leftfield Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I just got a message from the ex this afternoon (on the 9th day of NC). I owe her some money so basically all it said was, "Hi, can you let me know when you've transferred the money". There was no, "how are you" or "hope you're well", just that. Very cold, but nothing more than I would expect from her I suppose. Anyway, I haven't responded, and I'm not sure whether I should? I sent her the confirmation email from the bank to say that the money has been sent so I haven't completely ignored the situation. (oh yeah, I have sent the money btw!) Should I also do the 'polite' thing and respond directly to her text? Even just say "check your emails" or something? I was trying to be NC to the max so I'm not sure I want to, I just don't want to look like a total dick for ignoring her about this kind of thing.
Rellek Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I wouldn't do it. I made that mistake a few days ago to exchange some things. All I got was a cold shoulder and it made me feel like sh*t. You'll be WAAAAAY better off just taking care of it and sending the email confirmation. Trust me on this. It will hurt a LOT if you contact your ex. Stay NC... it lets you heal and move on.
Lemontang Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Yep stick to NC. I sent a simple but polite email a few weeks back to an ex of mine asking her to update her mail forwarding since we haven't spoken in 10 months. I got tired of writing 'not at this address' or dropping the mail off in her letterbox when ever I was out her way (didn't help that my sister lives around the corner from her, hence the drop offs). I don't need her mail here should I have another girl at my place. Needless to say the only confirmation I got was mail arriving from the post office advising of a mail change for said persons at my address. Even after all this time it tings at the heart strings a little but not as much as I guess it would have if it'd been withing the 1st few weeks of the breakup. This is why you go NC to minimise the hurt but also to focus on yourself only.
shiftedblue Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I would stay NC too. She didn't have the courtesy to ask you how you are or say anything nice, just asking for money. If you contact her with kindness and she doesn't reply with the same, you'll probably feel like sh*t. I emailed my ex about some stuff of mine & some "hope you're well" kind of crap, and he replied... but the lack of warmth made me feel crappy... this was after a month NC. I wish I had just asked a friend to call him or something..
ShannonMI Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I just got a message from the ex this afternoon (on the 9th day of NC). I owe her some money so basically all it said was, "Hi, can you let me know when you've transferred the money". There was no, "how are you" or "hope you're well", just that. Very cold, but nothing more than I would expect from her I suppose. Anyway, I haven't responded, and I'm not sure whether I should? I sent her the confirmation email from the bank to say that the money has been sent so I haven't completely ignored the situation. (oh yeah, I have sent the money btw!) Should I also do the 'polite' thing and respond directly to her text? Even just say "check your emails" or something? I was trying to be NC to the max so I'm not sure I want to, I just don't want to look like a total dick for ignoring her about this kind of thing. Don't respond to her. How rude not asking how you are. All she cares about is the money? That was like me with my ex. He'd send me texts about the dog. Never to ask me how I was or anything. He cared more about the dog then the woman he had an 8 year relationship with. What a loser. It just shows what a**holes our exes are. She'll get the email and that will be the end of it. If you need to, tell a mutual friend to tell her she has her damn money and read her emails more often.
Maverick1983 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Don't respond to her. How rude not asking how you are. All she cares about is the money? That was like me with my ex. He'd send me texts about the dog. Never to ask me how I was or anything. He cared more about the dog then the woman he had an 8 year relationship with. What a loser. It just shows what a**holes our exes are. She'll get the email and that will be the end of it. If you need to, tell a mutual friend to tell her she has her damn money and read her emails more often. I agree with Shannons post.I think mutual friend is the way to go.Dont give her the satisfaction of a text or phone call.
NoneTheWiser Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Don’t respond to her even to say “check your email”. Think about it this way… you send her the response “check her email” she could interpret that to be rude or condescending or say something different and it might make you look weak in her view. I believe you want to come across strong and confident. Letting the confirmation email from the bank be the only contact will say just want you need to say.
BigProc Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Don't reply. She will know the money gone in. If she doesn't reply to your text you will feel like **** believe me
Author leftfield Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 (edited) Thanks all. I didn't reply to the text message, I didn't think she deserved a response. She did email me back later but all that said was "thanks, but can you remember if you gave me that other 50 for xxxx". Basically she wants more, which I can't even remember if I owe anymore because it was so long ago. Still no "how are you" or anything of that sort. If I was really bitter about this I would ask when I'm going to get all the back rent for all those months she stayed at my place while I paid all the bills, but I know that wouldn't achieve anything. Funny how everything that was hers is still hers and everything that was ours is hers too. Edited September 9, 2010 by leftfield Typo
ShannonMI Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Thanks all. I didn't reply to the text message, I didn't think she deserved a response. She did email me back later but all that said was "thanks, but can you remember if you gave me that other 50 for xxxx". Basically she wants more, which I can't even remember if I owe anymore because it was so long ago. Still no "how are you" or anything of that sort. If I was really bitter about this I would ask when I'm going to get all the back rent for all those months she stayed at my place while I paid all the bills, but I know that wouldn't achieve anything. Funny how everything that was hers is still hers and everything that was ours is hers too. Wow she wants more money. Don't contact her again. Don't respond to her email. That's horrible. She sounds very unappreciative.
Treasa Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 You sound like such a sweet person. Don't reply to her back. She's out $50 if she's going to be this rude, and that's even IF you owe it to her! She doesn't deserve any further consideration from you.
Author leftfield Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 Yeah, she wants more. I can't really fault her for wanting what is rightly hers, so I don't want to make out that she is some sort of money grabbing monster, I'm happy to pay back what's owed, after all she did help me out when I had financial struggles setting up my business. I'm just disappointed that since we split that's all that matters to her. She couldn't even bring herself to ask how I am. A friend I spoke to last night mentioned, with surprising insight for such a 'man's man' type that he is, some women (and men probably) go a bit spending crazy when they are hurting emotionally, so perhaps all is not as rosey in her world as the impression she gives me.
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