michellec Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 my husband left our family 6 weeks ago. We have been together for 10 years married just shy of 6 with two young sons 4, 3. Three years ago I found out the week before i gave birth that he was talking to someone else. He called it off and swore to me that it would never happen again. We have had stressors in our lives like most married couples. childd rearing both working full time out of the home money. I thought besides these problems we were happy. He was always telling me how happy he was and how much he loved me besides the arguing. In Jan 2010 i reconnected with a man on Facebook that i had a crush on a long time ago when I was a young girl. I felt special that he was taking interest in me and wanting to know how i grew up and all about my life. We exchanged numbers and talked a few times and exchanged texts for 3 months. We then stopped when his wife became upset with the amount of time we would talk. My husband did not have a problem at first with the texting. He would ask how is So and so and we would laugh about some of the stuff he was telling me. I did develop feelings for this other person and was bummed out when we stopped talking. This Spring my marriage took a turn for the worse when my husbands stopped paying attention to me like he used to. He read a journal i kept explaining that i felt like i lost a connection to him and I was struggling to rebuild it that I wanted to keep trying but I felt that he had checked out on me when he was talking to the other girl when i was preg. and how sometimes I felt less attracted to him. He accused me after reading it of not loving him unconditionally and that I was going to throw our lives away for some fantasy. I reassured him that it was a mistake and I was sorry and I wanted to try again. Then 2 weeks later he lost his job. That put alot of stress on our marriage but we were working on it. and I thought we were on the mend . in fact he seemed happy. mid july he came back from a solo camping trip that he insisted on going to even though I asked him to stay home and spend time with our family ... he told me he could not do it anymore he felt our marriage was over. It was not me it was him that I am a good person , a great mother and I was a beautiful woman and someone else would want me. I begged and pleased for him to stay and i tried talking to him about it alot. he shut down told me I was weak and it was over. by the end of the week he was out of the house. I had to move back in with my prarents to help me with our sons. I had to move out of the house on my own... he did not take any pictures of us over the years or our children. A week later his cell phone bill came in and after some research i discovered that he has been texting calling someone else and that he is now seeing her. it has been 6 weeks in the 6 weeks we have hardly spoken ... when I asked about the OW he said he had to find companionship somewhere else cause he was not happy anymore. he is not offering me any money for the kids he is saying is child support all you care about? I told him you wanted this you left he said i did not leave you to be miserable. he has spent 8 hours with our sons in 6 weeks. last week after finding ut he is not calling child support services back when they call him i told him to forget he had a family he is not being responsible and it will catch up with him. I hung up on him the next day he texted me saying he will be there when I am ready to talk and that he has been fighting the feeling of telling me he misses me and loves me but its true ... however he still feels this was a long time coming on both of our parts. That was Thursday. I never texted him or called him back. He spent the whole holiday weekend with out contacting me on Tuesday he called but i missed the call and he did not leave a VM. Yesterday child support services called him so I dont know when I wil hear from him again. I have been getting so much advice ... make him call me dont return his call, write him a letter, do whats in your heart. I dont know what to do anymore . maybe NC will be the best thing make him contact me. If he really wanted to talk to or see his kids he knows where I am and he cantext me saying can I talk to the kids but he has not. any ideas ?
2sure Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Sounds like the job loss was just the last straw. Thing is, when you have a family...the last straw just doesnt exist. He is not showing an interest in seeing his children. He is clearly showing no interest or responsibility in caring for them. Right now he has no mortgage, no wife, no kids, no child support....dont take any hope or comfort in his saying he MIGHT miss you. No contact, no calls. Let the courts handle the child support or lack thereof. Do not stop him from seeing the children. When he wants to see them initiate the conversation of a regular weekly or biweekly weekend schedule. He needs to care for his children as well as give you a break. Until these realities affect him...he is just a family guy on vacation from life. And. Your needs were not being met. Do some re-evaluating yourself. Life can be better than this, better than what you had.
habs53 Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Sounds like the job loss was just the last straw. Thing is, when you have a family...the last straw just doesnt exist. He is not showing an interest in seeing his children. He is clearly showing no interest or responsibility in caring for them. Right now he has no mortgage, no wife, no kids, no child support....dont take any hope or comfort in his saying he MIGHT miss you. No contact, no calls. Let the courts handle the child support or lack thereof. Do not stop him from seeing the children. When he wants to see them initiate the conversation of a regular weekly or biweekly weekend schedule. He needs to care for his children as well as give you a break. Until these realities affect him...he is just a family guy on vacation from life. And. Your needs were not being met. Do some re-evaluating yourself. Life can be better than this, better than what you had. Pretty sound advice.
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