CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 You guys. Sheesh. You need to cut this out. You are never, ever going to be able to manipulate someone back into your life. You are only going to make things much, much worse for yourself. If the person who dumped you really wanted to be with you they would be busting down your front door to get to you. The simple fact is they walked away. They don’t feel that you are “the one” for them – and that’s OK! The sooner you let the wrong person walk away the sooner the RIGHT person can find you. But the longer you pine, the longer you sulk, the longer you try to change the situation to the way you want it to be, the longer you are going to be depressed. It’s not the end of the world if someone walks away. It NEVER is. It’s simple a fact of life. You can choose to become a better person or you can choose to become a BITTER person. It’s simply a choice that you make. All of us have been dumped here before and all of us have probably dumped someone. That’s just life. You think you’re feeling bad and I understand. So did the people you dump as well but I guarantee you they moved on as well. I assure you, you will find only a very small percentage (like 0.05%) of the discussions about second chances result in the relationship resuming, blossoming and lasting a lifetime. And I am willing to bet almost all second chances end up in second failures as well. And the sad part about all this is while you’re sulking, pining and wishing for a second chance, the right person may have come and gone in your life. Cheers.
newguyhere Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 CaliGuy, do you mind if I print that off and stick it on my fridge? lol.
cavedweller Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 CaliGuy, There is a lot of wisdom in your post. If I can add to it: An ex is an ex is an ex..
Author CaliGuy Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 CaliGuy, do you mind if I print that off and stick it on my fridge? lol. Absolutely! CaliGuy, There is a lot of wisdom in your post. If I can add to it: An ex is an ex is an ex.. Yep. OR: "An Ex is an Ex, FOR A REASON!"
paleblue Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Agreed. Trying to be friends after the fact is also such a huge waste of your time (like 99.95%). As good as the intentions are at the time, in the end it typically winds up being more aggravation than it is worth. So do yourself a favor, let that boat sail if you are approached on it. Thanks, but no thanks. Why settle for less than what you already had? You will never get it back 100%. And you will just wind up feeling lousy, while they are happy because they now have the best of both worlds, you in their pocket, while they continue to pursue a new relationship with someone else.
lee777 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Sometimes when people split, they reevaluate what's important to them. They change, not because they want that dysfunctional relationship back, but because they don't want their lover to feel that way about them ever again. JMHO, the bulk of reconciled relationships don't experience any change, and that leads to more heartache in the future. However, sometimes the problem causer recgonizes something very instramental in their failed relationship, and it takes a new path, and that relationship is changed forever. It's a moment of truth ... it's a fork in the road. Though this is rare, this does indeed happen.
Fouts Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 It's the dreaded ego and insecurities that rear their ugly head when someone gets dumped. Most of the time the person who got dumped knew it wasn't working, knew it wasn't going to work, but due to the fact they got dumped, can't let it go. It becomes an obsession for some people, endless texts, emails and mindless phone messages. Reduces their self esteem to nothing and they convince themselves that it was some other reason the person left the relationship. Not the fact that them being a part of it was the biggest reason. 2nd chances rarely work, the one's that do eventually breakdown. Even if it's another year or two that it works again before the same problems resurface and finally end it for good. Best thing to do, take your pain medicine and move on with life, find someone who wants to be with you, wants you in their life.
boltsfan17 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I don't understand why people believe second chances don't work. Most people in relationships I know of are from second chances. A few have led to marriage. Second chances work, but of course it depends on how a couple go about it. Just because someone choses to end a relationship doesn't always necessarily mean they felt the person "wasn't the one" for them. I do agree that trying to get someone back through manipulation or games is not the way to go.
pandagirl Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 If a relationship was screwed up, dysfunctional, or there was cheating or major trust broken, I don't see why the two would want to get back together. There are instance where it works though. I hear about reconciliations often. I'm not saying they are common -- they are the exception. Here's the thing: YOU CANNOT WAIT AROUND FOR THE PERSON TO COME BACK. Move on with your life. Date other people. Make yourself happy. Let go. In every single story I've heard of a successful second chance, both parties moved on as if they were never getting back together again.
lullaby Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 If a relationship was screwed up, dysfunctional, or there was cheating or major trust broken, I don't see why the two would want to get back together. There are instance where it works though. I hear about reconciliations often. I'm not saying they are common -- they are the exception. Here's the thing: YOU CANNOT WAIT AROUND FOR THE PERSON TO COME BACK. Move on with your life. Date other people. Make yourself happy. Let go. In every single story I've heard of a successful second chance, both parties moved on as if they were never getting back together again.[/QUOTE] Well said. I think exactly the same. I do believe in second chances though I know they're an exception and both parties need to work on it. It first depends whether there was cheating involved or something of the sort, and then of the love the couple had, if it's strong enough, it can survive and endure anything. I too hear of many reconciliation stories and from close friends, so I know the details and the same pattern occurred: they moved on as if they were never getting back, and one day they simple did. It's true you can't be waiting for your ex to come back, there's the mistake and that's what we should avoid. We need to move on, meet new people, even date, go out with someone else, whatever, but heal on our own, with whatever makes us happy, and if that love we had for that someone is still there when she/he comes back, then it'll all be good. That's what I think
Billie The Puppet Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Well in my family my cousin had split with his ex, and now they have worked out their differences and they are back as a couple, My father still "dates" his second ex-wife but choses not to live with her. Now I see myself and look at my situation I felt like I was making progress getting over her but the last few days it feels just like the day she broke up with me and like I am having to start all over again. NC however is still intact at the moment even though it only started a month after the break up. I'm on Day 8 of it and don't feel the urge to contact her, yet she hasn't contacted me which is a little unusual as she has tried so all other times I attempt NC by now. I think she actually may be over me or she listened to my NC email. I have a lot of good things going on in my life, that have been popping out since the break up but I feel the break up is what has given me the chance for these opportunities to surface, I have Job offerings, Established Credit, Purchased Vehicle and working on a Drivers License (Late in life but it's something I will have a boost in my confidence) Been working out, Eating Healthy. Despite those I am regaining those feelings of self pity and still pedestaling my Ex still because I am back to mourning the loss of my relationship and to be fair its the weekend when we would normally be together.
Quest Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 There is one case I know of where a relationship ended, the couple were completely apart with NC for four months and then one of them (my friend) got in touch again saying she was missing her ex but only to get in touch if he felt the same way. He did and they are now married with kids. But I think that's unusual. My friend's partner admitted that he had been an **se and knew he had to offer something very firm and committed if he was get back into her life - hence the proposal. People do make mistakes and end relationships they shouldn't but most of the time people end relationships because they aren't working for them. The quicker you can accept something isn't working (whether you're dumper or the dumpee) then the quicker you can move on with your life - and the less damage to your self esteem. Just my thoughts.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 Quest, it's a rarity not an often thing. Usually when breakups occur, it's for good. People will keep going meeting and dating new people after new people until they find they one they like the most. They are rolling the dice that the person they choose also chooses them. Often times it's not well thought out and with no decision based on repercussions. Also, they quite easily give up on each other without trying to earnestly work things out (that's why we have so much divorce). People are insatiable. They want it and want it now. That's not life, that's fantasy.
bighearted Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 That's one reason why the world's so ****ed.
boltsfan17 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Also, they quite easily give up on each other without trying to earnestly work things out (that's why we have so much divorce). It's too bad things are like that. In so many cases, relationships are salvageable, but people do seem to give up so easily without trying to work things out. It's unfortunate when you see someone really wanting to work things out but the other person gave up and won't change their mind. It is sad marriage isn't what it used to be. Growing up, you rarely heard of someone getting a divorce. Now, it seems to be no big deal these days.
Iselia Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 It's too bad things are like that. In so many cases, relationships are salvageable, but people do seem to give up so easily without trying to work things out. It's unfortunate when you see someone really wanting to work things out but the other person gave up and won't change their mind. It is sad marriage isn't what it used to be. Growing up, you rarely heard of someone getting a divorce. Now, it seems to be no big deal these days. I agree completely. I'm still so sad I'd be willing to work things out with my ex, but she gave up on me. Nothing to do now but move on... 1
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