Author waynebrady Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 SOME men have more dfficulty dating. Especially those whose attitudes SUCK! Some? I think alot more than "some" men have a difficulty dating. Look I admit I get bitter at times to but I don't hate women, it is what it is you know. Men are expected to be assertive and chase a woman, and not all men like it, alot of men are shy and hate it to have to always chase a woman they like. Men know that if they are not the "aggressor" then they'll never get a woman...
GorillaTheater Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Men are expected to be assertive and chase a woman, and not all men like it, alot of men are shy and hate it to have to always chase a woman they like. Men know that if they are not the "aggressor" then they'll never get a woman... You have to be reasonable aggressive to get alot of things in life, including but not limited to women. Give aggressiveness a shot guys. You might find that you like it more than you thought you would. And in any event it beats the hell out of being a "victim" even if that's the case only in your mind.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Well, I don't see how viewing porn would make him not attracted to my best friend, co-workers, etc. It's not as if a little porn would prevent him from viewing other women he sees in person as sexy. Fantasizing about having sex with her is way beyond What I don't get is how porn would change any of that. I read on here about how "that's just how guys are, we imagine every moderately attractive woman we meet naked". What difference would viewing more porn make? In my opinion... excessive porn has all kinds of negative side effects, including increased objectification of women. Excessive porn use should be strongly avoided. No we don't imagine every woman we know naked. We certainly don't fantasize about making love to them. When it comes time to masturbate... you need something in your head. Porn requires zero thought, and when your done its fairly easily forgotten. Fantasizing about someone real stays in the back of your head and doesn't quickly go away. I don't see why this should be an alien concept. It should work very similar for you. If you spent an hour or so a week fantasizing about what it would be like to be with a guy you knew.... it would have an effect. Especially if he interacted with you regularly.
MrNate Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Some? I think alot more than "some" men have a difficulty dating. Look I admit I get bitter at times to but I don't hate women, it is what it is you know. Men are expected to be assertive and chase a woman, and not all men like it, alot of men are shy and hate it to have to always chase a woman they like. Men know that if they are not the "aggressor" then they'll never get a woman... Well, the way I see it, eventually someone will have to approach. However, most girls under any circumstances will not, which is totally understandable. I tend to look at the upside though. I think as a man, it gives you a chance to make a great first impression, and heck, if things don't even go through, she'll remember you as the guys with the guts to come talk to her. And you'll be on her mind regardless. But if you're in a situation where women are constantly approaching you, well, heck, 'if it ain't broke, don't break it'.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Hell, that would be a problem for ME! I'm sorry, but I have NEVER seen a woman with that attitude on LS. If I had, I'd have put her in her place myself. I know you would! I saw you do it on the thread where the guy called off his wedding because his GF decided to stop the sex.
Author waynebrady Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 You have to be reasonable aggressive to get alot of things in life, including but not limited to women. Give aggressiveness a shot guys. You might find that you like it more than you thought you would. And in any event it beats the hell out of being a "victim" even if that's the case only in your mind. True, I got no problem being the aggressor when it comes to women. But it IS harder than being passive(which is what the woman is). Women don't seem to realise how easy dating is for them lol, they should appriciate what men have to do to "catch" them
GorillaTheater Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 True, I got no problem being the aggressor when it comes to women. But it IS harder than being passive(which is what the woman is). Women don't seem to realise how easy dating is for them lol, they should appriciate what men have to do to "catch" them Yeah, absolutely agree that dating is easier for women than it is for men. I guess my point is that even for men dating isn't necessarily hard. It largely depends on how attached you are to the outcome and how personally you take rejection. If you can remain detached regarding outcomes and rejection, dating isn't hard at all. As a matter of fact, it was a hell of alot of fun.
flying Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I've never met a guy that would turn down good sex so that he can masturbate alone in a corner like a loser. Typically sex FEELS way better than masturbation. If he is passing you up there is something wrong with the sex. I've had that issue in only one relationship. Believe it or not... women can be bad in bed. Sigh. It's reading things like this that just make me want to give up. And then you folks think that women are always blaming men? Um, no. But seriously, there is just NO OPPORTUNITY for women to talk about this as an issue, to honestly discuss whether porn might or might not be part of the problem. I'm not saying I hate porn, I'm not saying men suck, I'm saying that to my own certain knowledge this is a weird issue in my current relationship and apparently I"m not alone, so can we please talk about it, PLEASE??? But no, I guess we can't. It always comes back to this being the woman's fault. It's always "well, maybe you let yourself go," "maybe you're bad in bed," "maybe you don't offer it enough," "maybe this, maybe that." MAYBE the porn creates unrealistic expectations. MAYBE. Can't we at least discuss the possibility of the outside chance of the idea that maybe porn does affect SOME relationships SOME of the time, and it's not because women just plain suck and hate sex??? Can't we please? I feel like there's no way to discuss this at all without someone coming back and telling me I haven't tried, or I'm bad at sex, or I must be fat, or whatever. Yes, I have written threads about this being an issue in my relationship, and yes, these are all the responses I've gotten. But no, none of that is true. Ugh, I give up on this. There's no help to be had on this topic here.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Sigh. It's reading things like this that just make me want to give up. And then you folks think that women are always blaming men? Um, no. But seriously, there is just NO OPPORTUNITY for women to talk about this as an issue, to honestly discuss whether porn might or might not be part of the problem. I'm not saying I hate porn, I'm not saying men suck, I'm saying that to my own certain knowledge this is a weird issue in my current relationship and apparently I"m not alone, so can we please talk about it, PLEASE??? But no, I guess we can't. It always comes back to this being the woman's fault. It's always "well, maybe you let yourself go," "maybe you're bad in bed," "maybe you don't offer it enough," "maybe this, maybe that." MAYBE the porn creates unrealistic expectations. MAYBE. Can't we at least discuss the possibility of the outside chance of the idea that maybe porn does affect SOME relationships SOME of the time, and it's not because women just plain suck and hate sex??? Can't we please? I feel like there's no way to discuss this at all without someone coming back and telling me I haven't tried, or I'm bad at sex, or I must be fat, or whatever. Yes, I have written threads about this being an issue in my relationship, and yes, these are all the responses I've gotten. But no, none of that is true. Ugh, I give up on this. There's no help to be had on this topic here. I don't understand what is so difficult about this. Every guy is a bit different.... so just talk to him about it.
emely Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I wouldn't mind at all if my BF watched porn, we have a very satisfying sexlife but occasionally we watch porn together just because it's something different and can be a turn on. I've been away couple of times for about 2 weeks for work, and I wouldn't care if he watched porn alone in that time..I haven't even asked him cause it really doesn't matter to me! Don't know what the big fuss is?
flying Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) I don't understand what is so difficult about this. Every guy is a bit different.... so just talk to him about it. Brilliant, thanks. As though I hadn't. Isn't the point of this board that we're all trying to work stuff out that isn't getting worked out otherwise, that we're trying to seek others' opinions and hope for a variety of responses? Am I not supposed to seek help or hope for empathy here like everyone else because I have a non-traditional problem? I only tend to get one kind of response from guys, because the prevailing wisdom appears to be that if you question porn you're a ball-buster, period, end of story. Like I said, it's not worth discussing this on here. Every guy is different...but every woman, it would seem, is the same? Pointless. These boards do indeed make one more bitter. Edited September 10, 2010 by flying
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Brilliant, thanks. As though I hadn't. Isn't the point of this board that we're all trying to work stuff out that isn't getting worked out otherwise, that we're trying to seek others' opinions and hope for a variety of responses? Am I not supposed to seek help or hope for empathy here like everyone else because I have a non-traditional problem? I only tend to get one kind of response from guys, because the prevailing wisdom appears to be that if you question porn you're a ball-buster, period, end of story. Like I said, it's not worth discussing this on here. Every guy is different...but every woman, it would seem, is the same? Pointless. These boards do indeed make one more bitter. I've never read one of your threads before, I don't know what you have tried and what you haven't. I would be more than willing to provide good feedback on your problem. When you talk to him, what approach do you take and what is his response?
Ruby Slippers Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I've never met a guy that would turn down good sex so that he can masturbate alone in a corner like a loser. Typically sex FEELS way better than masturbation. If he is passing you up there is something wrong with the sex. I've had that issue in only one relationship. Believe it or not... women can be bad in bed. Trust me, the sex was not bad. He and I talked many times about the fact that it was the best sex either of us had ever had, and the shocking thing is that we never once had even mediocre sex. It was fireworks every freaking time. Many other women have posted similar stories. So you like the young dough-eyed boys... I think Shakz is over the age of 40, actually. And one of the smartest men on this board.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Trust me, the sex was not bad. He and I talked many times about the fact that it was the best sex either of us had ever had, and the shocking thing is that we never once had even mediocre sex. It was fireworks every freaking time. Many other women have posted similar stories. I think Shakz is over the age of 40, actually. And one of the smartest men on this board. Experience and age are not always hand in hand. If I blindly agreed with you would that make me wise as well? So if the sex was great.... why did he choose masterbation in your opinion? I've seen a few guys do that sort of thing. When it happens there is typically a reason.
lilbunny Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Personal view here- I would hope that if I was in a serious R that the need to help ourselves out wouldn't be that common an experience. I have no issues with porn at all, I'll watch it and it is much less threatening when you've seen enough of it, in fact if you have the right companion it can be hilarious or hot depending on your frame of mind at the time. I refuse to get jealous or insecure over a DVD or a website. If it was a bit too freaky it might worry me a touch that we weren't on the same page or it is was obsessive (nothing done to extremes is all that healthy). It is much better than them whacking one out thinking about someone I know and no worse or different to doing the same to the beach volley ball or something similar. If someone invented a vibrator that could buy a round of drinks I would of course marry it
Ruby Slippers Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 So if the sex was great.... why did he choose masterbation in your opinion? He told me: "I will always want to look at porn, no matter how much great sex I'm having or what my woman looks like."
Woggle Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Porn was something I looked at when I was single and too lazy to try and pick a woman up. I have no need for it now and I gave my mags to a friend.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 He told me: "I will always want to look at porn, no matter how much great sex I'm having or what my woman looks like." That sounds to me like he is hiding something and avoiding the issue. Some guys have a promiscuity issue that they use porn to bandaid. They have like an ADD and feel the need for something different all the time. Or it could be he felt performance pressure. He put so much effort into it when it did happen that it's much easier to use porn until the emotional need is great enough. Also... telling you it was the best sex ever doesn't really mean much, because most guys will lie about that type of thing. It's like when your GF says it's the biggest she's ever seen... Keep in mind that most of us (men and women alike) are really insecure and sensitive about our bedroom performance.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 That sounds to me like he is hiding something and avoiding the issue. Some guys have a promiscuity issue that they use porn to bandaid. They have like an ADD and feel the need for something different all the time. He was definitely the restless type. Also... telling you it was the best sex ever doesn't really mean much, because most guys will lie about that type of thing. It's like when your GF says it's the biggest she's ever seen... Keep in mind that most of us (men and women alike) are really insecure and sensitive about our bedroom performance. When it's the best sex of your lives, you both know. It's not rocket science. Just sweaty, screaming, toe-curling f*cking. You'll understand when it happens to you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 He was definitely the restless type. When it's the best sex of your lives, you both know. It's not rocket science. Just sweaty, screaming, toe-curling f*cking. You'll understand when it happens to you. Whatever the issue really was... I honestly don't think it was the porn itself. Haha.... I've had some experiences that I don't think it's possible to top. If I could find a way to make that consistent... I would have no interest in porn.
AD1980 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yeah, absolutely agree that dating is easier for women than it is for men. I guess my point is that even for men dating isn't necessarily hard. It largely depends on how attached you are to the outcome and how personally you take rejection. If you can remain detached regarding outcomes and rejection, dating isn't hard at all. As a matter of fact, it was a hell of alot of fun. Some of us cant even get to the dating part
SpaceJazz Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 What is the issue here is not the validity or otherwise of pornography. The issue here is seeing pornography as an act of sex. The word means literally, 'pictures of sex', it has been a practised 'art' form for thousands of years. Check out many Graeco/Roman pottery examples and earlier. The people who have a problem with pornography should not look at it. The same way with people who have allergies to nuts or wheat should avoid peanut butter on toast. Those that take the high moral ground on such issues need to take a while to have an internal discussion with why they need to take such a position. If your partner uses pornographic images to achieve orgasm do you REALLY think they are having sex with men/women/objects/animals/apparatus within the images? No one in their right mind could ever believe that is the case. The bottom line is that if your partner likes to achieve orgasm through pornographic images and you don't like it then you need to leave. Just try not to dress it up as a higher moral ground or 'leaving their sorry a55'.
Alma Mobley Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) oh nevermind Edited September 11, 2010 by Alma Mobley
OliveOyl Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 While I understand the male sex drive and need for release... I'm just curious why porn is specifically required for a sexual release. Is the need for porn (not orgasm, but porn to enable orgasm) a male thing? Because personally, I have never required anything other than my imagination or a "replay" of something that occurred sometime in my life. And when I discovered self-stimulation in my early teens, I wasn't even imagining sex acts at all. Porn is a fairly recent phenomenon, fifty years ago, yes there were porn magazines but they weren't as accessible as Internet porn. 100 years ago perhaps there was very little porn. But men survived. And why the assumption that if it's not porn, then it will be imagining "one's secretary" or someone else? Don't men ever use images of their *own partner* to get off?
MrNate Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 While I understand the male sex drive and need for release... I'm just curious why porn is specifically required for a sexual release. Is the need for porn (not orgasm, but porn to enable orgasm) a male thing? Because personally, I have never required anything other than my imagination or a "replay" of something that occurred sometime in my life. And when I discovered self-stimulation in my early teens, I wasn't even imagining sex acts at all. Porn is a fairly recent phenomenon, fifty years ago, yes there were porn magazines but they weren't as accessible as Internet porn. 100 years ago perhaps there was very little porn. But men survived. And why the assumption that if it's not porn, then it will be imagining "one's secretary" or someone else? Don't men ever use images of their *own partner* to get off? They see their partner naked in real life all the time. I think the reason porn is often used is for the variety effect. To take a break from you already see/have, if you will. A chance to fantasize. Heck, one of my best guy friends has a girlfriend, and he still views it. He loves her to death regardless, because he knows where to draw the line between fantasy and reality. Plus, guys simply thrive on visual stimulation, whether that's porn or real life. (As evidenced by the way they can get riled up sexually by seeing a hot bod). Humans value novelty. This is just what I think is part of the reason.
Recommended Posts