WowReally Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I now have a brief snapshot of some of your situations and want to know a few more things. Some of you have been with your MP for years. Are you loyal to them or do you date as well? If you are loyal to them and the BS does not know about the A why are you loyal as they are the epitome of cake eaters. Is this your first MP that you've been involved with? I am not judgeing any of you and wish you all well come what may!
Confused4Now Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 (edited) I now have a brief snapshot of some of your situations and want to know a few more things. Some of you have been with your MP for years. Are you loyal to them or do you date as well? I was loyal until I went through the first NC which was 3 months. I did date maybe a couple of times. When she came into my life again. I chose not to date. However we are very LC and Dating is becoming more of a thought again. I figure now I have enough of her off my plate where I can bring someone new into my life. If you are loyal to them and the BS does not know about the A why are you loyal as they are the epitome of cake eaters. After D-day I'm sure BS had an idea we were seeing each other but after 2 1/2 years after I knocked on the door I think BS thinks I'm long gone!!! and as for being loyal I'm sure when I'm ready to be with someone in the right way I will be. Is this your first MP that you've been involved with? For me NO. When I was single and young I was with a MW once. I am not judgeing any of you and wish you all well come what may! See in bold.... Edited September 9, 2010 by Confused4Now
siuys Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Some of you have been with your MP for years. Are you loyal to them or do you date as well? I have only been with MM for 7 months but have been loyal. We're decided to go NC for two months with one check in in one month. To be honest, I have a feeling I will feel better as time goes by, so if the opportunity to date is there, I would. I love MM, but you snooze, you lose. If you are loyal to them and the BS does not know about the A why are you loyal as they are the epitome of cake eaters. I guess because of feelings towards MM but if there is decent amount of NC time that will change I think. Is this your first MP that you've been involved with? Yes, and hopefully last! Never say never people say, but I can honestly say NEVER AGAIN!
Author WowReally Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 I know some of you have blackballed this user name which is unfortunate but all input is welcome!
Brokenlady Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I think the obvious answer to this is that most OW envision a future with the MM, and in some cases the MM has explicitly promised a future. It is much easier to deal with the cake-eating when you see it as temporary. I also tend to think most OW are faithful to their MM because they feel like in every other way their relationship with the MM is exclusive. Some MM even claim they have no intimacy with their W's. These OW look at it almost as if their MM is deployed somewhere - tragically not always available - and the OW feel a compulsion to be like the waiting wife.
blizzard Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I was still legally married but seperated...so yes I didn't involve anyone else. Kind of ridiculous to be committed when both of us were already legally bound. But, I had the sense of commitment. He said he didn't want any other woman in his life. He said he considered me "his." That when his divorce was final he only wanted to see me exclusively. From what I understand xMM had another woman besides me...I did not know about her until the affair ended.
HappyAtLast Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I know some of you have blackballed this user name which is unfortunate but all input is welcome! Why would this be and for whom would it be unfortunate?
BB07 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I know some of you have blackballed this user name which is unfortunate but all input is welcome! I'm not trying to be cruel but what are you looking for with so many different posts/questions in various forums?? Are you hoping to find some answers as to what is likely to happen in your scenario by getting others feedback?
Author WowReally Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 I'm not trying to be cruel but what are you looking for with so many different posts/questions in various forums?? Are you hoping to find some answers as to what is likely to happen in your scenario by getting others feedback? Just trying to understand why things happen the way they do and what fuels people to do what they do. There is relevance behind my questions Im just not ready to share my story quite yet
BB07 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Just trying to understand why things happen the way they do and what fuels people to do what they do. There is relevance behind my questions Im just not ready to share my story quite yet You probably already know this, but it makes others a bit distrustful as to your motives when someone isn't forthcoming with their story. Perhaps you are a BS and hoping to get some information about motivations for your spouses affair?
Author WowReally Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Just trying to figure out why someone who really isnt meant to be married stays married despite their unhappiness. Multiple affairs over the years and yet the spouse takes them back...that's one issue I just dont get I also dont really get why an OW/OM stays with their "love" when their MPs play happy married people and still shares a bed with their spouse at home. I mean I guess there's always a glimmer of hope but some of these people have stayed the OW/OM for years! Again Im not judging or insulting but why stay with someone who clearly doesnt really know what they want?
breaking_bad Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Some of you have been with your MP for years. Are you loyal to them or do you date as well? I was of course "loyal" when we had a common understanding that we were in a "relationship" and that there would be a future. And I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was doing the same. Once he changed course and was no longer able to commit to us being together in any forseeable future, "loyalty" became irrelevant because in my mind there was nothing to be "loyal" to. I didn't date because I was devastated and still in love with him, not because I thought it was some violation of an agreement. If you are loyal to them and the BS does not know about the A why are you loyal as they are the epitome of cake eaters. Re the BS not knowing about the A, I doubt she knew, but I really no direct knowledge so it's impossible to answer. And as far as the loyalty thing, I guess it's just a personal thing. I didn't see any application of the word "loyal" in my situation once it changed. I would also like to note that for me, although there was some back/forth together because we had such a hard time letting go, there was not alot of PA going on. To give him a good word, I think he couldn't continue with the A either after he knew that he couldn't give me what he originally had promised. Is this your first MP that you've been involved with? No. One when I was much younger. However, NEVER again. N.E.V.E.R. Seriously.
jbug Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Are you loyal to them or do you date as well? I do not date others. If you are loyal to them and the BS does not know about the A why are you loyal as they are the epitome of cake eaters. I could not have several different relationships going on at one time. Is this your first MP that you've been involved with? Yes
Spark1111 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I know some of you have blackballed this user name which is unfortunate but all input is welcome! WowReally, not blackballing...just speculating. You are not ready to tell your story. Ok, fine. But you sure do ask a whole lot of very personal and specific questions from honestly-answering anonymous bloggers on a public forum. Writing a book? A thesis? Trying to conduct a survey? If so, it would show integrity on your part to be the honest and declare that up front here. That way, posters could decide if they wanted to share their info with you. I mean, just speculating here.....but, I am really, really smelling my own kind here in your constant questions. Former journalist, Spark
Author WowReally Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Hahaha I am a something of a writer but I am not writing a book...just trying to wrap my head around things...I like the different stories and rationalizations...I do like human bahvior and what makes people tick.
desertIslandCactus Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I don't know why people would participate in polls like this with their personal lives - for the sake of someone who is just curious. I can't think of the concern unless it would parallel a problem you are personally having in your life. Probably one could understand all that they need just in one's own life, and reading others' testimonies on here.
BB07 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) Hahaha I am a something of a writer but I am not writing a book...just trying to wrap my head around things...I like the different stories and rationalizations...I do like human bahvior and what makes people tick. Never mind.........deleted. Edited September 12, 2010 by BB07
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