laRubiaBonita Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I am unhappy in my marrige and i do not know what to do.
TaraMaiden Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Oh that old chestnut. Weren't you going to walk once, and take your daughter with you? What changed your mind? And why is it changing again? You know this website, LRB.... we need more input!
Simon Attwood Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I am unhappy in my marrige and i do not know what to do. Serotonin and dopamine are the neurochemicals responsible for telling the brain to be happy. When we are unhappy, our serotonin and dopamine levels are low. Many things can affect the levels of serotonin and dopamine, including a lack of cortisol regulation leading to high sustained peaks in cortisol levels and a drop in levels of serotonin and dopamine. sustained high levels of cortisol can also damage the uptake receptors for serotonin and dopamine, meaning they are less efficient. Are you sure it's your marriage or are you just looking for something to blame it on?
hotgurl Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 oh Lb I am so sorry. Is it the same stuff that has been going on? Or is it the kid thing that is pushing you over the edge? IS he willing to work on things? Does he really know how unhappy you are?
quankanne Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 you've been married relatively briefly (under 3 years), so in his eyes, you've probably not been together "that long," so baby-negotiations are probably way too soon. Maybe it's time to look at all the options? • find out what range is HE looking at, and compare to what YOU are looking at. I'm sure that once you seriously communicate your desires, you'll come up with a plan. My thought is that most guys shy away from parenthood because they're afraid of the responsibility. Heck, my mom had six kids, and even though she said my dad *claimed* to want a big family, he still dragged his feet! And she had to talk him into trying for one last child (me) when their youngest was already in kindergarten! Sometimes it's about helping them see past their fears and concerns without giving into the desire to smack 'em upside the head, LRB. • seriously consider a marriage-enrichment session/course – you'd be amazed how much BS you cut through when you're looking to communicate honestly. Again, going back to the thought of him being afraid of responsibility of fatherhood without really considering the joys of it. Your compromise would be to set a general time frame on when you need to start trying for a family ... and assuage any fears or concerns that he has ...
Author laRubiaBonita Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 TM- we have no kids. SA- i am seriously considering getting back on a SSRI, i do have bouts of depression. and yes, we have been married just 2 years this month. the problem is this- i feel like i am the only one who makes any type of effort- and maybe it is my type of effort, or the effort I need. This ‘effort’ is pretty basic. Like, it would be nice if he talked with me. About ANYTHING, I really do not care at this point, but I need someone to talk to me. I talk to him and most the time he really doesn’t listen, and that bothers me too. And he has told me he doesn’t listen- because I call him on. I do not think he would ever say I love you to me unless I said it first. He rarely thinks of me, he is quite one way and seemingly self-centered. He doesn’t pay attention to a lot, especially involving us… when I quit drinking, he didn’t notice- I told him two weeks later that I had quit and he said he hadn’t even noticed. Do you know what a kick in the stomach that was? It made me so mad. He has lyme disease- he was diagnosed shortly after we were married, so this has been going on almost 2 years now. He has gotten totally introverted and seems depressed to me. He can get all bent out of shape if I go out with my friends or family- not all the time, but he has. And I do not understand why…. I am not going flop around the house while he does work stuff and doesn’t talk with me. I may as well live alone. And that is almost what it’s like now- except I have to clean up after him because lords knows he can’t do that either. I am just so fed up with it. I have feel like I have been totally flexible and understanding for a long while now- and I am not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel, nor do I see him making any effort to change. We have talked about this before, I have told him what I need- I need him to tell me he loves me. I need him to tell me he appreciates me. I need him to at least act like he is happy to be around me. I do not feel like I should have to tell him what I need over and over again- otherwise I will just think he is playing lip service. And I am not here to say I am Miss Perfect, because I am not. I know I can be a terd too- but for the most part I think I am pretty darn understanding and easy to get along with- but I have needs to and I do not feel they are being met. And other than telling him repeatedly, which I feel stupid for doing because I have and it just instills to me that he doesn’t listen and it makes me feel pretty worthless. I am not ready to give up and call it quits- but something has got to give.
TaraMaiden Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 TM- we have no kids. I unreservedly apologise. I think I have mistaken you for someone else. I'm sorry.
Art_Critic Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Hey LRB... No advice coming from me.. just a big hug...and a Dove Dark, if you want one.. ***Hugz***
Author laRubiaBonita Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 there there lrb thanks Alphie!
Author laRubiaBonita Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Hey LRB... No advice coming from me.. just a big hug...and a Dove Dark, if you want one.. ***Hugz*** mmmmm~ ahhh~mmmmm... you are a great hugger Art! thanks!
freestyle Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 we are good! Does this mean everything was resolved? Also, how's the alcohol abstinence coming along, if you don't mind my asking? (really proud of you, BTW) Either way, I got hugs for you, too.....(((((((LRB)))))))
Author laRubiaBonita Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Does this mean everything was resolved? Also, how's the alcohol abstinence coming along, if you don't mind my asking? (really proud of you, BTW) Either way, I got hugs for you, too.....(((((((LRB))))))) well... things are better; and maybe they will never be resolved- we are both different people and i need to remind myself of that sometimes... it's not as if i am not loved, i think it is me (and him) still learning each other. we have only known each other about 4 years- and married 2, so we are both still learning. so we- i- am good . and the abstaining is going good- i do partake on weekends- so i did not cut it completely, but i feel way more in control and not controlled. thanks freestyle!
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