Why still read and post?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

A Sister from my Prayer Group e-mailed me the link to this site. We couldn't believe our eyes. We read and pray for each and every one of you.

 

Unfortunately, it looks like we will be here for a long time.

 

Cool! I'll take all the prayers I can get! Certainly can't hurt! :) I apparently have a faulty connection.

 

September, I guess by your question we can assume that when you are no longer here then things are working out just fine for you. I see a ton of people disappear then come back some time later and say that things were fine but have taken a turn for the worse. That would be posters in ALL forums of this site. People post on dating who have gotten engaged or married.

 

For me its not about whether things are good or bad what-so-ever. Its more of some morbid curiousity of the psychology behind fidelity and infidelity as well as some of the personalities of the different roles involved. Nothing at all really to do with what is going on from minute to minute in my life!

[herenow]

I post because I can. I post because the kind people who run LS allow me to. Enough said.

[pureinheart]

Whilst browsing many posts on OW/OM and Infidelity (and on other forums) i have seen a lot of people whose marriages have recovered from infidelity. My question is why do they keep coming back to these forums if everything is so good, even years after.

 

I am not being nasty when asking of this but I genuinely wonder why if everything is as good as it's being made out to be why keep coming back and put themselves through the constant reminder of the affair. When I see posters write that their "marriage is better and stronger than ever" I become curious....

 

Hi September:)

 

I believe there to be an agenda...it's a matter of the heart, and I can't even begin to know the depths of my own heart even...what is the motive behind the motive.

 

My motives change all of the time depending on the OP and the tone of the replies. Sometimes I post to support others, and sometimes I post for healing myself, and sometimes there is just a good debate that I cannot resist.

 

Former BS, WS and OW...

[jj33]

I post because I can. I post because the kind people who run LS allow me to. Enough said.

 

Well said Herenow. Why are we even feeding this (she says as she posts to the thread:o)

[pureinheart]

I am sorry if a lot of you have taken this question the wrong way. I have stated a couple of times that this wasn't to have a dig at anyone or side with any particular group. I am not here to mock or psychoanalyze anyone. I too am here for help and support. I have only been an OW and not a BS, so my questions may come across from that viewpoint. I cannot speak or ask questions as a BS.

 

I was merely asking a question out of curiosity as I was hoping to one day get to a stage when I felt that I wouldn't need to come back here. By stating this, I am NOT belittling posters that stay and offer information or advice contrary to what a few responders feel.

 

When I first had my child, I used to frequent a parenting forum. I eventually got to the stage when I felt I didn't really feel the need to continue and slowly moved on.

 

SL, if my question or other posters questions of a similar nature are so tedious you would be better off just glazing over and ignoring them.

 

Hockeyfan, it is not an issue for me at all and I don't know why the original question is being blown out of proportion.

 

 

Unfortunately, I can now see this post being torn apart and criticised paragraph by paragraph...sometimes it's just better not to ask.....

 

I knew where you were coming from:)...and actually there should be a time to move on as LS or certain boards can counter productive to ones peace and healing...LS can be quite unhealthy at times.

 

I would venture to say that if a poster, no matter what side of the fence, has a consistant bitter tone after several years, then either there is an agenda, or that particular board resurfaces painful memories that have not been dealt with (and possibly never will), or both.

 

Take care September:)

[awkward]

I have absolutely no idea why I read or post here.

[SidLyon]

UH? Are you kidding me? You spend time here praying for strangers instead of people in real life?

 

Since you said that "it looks like we will be here for a long time", who is we? and do you feel like you are some sort of mission?

 

I don't even remember seeing this post from Nancy. Is it yet another one that's been deleted? The snippet quoted above seems to be at least as on topic as most other posts in this thread - it certainly answered the question about why Nancy is here posting.

 

After being mistaken for Nancy in another thread , I'm now going to take a special interest in her posts. I'm not religious Nancy nor am I an OW so I don't really need you all to pray for me, but I do appreciate the thought.

 

Like BB07 said though, it would be nice to know who you are, how many of you are posting if you can say so without giving away TMI.

 

PS To FA, I never saw the movie Sid and Nancy but I do remember the Sex Pistols.

[BB07]

I don't even remember seeing this post from Nancy. Is it yet another one that's been deleted? The snippet quoted above seems to be at least as on topic as most other posts in this thread - it certainly answered the question about why Nancy is here posting.

 

It got deleted, guess they missed deleting my somewhat snarky reply.

[NoIDidn't]

It got deleted, guess they missed deleting my somewhat snarky reply.

 

LOL. Its not that they *missed* your reply. Its that whoever reported her post because it offended them apparently loved your retort as it fit their *agenda* (God, I HATE that word in here) in reporting it.

 

Its always interesting to witness the subjective nature of things around here.

 

(nothing at all against your post, just thought your reply revealed something many don't want to see - the bias in posting AND reporting. lol, oh well.)

[2sunny]

some of us are here because we wish to be helpful. hopefully, some days are helpful more than others.

 

the variety in perspective and experience is inspiring in all it's diversity.

[BB07]

LOL. Its not that they *missed* your reply. Its that whoever reported her post because it offended them apparently loved your retort as it fit their *agenda* (God, I HATE that word in here) in reporting it.

 

Its always interesting to witness the subjective nature of things around here.

 

(nothing at all against your post, just thought your reply revealed something many don't want to see - the bias in posting AND reporting. lol, oh well.)

 

LOL, guess I'm a little s l o w as to what goes on around here at times. Gotta admit I was surprised the post got deleted, even more surprised that my reply didn't get cut also.

 

Actually I'm glad it's not too heavy handed around here and considering there is just one mod, it's not bad at all. I offered to help, but I guess you have to have a completely clean record to be taken seriously, which I don't. lol

[NoIDidn't]

I hope September comes back. After reading her responses, I believe this thread was started to understand and not to attack posters.

 

Other threads have been started to attack and I LOVE what Tony wrote in response to one of them once. Some posters only want to eliminate the voices that they disagree with. And its a shame too, because those are usually the voices you'll learn the most from.

 

And I guess that's why September posted this. She's trying to understand the rationale behind being happy in your marriage but still posting here. Its a real conundrum if we're honest with ourselves.

 

I just like to explore affairs and the mindsets of those in them. Its fascinating to me. But I know no one wants to feel their real dilemma's are someone else's morbid curiosity. Yet, I know so many affairs and outcomes - past and present - that I just want to understand some of the "whys" involved in them.

 

I know they (affairs and the people that participate in them) can't always be prevented, but it can help to understand so that I can help my BS and WS friends IRL navigate what they are going through.

 

Posting here has helped me so much IRL as I am no longer ignorant of so much of what happens in affairs. Even in knowing what type of affair it is and how to, or if one can, combat it as a BS. Or why the WS may have done it. And what may be motivating the OW/OM.

[September]

Hi September:)

 

I believe there to be an agenda...it's a matter of the heart, and I can't even begin to know the depths of my own heart even...what is the motive behind the motive.

 

My motives change all of the time depending on the OP and the tone of the replies. Sometimes I post to support others, and sometimes I post for healing myself, and sometimes there is just a good debate that I cannot resist.

 

Former BS, WS and OW...

 

I knew where you were coming from:)...and actually there should be a time to move on as LS or certain boards can counter productive to ones peace and healing...LS can be quite unhealthy at times.

 

I would venture to say that if a poster, no matter what side of the fence, has a consistant bitter tone after several years, then either there is an agenda, or that particular board resurfaces painful memories that have not been dealt with (and possibly never will), or both.

 

Take care September:)

 

I hope September comes back. After reading her responses, I believe this thread was started to understand and not to attack posters.

 

Other threads have been started to attack and I LOVE what Tony wrote in response to one of them once. Some posters only want to eliminate the voices that they disagree with. And its a shame too, because those are usually the voices you'll learn the most from.

 

And I guess that's why September posted this. She's trying to understand the rationale behind being happy in your marriage but still posting here. Its a real conundrum if we're honest with ourselves.

 

I just like to explore affairs and the mindsets of those in them. Its fascinating to me. But I know no one wants to feel their real dilemma's are someone else's morbid curiosity. Yet, I know so many affairs and outcomes - past and present - that I just want to understand some of the "whys" involved in them.

 

I know they (affairs and the people that participate in them) can't always be prevented, but it can help to understand so that I can help my BS and WS friends IRL navigate what they are going through.

 

Posting here has helped me so much IRL as I am no longer ignorant of so much of what happens in affairs. Even in knowing what type of affair it is and how to, or if one can, combat it as a BS. Or why the WS may have done it. And what may be motivating the OW/OM.

 

Thank you both for these lovely responses, you have both answered my questions far better than I ever could have and this was the type of insight I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to help....

[Spark1111]

Thank you both for these lovely responses, you have both answered my questions far better than I ever could have and this was the type of insight I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to help....

 

Hi September!

 

When I first discovered by H's affair, I was in shock, denial, and devastation.

 

I had formerly lived in a bubble: a suburban environment filled with happy families raising children by parents who seemed to be happily married.

 

Who knew? Not me, that's for sure.

 

I stumbled on LS when I googled OW/OM and grew fascinated with the mindset of people who would even engage in affairs with a MP. There was no one in my immediate circle of freinds and family who could help me...or so I thought initially. (soon found out differently!)

 

I came here to understand and maybe to rage, but the pain I saw on ALL SIDES of the triangle broke my heart and deeply humbled me.

 

I came for advice in the beginning, but needed to take frequent breaks from the site finding some of it just too painful to digest at that particular step in my process of healing.

 

Now I come to help others when possible, to inform, and to offer support where I have the personal experience to do so. But I still am learning.

 

I have received so much from many of the other posters here, much more than I have given I believe.

 

Do I need LS as much as I did? Thank God, no!

But I still learn from it.

[jthorne]

I post because I can. I post because the kind people who run LS allow me to. Enough said.

There ya go.

 

I mostly lurk over here but post on other LS boards. I was going to leave, but some people talked me into staying for a while, and I still get a few PM's. If I post over here, it's usually to point out a glaring issue or inconsistency.

And to annoy people that wish I would go away.

Edited September 15, 2010 by jthorne

[seren]

Hi September!

 

When I first discovered by H's affair, I was in shock, denial, and devastation.

 

I had formerly lived in a bubble: a suburban environment filled with happy families raising children by parents who seemed to be happily married.

 

Who knew? Not me, that's for sure.

 

I stumbled on LS when I googled OW/OM and grew fascinated with the mindset of people who would even engage in affairs with a MP. There was no one in my immediate circle of freinds and family who could help me...or so I thought initially. (soon found out differently!)

 

I came here to understand and maybe to rage, but the pain I saw on ALL SIDES of the triangle broke my heart and deeply humbled me.

 

I came for advice in the beginning, but needed to take frequent breaks from the site finding some of it just too painful to digest at that particular step in my process of healing.

 

Now I come to help others when possible, to inform, and to offer support where I have the personal experience to do so. But I still am learning.

 

I have received so much from many of the other posters here, much more than I have given I believe.

 

Do I need LS as much as I did? Thank God, no!

But I still learn from it.

 

 

I agree with all you have said Spark and the reasons you give for reading are mine also. I do think the boards have changed lately and it feels that there are more, not so much hostile as, BS v OW/OM threads and vice versa, there are so many people with the same problems over and over that I find myself taking longer breaks from LS, in particular the Infidelity boards.