Iselia Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I'm trying so hard not to send this letter... I attached some thoughts too (which I probably wouldn't send). I don't know. I know it’s been awhile since we’ve talked; I hope you’re well and taking care of yourself. I’ve been reading a book, How to Break your Addiction to a Person, and a lot of it resonated with me. I’m finally letting go of my overt dependence issues I have with you. I know I restricted you a lot, and I’m sorry I couldn’t let you be the person you wanted to be. I should have brought out the best in you as a person, but I didn’t. I should have chosen to love the person you are, rather than be compelled by my own dependence. It sucks this relationship didn’t work out. I’m still very saddened by the outcome and the way we both handle things. But, if you aren’t happy with it then it is best we both move on. More than anything, I want you to be happy. I love you. -Melissa ----------------------- I really want to send this, but I know better. Maybe in the future. I'm still trying to not be dependent on her as much as I use to be. It is hard. I find myself wanting to reach out to her, wanting to make this work. I can't, though. It isn't in my best interest to reach out to her. She just hurts me with Siobhan and her new lifestyle. It is time to let go of this relationship. No matter how damn sad I am and how much I really, really wish it could be different. She isn't willing to try. She isn't willing to be patient with me and communicate with me. She isn't willing to give up Siobhan. She isn't willing to stop her partying lifestyle. I can't settle for less than the best. It just won't work. Maybe in the future, if the issues disappeared, something could come between us again. I shouldn't give myself hope though. Love is a choice and I really want to continue to love her. However, it hurts me; especially since she doesn't return the feelings anymore. I have a feeling a part of me will always, always love her. This is part of the reason why I want to make it work. Maybe I shouldn't even fight it... That a part of me loves her. Is trying to stop loving her just futile? I honestly don't know. It's only 5 months into the breakup. I know 100% I still want to make this work. And it sucks, because I know she doesn't want to work it out. I also know, 100% I can't handle her being so destructive towards herself. I still worry myself quite a bit about her. Sometimes I just want to ask her "why are you doing this to yourself?" She always says she wants to live life. I didn't know living life was drinking, partying, drugs, and sex. I thought it was seeing beauty and simplicity in the small things.
Username37 Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Don't send the letter. What's there to prove? And you think it will affect her in any way? What we dumpees find sweet and cute, they will find pathetic and desperate. I don't want you to be hurt man
Author Iselia Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 Don't send the letter. What's there to prove? And you think it will affect her in any way? What we dumpees find sweet and cute, they will find pathetic and desperate. I don't want you to be hurt man I just can't seem to get it through my head that she is really done with me. That she isn't willing to work this out. That she can't forgive me and move on with me. I'm really hurting and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'm trying to be strong by not contacting her. Damn, 4 years down the toilet... 4 years worth of lies. I just don't understand a lot of her actions post breakup. Why would she emotionally invest herself in someone else (waaaay before we started having issues )? Why is she being so destructive right now? I feel so sick when I think of all of this.
Veronica K Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 There will never really be any answers that you could get from her that would be satisfactory. If anything, sending the letter will just make you ruminate and stay stuck all the more. I'm sorry it hurts so much right now.
Username37 Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I just don't understand a lot of her actions post breakup. Why would she emotionally invest herself in someone else (waaaay before we started having issues )? Why is she being so destructive right now? I feel so sick when I think of all of this. She's destructive because she's free. Those things that she's doing now were on her mind when you two were going out. She had urges and once you two were over, she had the freedom to do what she always wanted and that's to be a slutty, druggie, whore. Or maybe it's because she's insecure and is doing this stuff to feel accepted. That's what I think. I'm in a similar situation.
Author Iselia Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 If the dissolution of your relationship is complete, and you understand why the relationship didn't work, you have nothing to gain by sending this letter. Avoid sending this letter, and the worst of it will be over with. I know why it didn't work, but the things that caused this relationship to end can be fixed. Her desire to fix it, however, just isn't there. And it effin hurts that she is giving up like this and just being destructive as hell. She's destructive because she's free. Those things that she's doing now were on her mind when you two were going out. She had urges and once you two were over, she had the freedom to do what she always wanted and that's to be a slutty, druggie, whore. Or maybe it's because she's insecure and is doing this stuff to feel accepted. That's what I think. I'm in a similar situation. I think she has been having curiousity/urges to do these things. She avoids responsibility a lot, and now she's in college she wants zero committment to anything. It hurts so much. I know I should have someone who wants committment and responsibility. My heart can't help who it loves. I'm sad that we couldn't work it out and be happy together.
Cameraman Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 If the dissolution of your relationship is complete, and you understand why the relationship didn't work, you have nothing to gain by sending this letter. Avoid sending this letter, and the worst of it will be over with. They say that sending loveletters to the dumper rarely does any good. How about telling them what bitches they are and unloading all the anger the dumpee feels in a letter? Is this girlish behavior?
bboy Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 They say that sending loveletters to the dumper rarely does any good. How about telling them what bitches they are and unloading all the anger the dumpee feels in a letter? Is this girlish behavior? Any contact should only be of positive outcome. As a dumpee, the only way to reach this is to walk away from the other person and live your own life. If your roads cross again, the rule is still applied. It should only be of positive outcome. There is nothing whatsoever to gain from sending: a.) A love letter. b.) A hate letter.
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