WowReally Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 How long did it take you to come to the decision of divorce? How long were you married? Anyone out there get divorced after 25+ yrs of marriage? Did you go go couseling for months and years? Did you try to reconcile? Are you friends with your ex-spouse now?
PegNosePete Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 It took me about 2 days to decide on divorce. We had been married 9 months at the time. We went to counselling once and she said she wanted to make things better, and start a family. We scheduled more appointments but a week later she cheated on me. I was prepared to talk about reconciliation but she wasn't prepared to do what it takes. She still wanted to keep the OM as a friend. That was a deal-breaker for me, and obviously losing him was for her too. No we are not friends and I doubt we ever will be.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Our marriage lasted 13 years in total. We did not do counseling or anything like that. The beginning of the end was when exH asked for an 'open' marriage, and like a fool I agreed. We separated for five years after that, never really seeing any particular need for getting a divorce. We actually were planning to reconcile and had talked about it, but exH started seeing someone and that was the end. She pushed for the divorce hard, and so we finally got around to doing the deed. The divorce should be finalized sometime next week. We are both still very close (much to the dismay of his girlfriend I'm sure), but the closeness is that of 'family' - we still love each other, just not in the 'husband and wife' way - more like a 'mom and dad' way.
What_Next Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 How long did it take you to come to the decision of divorce? How long were you married? Anyone out there get divorced after 25+ yrs of marriage? I came to the decision the second I learned she slept with another man. I knew right there and then. We were married for 6, known each other for 20. Did you go go couseling for months and years? No, we tried counsiling, 3 sessions and for us it was a waste of time and money. Then again she was still having the affair at the time. Did you try to reconcile? Yes I did, I really did. Then she tried, well it was lip service but she tried. Are you friends with your ex-spouse now? That is up in the air, once she shows me that she deserves me as a friend I might give her that.
nobmagnet Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 i knew within a nano second after finding the proof i needed. he had left 6 months previously and we went to 10 sessions of councelling. He paid me lip service and i bought it. We had been together for 10 years with 2 kids but never married (i refused to) We are civil to each other i wouldnt say freinds. I get pleasure at looking to dollar when he fetches the kids and looks whistfully at me................look what you gave up!! hahah he still sees the ....umm cant find the words....well not without swearing...ow. She wants the whole package from him, kids the lot. And she wants him to have the revarsal...........god i would love to see him in pain if he does!!:lmao: I am settled in my new home with my new life and really enjoying it. History is just that. In the past. nobby xx good questions xx
LittleTiger Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 From when it really started to go wrong, just over three years! I never make rash decisions ! Friends since childhood (23 years by the time we got together), lived together 13 years and married 10 of those. We talked about counselling, I did the research and booked an appointment and then he decided against it. We spent two years trying to make it work, then he got a 2 year job contract overseas so we'd have some space. (Bad idea!) Ridiculous at is sounds we attempted to reconcile while he was away and I thought everything was going just great (booked a second honeymoon type holiday and everything!). 10 months later he announced he wanted out and wasn't coming home. I filed for divorce 8 months after that. Yes, we've reverted back to being friends (38 yrs now in total), though from a distance as he's still overseas. He looked after my cats for a couple of weeks this Summer when I went on holiday. I have a new partner now but I'd still be there for my ex if he needed me and vice versa.
zippy's login Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Married 26 years. She came home, said she was seeing someone and wanted a divorce. She then left me and the three kids. Didn't consider reconciliation or counseling as it was decided for me. We are not friends and will never be. I've not spoken to her in 3 months. How long did it take you to come to the decision of divorce? How long were you married? Anyone out there get divorced after 25+ yrs of marriage? Did you go go couseling for months and years? Did you try to reconcile? Are you friends with your ex-spouse now?
hopesndreams Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 How long did it take you to come to the decision of divorce? How long were you married? Anyone out there get divorced after 25+ yrs of marriage? Did you go go couseling for months and years? Did you try to reconcile? Are you friends with your ex-spouse now? Decision of divorce came when we both sold and left the marital home. Married 10 years. No MC. He wasn't interested. It would have interfered with his plans of a better life with a nubile, young married mother of a little boy. We did try to reconcile, but he didn't show enough remorse for my liking. Why be "friends" with someone that ripped your heart out?
The-Zen-Warrior Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) How long did it take you to come to the decision of divorce? How long were you married? Anyone out there get divorced after 25+ yrs of marriage? Did you go go couseling for months and years? Did you try to reconcile? Are you friends with your ex-spouse now? The choice to divorce only took me a couple of weeks to make up my mind to do. My ex-wife made the choice kind of easy, when she went out of town to visit a person she met on-line, a male person I should say. And giving me the excuse of being confused "I don't know if I want to be married anymore I might love this new guy, I don't know, I'm going to have to go meet him and find out if this is what I want or not"! So within the two weeks of her whatever you call it, a quest, a vacation or a trip of adultery, my family and I filed divorce papers through my Mom's attorney while my ex-wife was gone. She found out when she got back! We were married for 14 years. As far as counseling was concerned, I didn't really see the need for it, nor did I want to do it. If there's no "trust" or "future trust" than one has nothing, for it all is built on trust. As far as reconciliation, I have basically given a very generic level of reconciliation in regards to the two of us. I have let her off the hook about 80% of the way, but not 100% I don't think I will ever let her off 100%! As far as being friends, we talk every once in a while, mainly in regards to our one child we had together. I wouldn't consider her a good friend, but she was quickly reduced to a sort of an "acquaintance/generic friend"! Edited September 11, 2010 by The-Zen-Warrior spelled a word wrong
dqmommy Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Married 22 years...together nearly 25.... I don't think I can honestly answer the "how long did it take to decide on divorce"....I think in some ways I've been debating it for years....on the other hand, it was a pretty short time period where I went from "I can live this way" to "no I can't ~ I need to live my life" We are not divorced yet, but have the papers ready to go and everything worked out through mediation. I think we will always remain friends. We just don't want to be married any more.
Woggle Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I caught her cheating and it was over from there. There was no going back from that point.
Dad_of_2_great_boys Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 How long did it take you to come to the decision of divorce? How long were you married? Anyone out there get divorced after 25+ yrs of marriage? Together over 20 years. Married 17 + years. with 2 sons ages 11 & 6. I'm not sure where you wanted to start the clock: It took me 3 months of suspicion to figure there might be someone else. It took me 6 months to prepare my position for custody if I should choose to divorce. When I finally confronted her - she admitted to the affair (1 of 2) but I was willing to work on it for the boys. It took less than two weeks for her to betray me again. And only a split second from then to know I wanted a divorce. Did you go go couseling for months and years? Did you try to reconcile? Never got to work on it. Less than two weeks after admitting she cheated she was back at his place. Game over. Are you friends with your ex-spouse now? I don't need or want to be friends. I only hope we can be good parents to our sons.
Author WowReally Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Thank you for the replies...obviously everyone is different and everyone has their BS limit and I dont mean betrayed spouse although I guess that could work too
phineas Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I caught her cheating & we seperated. Then I found out she was using my desire to save the marriage to manipulate & use me while she was lieing about OM being out of the picture. When I found out she was still in contact it took all of 10 seconds to give her the ultimatum of me or him. She chose him & as soon as she was gone I made an apointment with the lawyer.
phineas Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 (edited) double post Edited September 13, 2010 by phineas
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