onthebrinkofitall Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Posted 2 days ago that I went out with my STBXH after going NC for 24 hours. Then he came over last night.. we talked, trying to be very nonchalant and acting like feelings weren't involved. That worked for a while.. then all my word vomit came spilling out. I don't even know why I still want to be around him.. I don't feel like I used to anyway.. does anybody think there's such a thing as becoming so comfortable with someone, even if that person makes you feel bad, that you just want to be with said person out of habit or something? That's the only logical thing I've been able to come up with. I feel nothing when I kiss him.. except a tongue. There used to be a spark.. that's not there anymore. It's been there for almost 8 years.. I never fell out of love with him. It's so strange to be around him and not feel like he's the love of my life.. maybe that's the hardest part of this. And even though I don't feel the same about him as I used to, it still makes me unbearably sick to think about him with someone else. I don't understand these feelings. He did take his bed today.. which was the very last thing he had here, so there's absolutely no reason for him to come down anymore. All that's left to do is file for a divorce and the phone bill is the last thing we have in both of our names.. although, that's up to him since he's the primary account holder.. I tried to get my own 2 months ago. I asked him to call and let them know.. but he hasn't yet. I'm considering changing my phone number after all this. I don't want to.. but it'd probably be the smartest thing. Today when he left, it really felt like good-bye.. it's never really felt like we were over before but something about today was different. Not sure.. doctor tomorrow.. things can only get better from here right? I can't imagine feeling any lower.
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