dtyk Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Hi all, First of all, this is my first time doing anything like this so pardon me if I do anything that's perceived as unusual. It's a bit of a long story so I'll try my best to make it short. I'm not a guy that's ever had problems with getting a girlfriend or ever felt lonely. Throughout high school, I've turned down quite a few girls because I was very infatuated with dance, my favorite hobby. Of course I've had my downs and failures too. However, after I got into university, I met this amazing, beautiful girl during the first week of school. We weren't in the same class, didn't have any mutual friends, and we just immediately fell in love. It felt like a fairy tale, and it really was the first time that I ended up being serious about a girl. We had talked about marriage, what our kids may be like, future plans, the same old song. Things were wonderful until we both got into the same major, and were required to go to a very technical institution. We didn't know that the schedule was going to be the same people for 2 entire years, approximately 8 hours a day. We saw each other more than we saw our own families, and we had to work through many stressful scenarios together. As time wore on, my energy started fading, and I was physically weakened by the stressful environment and having to deal with the relationship. I always put her first before anything, but was also aware that we spent too much time together, but I really just wanted us to bond a little aside from talking about school work all the time. I became really weak, both mentally and physically, and eventually she ended it because neither of us were happy in the relationship. In the end, we both did things that hurt one another, but we were always faithful to each other. The break up was very emotional for me, and it felt like we were in love again for that last day. the relationship lasted for only a year and half. It's been 6 months now, and I'm learning to be single again. I can now look back and think calmly about what happened. I've changed overall for the better. I'm a genuinely happier guy and a lot of the good things we shared together has stuck on with me. I'm now a more daring person, and I've planned out a few backpacking trips to see the world. Above all, I can truthfully wish for her happiness above all else. I know that a part of me will always love her, and there's nothing that will ever make me forget her. The important part now, is that I realize that I now have a big regret in my life. I regret the fact that I was too young, too inexperienced to make it work. Above all, the environment didn't allow our relationship to have the proper healthy growth that it needed, and I truly feel like I've lost a very important love of my life because... well life got in the way. We're friends, and I'm still always there to support her. Sometimes we reminence about our past, and have a chuckle at the happy times. I'm planning to spend a few years to figure out who I truly am (since I'm only 20), and learn more about myself before I get into another serious relationship. The question that I want to ask everyone is... After some soul searching for myself (and maybe her), I want to go back to her in a few years, and ask her if she wants to have another shot at our relationship, given that she's single and no one as amazing as her shows up in my life. I want to give our love another chance, and I'm well aware of the fact that there's a good chance that she might reject me as with every second chance scenarios. What are your opinions on the matter? I'm neither depressed nor desperate, but I often have a feeling that she may have been the one if circumstances were different, and I often hope that I wish I had met her 5 years later.
Don Ho Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Well Bro, you never know. But I agree you should travel, grow, learn about yourself and find new experiences. You may just meet the "One" during your travel. People do get back together years later. I have friends that dated in high school, lost contact, got married, had kids, got divorced at 35-45 and got back in touch with someone they dated ... only to marry them! I know it's painful Bro, but you have your whole life a head of you and if she's not the right one, you'll probably meet one that's equally or even more amazing!
Author dtyk Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Thanks bro. It was just a lot of frustration and confusion, because she's in my little cohort and I'll be seeing her A LOT for the next year. I saw her 3 days ago for the first time in 5 months. I had a lot of emotional confusions. We went out to dinner as a class today, and I was still very boggled down by all this madness. However, at the very end, we went to a halloween store together with some friends, and that really broke the ice for me. We laughed, fooled around, and I realized that this was the first time in 7 months that I could face her and genuinely say that I'm happy. This was a hurdle that I had to get over, and I can think back at our good times and smile from the bottom of my heart now. Thanks bro! I'll let life take its course and see if that special lady shows up.
pandagirl Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Thanks bro. It was just a lot of frustration and confusion, because she's in my little cohort and I'll be seeing her A LOT for the next year. I saw her 3 days ago for the first time in 5 months. I had a lot of emotional confusions. We went out to dinner as a class today, and I was still very boggled down by all this madness. However, at the very end, we went to a halloween store together with some friends, and that really broke the ice for me. We laughed, fooled around, and I realized that this was the first time in 7 months that I could face her and genuinely say that I'm happy. This was a hurdle that I had to get over, and I can think back at our good times and smile from the bottom of my heart now. Thanks bro! I'll let life take its course and see if that special lady shows up. You sound like a really mature guy for your age and you have coped with your breakup great -- no hard feelings, good introspection and focusing on yourself. I also had a recent breakup that was more due to life circumstances than anything else. Reading your story, though I'm much older than you!, gave me hope that I'll be able to move on and let go, too.
Author dtyk Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 PandaGirl, I believe in life, the hardest thing you can ever have is to have a happy relationship end because of life circumstances. Both her and I were devastated, but we knew that we just weren't happy together anymore. We still can't talk like before, where everything the other said was interesting and fascinating. However, I think the biggest power a person can have in life, is power over oneself. I honestly don't know if she was saddened by our break up for as long as I was. Girls are better at hiding their feelings than guys. I also remember crystal clear memories of good times that seemed like scenes out of a movie. I believe though, it is events like these that really makes us stronger and better. We shared some amazing times with our loved ones, and in return we traded a part of us for one another. Some of my favorite habits now were her habits. The way she acts now resembles me in many ways (even though she doesn't realize it). Truth be told, she has turned into everything I could've hoped for after our break up. She got prettier (I can tell because I saw her everyday, others were like whaaaat?), dresses better, gentler, more open to fun and possibilities, went to a club for the first time in her life, and etc. I will admit that for a short time after I saw her again I was thinking "If only I had made it work...". However, I realized that if we didn't have our time together, loved one another, and parted, neither of us would be what we are now. I wouldn't be going to Brazil in a couple of months to explore, she wouldn't be the charming and dazzling girl that she is now. I really don't know about her, or women in general, but I know that if I have kids or grand kids in the future, I can sit down and tell them that there was this wonderful girl that made me who I am and that they should also go out and find that girl that will make them or break them. It's what life is all about. I regret nothing about my relationship, and neither should you. I think one day will come when you can think back at the time that he swooped you off your feet and kissed you, be able to have a big smile about it, and be thankful that you ever met him. I know that I'm getting there, and even though that I still may miss her sometimes she will always be a part of me.
Author dtyk Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Hmm... It was hard. I remember sobbing over the loss (first time I cried in like almost a decade). Then one day I dreamed about her, and the her in my dream told me "It's ok, I know you tried." Then we walked down a dark street without saying a word and I woke up in cold sweat and tears. From that point on I realized that I'm a big mess and even my subconscious is telling me to man up. She must've been in pain too and I'm only selfishly trying to make things worse. I then remembered about how, when she fell in love with me I was a foul mouthed, rude guy but I had all the confidence in the world and I didn't let any hardships drag me down. So I directed my attention into how I can remember myself and make myself better so that I would never have to make another girl cry again. I started working out, stopped swearing, started offering help to people that I would've never helped before. I also came to appreciate every second as a blessing. Truth be told, every breath we take is a blessing, and we never pay the proper respect to them. When I start missing her and get that pain in my chest, I would breath and appreciate how lucky I actually am to be able to take this breath. I never knew what true love really was until I met her. For me, it's the first time in my life that I learned how to be selfless. If I could no longer provide the happiness that she deserves, then I will gladly step down from my position beside her as long as she can be happy again. I believe that when you really love somebody, you really just want her to smile and be happy. I can be at peace with that. I know deep down inside that love hits like a storm and you never really expect it, and I will fall in love again without seeing it coming. Before that, I owe it to myself to make sure that I'm everything I can be, do everything I can do, see everything I can see, try everything I can try. Even though I will always miss her, I remember that when we met, as long as she's happy I was too and vice versa. Wasn't that the most important thing to begin with? I'm sure that if you cheer up, find the joy in your life again, your partner will be happy too as long as you two truly cared for one another. When I see her laugh, it's bitter but at the same time very sweet. I appreciate her faithful devotion for me and all the time happy times that she gave me. If I didn't meet her my life would still be black and white. Now it's time that I let myself have the chance to make sure that I have no more regrets in life. That's how I am able to let her go. I even got a little teary writing this, but it didn't feel like it was out of sadness or despair, more like appreciation. People may have different opinions about this subject, but this is how I will always remember her. She will be that voice inside my telling me to keep going when things get tough.
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