Buccaneer55 Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 The last month I've done so much better when it comes to how I handle my break-up with my ex girlfriend. I still think about her everyday, but I am by no means reaching to grab my phone to try and call or text her. The way I see it is she knows how I feel, and she knows I want to get back together, and I know she's not going to forget this. Therefore, I really have nothing else to really say, and I'm just going to live my life, and if she wants to come back she knows where to find me. The funny thing is she won't let me go herself. Do we talk everyday? No we don't. However, she still hasn't been able to go more than 5 days without her initiating some sort of contact with me. We were up to 3.5 days when she texted me something this afternoon to which I haven't responded to yet. I don't just want to flat out ignore her all the time, but I'm not going to respond to her immediately as if I'm just sitting by my phone waiting for her to bring her presence into my day. Even when I do respond anymore I try to keep it short like 5 words or less, and I've even hidden her facebook profile as i don't want to know what she's doing. My question is by not contacting her and letting her try to reach out to me, and giving her a response eventually but not right away, can this sort of limited contact help bring us back together which is still what I want in the end? (I'm just being patient)
leftfield Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I think by responding at all you are letting her reel you out gently, cushioning the fall for her. Even though she wanted to end it (I assume?) she will still miss you to some degree, especially if it wasn't a major falling out that caused you to break up. Most people would probably tell you to not respond at all, but it's up to you if you want to remain in touch. Be aware though, she is treating you like one of her friends and you are helping her to wean herself off the love she once felt for you. If you want her back, you are probably better going NC for a while and if she truly misses you and wants to get back together she will come and tell you. It's hard to do that I'm sure, but it's the best way you are going to get over her. My ex doesn't really contact me except to ask for money that I owe or to get back some of the sh*t she left at my house, so I don't really have the problem of whether or not to respond to the general "how are you" type messages, she apparently couldn't give a funk. I think it's time to do yourself a favour though and stop responding as though you are still on the hook, she won't respect you for it.
whatadeer26 Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I agree wih Leftfield. You need to cut all contact. Do not respond to her texts. It is the only way you can start to truely get better. If you and her are meant to be it will be.
Author Buccaneer55 Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 I think by responding at all you are letting her reel you out gently, cushioning the fall for her. Even though she wanted to end it (I assume?) she will still miss you to some degree, especially if it wasn't a major falling out that caused you to break up. Most people would probably tell you to not respond at all, but it's up to you if you want to remain in touch. Be aware though, she is treating you like one of her friends and you are helping her to wean herself off the love she once felt for you. If you want her back, you are probably better going NC for a while and if she truly misses you and wants to get back together she will come and tell you. It's hard to do that I'm sure, but it's the best way you are going to get over her. My ex doesn't really contact me except to ask for money that I owe or to get back some of the sh*t she left at my house, so I don't really have the problem of whether or not to respond to the general "how are you" type messages, she apparently couldn't give a funk. I think it's time to do yourself a favour though and stop responding as though you are still on the hook, she won't respect you for it. I agree with most of this, the only thing that makes me wonder is 3 years ago we went through something identical to this. During that time we talked some not a lot, and eventually she came around to us getting back together. To me this whole thing is just history repeating itself, which makes me think if she came back then she probably will now even with limited contact.
leftfield Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I agree with most of this, the only thing that makes me wonder is 3 years ago we went through something identical to this. During that time we talked some not a lot, and eventually she came around to us getting back together. To me this whole thing is just history repeating itself, which makes me think if she came back then she probably will now even with limited contact. It sounds as though you've already decided that limited contact can work. It apparently did work for you previously, but I wouldn't rely on it. If she is stringing you along you are going to be very hurt when she gets a new boyfriend and she proceeds to tell her friend (you) all about him. If this has happened before I would strongly advise you to try to move on, it may even prompt her to come running back, but if she has these commitment problems then at some point she will leave you and that will be the end of it. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out the way you want it to.
brainblox Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 warning, do not become her buffer ! It will end up wrecking any future relationships you have if you keep having contact with her ! I kept in light contact with an ex and that soon became booty contact and then all the feelings of why I dumped her came back to me. she kept calling for months even knowing I had a new girl ! If you feel you could become the Buffer then don't do it man, i wish i never done that to her it was ****ing cold...big regrets !!
Billie The Puppet Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Limited contact prolongs your pain (I know my first round was Limited Contact) and places you i the "Friends Zone" No Contact helps you Heal but is by no means away to reel her back but it's chances are far greater than limited contact.
Silvaria Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Buccaneer, you and I are going through very similar situations, except that he contacts me almost every day. And he and I went through this before, several times...and like you, we stayed in "light contact", and eventually he wanted me back. So like you, I keep hoping that if I stay in touch with him, that will happen again. I have to tell you, though, I'm starting to see it differently. As Billie said, it is truly prolonging the pain...yes, I hope he comes back to me again, but what if he doesn't? I'm not giving myself a chance to heal and move on, just in case that happens...and I'm starting to fear that this could go on for months. He broke up with me on August 7th...what if we're still "just friends" on October 7th? November 7th? December 7th?? Where does it end, you know? Where do I draw the line? I think these are questions we should both consider...believe me, I totally understand not wanting to go NC...I'm finding it damn near impossible, mostly because I'm afraid if I do, ALL chance of getting him back will be gone. I suspect you feel about the same way...but as everyone here is saying, the longer we stay "friends" with them, the more likely it is that their feelings will indeed become that of just friendship, and how will we feel when they find someone else, but we're still hanging in there?
Banker Chick Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I'm going through something similar. The ex and I broke up about a month ago. He wanted time and space (he's working full time and going to school full time and our fighting was too much for him) but I told him I couldn't just put my life on hold (he also didn't want me to date but he couldn't guarantee it wouldn't end as a permanent break up) so I said no. We neither one seem to be able to let it go and have ended up having limited contact at some point basically each week. In my case, we are both still confused but are talking and considering each other as friends BUT I told him we need to live our lives, and that includes dating, and take some time to ourselves to think about things and get some perspective. We live an hour and 1/2 apart so it isn't as if we have the added temptation to see each other right now, although each conversation seems to bring us closer to talk of getting back together at some point. Depending on the conversation during the LC, I think it can work, but not if one of you is considering you friends only and the door hasn't been left open for possible reconciliation. If it's obvious the other person has moved on but still wants to have you in their life ... well ... that's where I'd draw the line and move on. Hope that made sense!
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