waynebrady Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Most women in relationships seem to be completley against the man watching porn and taking care of himself even when she refuses to have sex with him. IMO that's just cruel. What's your take in this? To women why would it bother you that your man is watching porn and taking care of himself when you are not having sex with him anyway? SOOO many many men get unsatisfied sexually in relationships so they need to do something. Men simply can't go without sex or masturbating for weeks at a time like women can.
Enema Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I think you've just had some bad apples. I've only had a few partners that had issues with porn / masturbation. I promptly moved on.
Shakz Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Personally, I think pornography is a childish fascination. If someone I was with was really interested in pornography it would call into question their maturity, both emotionally and sexually. I understand about voyuerism, and that some people need it, but how many people who look at porn are true voyuers, and how many are in arrested adolescence?
Author waynebrady Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Personally, I think pornography is a childish fascination. If someone I was with was really interested in pornography it would call into question their maturity, both emotionally and sexually. I understand about voyuerism, and that some people need it, but how many people who look at porn are true voyuers, and how many are in arrested adolescence? Most men need porn or you know atleast something to be able to masturbate. I am pretty shure 99% of all men watches porn lol. If a man doesn't get any sex from his girlfriend or wife and she doesn't want him to watch porn then what is he supposed to do?
carhill Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 If I *have* to turn to porn and masturbation for some twisted semblance of intimacy in a relationship, she'll be out on her azz before the sheets get wrinkled. Bye-bye. Marriage teaches one lots of lessons and this one was big. If a man who has a loving and sexually intimate relationship *chooses* to whack his noodle to porn instead of being with his partner/wife, I'd expect her to kick his sorry azz out too, and the reverse (reversing the genders). Men *can* do anything they want within the laws of their relevant jurisdiction. So can women. If what either does indicates incompatibility, leave. Don't complain about it. Waste of valuable time. Get moving. Lots of life to live.
elaina Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Most women in relationships seem to be completley against the man watching porn and taking care of himself even when she refuses to have sex with him. IMO that's just cruel. What's your take in this? To women why would it bother you that your man is watching porn and taking care of himself when you are not having sex with him anyway? SOOO many many men get unsatisfied sexually in relationships so they need to do something. Men simply can't go without sex or masturbating for weeks at a time like women can. Men can look at porn. I mean, unless they're physically restrained from doing so. I think though that the issue with why many women don't want men to watch porn is because it hurts their feelings. For example, a friend (not me) got hurt when she found out her husband watched porn, because she thinks that he doesn't find her as attractive and desirable as the women in the porn industry, and that hurts her feelings. Also, she thinks it's like cheating, just without the actual person there. Women are very diverse. For many women, they think the above. For others, they like watching porn too. For others, they seem neutral about it. Because women are so diverse, I think it's important for the men who say they love them to ask them what is their opinion on porn and to talk about it and to consider their female loved one's feelings on the matter, even if they don't agree. Women's feelings and thoughts are important. At least, I hope they are to the men who say they love them.
elaina Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 If I *have* to turn to porn and masturbation for some twisted semblance of intimacy in a relationship, she'll be out on her azz before the sheets get wrinkled. Bye-bye. Marriage teaches one lots of lessons and this one was big. If a man who has a loving and sexually intimate relationship *chooses* to whack his noodle to porn instead of being with his partner/wife, I'd expect her to kick his sorry azz out too, and the reverse (reversing the genders). Men *can* do anything they want within the laws of their relevant jurisdiction. So can women. If what either does indicates incompatibility, leave. Don't complain about it. Waste of valuable time. Get moving. Lots of life to live. Wow Carhill! Great post!
Shakz Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Most men need porn or you know atleast something to be able to masturbate. I am pretty shure 99% of all men watches porn lol. If a man doesn't get any sex from his girlfriend or wife and she doesn't want him to watch porn then what is he supposed to do? If he's single, has he no imagination? If he's in a relationship, has he no love? I've never been in that situation where I was denied sex so I suppose I should not comment, but it seems to me that one man, one woman. Sex, love, passion, desire. Who needs to look elsewhere? I really feel sorry for those seem to be victims of abuse. Why stay? At any rate, how does watching others screw satisfy you?
Author waynebrady Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Men can look at porn. I mean, unless they're physically restrained from doing so. I think though that the issue with why many women don't want men to watch porn is because it hurts their feelings. For example, a friend (not me) got hurt when she found out her husband watched porn, because she thinks that he doesn't find her as attractive and desirable as the women in the porn industry, and that hurts her feelings. Also, she thinks it's like cheating, just without the actual person there. Women are very diverse. For many women, they think the above. For others, they like watching porn too. For others, they seem neutral about it. Because women are so diverse, I think it's important for the men who say they love them to ask them what is their opinion on porn and to talk about it and to consider their female loved one's feelings on the matter, even if they don't agree. Women's feelings and thoughts are important. At least, I hope they are to the men who say they love them. I can understand women can get hurt by it. But you know, men can get hurt aswell when their girlfriend/wife refuses to have sex with him. It can make the man think she doesn't find him attractive or desirable, and that can hurt the mans feelings you know. If a woman has sex with her man enough, then he won't need to look at porn. This is about women who don't want to have sex with their man and also don't want him to be able to look at porn and take care of himself.
TaurusTerp Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 If he's single, has he no imagination? If he's in a relationship, has he no love? I've never been in that situation where I was denied sex so I suppose I should not comment, but it seems to me that one man, one woman. Sex, love, passion, desire. Who needs to look elsewhere? I really feel sorry for those seem to be victims of abuse. Why stay? At any rate, how does watching others screw satisfy you? Youre so naive that it is charming.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 If he's single, has he no imagination? If he's in a relationship, has he no love? I've never been in that situation where I was denied sex so I suppose I should not comment, but it seems to me that one man, one woman. Sex, love, passion, desire. Who needs to look elsewhere? I really feel sorry for those seem to be victims of abuse. Why stay? At any rate, how does watching others screw satisfy you? So... if his SO is withhold sex and he uses porn to compensate... HE is unloving? Uh... porn is for me what a dildo is for you. It's a convenient tool to help me get off quickly. I agree with your ideals... but it's ridiculously common for women to withhold sex in long term relationships. You can't deny that fact. So... what then? You suggest all those guys dump their wife and kids over it?
carhill Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Some men (and women) stay in untenable relationships because of fear, perhaps of losing their children and/or their life's work, or of 'starting over'. Absent that, why stay is a compelling question and, even in a distressed marriage, a reasonable one. Conquer the fear, get the noodle and psyche properly addressed and become an even better and more loving parent as well as better partner to someone who is compatible. Having walked both paths, I find it far healthier to face the fear, conquer it, and whack a noodle in peace.
Shakz Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Youre so naive that it is charming. I must be. I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way.
Shakz Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 So... if his SO is withhold sex and he uses porn to compensate... HE is unloving? Uh... porn is for me what a dildo is for you. It's a convenient tool to help me get off quickly. I agree with your ideals... but it's ridiculously common for women to withhold sex in long term relationships. You can't deny that fact. So... what then? You suggest all those guys dump their wife and kids over it? :laugh:I'm a dude!
elaina Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I can understand women can get hurt by it.That's good, cause sometimes it seems that some men don't care about if their loved one is hurt by it. But you know, men can get hurt aswell when their girlfriend/wife refuses to have sex with him. It can make the man think she doesn't find him attractive or desirable, and that can hurt the mans feelings you know.Excellent point. Can't argue with you there... well maybe i can. Some women (not many or all) don't have a high sex drive, so maybe these women do not want sex as much as their partner does, which is truly very sad. It's one thing that couples really need to address before getting into a committed relationship if it is a committed relationship they are in. Even though, I've heard that couples can change too. That's a difficult thing so good point. It's hard for me to understand personally, because when I was married, my ex and I had sex at least once every day, except for around 3 days every month cause of Aunt Flo. If a woman has sex with her man enough, then he won't need to look at porn. Ok understood. This is about women who don't want to have sex with their man and also don't want him to be able to look at porn and take care of himself.Oh well that does seem very unfair, but I don't understand why a woman would want to be in a relationship where she doesn't want to have sex with her man, except for if she has a low sex drive or is depressed or something.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I must be. I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way. Hey I felt just like you once, believe me your not alone. In my early 20's I met a woman I thought was exactly what I needed. She was a reformed party girl and we had an amazing relationship while dating. We got married shortly therafter and suddenly I found myself going months without sex. Every source I turned to told me it was my fault and I should do X, Y, and Z to fix it. Nothing really helped because of course... it wasn't really in my control, and I wasn't really the problem. Yet I never once had someone tell me that. Experiencing life kills any notions of idealism.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 :laugh:I'm a dude! Ok... I take back the dildo comment? Oh... unless of course your into guys.
that girl Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I don't care about porn. It isn't my thing, but unless it is really creepy/illegal porn or he is watching it instead of having sex, I don't really care. Most men need porn or you know atleast something to be able to masturbate. You really don't. Lots of men and women masterbate without porn. For thousands of years it was hard to access and people still managed to get themselves off. If I *have* to turn to porn and masturbation for some twisted semblance of intimacy in a relationship, she'll be out on her azz before the sheets get wrinkled. Bye-bye. Marriage teaches one lots of lessons and this one was big. If a man who has a loving and sexually intimate relationship *chooses* to whack his noodle to porn instead of being with his partner/wife, I'd expect her to kick his sorry azz out too, and the reverse (reversing the genders). Do be fair, even in a loving relationship there are going to be times when porn is the only option- your partner isn't around, is physically unable due to illness or just isn't in the mood. but it's ridiculously common for women to withhold sex in long term relationships I do not deny that some women intentionally withhold sex, but I think too often men assume the woman is withholding as if to hurt him rather than getting to the heart of the issue. Maybe she is stressed out and just doesn't have the energy, maybe she is annoyed at him and he isn't addressing the problem, maybe there is a physical issue, maybe she doesn't have the same sex drive as him. I think sex is important, but when you treat sex as something you are owed the relationship won't be healthy. If a man is with someone who is really upset at him watching porn, he needs to talk to her. See if the issue is her feeling insecure or if she feels he is choosing the porn over her or if there is something specific about the porn that is bothering her. If they can't work it out, they should both move on. But this attitude that "Porn is what men do!" is silly, two people are in a relationship, not two genders.
carhill Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I don't understand why a woman would want to be in a relationship where she doesn't want to have sex with her man, except for if she has a low sex drive or is depressed or something. I can help with this, having had much experience being an emotional tampon for women. *Some* women have a nearly compulsive desire to couple up, or get their needs otherwise met by a man, needs of feeling desired, feeling attractive, feeling important, feeling secure. *Some* women use sex to enable this process, though they find sex otherwise repulsive. If they can get those needs met without sex, with men like I used to be, that is preferable. I'm still seeing these Hoovers today and interact with them regularly, though with much better boundaries. I pity the poor men they hornswaggle into marrying them. IMO, they deserve a life devoid of cross-gender intimacy, or, perhaps more charitably, one with professional psychological help. They really are not equipped to be intimate in the healthy sense of the word.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 You really don't. Lots of men and women masterbate without porn. For thousands of years it was hard to access and people still managed to get themselves off. Yup... back then he just imagined doing his wife's friend or his secretary. Is that preferable to a random stranger? I do not deny that some women intentionally withhold sex, but I think too often men assume the woman is withholding as if to hurt him rather than getting to the heart of the issue. Maybe she is stressed out and just doesn't have the energy, maybe she is annoyed at him and he isn't addressing the problem, maybe there is a physical issue, maybe she doesn't have the same sex drive as him. I think sex is important, but when you treat sex as something you are owed the relationship won't be healthy. If a man is with someone who is really upset at him watching porn, he needs to talk to her. See if the issue is her feeling insecure or if she feels he is choosing the porn over her or if there is something specific about the porn that is bothering her. If they can't work it out, they should both move on. But this attitude that "Porn is what men do!" is silly, two people are in a relationship, not two genders. Sex isn't owed any more than love is owed, and lets be clear... no sex = no love. Unless there is a physical impairment withholding sex or affection from a partner is simply unacceptable. I can understand an occasional not feeling it. Don't get me wrong. Guys can withhold sex too. It's just the overall attitude is that if your a guy and your SO is withholding sex... it's all your fault. As if it's totally cool for a woman to withhold sex for whatever ridiculous reason she chooses.
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Well, in my relationship, it was my MALE ex who hated me watching porn. So...I can kinda relate to the male argument to an extent. Though I completely understand why some people are uncomfortable with porn.
meerkat stew Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Porn is just wrong, it's only for sicko pervs! I jerk off 20-30 times a day without porn, no problemo!
Ruby Slippers Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) Most women in relationships seem to be completley against the man watching porn and taking care of himself even when she refuses to have sex with him. IMO that's just cruel. What's your take in this? I've only been in one relationship in which he was open about his occasional porn use. I didn't like it because I loved having sex with him and was always up for it, and I felt sad that he would choose wanking to porn over having sex with me. If I didn't want to have sex with him and he turned to porn, I would understand. But given that we had a great sex life and tons of passion, it didn't make sense to me. In the beginning of the relationship, we talked about how we both had high sex drives and had not yet found a partner who could really keep up. And in the beginning, it was ON. He told me how happy he was that I never "turned him down". Being with him made me feel very feminine, and he said he had "never felt more like a man". He's the one who got sexually lazy, and I think that's when the porn came in. Edited September 10, 2010 by Ruby Slippers
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Sometimes my boyfriend and I work virtually opposite schedules...making fulfilling sexual contact impossible on those days. In those cases, both of us watch porn on our own time as a way to relax and experience that orgasmic release that we all need. And then, when our schedules actually align, we f*ck like rabbits. Here's another instance where porn is helpful though...usually I'll come home from work on my boyfriend's day off (which is usually not one of my days off) and be ready for sex. Unfortunately he sometimes gets so aroused that once we get to the actual act (after lots of foreplay) he doesn't last very long! So on those days I prefer that he watches porn and jacks it once or twice. That way when I come home, yes he's still horny and wants to jump my bones, but he lasts longer since he's already had an orgasm earlier in the day. I've also never had him choose porn over me (i.e. watch it while I'm at work and then not be interested in me when I get home). We both have pretty high sex drives so that might have something to do with it.
Scottdmw Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 If a man is in a loving relationship with a woman, and his porn use really bothers her, the question for me would be why he is so attached to it? The notion that men “need” it is unfounded, as another poster pointed out it was not even available in anything like its present form for most of recorded history. There was a story in the news a while back about a bunch of executives at the Securities Exchange Commision being caught using porn at work while the nation's financial crisis unfolded. http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2010/04/did-porn-cause-the-financial-crisis/39414/ To me, that's pretty good evidence that porn is addictive and harmful completely outside the context of any particular relationship. If men with jobs of high importance can spend up to eight hours a day when they are supposed to be working looking at porn instead, and justify that to themselves, it seems like they could justify almost anything. This is a hallmark of strong addictions. Looking at cases like this, I personally make the decision to stay away from porn for my own sake. Scott
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