cosmopolite27 Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 It has been 6 years since the end of my last "serious" relationship, and I haven't been in anything that has lasted more than 3 months since. That relationship lasted almost a year... and before that I had a girlfriend in college that lasted 3 years (two separate 1.5 year segments.) It is starting to make me somewhat self-conscious. I have ended several relationships... especially when they really come close to getting serious. For about 1-4 dates I might be feeling it, and then something always seems to present itself that turns off my interest/passion switch. I'm now starting to think that maybe I should be going to a therapist and telling him/her what is going on.. my friends seem to have a running theme with me now joking about my dating ways, and a couple of friends who are girls have indicated to me that this is something that would be a red flag to them. I'm not a fat troll who is unattractive or who hasn't got laid in a long time.. this is not the issue. I'm simply not feeling a deep lasting (keyword: lasting) connection with people I meet. I really want it bad... almost to the point where recently I was dating someone and letting my standards fly out the window just a bit in order to cultivate a "serious" relationship setting. That isn't working out.. my logical brain comes back to me and slaps me in the face. I've been using the online realm to meet a lot of people and have been on tons of dates, so i haven't been inactive in pursuing... BUT... Part of me just feels like I should say... "SCREW IT... the right person has not come along and I shouldn't fret about it." Another part says, "Maybe a therapist could help you out." My feelings as of today tell me to just forget about it all, be a happy single guy and the right person will come when I least expect it. I don't know what the right frame of mind should be. Some more background info: I'm 32, would love to settle down with the right girl and start another chapter of my life. What do you think?
abeja_reina_1989 Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Honestly, I think the easiest way to meet someone is on accident. That's how it's always happened with me. I've been in relationships (3 total) since I was 16 and I'm now 21. There has never been a time that I've been single (at least not for that long) So ya.. have fun in life, reach your goals, do what you love and it will happen. I promise!
Cee Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I think seeing a therapist is helpful. I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years. At first, it was healthy. I had jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend and never learned to be on my own. But after being alone for several years, I am acting the opposite and am unable to open up to a guy. I'm only attracted to people where it's clearly going nowhere. And I'm not into the guys who want a relationship. At first, I thought it was okay that I was rejecting people on the grounds that I wasn't into them. But clearly, my picker is broken. I have a really good friend who has it worse than both of us. He has dated tons of women, but has never been in love. He was in a relationship with the most amazing, loving woman, but he couldn't love her. He said she wasn't thin, young or pretty enough. Actually, he didn't say that outright, but he hinted at it. But I think he was afraid of a woman that could love him. All of his friends thought he was crazy to throw away this catch. He's in therapy now. I wish I could tell you that he's a different person, he isn't. But at least he knows the source of his relationship problems. I don't think there is an easy answer for this issue. I thought dating more people would help because people tell me it's a "numbers game," but unless I stop pushing away guys who like me, I'm sunk.
Beachywriter Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Some more background info: I'm 32, would love to settle down with the right girl and start another chapter of my life. What do you think? Go out and join a dance club and become very very good at dancing. I took a bunch of lessons and became a very very good C&W dancer. Two-step and all the corny stuff. I had two girls I used to go dancing with the same age I. Both these girls were very attractive. However whilst they didn't mind doing the vertical shuffle across a dance floor, the horizontal shuffle in the bedroom was not on the cards. I had other plans in my mind, that if I wanted to dance with them then I wanted to be doing the horizontal shuffle too! I got fed up with carry on with my existing dance partners and so after a while I met and started dancing with a lot newer younger 25 year old (I was 39 at the time). She was hot looking and had just gotten out of a relationship herself. This new dance partner really put the regular two dance partners noses out of joint. Long story short 15 months after my initial meeting of my younger dance partner we got married. That was 15 years ago. Its not been a bed of roses, but next year we will celebrate 15 years of marriage. So my words of advice, are to get very good at dancing. Even if you aren't the best looking guy out there, girls want to dance with the best dance partner. The guy who has the really best moves. They hate dancing with guys that have two left feet! So learn salsa/swing/country-western whatever, I hope this crazy idea works for you! It certainly worked for me!
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