Still Pining

[mgene15]

yea what happend to that GT? my lady situation is non existent to this point. I just told the girl I'm not ready for anything, she kind of got mad because as I stated earlier she was in texas for a week during the holidays an then she gets home she hands me a bunch of gifts and a week later I say I'm not ready for a commitment. lol...o well..

[YSS]

So I checked out the movie you suggested and really liked it. I also recomend it.

 

Glad you enjoyed it. Be sure to watch the other takes, especially the "becoming a warrior" if you have yet to return it.

 

If life could only be a movie and we could just let go and move forward. Perhaps the best message is to just be present, to be in the now.

 

Truthfully, having a hard time knowing he is on some online dating site just ready to find his "one". This is the same guy who swore to me up and down that he was ready, I was all that he could of possibly dreamed and hoped for. Will I ever let go.....I try to the best of my ability to take the advice I preach and to see him for who he truly is, someone that despite all his wonderful qualities at the end showed himself to be a coward and to a large extent lack integrity. Why won't my heart hear it.

[Ajax]

Truthfully, having a hard time knowing he is on some online dating site just ready to find his "one". This is the same guy who swore to me up and down that he was ready, I was all that he could of possibly dreamed and hoped for. Will I ever let go.....I try to the best of my ability to take the advice I preach and to see him for who he truly is, someone that despite all his wonderful qualities at the end showed himself to be a coward and to a large extent lack integrity. Why won't my heart hear it.

 

I guess it would be out of the question to join the same dating site and hit him up huh? Maybe you could warn other women on the site?

 

It happens all too often that someone gets dumped by someone saying that they can't be in a relationship and then they go out looking for one... or they already have someone lined up. When my ex dumped me she told me that she couldn't be in a relationship but that still needed me in her life. I told her that I'd never be able to take seeing her with someone else. I don't know if she did get together with someone or not, but she hasn't tried to keep me in her life since then.

 

YSS, you have given me really good advice and you definitely should listen to it. You told me that moving on does not happen in a linear path. There are ups and downs. It's not surprising that finding out that he's on a dating site has reopened the wound a little bit. Keep in mind what Nick Nolte said in Peaceful Warrior: Emotions are natural. Like the passing weather.

[GreenPolicy]

It happens all too often that someone gets dumped by someone saying that they can't be in a relationship and then they go out looking for one..

 

Yeah, basically what that means is that they can't be in a relationship with you anymore. It's just something that they say. It doesn't mean they have a replacement lined up, but they're not going to be taking some sort of extended sabbatical from dating either. If a guy they find attractive pursues them, they're not going to be saying no. When they say they can't be in a relationship, it might just mean they will take a passive approach to dating immediately after a breakup.

 

I highly doubt my ex cheated, given how religious she is. I don't know that she lined up a replacement or not. I suspect not, but I'll never know for sure. What I know of her and commitment-phobes, they are strongly tempted to get into a rebound situation in order to compartmentalize and not deal with all of the painful feelings that will come up from burning a guy that they cared about and cared about them. It's a coping mechanism. It's been three months and change, so I assume she's involved with somebody at this point. What I've been told is that immediately after me, she'll be tempted to do a rebound thing, a NSA thing or something emotionally shallow that doesn't involve commitment. What every guy on this earth had over me at the b/u is that she gets to go through the honeymoon phase again since she can't do that with me, and nobody else was asking for her hand in marriage.

[YSS]

I guess it would be out of the question to join the same dating site and hit him up huh? Maybe you could warn other women on the site?

 

It happens all too often that someone gets dumped by someone saying that they can't be in a relationship and then they go out looking for one... or they already have someone lined up. When my ex dumped me she told me that she couldn't be in a relationship but that still needed me in her life. I told her that I'd never be able to take seeing her with someone else. I don't know if she did get together with someone or not, but she hasn't tried to keep me in her life since then.

 

YSS, you have given me really good advice and you definitely should listen to it. You told me that moving on does not happen in a linear path. There are ups and downs. It's not surprising that finding out that he's on a dating site has reopened the wound a little bit. Keep in mind what Nick Nolte said in Peaceful Warrior: Emotions are natural. Like the passing weather.

 

Realistically its not like we broke up recently, it has been almost a year. I do believe, have to belive, he did not lie when he ended things, in that he did have things to sort out. I guess, i just thought once we did get it together, he would find his way back. So to see him out there, trying to find her, its a kick in the teeth.

 

I did think of joining, but truthfully, I do not need some database to tell me we are comptabile and match us up. besides, if he wanted me back, he would just act on it. Its not like when it ended I carried on like some crazy psycho woman. Don't get it, why start from square one and go through the land mines of online dating when you know someone who you can have a healthy and real relationship with. Guess like Soc said, I am still in the past. I need to let go and i know this may sound nutso, but i guess i can only hope that he finds someone who will treat him well and be happy. Its time to surrender it all. This too shall pass. Don't mean to be a downer. Its just hard knowing he is all ready (at least appearing to be) and hopefuly with all the prospects available. I will surely die, if I see him in my building picking up a girl for some date.

[Ajax]

I did think of joining, but truthfully, I do not need some database to tell me we are comptabile and match us up. besides, if he wanted me back, he would just act on it. Its not like when it ended I carried on like some crazy psycho woman. Don't get it, why start from square one and go through the land mines of online dating when you know someone who you can have a healthy and real relationship with. Guess like Soc said, I am still in the past. I need to let go and i know this may sound nutso, but i guess i can only hope that he finds someone who will treat him well and be happy. Its time to surrender it all. This too shall pass. Don't mean to be a downer. Its just hard knowing he is all ready (at least appearing to be) and hopefuly with all the prospects available. I will surely die, if I see him in my building picking up a girl for some date.

 

When was the last time you talked to him? I'd feel the same about my ex looking for someone new. About a month after she left our friends said she just wanted to go on "dates." So I took it that she wanted something meaningless. Apparently a meaningless relationship with someone else was better than a meaningful relationship with me.

 

I don't know what ever came of it though. She cut off our mutual friends too after that

 

Surrendering it all is hard. I still have dreams most nights. I think though that if you can really wish him the best and mean it, you're well on your way. I'm not there yet. Ultimately I do want my ex to find happiness and love, but if she suffers a little bit in the meantime I wouldn't mind.

[YSS]

When was the last time you talked to him? I'd feel the same about my ex looking for someone new. About a month after she left our friends said she just wanted to go on "dates." So I took it that she wanted something meaningless. Apparently a meaningless relationship with someone else was better than a meaningful relationship with me.

 

I don't know what ever came of it though. She cut off our mutual friends too after that

 

Surrendering it all is hard. I still have dreams most nights. I think though that if you can really wish him the best and mean it, you're well on your way. I'm not there yet. Ultimately I do want my ex to find happiness and love, but if she suffers a little bit in the meantime I wouldn't mind.

 

My neice fell very ill and I reached out to him back a few months back. He responded, polite but a bit cold. I spoke of what is important in life and its those we love, to love and be loved. He wished me well....I did not ask for him back directly but he would have to be dense as two by four not pick up on it. He mentioned in passing the progress he had made on his stuff. Never heard back ever, only to find that he was on an online dating site. That "reach out" could of triggered him to think of us, what we had, instead he went to a dating site. I too still dream him.

 

Left to feel that what i meant to him once upon a time has passed. Like Socs says, everythign changes. Now I need to surrender it all. Not sure if he really has it together, my friends and family say no way....but only he knows. Truly, none of us have it all together at any one point. Life does not work like that. Would be lying if I said I did not want him back, but its not for me to ask, its for him to return. I just need to repeat over and over....let it go. Let it be. repeat and rinse.

 

This experience has truly been a paradox for me....I just don't get it.

[Ajax]

This experience has truly been a paradox for me....I just don't get it.

 

Learning to let go of what you love the most? Makes me wonder what we're fighting for anyway. When I first got together with my ex I thought that she was what I'd been waiting for for years. Everything felt right and made sense. If a guy can't fight for that then why fight for anything?

 

I think you gave it your best with your ex and should be proud that you did that. We reap what we sow. You obviously planted love and kindness. I like to think that it'll come back to us eventually, even if it's not how we expect.

[YSS]

Learning to let go of what you love the most? Makes me wonder what we're fighting for anyway. When I first got together with my ex I thought that she was what I'd been waiting for for years. Everything felt right and made sense. If a guy can't fight for that then why fight for anything?

 

I think you gave it your best with your ex and should be proud that you did that. We reap what we sow. You obviously planted love and kindness. I like to think that it'll come back to us eventually, even if it's not how we expect.

 

Thanks for your response, especially the bold - it really did help to see what I have offered in a different light. I agree, if we cannot fight for love, what can we fight for. Its funny, cause what you wrote about feeling that your EX was what you were waiting for, he said that to me numerous times. He often told me I was everything and then some of what he could of hoped for and that I was more than worth the wait. I am sure many of here have heard it all before. Honestly, we was over the moon happy as we both were. I later found out, that he told his family, I was the woman he was meant to meet and share his life with. They too were confused by his decision to walk away. Keep in mind, this is someone close to mid-40s who has lived a life and been around the block. Not exactly puppy love.

 

It does hurt me knowing that he is out there searching for someone to make him happy and share his life with. Truthfully, I feel sick to my stomach imagining him being with someone else. I know this feeling is not new, look at all the other threads here on coping. This experience is truly a a paradox for me.... why start from ground zero when you had someone that you were happy and compatible with. Then again, he left, walked away, even though his reasons had nothing to do with me per se or our relationship rather his own stuff.....i guess its easier to start all over again than come back. Don't know. I still cannot wrap my head around that we are truly over...but I guess with him out there advertising himself, it truly, truly is over.

 

Surrender, let go and let be. I truly tried with all that I had to give it my best. Perhpas the best is yet to come. Thanks for your support. Good luck to you Ajax on this journey.

[Gt.ooh]

Hey guys. The girl that bought my truck I'm still hanging with her. She watched the hockey game the other night, we went for coffee. I went on some other dates...about four to be exact. Tonight I'm taking a night off to think about what I really want... I could put the moves on the girl that bought my truck....but then I don't know what's after that. She's quite into me, but she's quite a bit younger going through the party phase.. So I'm reflecting, going to fire my Muscle car up, always puts a smile on my face and makes me forget about everything till the key is shut off.

 

Ajax, just go with what you feel man, I'm finding that doing all this dating it can't be forced... For us the right person is on the way. In the meantime I'm going to have fun.

 

Take care guys'.

[mgene15]

yessir... dating makes you definitely realize it can't be forced.. opened my eyes.. hope both you guys are doing well and GT glad your being a bit selfish right now, it's a good thing.

[Billie The Puppet]

6 months now can't believe the time that has passed unfortunately lately no matter how strong I am I have been hitting a relapse with my mind. Up until recently I was able to block that out but this past week has been nothing but dreams, dreams, dreams. Almost reoccurring dreams it's basically the same dream concept but the eliments change like location, time, and clothing etc. The dream involves my ex, her current boyfriend and myself. She proclaims she made a mistake but can't be with me for fear she will hurt his feeling. Now hard truth time is do I want her back? I'd do anything within reason to go back a year or even when we first met. However now with all that has happened and even in my own heart knowing how much I love/ loved this girl as I know I don't easily fall out of love I couldn't do it for my own health if that makes any sense. During the course of these dreams which surfaced about a week ago I met up with, my friend who is engaged to my ex's sister, the sister and my ex's father. Meeting with them was bitter sweet, if anything I miss them dearly. Beloved it or not the awkwardness I thought I'd experience especially with the father being present lasted about a second. Basically as soon as I sat down to eat/ have a beer it felt like home. Sure dating life questions came up and I answered them truefully even though knowing fully well this info can easily get to my ex, but I don't care. They all keep telling me to remain in touch but I always feel like I am intruding. I think it would be easier if I had a fourth as I feel like a 3rd wheel. The only reason it felt bitter is it was a reminder of what use to be. However in my life time I haven't met such a great group of people that even though they came secondary out of a previous relation I don't think I could cut them completely out of my life. In fact I have been at my happiest when with them. I'm 100% able to not bring up the ex when I am with them which tells me I am still strong at the same time I was able to hear her in mention like "my sister got me this for Xmas" and what not.

[Ajax]

6 months now can't believe the time that has passed unfortunately lately no matter how strong I am I have been hitting a relapse with my mind. Up until recently I was able to block that out but this past week has been nothing but dreams, dreams, dreams.

 

I have constant dreams too Billie. I think it means that our exes aren't out of our systems yet. It seems like it's taking way too long.

 

I'm at 5 months of NC, and thought I'd assess where I am and where I've gone, and here in this lengthy post is how I feel. I just needed to put it in writing.

 

So almost six months since she dumped me. In fact February 14th will be exactly six months. It also happens to be Valentine’s Day. It’s been five months since I last talked to her. Time’s supposed to heal, and I’m better than I was. Much better. But not nearly as good as I should be. It’s been five months since I last talked to her. I’m still not over her.

 

When she first left I did the whole “letting myself feel the pain” thing. And I felt it for a while, and then I got sick of it. Then I was bitter and angry. I demonized her. I tried to explain her as being psychologically damaged, which I still think is likely. But after almost six months, if I’m going to be honest with myself, there’s still a Colleen shaped hole in my heart.

 

I thought that purging everything that reminded me of her would help. Deleting her from Facebook was supposed to close the door. Yesterday I took my computer to school where I’m student teaching, and while looking through documents I found a picture of us that hadn’t been deleted. It took me back to be sure. But the fact is that nothing’s been able to help me forget. I still remember. I remember everything.

 

I remember the first night I met her when she asked to give me a ride to my car, which she knew was only about 100 feet away, and then made sure I got her phone number before letting me out of her car. I remember our first date that ended with us talking for two hours at a restaurant, and then going back to her townhouse for “the 50 cent tour.” I remember our first kiss and how there was no doubt in my mind that it would be my last first kiss. I remember a walk in the park we took last summer. I remember a night at the lake lying on the dock under the stars. I remember asking her what kind of birthday cake she wanted me to bake for her, and the surprise on her face when she saw I actually did it. I remember the last time we slept together.

 

I remember the sinking feeling I had the day she broke up with me when she wouldn’t respond to my messages. I remember the look on her face and the tears in her eyes when she told me she was confused and couldn’t be with me anymore. I remember every word she said, every little inflection of her voice. I remember coming back to my empty apartment that had been as much her home as mine, and sobbing on the bathroom floor.

 

I’m moving forward a day at a time. I’m student teaching now, which I enjoy. I have family and friends that I love. But I’m not happy. I was happy with Colleen. They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, but I always knew what I had. I’m probably guilty of having put her up on a pedestal a bit, but she’s been off the pedestal for months now, and while I see that she’s not the girl I thought she was and has serious commitment issues, it hasn’t changed the fact that I still love her.

 

The bottom line though is this, I’m surviving. I’m okay, but I’m not happy.

[YSS]

I cannot tell a lie, your post made me cry. For I understand completely how you feel. I too know my EX is not perfect, messed up in someways but I always knew what I found in him. I knew how much happier and better my life was with him in it as opposed to out of it. Never took him for granted.

 

I get it when you write you are ok, but not happy, I get it completely. I came across the following today...."sometimes good things need to fall apart so better things can come together". When I read it, I thought of my ex coming back, it owuld be like the pain for them to get themsleves sorted out but come back would be "the better things to come together". Sadly, its not this way. We can only hope that better things are to come our way. While I can not imagine ever feeling for someone like I felt for him, I just try to tell myself "suppose that....". Ajax, maybe you need do so the same to help become happy....just ask yourslef "suppose a new girl came by, that made you take notice, spin around and she would NOT quit on you and what the two of you have when rough patches hit, just suppose it....how would that possibility make you feel". Folks say we need to believe in order to see it, maybe we just need to try with "Supposing" it to be belivebale.

 

Hang in there, YSS

[bl22]

I have constant dreams too Billie. I think it means that our exes aren't out of our systems yet. It seems like it's taking way too long.

 

I'm at 5 months of NC, and thought I'd assess where I am and where I've gone, and here in this lengthy post is how I feel. I just needed to put it in writing.

 

So almost six months since she dumped me. In fact February 14th will be exactly six months. It also happens to be Valentine’s Day. It’s been five months since I last talked to her. Time’s supposed to heal, and I’m better than I was. Much better. But not nearly as good as I should be. It’s been five months since I last talked to her. I’m still not over her.

 

When she first left I did the whole “letting myself feel the pain” thing. And I felt it for a while, and then I got sick of it. Then I was bitter and angry. I demonized her. I tried to explain her as being psychologically damaged, which I still think is likely. But after almost six months, if I’m going to be honest with myself, there’s still a Colleen shaped hole in my heart.

 

I thought that purging everything that reminded me of her would help. Deleting her from Facebook was supposed to close the door. Yesterday I took my computer to school where I’m student teaching, and while looking through documents I found a picture of us that hadn’t been deleted. It took me back to be sure. But the fact is that nothing’s been able to help me forget. I still remember. I remember everything.

 

I remember the first night I met her when she asked to give me a ride to my car, which she knew was only about 100 feet away, and then made sure I got her phone number before letting me out of her car. I remember our first date that ended with us talking for two hours at a restaurant, and then going back to her townhouse for “the 50 cent tour.” I remember our first kiss and how there was no doubt in my mind that it would be my last first kiss. I remember a walk in the park we took last summer. I remember a night at the lake lying on the dock under the stars. I remember asking her what kind of birthday cake she wanted me to bake for her, and the surprise on her face when she saw I actually did it. I remember the last time we slept together.

 

I remember the sinking feeling I had the day she broke up with me when she wouldn’t respond to my messages. I remember the look on her face and the tears in her eyes when she told me she was confused and couldn’t be with me anymore. I remember every word she said, every little inflection of her voice. I remember coming back to my empty apartment that had been as much her home as mine, and sobbing on the bathroom floor.

 

I’m moving forward a day at a time. I’m student teaching now, which I enjoy. I have family and friends that I love. But I’m not happy. I was happy with Colleen. They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, but I always knew what I had. I’m probably guilty of having put her up on a pedestal a bit, but she’s been off the pedestal for months now, and while I see that she’s not the girl I thought she was and has serious commitment issues, it hasn’t changed the fact that I still love her.

 

The bottom line though is this, I’m surviving. I’m okay, but I’m not happy.

 

I know how you're feeling Ajax. I feel I am in the same place as you, and yes I do remember everything, every little detail about our relationship. It worries me that she wont even remember the little things in our relationship where i rememebr it all.

 

These memories will stay with us forever though, it will be what makes us who we are in the future and although they hurt to think back to right now, they are valuable to us and our future. I feel we are making progess though, i suggest you watch the film 'Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind'

It really does reflect our situations and what is going through our mind right now, and how valuable our memories are to us as people.

[Billie The Puppet]

I too almost shed a tear that reply I'm sure many of us share. She was my "One" and asked for engagement for the first 2 years of our 3 year relationship. I didn't like being asked and I really wanted to hit the 3 year mark (We fell short a few months) On top of that I wanted to propose to her in Italy. I'm still going but I know it will trigger some moments. I still refer to her as an ex fiancée because she was exactly that only the situation hadn't happened she had said yes and brought up talks of it herself too and we even planned marriage and the wedding. I guess I just wasn't fast enough for her or what not. See I wasn't much of a romantic but when it came to the engagement I wanted everything just right. I want to ask her father for his daughters hand and I wanted it to be 1 on 1 on a dinner date in Italy when I would have presented her with flowers. That would be huge because I am not a chocolate or flower giver in general and she knew that. Yes my mind wonders from time to time. Thing is I don't want her back but I do. I know for my own good even if the situation where to arise it would not be the same and I could not put myself through losing her again. Thing is everything with her up until the sudden not so sudden break up worked with ease and I am having trouble with doing that with others. Dates go well but fall flat I just don't have interest in them so like my ex who Ironically I had no interest in we just wound up together like it just happened I think I'll let the next person come into my life the same way. I am sick of trying. I not only lost her as a life partner but the secondary losses of her family hurt me too only as it has shown recently that I hadn't actually lost them they want to continue a friendship even her father has told me to stop by for beers and such. To be honest I am happy when I am with them like about 80% as happy as when I was with my ex and with them. Lacking the ex of course on my arm I can give them the full 100% but they do make me feel all so much better but then the down / crash time happens after spending time with them. However I personally find that small boost they give me of happiness is worth the downtime I get afterwards because I know even without them something else will "Trigger thoughts". I have come along way and am pleased where I am at but at the same time wish it never occurred and was where I was when the relationship was good the honeymoon stage that is. My mind is still a mess as is my heart. I love her I really do but I know in my brain it will never be again even if the opportunity ever arises I would have to shut it down for my own sanity.

[Ajax]

Ajax, maybe you need do so the same to help become happy....just ask yourslef "suppose a new girl came by, that made you take notice, spin around and she would NOT quit on you and what the two of you have when rough patches hit, just suppose it....how would that possibility make you feel". Folks say we need to believe in order to see it, maybe we just need to try with "Supposing" it to be belivebale.

 

 

This is interesting, and today I started thinking about what you said... and now I've got something on the brain. A few months ago I signed onto an online dating site even though I wasn't/may not be ready to date. The past few weeks I've been on that "zero dating in 2011" kick, so I logged on today to cancel my subscription to it.

 

Just for S's and G's I did a search and one of my matches was a girl I used to work with a long time ago, someone who I'd had a crush on but because she was with someone at the time I never acted upon. I sent her a message saying "hey whats up, we should catch up sometime." Less than an hour later she responded saying we should. I didn't respond right away and went out to shovel my driveway for four hours, and when I returned she'd sent me another message with her phone number and telling me to call her sometime.

 

So now I find myself as you said... supposing...

[YSS]

So now I find myself as you said... supposing...

 

It working for you...I am glad.

 

Truthfully, I am having a hard time with "supposing" but today came to some "light"/aha, in that, I want to be with someone who has the integrity not only to "acknowledge" that one must "stick it through" the rough patches and self doubt, but to actually do it. Sadly, it was highlighted to me in a counselling session that my EX did not have that inner strength. He gave into his self doubts, fear etc. It does not make him a bad peson, not at all, we all have our shortcoming and are works in progress, but I know that the way he behaved is NOT a way i would of. I would of never hurt him the way he hurt me - unintentional or not. In this regard, I need to "suppose" I find someone that makes me feel like he did but this new person has enough integrity to stick it through", cause you now why, I/WE are WORTH IT.

 

Who knows whats waiting around the corner for any of us. Catch up with the girl.....keep "supposing" and thinking positive things.

[Gt.ooh]

Hey guys how are all of you doing??

[GreenPolicy]

Surrendering it all is hard. I still have dreams most nights. I think though that if you can really wish him the best and mean it, you're well on your way. I'm not there yet. Ultimately I do want my ex to find happiness and love, but if she suffers a little bit in the meantime I wouldn't mind.

 

That's EXACTLY how I feel. If she's not going to be with me, then I want her to end up with another good guy like me that treats her well. In the meantime, I don't want her to end up with an abuser, but somebody who doesn't treat her nearly as well, a r/l where she has to fight for love and attention and b**** to her friends about the guy, so that they can say "Well, you never seemed to have these kinds of issues and complaints with GreenPolicy."

[Ajax]

Hey guys how are all of you doing??

 

Things are standard. The catching up with the girl from work hasn't materialized. And then I found my ex's roomate on that internet dating site. She knows I'm on it too because I saw that she looked at my profile, but neither of us have sent any messages and I don't intend to. I just hope she doesn't tell my ex that I'm on it.

 

That's EXACTLY how I feel. If she's not going to be with me, then I want her to end up with another good guy like me that treats her well. In the meantime, I don't want her to end up with an abuser, but somebody who doesn't treat her nearly as well, a r/l where she has to fight for love and attention and b**** to her friends about the guy, so that they can say "Well, you never seemed to have these kinds of issues and complaints with GreenPolicy."

 

I'm still following your thread GP, just haven't responded lately. I think our exes are cut from the same cloth.

[Ajax]

Just had a dream that we got back together. Very vivid, and seemed real. It was a simple dream. She asked if we were going to break up again and I said no. Then I woke up.

[YSS]

Just had a dream that we got back together. Very vivid, and seemed real. It was a simple dream. She asked if we were going to break up again and I said no. Then I woke up.

 

I know this is tough to get through. Seems like one step forward and 50 back. Your dreams are most likely a reflection of all that is going on in your subconcious. Its sucks to miss someone badly. Letting go is the hardest thign ever, I would rather have a root canal without ansthetic, might be less painful. For what its worth, my EX met someone online, so he is all happy and lovey dovey these days. Here I am just feeling so stuck and thinking what the hell is wrong with me.

 

Happens to all of us, doesn't make it easier, but sometimes we need to just be. Do not think back, do not think forward and tell ourselves, right now, in this moment, in this minute, my EX is not doing anything to me. He/She is not speaking to me, looking at me, interacting with me...the pain we carry is from our past and our mind being stuck in teh past and not in this moment.

[TerminalMan]

I've been there, buddy. I admire your courage laying it all out here, and I hope you are healing.

 

All I can say is, it's not your fault. Everything ends. Even good things. To be able to move on in the face of adversity, to drag yourself out of bed every morning and try to smile... it means you are a good human being, and you are rare.

 

20+ years of experience and observation boils down to these, some of which you've seen here in one form or another:

 

1. Trust no one, but give love a chance.

2. The majority of people you date (probably 95+%) WILL lie, cheat, or otherwise disappoint/hurt you.

4. There is someone out there who will treat you well. Good luck finding them. Do NOT "settle."

5. Always trust your gut. If you are thinking of spying/detective work, it's too late already.

6. If your partner lies about little things (or omits critical info), they will lie about big things. Run. Now.

7. God loves you, even when life sucks. Time heals most wounds, sooner or later.

8. Second chances... I don't believe in them. People do not change. But you are free to learn the hard way.

9. Deep inside, always expect the worst (but don't act like you do)... you will rarely be disappointed, and occasionally you may be pleasantly surprised.

10. A true friend is a treasure, especially when someone else has done you terrible harm.

11. If they want to be with you, they will be. Don't play "what if..." in your head, or try to sway that person.

12. It's okay to slip, at least in dreams. Don't make it a habit, dumba**.

13. Revenge is rarely worth it. I did it once, and it was sweet. But karma does a better job, on its own.

14. You will never know the entire reasons -- if any -- you were done wrong. Being done wrong is quite enough.

15. The ex is NOT the person you once knew when times were good. They are the sum of all their actions, and they did you a horrible, unforgivable wrong. They were s*****y to you, and they moved on. You must do the same. They are not worth one iota of your precious short time on Earth.

16. You have two choices: retreat from battle entirely, or fight like hell... and know when to fold.

17. Laughter is always the best medicine. Seek it, regularly.

 

 

Love, even the greatest of loves, can and does sometimes wither and fade. Do your best, keep your chin up, sleep well. Godspeed.

[BlindRage]

I've been there, buddy. I admire your courage laying it all out here, and I hope you are healing.

 

All I can say is, it's not your fault. Everything ends. Even good things. To be able to move on in the face of adversity, to drag yourself out of bed every morning and try to smile... it means you are a good human being, and you are rare.

 

20+ years of experience and observation boils down to these, some of which you've seen here in one form or another:

 

1. Trust no one, but give love a chance.

2. The majority of people you date (probably 95+%) WILL lie, cheat, or otherwise disappoint/hurt you.

4. There is someone out there who will treat you well. Good luck finding them. Do NOT "settle."

5. Always trust your gut. If you are thinking of spying/detective work, it's too late already.

6. If your partner lies about little things (or omits critical info), they will lie about big things. Run. Now.

7. God loves you, even when life sucks. Time heals most wounds, sooner or later.

8. Second chances... I don't believe in them. People do not change. But you are free to learn the hard way.

9. Deep inside, always expect the worst (but don't act like you do)... you will rarely be disappointed, and occasionally you may be pleasantly surprised.

10. A true friend is a treasure, especially when someone else has done you terrible harm.

11. If they want to be with you, they will be. Don't play "what if..." in your head, or try to sway that person.

12. It's okay to slip, at least in dreams. Don't make it a habit, dumba**.

13. Revenge is rarely worth it. I did it once, and it was sweet. But karma does a better job, on its own.

14. You will never know the entire reasons -- if any -- you were done wrong. Being done wrong is quite enough.

15. The ex is NOT the person you once knew when times were good. They are the sum of all their actions, and they did you a horrible, unforgivable wrong. They were s*****y to you, and they moved on. You must do the same. They are not worth one iota of your precious short time on Earth.

16. You have two choices: retreat from battle entirely, or fight like hell... and know when to fold.

17. Laughter is always the best medicine. Seek it, regularly.

 

 

Love, even the greatest of loves, can and does sometimes wither and fade. Do your best, keep your chin up, sleep well. Godspeed.

 

 

Wow, great...freakin...POST!

 

 

Thanks