Rellek Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 My ex talked to me today on facebook and said she wants to be friends. She wants this because we have a large group of friends that we are both tight with and she doesn't want awkward situations. I told her it's alright for us to say hello at social gatherings and that I care about her, but I need space to recover. Did I say the right thing? I am trying to move on so desperately. I'm not sure what to do.
ShannonMI Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 My ex talked to me today on facebook and said she wants to be friends. She wants this because we have a large group of friends that we are both tight with and she doesn't want awkward situations. I told her it's alright for us to say hello at social gatherings and that I care about her, but I need space to recover. Did I say the right thing? I am trying to move on so desperately. I'm not sure what to do. Yes you said the right thing. Maybe avoid her for awhile. Seeing her isn't going to help you move on.
paleblue Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 You said the right thing. You were nice about it. Now let it go and move on. As in, don’t bother wasting your time trying to be friends with an ex. Nothing good will come of it. Usually an ex will only want to be friends in order to just make themselves feel better. Its got nothing to do with making you feel better. Just like here, she wants to feel ok about things because you have mutual friends. And thats all its about. Its not about you. And I would go so far as to say if you didn’t have mutual friends, I doubt she would be asking. I would also like to point out, once someone disrespects you once, they will probably do it again. Not cool. Unless you like being a door mat.
Author Rellek Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Update: Out of the blue she texts me today to tell me congratulations on getting into the police academy. Still not going to contact her back. Makes me think more and more she wants me as a friend to ease HER suffering. To hell with that. She can feel what I feel.
hopesndreams Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Update: Out of the blue she texts me today to tell me congratulations on getting into the police academy. Still not going to contact her back. Makes me think more and more she wants me as a friend to ease HER suffering. To hell with that. She can feel what I feel. Yes, yes, YES!!! Look forward to the day you won't give a toss what she feels.
Author Rellek Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Thanks for the cheers! Haha. This forum always gives me the confidence I need.
Username37 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Being friends with an ex is a stupid idea. You're not gonna be treated as a friend either. They're gonna watch what they say and do around you EVERYTIME you talk and hang. You're gonna get **** treatment basically and you and I and everyone that got dumped does not deserve that.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Being friends with an ex is a stupid idea. You're not gonna be treated as a friend either. They're gonna watch what they say and do around you EVERYTIME you talk and hang. You're gonna get **** treatment basically and you and I and everyone that got dumped does not deserve that. They don't truly want to be friends is exactly right, My Ex during limited contact phase kept saying can't we just be friends? Funny thing is she didn't want to talk on the phone or see each other what type of friend is that? I just went to NC about a week ago after realizing this is BS it only feeds their ego to keep in touch with you and diminishes yours if you are not indifferent to them.
Username37 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 They don't truly want to be friends is exactly right, My Ex during limited contact phase kept saying can't we just be friends? Funny thing is she didn't want to talk on the phone or see each other what type of friend is that? I just went to NC about a week ago after realizing this is BS it only feeds their ego to keep in touch with you and diminishes yours if you are not indifferent to them. Not a friend at all. The only reason why they want to be friends is to relieve their break up guilt. ****ing selfish. My ex wants to be friends too and she even told me she loves me as a family member? THE ****? Demoted from lover to a brother/cousin figure? Talk about mean. Good job man, NC is the way to go. I go to school with my ex and walk by her everyday and I'm still on my NC (started June 20th)
Buccaneer55 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Not a friend at all. The only reason why they want to be friends is to relieve their break up guilt. ****ing selfish. My ex wants to be friends too and she even told me she loves me as a family member? THE ****? Demoted from lover to a brother/cousin figure? Talk about mean. Good job man, NC is the way to go. I go to school with my ex and walk by her everyday and I'm still on my NC (started June 20th) Wow almost 3 months now, that is awesome! My ex too is trying to keep me around as a friend, and I hate it. There's no worse feeling than getting that demotion. It's them saying you're important enough to be in their life, but not important enough to love anymore. I'm real close to NC with my ex. I've tried to initiate it, but she won't go more than 5 days without contacting me, and in the end I usually end up responding. I'm getting there though.
lullaby Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yeah, being friends is not the best way but it all depends on how the dumped feels, whether he/she is too emotional still or not. You can have LC with your ex and not be friends, I mean, I've been there and never considered him my friend and he didn't either. I came to the conclusion that all that matters is how the dumped thinks, 'cause in the end, the dumped is forced to move on, to go over a sad stage, hurtful moments, so.... in the end, it's the dumped's decision to talk to the ex again or not. We as dumped have the power to do that and we should think about ourselves first and not what THEY feel or think, right?
Author Rellek Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Soooo I know I'm breaking every rule that everyone on here says but.... I ran into my ex last night at a party. She wanted to talk to me really badly so I obliged. We talked a good while about what happened between us. What I believe happened is that I became lazy and content with the relationship. I stopped being exciting and she began seeing exciting opportunities elsewhere. She obviously still cares about me. That was pretty apparent. I just graduated and need to get my **** together and in shape anyway and I feel like if I do things could work between us. I suggested that we keep taking time apart to reevaluate what we want with our lives and in a few weeks we meet up for a light date to see what happens. She didn't say no but said she'd get back to me in a few days after some very busy things in her life blow over. How badly did I screw myself? Am I still just clinging on for dear life?
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