FeedingOnFever Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I've chosen morals. A friend of mine was taken advantage of sexually by two of our former friends. Those two friends gave her an STD on top of that. No, it's not fatal (thank god), but it's for life. Once I heard this, I cut those two former friends out of my life and I've been doing my best to support my other friend who was the victim in this situation. I thought the rest of our friends would do the same thing, but I was very wrong. "But those two have been my friends for such a long time, I don't think I can just turn my back on them" and "I'm just staying out of this situation, it doesn't affect me so I don't have to do anything" and "well, I don't know what happened exactly so I won't take sides" are the three most common responses I hear. Of our 15 or so other friends, I am the only one who has decided that what was done to this girl is unacceptable and unforgivable. I confronted the two who did this, and I did at least hear out their side of the story. I wanted to make an informed decision. They fully admitted to having done this, but say alcohol was involved and they were drunk and not thinking straight; as if this is an excuse. I told them point-blank, that I don't feel comfortable around them anymore and I am deeply upset and betrayed on behalf of the girl they hurt. The two told me that they understood how I felt now and would leave me alone, but of course tried to guilt trip me: "I didn't think our friends would abandon us so easily." EASILY? Anyway, I'm here because I am having a really, really hard time coping with the fact that I'm REALLY the only one who is showing those two that consequences come after their actions. I didn't scream at them or punch them, but I calmly stated that there is no going back after what they've done. The rest of our friends are either too nonconfrontational, too apathetic, or too cowardly to stand up and do what's right. Many of them confessed to me outright that it makes them sick that this happened but they don't want to outright say that they are upset with those two people. They don't want to make waves, don't want to be disliked, and don't want to deal with doing the right thing because it's hard. I'm incredibly disappointed and jaded and I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding saying anything to anyone about this, but I have to figure out where my morals stand. This situation just made me realize how different I am from so many of my friends, and I hate to say it, but the way they handled this situation makes me lose respect for them, and also I don't trust them; if it were me, I know now that they would not support me, not stand up for me, and not even express anger at someone who had violated and hurt me. I don't know if I can deal with that group of people anymore, but I realize I could be overreacting. Advice? Sorry for the wall of text.
TaraMaiden Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I for one back you a complete 100%. In matters of Taste, swim with the current. in matters of Principle, stand like a rock. If it helps at all, I am in complete agreement with you. Well done. I wish I had a friend like you, I'd be proud to call you a buddy. So there.
Author FeedingOnFever Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Thank you very much for that. Sometimes it just helps to hear that someone doesn't think you're crazy for what you've decided to do. I really appreciate it. Right now I'm trying to stick close to the few people who are closest to me, and reserve judgment on everyone else. There are some people who are very angry at the two who did this, and even if they aren't going to act on that anger, it makes me feel a little better to know I'm not the only one who is upset by this. For now that's all I can do, until I figure out how to deal with this situation from here on out.
florence of suburbia Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 You should be proud of your decision. You stood by your beliefs and you should have no regrets. Do you mind if I ask your age and the ages of your friends?
quankanne Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I'd be proud to call you a buddy. ditto ... because a real friend understands what crosses the line, what isn't acceptable. And to take advantage of an alleged friend – especially in that manner – goes waaaay past that line. Plain and simple, they're jerks, and so are the sheeple who refuse to call them down for their behavior. I'm glad this person has you on her side, pulling for her and helping her hold her head high.
Amira4210 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Good for you, there world would be such a better place if there were more friends like you around, I know mine would be sorry that you are so upset about this, you will soon get used to living life without those 2 guys, and hopefully your friend will be by your side for a long time like you have done her! I see where your other friends are coming from, but at the same time they seem very selfish, are they boys, bc boys usually react this way to "drama" but girls tend to get more (emotionally) involved. Good luck!
that girl Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 You're saying they raped her? If that is the case, I not only would drop the friends who did this, I would pull back from anyone who remains friends with them and make it clear why I was pulling back. Some things are unforgiveable.
Woggle Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I have friends who are not model citizens but I would never be friends with a rapist.
Leigh 87 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 If these two friends had sex with your friend when she said no, and did nto give them her permission, then they violated her and that is a serious offence. To them, they may just have been drunk and it may not have felt like a big deal. This is where it confuses me; how can you have sexual relations with a women, WITHOUT getting her permission, and not instinctively kNOW that it is WRONG? I would keep your " friends" ( except those two idiots), but consider them " aquaintances". They are people you enjoy talking to, but if you were hurt or violated, they have shown that they would not care or support you. They are not real friends. I would go out with your friend who was violated, and together, try to meet new people, which could lead to new friendships being formed. In the meantime, talk to your old friends, but just see them for what they are; people who like talking to you, but not people who would ever do anything for you. Sorry to hear how your friend was hurt by her so called " friends". How disguisting. TARAMAIDEN is right though! I would love friends who acted as you did, if that were to happen to me. Start feeling proud of the fact that you are nicer than the average person. It sucks how your friends showed their true colours, but it also highlights the fact that you are better then your friends in that respect, in your you deal with these situations.
fltc Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I agree with the OP 100% The rape issue is irrelevent since I gathered from the OP's post the sex was consensual but not warning the woman about the STD and, even worse, not using protection is completely wrong.
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