Untouchable_Fire Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Well I was just giving an example, but a lot of different time spans and numbers can apply. So all of a sudden having had casual sex makes you an unfit parent with no morals, and no relationship skills? Thats a generalization and a half. You are pretty closed minded and probably missing out on a lot of amazing women. No he isn't missing out on some "amazing women". Mostly he is avoiding VD's and massive drama. I can't think of 1 woman I've ever met that slept around and was mentally stable.
VeveCakes Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 People that are careless with sex are careless in other areas. Amazing women don't sleep around. I'm not missing out on anything. Casual sex does not equal careless, and women who once slept around might not anymore. I think you may be missing out on more than just an amazing woman... but hey, I'm not going to judge.
VeveCakes Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 No he isn't missing out on some "amazing women". Mostly he is avoiding VD's and massive drama. I can't think of 1 woman I've ever met that slept around and was mentally stable. Yeah ok, the funniest thing is you will probably never know how many guys your gfs have really slept with...
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 LMAO insecure much?? This is so shallow. Who cares how many people someone has slept with? It's not as though they are prostitutes here. The only difference would be the fact that prostitutes charge. Also... I think the insecurity is on your end. You seem afraid to be held to a standard. If you figure someone becomes sexually active around 17-20 and does not have a serious relationship its safe to assume they could reasonably sleep with 2 people a year. Once their 30 thats 20+ people which sounds like a lot but sleeping with 2 people a year when you dont have year long relationships is no big deal. Yeah... just what every guy wants in a wife... a 30 yo woman who is incapable of a long term relationship. People don't fundamentally change. The more promiscuous women are the high % cheaters. How does sleeping with mulitple partners make it any worse than having sex daily and doing crazy things when you are in a relationship. Yeah maybe you have a "connection" with that person, but sex can be just sex, no big deal. I would bet my life that all these guys saying it matters would change their mind in a heart beat if the girl was hot enough. Actually... that is the difference. If you don't have an emotional connection... it's basically masturbation with a partner. Which begs the question... why do you need a partner then? Answer... emotional instability/insecurity.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Yeah ok, the funniest thing is you will probably never know how many guys your gfs have really slept with... So... your saying all women are liars?
Mad Max Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Casual sex does not equal careless Yes it does. You don't know what diseases the other person has. and women who once slept around might not anymore. I'm not going to take a chance and find out. Promiscuoity is part of one's personality and personalities usually don't change. I think you may be missing out on more than just an amazing woman... but hey, I'm not going to judge. When it comes to possible diseases and drama, then yes I will judge. Yeah ok, the funniest thing is you will probably never know how many guys your gfs have really slept with... The truth always comes out at some point.
Gattica Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I have only once known the # of women one of my ex's slept with and it devastated me. It did change how I perceived him, initially. He was tested and was given a clean bill of health and that is what matter to me. I continued seeing him and we had a pretty good LTR. He treated me very well and if I had just gone by the # of partners he had, I would not have dated him at all. I no longer want to know the #, but I need a clean bill of health to move forward with someone. I have had guys tell me that they haven't been with a high # of women and they don't pick them up at bars, so they don't worry about STD's. I am not down with that kind of thinking. I would rather be with a man that has a higher partner count that is healthy than one that thinks they are immune to contracting anything because of where they meet women or the low # of partners they have had.
Knittress Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I think sexual adventurousness and openness is hot - I wouldn't mind if my partner had a higher number. But again, a lot of people with higher numbers got that way because they're 'sleazy' and think of sexuality as a bodily function akin to using the toilet - and that I do find repulsive. In any case it's not the numbers I care about, but the attitude.
MrNate Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Well I was just giving an example, but a lot of different time spans and numbers can apply. So all of a sudden having had casual sex makes you an unfit parent with no morals, and no relationship skills? Thats a generalization and a half. You are pretty closed minded and probably missing out on a lot of amazing women. Can I have some VeveCakes?
robdrm32 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Any person (man or woman) that can separate sex and emotions is not a person i'm interested in dating. It's not judging, its playing the odds people that can do that are risky imo.
VeveCakes Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 The only difference would be the fact that prostitutes charge. Also... I think the insecurity is on your end. You seem afraid to be held to a standard. Yeah... just what every guy wants in a wife... a 30 yo woman who is incapable of a long term relationship. People don't fundamentally change. The more promiscuous women are the high % cheaters. Actually... that is the difference. If you don't have an emotional connection... it's basically masturbation with a partner. Which begs the question... why do you need a partner then? Answer... emotional instability/insecurity. Sorry which standard am I afraid to be held to exactly? I am not in the least bit insecure, but I get very tired of hearing guys judge girls for having a sex life at some time in their life. You can't measure statistics of cheaters based on one fact alone, if you know anything about stats or psychology you would know that. Wanting a sexual encounter with someone you are attracted to has nothing to do with insecurity. That is such a cop out when people blame everything on "insecurity". FYI - I do think a lot of girls lie. Not all, but a lot yes. Same with men.
VeveCakes Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Yes it does. You don't know what diseases the other person has. I'm not going to take a chance and find out. Promiscuoity is part of one's personality and personalities usually don't change. When it comes to possible diseases and drama, then yes I will judge. The truth always comes out at some point. News flash, disease and drama happen in ALL kinds of relationships, don't be so naive. Personalilities don't change? Morals certainly do, as long as what people value. Do you really have the same thoughts and judgements you did when you were 16? 18? 20? 25? Didn't think so. Yepp, the truth that the woman you are in love with has slept with "too many" people in your eyes. Your in love and you find this out....do you end it?? If the answer is YES then you have more issues than someone who likes casual sex. I'm not talking about someone who lies about it either, as in you never asked in the first place.
Mad Max Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 News flash, disease and drama happen in ALL kinds of relationships, don't be so naive. Did I ever say otherwise? Promiscuous people are more prone to STDs. Every medical practice specifically states to limit your partners and there's a reason for it. If more people got tested for STDs and didn't have casual sex, STDs wouldn't be an epidemic right now. Personalilities don't change? Morals certainly do, as long as what people value. Do you really have the same thoughts and judgements you did when you were 16? 18? 20? 25? Didn't think so. Nice way to change the topic. And at 22, my morals are still the same compare to when I was 18. Yepp, the truth that the woman you are in love with has slept with "too many" people in your eyes. Your in love and you find this out....do you end it?? If the answer is YES then you have more issues than someone who likes casual sex. Depends on the number and her age. 20 people at 22? Yes, I end it. If she lied, I'd end it regardless of how many she had. It doesn't make me insecure. It means I only have sex in committed relationships and after STD testing. I'll only sleep with someone with the same beliefs and I don't care if I have to wait for it. I'm not talking about someone who lies about it either, as in you never asked in the first place. No, I have never asked because the truth will eventually come out. How often have former sluts been in commmitted relationships and a bunch of guys claiming to have slept with her come forward? The "3" partners she claimed was really 15. You have a promiscuous past, don't deny it. You'll get more respect for being honest than lying about it.
VeveCakes Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Did I ever say otherwise? Promiscuous people are more prone to STDs. Every medical practice specifically states to limit your partners and there's a reason for it. If more people got tested for STDs and didn't have casual sex, STDs wouldn't be an epidemic right now. Nice way to change the topic. And at 22, my morals are still the same compare to when I was 18. Depends on the number and her age. 20 people at 22? Yes, I end it. If she lied, I'd end it regardless of how many she had. It doesn't make me insecure. It means I only have sex in committed relationships and after STD testing. I'll only sleep with someone with the same beliefs and I don't care if I have to wait for it. No, I have never asked because the truth will eventually come out. How often have former sluts been in commmitted relationships and a bunch of guys claiming to have slept with her come forward? The "3" partners she claimed was really 15. You have a promiscuous past, don't deny it. You'll get more respect for being honest than lying about it. STDs have always been an epidemic. Your morals, and character are the same now as when you were 18? You have not grown through experience, or life has not shaped you at all in those 4 years? I find that hard to beleive or kind of sad if it is true. Ok, well I never said you were insecure, and if that is how you are in relationships that is fine but don't judge others who aren't like you. Your maturity is really showing in that last line. For the record, no one asked, so I didn't deny anything. Furthermore, I don't have to divuldge information on my sex life to anyone I don't want to....and the respect of judgemental people around here is the LEAST of my concern.
Disillusioned Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 This goes both ways for genders. I know guys that slept with over alot of women. And women that slept with alot of guys. Does it affect how you look at someone your interested in? Would you wanna even know? Why or why not? Would you feel insecure that maybe you couldnt offer something as good as someone else may have in the persons past? Even if they say your the best? Do you use that as a reflection on the person? Doesn't matter to me if it's a man or a woman. If I know they're promiscuous, I think "this person is probably never going to be a keeper even if they live to be 100, and I'd appreciate it if they wouldn't try to tempt me to take up their lifestyle". I'll be businesslike with them, but not friendly and definitely not romantic.
Mad Max Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 STDs have always been an epidemic. No they haven't. In the years before herpes, HPV, and AIDS, the absolute worst case scenario was you neded up with a mild STD that could be cured by antibiotics. That's not the case these days. Your morals, and character are the same now as when you were 18? You have not grown through experience, or life has not shaped you at all in those 4 years? I find that hard to beleive or kind of sad if it is true. Maybe I matured faster than most, but I haven't changed in terms of morals or character. Ok, well I never said you were insecure, and if that is how you are in relationships that is fine but don't judge others who aren't like you. I never judged others. What they do is their business, but don't think you're going to get involved with me and lie through your teeth because you don't want your past exposed. I have no problems being friends with promiscuous people. I'm just not interested in dating them and I wouldn't **** a promiscuous woman with someone else's d*ck. Your maturity is really showing in that last line. For the record, no one asked, so I didn't deny anything. Furthermore, I don't have to divuldge information on my sex life to anyone I don't want to....and the respect of judgemental people around here is the LEAST of my concern. You don't have to ask or divulge anything. It's a small world and someone is going to open their big mouth sooner or later. If you don't want to be seen as a slut, don't act like one. Simple as that. If there's nothing wrong with it, why hide it?
purgatori Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 it depends. Its not promiscuity itself that influences my perception of a person, but rather, how that promiscuity manifests itself. If it's a guy, sleeping with a lot of women, then I would probably infer that he is some sort of commitment-phobe, and/or just sees women as potential 'conquests.' If a woman sleeps with a lot of other women, then I would infer that she loves women, and that this is a good thing... but if she's never had any long-term relationships with other women, it would lessen the positive regard that would otherwise be conferred, especially if it turned out that only men were eligible candidates for long-term/serious relationships. If, on the other hand, a woman sleeps with a lot of guys, then that probably means she is altogether too fond of men, and/or she has a strong masochistic streak of some sort. Honestly though, it's more the _type_ of man that a woman sleeps with, than the number, for me. If she's sleeping with jocks, meatheads, gym rats, and the like, then my level of regard for her is going to be extremely low.
Mutant Debutante Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 For me it's more complicated than yes I'd go out with him or no I'd dump him. It also depends on what you mean by "a lot". If he's been with hundreds of women and has always thought of girls as just bodies, notches on his bedpost, then I'd next him so fast his head would spin. If he's just a warm, open hearted guy who's had some luck with the ladies, that's different.
CLC2008 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 According to Joe McHale it does... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KETvWvnWS7A
florence of suburbia Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 You seem to have coined a phrase. I'd like to think "promiscurity" is when you have lots of sex but never get famous for it in your lifetime, rather like Edgar Allen Poe or Van Gogh. To use it in a sentence..."Although he put out for practically every woman in town, he died in relative promiscurity."
Disillusioned Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 You seem to have coined a phrase. I'd like to think "promiscurity" is when you have lots of sex but never get famous for it in your lifetime, rather like Edgar Allen Poe or Van Gogh. To use it in a sentence..."Although he put out for practically every woman in town, he died in relative promiscurity." Hey! Illiteracy is cool!
Feelin Frisky Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I'd be fine being a notch on some hot-looking promiscuous chick's gun belt. But I'd be careful not to let myself get emotionally invested in her. Her promiscuity may be a sign of socio-pathology. Who knows what goes on in the mind of someone who uses other people and tosses them aside on whim or worse, tries to hurt them upon her exit.
jamesum Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I would rather not know how many guys my partner has slept with. But chances are I probably wouldnt care.
CandyGirlXO Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) His thread is sort of shocking for me. It's always a double standard. I'll give you my numbers because none of you know me, and so that I can explain myself. I don't consider myself promiscuis at all. I am NOT into casual sex, and I"ll take a serious meaningful relationship over any other type of situation. I'm 28, lost my virginity at 15, so that's 13 years of me having sex, I've had sex with 9 guys, so that's less than one partner a year. Make me undateable?! I'm currently in my 4th LTR, and I've had ONE FWB situation but that's because the guy I thoght was my soulmate dumped me for no reason. I was hurt, sad, and it completely destroyed my belief in love. I was disconnected. Wasn't who I really am. That was over 6 years ago and I'm over it now and in love again. So that explains 5 guys I've slept with. The other 4? Guys I've dated for between 6-10 months. One I even made him wait 9 months other ones 3. So, given my numbers, am I undateable? Edited September 10, 2010 by CandyGirlXO
Anela Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I think sexual adventurousness and openness is hot - I wouldn't mind if my partner had a higher number. But again, a lot of people with higher numbers got that way because they're 'sleazy' and think of sexuality as a bodily function akin to using the toilet - and that I do find repulsive. In any case it's not the numbers I care about, but the attitude. This is really it for me, as well. One thing I liked about the guy that I mentioned, was that he wasn't hooking up every night, or even every weekend. His turning into a sex tourist totally put me off (I can't let go of the thought of his taking those girls back to his room, when I was at home wondering if he was getting up to something, and then being lied to - at first). He was selective, but how selective are the hookers he was with? I would rather be with someone with a higher number, who treated me well (and was clean/healthy), than someone who would turn out to be a douchebag (like the one mentioned here, for more reasons than this). Better than that, I think, someone who had gone the FWB route with one person they actually liked and respected (not multiple women), rather than acting like a player and picking up as many women as possible, for the reason I quoted above.
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