Dumper wants to get back with me but there's her scumbag ex I hate...should I do it?

[dextm]

So my coworker/ex-gf broke up with me around 1 month ago when I refused to give her a "break" and instead asked her: "Why not break up instead?".

 

We were previously together for 8 months.

 

I went NC but lasted only for a few days until we became "friends" again (but not a couple). A week later, we tried and failed breakup secks, were still "friends", then I went NC again the following week... NC lasted a good 7 days until she finally broke thru my wall yesterday. She confronted me at my cube and we end up arguing/discussing the past for 1+ hour. I was weak, hurt, and made sure she regret breaking up with me.

 

Today, she slips me a note saying "I'm having second thoughts". After work, we hug, kiss, caress, have dinner. She wants me back. She needs me. Her life is worse without me. She has her list of changes/improvements she wants from me, ultimatums if you must say, and I have some too. I think it's essential for couples entering a second-chance relationship to sit down and discuss what needs to change in order to create a more successful relationship.

 

But that's not my issue. My issue is what's happened in between our breakup and our makeup. As soon as we broke up, she contacted her ex (her first real lover), a horrible scumbag (in my books) that she had previously been ignoring for 7 years. Background history - her ex cheated to be with her (makes her feel very special), then he dumped her abruptly and got the original woman preggo, 7 years ago. He's been begging for forgiveness for 7 straight years and she's been ignoring him for 7 straight years...until they accidentally met on the bus in June 2010 and exchanged contact info. She was honest and told me everything about the ex, how it all went down, how he was begging for forgiveness for so long, how she would ignore him but at the same time wanted answers / closure (aka she has baggage), how she felt like he still "owed" her something, etc. I felt furious and basically gave her a "cease all contact with him or I break up" ultimatum and she sided with me. She emailed him asking him to stop messaging her because she was in a "happy relationship" so according to her, he never messaged her again after that day.....

 

Well fast forward to our post-breakup - she saw the ex immediately the day after we broke up, meaning she kept his contact info from before. They apparently got closure, talked, and went out to eat multiple times. She said she didn't play games, but one day she wore a scandalous dress to work, spent 30 mins. to do make up, all for the EX of course, and when I asked "Why dress up to just have a chat", she replied "To make him regret what he threw away". Call me a jealous whore but that's a game right there. I found out a week later that they "kissed" (she told me) and today when I brought it up again, she said "they still have an attraction", she has "mixed feelings for him" (mind you he just broke up and is in the same boat as her), and they are trying to "build a friendship".

 

But yet she chooses me. She still wants me because she feels safe and comfortable. And I still have feelings for her. We both do. But somehow I can't wrap my head around the fact that her scumbag ex still breathes. I told her that if we got back together, it would be me OR ex, not both. She has looooots of love to give, but not enough to spread around for every man. It has to be me or him. And she understands and agrees 10000%. She knows I can't live and function with her ex lingering in the background as a "friend" or what not so she is willing to sacrifice her "revamped, renewed friendship" with the ex for a "loving, caring, nurturing relationship" with me.

 

I kinda trust her. I am confident she won't do anything stupid behind my back, but I don't know if I can trust the ex. The ex was never a problem in our relationship until she told me she felt like he "owed her something". We didn't break up because of the ex. Heck I don't even know WHY I hate the ex so much when he's done nothing to me directly. Just indirectly..by messing my ex-gf up real bad for 7 years, acting like a chump, begging for forgiveness, and now befriending her... We have similarly bigger issues to work on, but somehow I cannot move on and work on our other issues if this ex is in the picture. It's like I need him dead and removed from our planet. Does anyone get my drift? Am I too insecure? Or am I being overly cautious? What should I do?

Edited September 10, 2010 by dextm

[dextm]

bump, any commentS?

[Trojan John]

You kinda trust this girl who not only has been debating her feelings about her ex for 7 years, but also went straight to him the day after you broke up.

 

This can only end well for you...