Chris73 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 4 weeks ago i was dumped and life has turned into an absolute nightmare. Everything than can go wrong has gone wrong, but losing the love of my life is by far the worst thing thats ever happened.Im finding it very difficult to get though this and ive been drinking heavily, which has only made things worse.Maybe we would have gotten back together but ive ruined any chance of that happening by sending stupid emails whilst drunk, waking up on a morning and realisng what i have done the prevous night, being completely disgusted with myself and hitting the booze again in an attempt to feel better.Its not working and today im at my wits end, i woke up shaking which i never do, my nerve are shot, im losing my mind...Ive never loved anyone like i love her and now ive ruined even the possibility of being freinds. I feel so low, i cant live with myself, im useless without her.How have i ended up in this mess...She is almost constantly on my mind and its making me ill.I need to get over this woman before i drink myself to death or do something stupid whilst drunk. How am I supposed to stop loving her, it seems impossible. I used to watch her sleep sometimes for hours and i was in heaven, i knew she was the one and thought we would always be together.I would do anything for her but now she wont even talk to me.3 years we were together with a short break of a few weeks about 2 years ago whe she dumped me to go and meet another man, she slept with him a few times then decided she didnt like him and asked to get back with me.I love her unconditionally and took her back, i didnt care about her meeting this other guy, nothing mattered what she did the love felt pure and it simply didnt matter....What it did do however was make me a bit insecure and i would sometimes get paranoid thinking that she was talking to other men and only staying with me till she found someone else...this caused a few arguments.I feel like she has used me, abused me and she never really loved me at all.This is so awful as I genuiely love her and have done everything for her, my life was hers.How am i going to get over her ?
fabio10 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Hey bro first of all forgive yourself before you want anyone to forgive you ! We all do stupid things when we are drunk and emotional whats done is done, if she loves you she'l forgive you no matter what you have done so don't be blaming yourself she dumped you remember she is in the wrong and naturally your upset ! I got dumped 2months ago and I was in the exact same place as you but begging her and pinning after her wont get you anywhere no matter what your heart is telling you. You must stop going out drinking for awhile if its getting you so down after, and when you do go drinking delete her number from your phone so you cant text something stupid again ! Go to the gym get yourself out of this and what will be will be but constantly worring aint going to get you anywhere I did all that right now you are like a horse with blinkers on but trust me in afew weeks you will see things more clearly and be less emotional and maybe then you maybe in a place to talk to her, I know you love her but she aint going to touch you while your an emotional train wreck we have all been there don't worry chin up be a MAN.
Fouts Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 It takes time, try to remember that no matter what caused it she doesn't want you in her life anymore. Use that as a catalyst to get out and meet someone who wants to be with you. Like the previous poster said, get yourself together, man up and start moving forward with your life again. Don't obsess over someone who's moved on from you.
Author Chris73 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Thanks Fabio. She's not going to get back with me. I just need some advice on dealing with the break up and getting her out of my mind.The love I feel is what I am and she can't take that away.It's losing her that is tearing me apart.She was my life.Now life seems empty, I'm not motivated to do anything.My studies and work have gone to ****.Falling outwith my family.I'm not one for the gym.Drinking is the only thng that makes me feel better but it's not helping long term and is making me poorly. Being a man as you put it isn't that easy.That would require switching off my emotions and that's not possible.I'm sure clarity and peace of mind will return one day, I just hope its before I destroy everything.
Author Chris73 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 It takes time, try to remember that no matter what caused it she doesn't want you in her life anymore. Use that as a catalyst to get out and meet someone who wants to be with you. Like the previous poster said, get yourself together, man up and start moving forward with your life again. Don't obsess over someone who's moved on from you. Thanks Fouts. That makes sense.It's just so difficult to accept that she doesn't want me anymore.We were great for eachother.thanks again.
leftfield Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Chris, you should definitely be careful with the drinking, the aftermath can make you feel depressed and then you drink more to mask that feeling and the cycle starts again. Now that it's gotten to the weekend you will no doubt be going out drinking again. Do that if you must, but tell yourself that on Sunday you're going to sober up and give it a rest for a week. If you're anything like me you will feel utterly rock bottom on Sunday night and through most of Monday. This is the effect of an alcohol come down. It's bad, especially when you feel dreadful anyway because of the breakup. You seem to have hit rock bottom, which is pretty much where I am as well. People on here will tell you that you're crazy for loving someone that dumped you to sleep with someone else and then got back with you. Perhaps they're right, but you still love her all the same, so nothing anyone says can switch that off for you. I know the feeling. I'm now two months down the line since my ex broke up with me, and I still love her too, but I spent far too long putting off the acceptance stage, and I think your drinking is a way of doing that. You're hiding from the truth. Yes it is difficult to accept it's over, but you won't start to feel better until you do. And it won't necessarily be all up and up from the moment you accept it either. I actually feel worse! My only tiny ray of light is that I know I have to get past this stage. I'm a complete mess myself this week, and I have made the mistake of drinking the blues away on a couple of nights. You and I both know it isn't going to help though. Time to grow up and deal with it properly. I can also assure you that once you do truly accept that's it's over, you will be much less tempted to contact her, because the knowledge that this will only lead to more and more rejection will make you want to dodge that bullet. I nearly sent an email earlier telling my ex that I can't be friends with her after all we've gone through (for some reason I think she assumes that we are). I haven't sent it yet, and I probably won't now as in all honesty do you think she will give a f*ck? Probably not. She's made it clear she doesn't need me as a lover, and she already has plenty of friends. I hope you can find the strength to pull it together, but trust me you're not the only one feeling like that. There's sadly no magic pill we can take. Take it each day at a time, I'm told it does get better, and having been through this before to a slightly lesser extent, I know in theory at least that it does. Good luck with it dude.
Author Chris73 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Thanks very much for the reply leftfield. Drinking does not help no, it does temporarily but it is an avoidance as you say.Luckily I deleted her numbers from my telephone and can't remember them so at least I can't text or call if i get drunk.I sent a few awful emails when drunk and she sent me a lengthy email back pretty much trying to lay all the blame on me.I then sent a couple more emails which I can see now were just my way to try and hurt her and make her feel like crap.Don't send your email you are just prolonging your own suffering.I will never attempt to contact her again.I just need to get past this stage as u say.It's bloody hard. I've tried everything I can.Like remembering all the worst aspects if her to try and tell myself it's for the best but it doesn't work.I can't stop loving her.I think I will always love her and that makes it very difficult to meet another woman and it's not fair on them if I do that.Love is a cruel thing at this stage and we can't switch it off.I guess we just have to try our best.thanks again.
Maverick1983 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Hey chris,sorry to hear what you're going through.It's not easy but it gets better trust me.I don't want this to sound cliched but you should really focus your attention on yourself now.If the gym isn't your thing then go for a run or jog in the evening.Try surrounding yourself with friends or family!!You could even try joining a team or taking up a new hobby.Drink is not the answer as we can't control our emotions after it and it leads to unwanted drama and tends to make things worse when you sober up.You have to take the initiative now to strengthen your character and show yourself a bit of respect. If you are not happy with yourself then you can't make the next step to recovery.There is nothing wrong with you don't worry we all feel like crap when this happens but chin up and make tomorrow the start of the road to recovery best of luck and keep us posted.
brainblox Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 @leftfield spot on ! I've been looking at my phone all day today and this is after 2 weeks of feeling okay ! I am so tempted to send a how are you txt but I already know how she is, she is getting on with her life !! It's the little nagging voice that's saying maybe she's waiting for contact !....Fact is it's only me that's waiting for contact and I will not do that to myself ! Hope you find your feet asap Chris and try to look after yourself coz it's all about you at the end of the day m8...peace !
Author Chris73 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Thanks maverick that's very possitive.I'm finding it very difficult to remain possitive so this really helps.I was reluctant to post on here at first but I'm glad I did.it's becoming clear now that I need to look after myself and try my best to keep busy.maybe I need to set up a new business or something.never been one for sports or teams.going running doesn't appeal to me at all.it's gonna be hard that's for sure.my first love I was with for 15 year and have 2 beautiful children.she cheated on me and broke apart my family.now this one who I love more than I ever new possible.I'm sure she will move on quickly and maybe even already has.the thought of that is unbearable.I want her to be happy I just can't bare the thought of it.I sure hope she is happy because it's stupid if she's not, because I'm not and we made eachother happy.it doesn't make any sense to me but I guess I have to accept I will never understand this.why people can be so cruel and cold hearted is beyond me.
Author Chris73 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Thanks brainblox, yes this is what's becomng clear.it's not about her anymore, she doesn't give a crap about me so why should I still be worried about her.it is about me now yes.thanks for that.
fabio10 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Your welcome Chris, just because you man up does not mean you wont have any emotions but you will control them keep telling yourself that you are the one at the steering wheel of your life and you cant depend on someone to make you happy or give you a better life, yes being with someone can make you feel happier but you need to be independant also at the same time. I know its hard but we have all been through it hence we are all on here,I felt weird when I came on this site at first and people were giving me advice and I did not listen but as time goes on you begin to see what people on here tell you makes sense. You have two choices my man 1) be a bitter person or 2) be a better person ? It is her loss not yours see it as her doing you a favour imagine this happened later down the line then it may have been too late for you to ever find love again eh !!!! Dont be beating yourself up for feeling down of course you will you are only human but try to control your emotions use them to motivate yourself, you felt great while you were with her didnt you ?? Well just think if you look after yourself right now you can get that feeling back with someone else in the future. The best revenge you could have is being happy it will take time Im 2months down the road from where you are but please please trust me you will smile again and you will be a MAN, think of the positives in your life !
Author Chris73 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Thanks Fabio, The message is clear.....ITS OVER!!!! Pull yourself together and prepare to share this love with someone else.Someone who wants it. Sometimes love is blind isnt it, we give it to the wrong people and they just use and abuse and kick you in the nuts to finish off. I know this love is mine and she cant take it away, someone else would love me back properly and i hope to meet that someone.First though i will get back on track and clean up my act.Hopefully in time she will fade from my thoughts and i will be open and free enough to move along and share my life with someone else. Thank you all for your messages, i still feel like crap but there is more clarity now and a possitive vision for the future. Really helps. :lmao:
fabio10 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Exactly man its an experiance, not every night you go out is great just like not every rship you have is great, I know you will always love her but hey love yourself too man its a journey not a sprint but thats what life is all about ups and downs hey thats what makes it exciting .
Recommended Posts