and blame, the longer it's takes to heal and move on.

 

It's just that simple.

 

I thank my ex for leaving me, I'm way better off now and I am happy again and I'm going to go and have a fantastic day ... how do you feel today and what are you going to do today?, wouldn't it be nice to feel free and happy again?.

 

We are all here to help each other through a tough time so it might be wise to listen to those people that are further along the road of healing then you maybe right now.

I'm glad you've moved on further in your healing process and I hope soon I will be where you are at. I honestly don't know what I did to cause my ex to do what he did. I can't really look at MYSELF and try to fix what I did to mess things up because I don't think I did anything. My ex has said that as well. It is easy to blame the other person because they did do something wrong. They cheated. I don't know what my side of our problems were. I've thought about it a lot and I can't figure it out. So I understand where you are coming from, but for me it's hard right now. It's been 4 months since we broke up and 2 weeks ago I found out that my ex was cheating on me. So 2 weeks ago I was back to square one with the grieving process. When you think you know someone well and you trust them and they do what he did, it's a huge blow. It hurts like hell. So it's been 2 weeks since finding out that devestating news and yes I am bitter. I'm sure in time I will feel as fantastic as you.

[Sambo]

I'm sure in time I will feel as fantastic as you.

 

I'm not only sure ... I guarantee you come out way stronger.

 

Shannon, Maybe he is a sex addict, maybe he wasn't turned on by you anymore, maybe he just likes brunettes over blonds, maybe his mother didn't breast feed him enough, maybe this woman has more blue eyes then you do .... who knows and who really cares because he the damage is done and it can't be undone. The truth will eventually come out sooner or later.

 

As I wrote above to JD, the WHY'S of the problem are where we get lost but they really don't matter because we have no choice or control over them and if we continue to allow ourselves to wallow in them they grow in strength and hold power over us.

 

When we reflect on ourselves, we take our power back.

 

"What can I do right now to make myself feel better" is the question we must always be asking ourselves.

 

Who am I as a person ?

 

Look at yourself and ask yourself if you had you as a friend what would you think of you ?

 

What advise would you give yourself looking at this from the outside in?

 

I know how frigging hard this all is but please believe me when I tell you that there is a huge growth opportunity in this for YOU.

 

I don't mean to come off as a know it all and tough love because I'm far from that I grow and learn every day as well but I do know that we are all going to be just fine and there are positive ways to deal with grief and there are negative ways that hold us down.

 

Whenever I have an uncomfortable feeling, I always try ask myself "Is this feeling going to help me grow as a person or is this feeling going to hold me back and keep me stuck"?.

 

We will ALL be fine and we are all here to share

Edited September 11, 2010 by Sambo

[ShannonMI]

I'm not only sure ... I guarantee you come out way stronger.

 

Shannon, Maybe he is a sex addict, maybe he wasn't turned on by you anymore, maybe he just likes brunettes over blonds, maybe his mother didn't breast feed him enough, maybe this woman has more blue eyes then you do .... who knows and who really cares because he the damage is done and it can't be undone. The truth will eventually come out sooner or later.

 

As I wrote above to JD, the WHY'S of the problem are where we get lost but they really don't matter because we have no choice or control over them and if we continue to allow ourselves to wallow in them they grow in strength and hold power over us.

 

When we reflect on ourselves, we take our power back.

 

"What can I do right now to make myself feel better" is the question we must always be asking ourselves.

 

Who am I as a person ?

 

Look at yourself and ask yourself if you had you as a friend what would you think of you ?

 

What advise would you give yourself looking at this from the outside in?

 

I know how frigging hard this all is but please believe me when I tell you that there is a huge growth opportunity in this for YOU.

 

I don't mean to come off as a know it all and tough love because I'm far from that I grow and learn every day as well but I do know that we are all going to be just fine and there are positive ways to deal with grief and there are negative ways that hold us down.

 

Whenever I have an uncomfortable feeling, I always try ask myself "Is this feeling going to help me grow as a person or is this feeling going to hold me back and keep me stuck"?.

 

We will ALL be fine and we are all here to share

Thank you for this. This is a good post. It's more important to focus on ourselves at this point and stop asking ourselves the "whys" of the relationship. I want to regain my confidence back and stop asking the questions, believe me. In time I will. Right now it's difficult to get past what I know now about someone I trusted with my life. Again, in time, it will get better.

[jdpuppy]

sambo i totally get what your saying and am working to and will get my power back. I honestly did not come on here looking for pity. Just felt like telling my story and hear other people story and how they coped with it. I also completely agree with you that there are two sides to every story. I could sit here and say I was the perfect husband in every concievable way but then i would be lying. However, on that token I still believe cheating on a spouse is a unilateral decision that is wrong now matter what the stories are. I am also heartened that you have come this far in your process and know i will be at the same point myself and glad for it. Also was wondering how long has it been since you found out about your spouse's infidelity.

[Sambo]

sambo i totally get what your saying and am working to and will get my power back. I honestly did not come on here looking for pity. Just felt like telling my story and hear other people story and how they coped with it. I also completely agree with you that there are two sides to every story. I could sit here and say I was the perfect husband in every concievable way but then i would be lying. However, on that token I still believe cheating on a spouse is a unilateral decision that is wrong now matter what the stories are. I am also heartened that you have come this far in your process and know i will be at the same point myself and glad for it. Also was wondering how long has it been since you found out about your spouse's infidelity.

 

JD I'm just running out to a golf game with my buddies (later I have a nice dinner date) but I will answer you quickly.

 

I found out 5 days after she asked me to leave and at first I was like what's wrong with me ? Why is this guy so much better then I am ? It was devastating to say the least BUT the more I thought about it the more I realized it was really my EGO that was hurt more then anything else.

 

Like you I was forced to live with relatives for a short time and that made things so much worse and then the loss of my job was brutal.

 

I truly understand what your going through !

 

After a few weeks of self pity and driving my friends nuts with sad stories one of my good friends just laid it out on the line for me and gave it to me straight.

 

Your 46 years old you have no job and your living with your parents and your idolizing some woman who could give a rat's butt about you and is getting it every night by some other dude.

 

It really was an ah ha moment because the minute I realized that she could not care less about me nor did she ever really truly love me, was the minute I realized .... why am I caring so much about this woman ?

 

I could have got mad (and I did for a little while) but I then realized that if I stay mad then she continues to have power over me and IF I really want to be happy again I need to take that power away from her. So then it becomes a fight with yourself and your own emotions and thoughts from this point forward.

 

If you think good thoughts about you and your FUTURE your emotions can't do anything but feel better. So I literally forced myself to think positive thoughts about my future and sometimes I had to do it on a moment by moment bases.

 

I believe in mantra's like

 

I FEEL GREAT and I'M GOING TO FEEL EVEN BETTER TOMORROW etc...

 

I will also tell you that I have a strong spiritual faith and God played the most important role in my healing, so if you have an faith I encourage you to strongly lean on it now, more then you ever have.

 

The main theme I'm hoping you understand is to always think in terms of the positives of this situation (and there are many even though it doesn't seem like it right now) because where you focus is where you end up.

 

Have a great day... because you are alive and you are young, healthy and free.

Edited September 11, 2010 by Sambo

[jdpuppy]

hey all, had a pretty good day yesterday. All though wife called several times. first couple of times i ignored then she left message saying she wanted to tell me something about my nephew. So when she called again i answered and listened to what she had to tell me. It wasn't even that big a deal what she had to tell me about him. So my question is after not wanting to talk to me before why now. It probalbly doesn't mean anything but past couple of days me and this chic have been wall flirting on our facebook and now coincidentally she calls me. My friend seems to think she looked at my facebook and thats really why she called. Although she didn't ask me anything about it what was going on with me for that matter. just told me about my nephew and how the kids were doing. Oh and that she had the flu. So what is her motive for this. Anybody got any theories?

[Sambo]

hey all, had a pretty good day yesterday. All though wife called several times. first couple of times i ignored then she left message saying she wanted to tell me something about my nephew. So when she called again i answered and listened to what she had to tell me. It wasn't even that big a deal what she had to tell me about him. So my question is after not wanting to talk to me before why now. It probalbly doesn't mean anything but past couple of days me and this chic have been wall flirting on our facebook and now coincidentally she calls me. My friend seems to think she looked at my facebook and thats really why she called. Although she didn't ask me anything about it what was going on with me for that matter. just told me about my nephew and1 how the kids were doing. Oh and that she had the flu. So what is her motive for this. Anybody got any theories?

 

She misses a part of you and she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

 

Are you going to let her use you "when she feels like she needs you at her whims"?

 

Again I will remind you that she probably feel out of love with you because she lost respect for you somehow.

 

Women want to turn men into their best friends and then when they do they lose respect for the man because who wants to F their best friend ?

 

I see this happen all the time.

 

Don't let her use you like a best friend anymore.!

 

Ignore her and if I was you I would make sure that she knows I'm doing great and I'm actually really happy and moving on.

 

The best way to do that is to actually do it and mean it

[jdpuppy]

Sambo-you sir are correct! I ain't about to be that b**ches best friend or anything close to it. thanks for the tough love bro. I had a kick ass weekend and it actually felt pretty good being single. Take it easy man.

[ohno89]

Sambo - great advice for everyone out there who needs it, including myself. Thank you.

 

JD - from reading your posts, you seem like you have a level head on your shoulders and you seem to be coping well so keep it up; my hopes go out to you.