Coping & Facebook...

[YellowShark]

As you may or may not know if you're NC with the "EX" trolling Facebook to check up on your EX is breaking NC.

 

But here's an interesting result of a recent study and the findings are:

 

Using Facebook is the online equivalent of staring at yourself in the mirror, according to a study.

 

Those who spent more time updating their profile on the social networking site were more likely to be narcissists, said researchers.

 

Facebook provides an ideal setting for narcissists to monitor their appearance and how many ‘friends’ they have, the study said, as it allows them to thrive on ‘shallow’ relationships while avoiding genuine warmth and empathy.

 

The findings, published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behaviour And Social Networking, also suggested that those with low self-esteem also checked their Facebook pages more regularly than normal.

 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1310230/Facebook-users-narcissistic-insecure-low-self-esteem.html#ixzz0z3zjZwnd

 

So try not to break NC by going on Facebook to check up on the EX, and please don't define your self-worth by what your EX posts on Facebook.

[BeagleGal]

Oh wow, now that's very interesting! Especially this part:

Those who spent more time updating their profile on the social networking site were more likely to be narcissists, said researchers.

 

Facebook provides an ideal setting for narcissists to monitor their appearance and how many ‘friends’ they have, the study said, as it allows them to thrive on ‘shallow’ relationships while avoiding genuine warmth and empathy.

 

My ex I believe is narcissistic or at best has narcissistic tendencies, so does my therapist. My ex always had over 300+ friends, 95% of them women and some women he's only met like once or twice but still added them or vice versa. When we first started dating that's where I found PM's from other women (red flag I ignored, well I confronted him but after he gave his sorry explanation...) and he was all about updating his profile, having albums of parties, trips.. When he added me as his "In a Relationship", he toned it down a bit but not much (with adding random women to his friends list).

 

When he broke up with me for OW, any pics of us (his profile pic was of him and I on my bday), albums of our trips and parties, deleted. He eliminated all trace of my existence/our relationship on FB. At first when I noticed he did that, I asked him why did he erase me like I never even existed (this was before I knew there was someone else). He says to me "because it hurts too much too look at them (the pics) and that I could never be erased". Little did I know it was because OW was waiting to be accepted as his friend and he needed to erase me from his profile completely.

 

So this is very interesting. Thanks for posting this.

 

 

As you may or may not know if you're NC with the "EX" trolling Facebook to check up on your EX is breaking NC.

 

But here's an interesting result of a recent study and the findings are:

 

 

 

So try not to break NC by going on Facebook to check up on the EX, and please don't define your self-worth by what your EX posts on Facebook.

[YellowShark]

My ex I believe is narcissistic or at best has narcissistic tendencies, so does my therapist.

 

After I caught my EX-of-seven-years cheating with the married man she had changed her Facebook profile from "In a Relationship" to "Single" in less than 5 days. (Mutual friends texted me and told me.)

 

Gosh... I guess she was really feeling busted up about the breakup/situation. NOT!

[BeagleGal]

Whatever. FB is so silly.

 

I deleted myself off FB after I went on my ex's profile, saw all evidence of me and us erased and a "kiss" post from OW on his wall (aww... ). One of my friends though has access to OW-turned-W's profile as strangely enough, OW and my friend have a mutual friend. But I've told my friend to NOT tell me what's on OW's profile. I made the mistake one time looking through it with friend one night and saw a pic of her and my ex.

 

 

After I caught my EX-of-seven-years cheating with the married man she had changed her Facebook profile from "In a Relationship" to "Single" in less than 5 days. (Mutual friends texted me and told me.)

 

Gosh... I guess she was really feeling busted up about the breakup/situation. NOT!

[YellowShark]

Whatever. FB is so silly.

 

i agree. I liken Facebook to fake boobs... they may look great, but they're STILL fake!

 

I deleted myself off FB after I went on my ex's profile, saw all evidence of me and us erased and a "kiss" post from OW on his wall (aww... ).

 

I imagine my EX has probably done the same. But I refuse to break NC by checking, or even seeing if I've been blocked. I am sure I've been blocked... and frankly, if I have... I don't care!

[PegNosePete]

FB is what it is. It's what you do with it that counts.

 

I use it to keep in contact with friends, organize events, and a convenient way to communicate. Pretty much all of my 32 friends, I know in real life, and see regularly in real life. Sometimes I put pictures up and sometimes I comment on friends pictures. Sometimes I say what I'm up to but only if it's something of interest (ie. not "Eating a cheese sandwich!"). I'm not a narcissist and I don't think any of my friends are either.

 

But yeah, I can see how for some people, that article is true. But for me, no. It's just a tool. Do with it as you like. Yes checking up on your ex on FB is breaking NC, it's comparable to asking a mutual friend how she is going. If it encourages you to break NC then don't use it.

[BeagleGal]

Hahaha! What my ex did (and sadly, he had the time for this) was to I guess go through his wife's FB to see who she is friends with b/c apparently she's friends with a couple of ex's friends. Those friends are also friends with my friends and have been for a couple years almost. So I guess when my ex noticed that his new wife and my friends have mutual friends (his friends) he had his friends delete my friends. Its so obvious he's again trying to control what he wants me to know/doesn't want me to know. Its f'n childish. If my friends had been stirring up trouble by messaging her or her friends, then yes, I can understand deleting them. My ex is like a puppet master and we're all being manipulated or strung along by him. He wants to control the situation.

 

i agree. I liken Facebook to fake boobs... they may look great, but they're STILL fake!

 

Well, I know myself and I knew the best thing for me was to just take myself off altogether. So I'm very glad I did and have no intention of going back on anytime soon. Its bad enough I hear through the grapevine about my ex at work (and believe me I'm not the one fishing for info) so I dont need to go into his profile or even hers and see pics of their wedding, new baby or new life.

 

I imagine my EX has probably done the same. But I refuse to break NC by checking, or even seeing if I've been blocked. I am sure I've been blocked... and frankly, if I have... I don't care!

[BeagleGal]

I agree. I am only turned off by FB because of my ex and the whole situation. But I think like you, you use it to organize events, contact friends and all that, its totally cool.

 

But that article totally rings true with my ex. So... and like I just posted, I know myself and I had to take myself off FB. And believe me, it was for the best.

 

FB is what it is. It's what you do with it that counts.

 

I use it to keep in contact with friends, organize events, and a convenient way to communicate. Pretty much all of my 32 friends, I know in real life, and see regularly in real life. Sometimes I put pictures up and sometimes I comment on friends pictures. Sometimes I say what I'm up to but only if it's something of interest (ie. not "Eating a cheese sandwich!"). I'm not a narcissist and I don't think any of my friends are either.

 

But yeah, I can see how for some people, that article is true. But for me, no. It's just a tool. Do with it as you like. Yes checking up on your ex on FB is breaking NC, it's comparable to asking a mutual friend how she is going. If it encourages you to break NC then don't use it.

[LoveTruthChaos]

 

When he broke up with me for OW, any pics of us (his profile pic was of him and I on my bday), albums of our trips and parties, deleted. He eliminated all trace of my existence/our relationship on FB. At first when I noticed he did that, I asked him why did he erase me like I never even existed (this was before I knew there was someone else). He says to me "because it hurts too much too look at them (the pics) and that I could never be erased". Little did I know it was because OW was waiting to be accepted as his friend and he needed to erase me from his profile completely.

 

Thank you BG - I somehow needed to know that someone else had gone through the exact same thing that I had. That's why I liked the article too

[BeagleGal]

Augh. I'm sorry you are going through something similar.

Sigh...

You have no idea how happy I am that I'm off FB. I just found out earlier from a former coworker of mine that he is on his honeymoon, right now.

 

Thank you BG - I somehow needed to know that someone else had gone through the exact same thing that I had. That's why I liked the article too

[ShannonMI]

As you may or may not know if you're NC with the "EX" trolling Facebook to check up on your EX is breaking NC.

 

But here's an interesting result of a recent study and the findings are:

 

 

 

So try not to break NC by going on Facebook to check up on the EX, and please don't define your self-worth by what your EX posts on Facebook.

Yea Facebook is the devil. It's nothing but trouble. I don't have a FB page and I never will. My ex has one and he lives on it. At the beginning of our breakup I would randomly check it and I never liked what I saw. I have since stopped torturing myself. I don't need the pain. What he did to me gives me enough pain. I don't need to check his stupid FB to see what he's up to. It doesn't help at all. Anyone that does that to themselves must love pain.

[ShannonMI]

Augh. I'm sorry you are going through something similar.

Sigh...

You have no idea how happy I am that I'm off FB. I just found out earlier from a former coworker of mine that he is on his honeymoon, right now.

Aw BeagleGal! That is horrible. Tell your coworker to shut his or her mouth! You don't need updates. Let me guess they saw his FB page and it said they were on their honeymoon? You don't need the pain of knowing. I tell my friends and coworkers to shut it when it comes to my ex. My boss is a total facebook stalker and she is the type to give me all the updates on my ex. I told her when I first broke up with my ex, that I didn't want to hear a damn thing about him. Unfortunetly, she's the one that told me he was dating his little college skank and she found this out from FB. Since she told me this, I told her again, NO MORE UPDATES PLEASE!! Spare me the pain if you give a sh*t about my well being. She apologized and said she wouldn't do it again. Lets hope she keeps her word.

[Banker Chick]

I don't understand ... are you friends on FB? My ex and I haven't been "friends" on there for quite some time so I can't see anything but his profile pic and the basic info. I'm glad because it gives me nothing to stalk although he's admitted he looks at mine all the time to see if I've changed my profile picture

[BeagleGal]

Oh Shannon, no, it was a former coworker! And she even heard through the grapevine months ago what Chris had done. She only knew they were on their honeymoon because Chris' new wife emailed her and said "so-and-so is going to look after this file because I'll be on my honeymoon". I'm telling you, the insurance industry here in Toronto is not big at all and everyone knows your business even if they don't know you. Chris' new wife is an insurance lawyer so does do work on our files or certain files so that's how people know of her.

 

i don't know how many people I have to keep telling to SHUT THE FU*K UP. Honestly, hearing about him does not do me any good at all. Look at me now, all stressed out and f*cked up.

 

Augh, I don't know what to do. I think I need to get out of the industry altogether.

 

Aw BeagleGal! That is horrible. Tell your coworker to shut his or her mouth! You don't need updates. Let me guess they saw his FB page and it said they were on their honeymoon? You don't need the pain of knowing. I tell my friends and coworkers to shut it when it comes to my ex. My boss is a total facebook stalker and she is the type to give me all the updates on my ex. I told her when I first broke up with my ex, that I didn't want to hear a damn thing about him. Unfortunetly, she's the one that told me he was dating his little college skank and she found this out from FB. Since she told me this, I told her again, NO MORE UPDATES PLEASE!! Spare me the pain if you give a sh*t about my well being. She apologized and said she wouldn't do it again. Lets hope she keeps her word.

[BeagleGal]

No, Im not on FB anymore. Not since Chris and I split up. And even when I deactivated myself, after going on his profile one last time and seeing that OW had posted something on his wall, I deleted him and then deactivated myself. If and when I go back, I'll make sure to block him because this is too much already. Even w/o FB, I'm getting all sorts of updates on his sorry as*.

 

I don't understand ... are you friends on FB? My ex and I haven't been "friends" on there for quite some time so I can't see anything but his profile pic and the basic info. I'm glad because it gives me nothing to stalk although he's admitted he looks at mine all the time to see if I've changed my profile picture

[ShannonMI]

Oh Shannon, no, it was a former coworker! And she even heard through the grapevine months ago what Chris had done. She only knew they were on their honeymoon because Chris' new wife emailed her and said "so-and-so is going to look after this file because I'll be on my honeymoon". I'm telling you, the insurance industry here in Toronto is not big at all and everyone knows your business even if they don't know you. Chris' new wife is an insurance lawyer so does do work on our files or certain files so that's how people know of her.

 

i don't know how many people I have to keep telling to SHUT THE FU*K UP. Honestly, hearing about him does not do me any good at all. Look at me now, all stressed out and f*cked up.

 

Augh, I don't know what to do. I think I need to get out of the industry altogether.

Yea it's horrible when people feel the need to give you updates. I want to hear good updates. Like him and the skank broke up or he got hit by a Mack truck hahahahaha:p That's evil, I know. Some people just don't know when to shut their mouths. Whenever your coworkers start in, interrupt them and say "SHUT THE F*CK UP PLEASE!" It's not doing you any good. I feel for you. We are suffering and our exes get to go on with their lives without a second thought. It's not fair at all. What you went through with your ex is worse then what I went through, but it still hurts just as bad. I really do hope my ex feels guilt for what he's done. The old Deric I fell in love with would totally be feeling sad and guilty. Actually, the old Deric would have never done what he did. Oh well, people change I guess and sometimes it's for the worse, not the best.

[BeagleGal]

You're telling me. Sheesh. HAHA...a Mack truck.

I agree, they don't. Its like why dont we just send out a monthly company newsletter with updates about Chris so that saves everyone the trouble coming to me with the updates.

But yeah, next time if someone is about to give me an update, I'm going to have to tell them to shut the hell up.

Apparently Chris has always been this way, but this is the worse he's done so far. He just put on a good act for me, my family, friends, coworkers into thinking he's this solid guy in a solid relationship and then turns around and does this. So it was just an illusion, girl. Its the person I thought he was that I miss at times, not the person he really is.

 

Yea it's horrible when people feel the need to give you updates. I want to hear good updates. Like him and the skank broke up or he got hit by a Mack truck hahahahaha:p That's evil, I know. Some people just don't know when to shut their mouths. Whenever your coworkers start in, interrupt them and say "SHUT THE F*CK UP PLEASE!" It's not doing you any good. I feel for you. We are suffering and our exes get to go on with their lives without a second thought. It's not fair at all. What you went through with your ex is worse then what I went through, but it still hurts just as bad. I really do hope my ex feels guilt for what he's done. The old Deric I fell in love with would totally be feeling sad and guilty. Actually, the old Deric would have never done what he did. Oh well, people change I guess and sometimes it's for the worse, not the best.

[ShannonMI]

You're telling me. Sheesh. HAHA...a Mack truck.

I agree, they don't. Its like why dont we just send out a monthly company newsletter with updates about Chris so that saves everyone the trouble coming to me with the updates.

But yeah, next time if someone is about to give me an update, I'm going to have to tell them to shut the hell up.

Apparently Chris has always been this way, but this is the worse he's done so far. He just put on a good act for me, my family, friends, coworkers into thinking he's this solid guy in a solid relationship and then turns around and does this. So it was just an illusion, girl. Its the person I thought he was that I miss at times, not the person he really is.

From reading your blog, I honestly think your ex has a personality disorder. Just like your therapist said. And didn't you find a book about how to manipulate people in his house? That's f*cked up. He was reading up on how to f*ck with people. Wacko! Just know that you are an awesome girl (I don't know you, but I can just tell;)) and you are soooooooooo much better off without that sick son of a b*tch! Also, be thankful that you aren't his new wifey and pregnant with his child. UGH!! She's going to have to deal with his sorry a** F.O.R.E.V.E.R. Thank God you don't! Consider yourself fortunate, even though you feel crappy now. You will find a great guy and this wacked out loser will be just a distant memory.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

As you may or may not know if you're NC with the "EX" trolling Facebook to check up on your EX is breaking NC.

 

But here's an interesting result of a recent study and the findings are:

 

 

Quote:

Using Facebook is the online equivalent of staring at yourself in the mirror, according to a study.

 

Those who spent more time updating their profile on the social networking site were more likely to be narcissists, said researchers.

 

Facebook provides an ideal setting for narcissists to monitor their appearance and how many ‘friends’ they have, the study said, as it allows them to thrive on ‘shallow’ relationships while avoiding genuine warmth and empathy.

 

The findings, published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behaviour And Social Networking, also suggested that those with low self-esteem also checked their Facebook pages more regularly than normal.

 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencete...#ixzz0z3zjZwnd

 

So try not to break NC by going on Facebook to check up on the EX, and please don't define your self-worth by what your EX posts on Facebook.

 

That quote actually explains a lot about my ex. I'd say she was both narcissistic, shallow and deeply insecure. Wish I'd known this before I wasted so much f*cking time on her...

[BeagleGal]

Yeah, he definitely is damaged to say the least. What a shame. So much pain and bullsh*t that could be avoidable if he was just a decent honest person.

Oh yes, girl - I came across it twice. Once it was under our bed while I was cleaning and I didnt pay too much attention to it. The second time I found it which was shortly before we broke up, I took a look at it and I was like WTF is this. He even recommended my brother read it. And my brother was like I've read the book and Chris has taken it too literally...

Aww, thanks, girl! but yes, I am better off. He adds no value to my life and probably never really did, again, it was all a facade.

So yes, I'm lucky I've dodged a bullet as everyone keeps telling me - and I can't wait for his sorry as* to be a distant memory.

But same with you - you seem like a fantastic girl and you will find someone who will truly appreciate you and give you the love and respect you deserve.

So lets keep your chins up!

 

From reading your blog, I honestly think your ex has a personality disorder. Just like your therapist said. And didn't you find a book about how to manipulate people in his house? That's f*cked up. He was reading up on how to f*ck with people. Wacko! Just know that you are an awesome girl (I don't know you, but I can just tell;)) and you are soooooooooo much better off without that sick son of a b*tch! Also, be thankful that you aren't his new wifey and pregnant with his child. UGH!! She's going to have to deal with his sorry a** F.O.R.E.V.E.R. Thank God you don't! Consider yourself fortunate, even though you feel crappy now. You will find a great guy and this wacked out loser will be just a distant memory.

[ShannonMI]

Yeah, he definitely is damaged to say the least. What a shame. So much pain and bullsh*t that could be avoidable if he was just a decent honest person.

Oh yes, girl - I came across it twice. Once it was under our bed while I was cleaning and I didnt pay too much attention to it. The second time I found it which was shortly before we broke up, I took a look at it and I was like WTF is this. He even recommended my brother read it. And my brother was like I've read the book and Chris has taken it too literally...

Aww, thanks, girl! but yes, I am better off. He adds no value to my life and probably never really did, again, it was all a facade.

So yes, I'm lucky I've dodged a bullet as everyone keeps telling me - and I can't wait for his sorry as* to be a distant memory.

But same with you - you seem like a fantastic girl and you will find someone who will truly appreciate you and give you the love and respect you deserve.

So lets keep your chins up!

Thank you! Yea some days I'm really down and it's hard to keep my chin up, but other days I'm ok. It's all part of the process, I suppose. Knowing that our exes are jerks and we are better off without them, doesn't lessen the pain of the hurt and betrayal we feel. It all takes time to get through it. Time heals all wounds or so they say.

[BeagleGal]

I know, its all part of the healing process to go through these f'n stages with grieving the end of the relationship.

It helps even more when people who know the situation (or those who dont like you dont know me or Chris personally and vice versa) and can tell us that these guys are worthless POS and we deserve better!

Well when you go through a betrayal such as you have or I have, it takes that much more time I think to get over it all. We just have to constantly remind ourselves that we're better off.

 

Thank you! Yea some days I'm really down and it's hard to keep my chin up, but other days I'm ok. It's all part of the process, I suppose. Knowing that our exes are jerks and we are better off without them, doesn't lessen the pain of the hurt and betrayal we feel. It all takes time to get through it. Time heals all wounds or so they say.

[BellaBellaBella]

Let's not forget the POSOW.

 

You go Beaglegal!

[ShannonMI]

Let's not forget the POSOW.

 

You go Beaglegal!

Yea she's a POS too! She knew he was in a relationship with you and still cheated with him. AND got knocked up with his bastard child (getting married before the kid is born doesn't change this fact). They are both trash!