Steve11 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I want to get back with her. What's the best way of going about it? Should I just say upfront I still have feelings for her? Or should I play it cool, not mention anything about us? I think I'm just going on hope here, but where's the harm in that?! :os
Don Ho Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I want to get back with her. What's the best way of going about it? Should I just say upfront I still have feelings for her? Or should I play it cool, not mention anything about us? I think I'm just going on hope here, but where's the harm in that?! :os I assume she broke up with you. NO you should not tell her you have feelings for her. You should go read about No Contact before you do anything.
boosh Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 If this recently happened, you aren't ready and it won't do you any good to see her. Take Don Ho's advice. If it's an older thing and you've had sufficient time to move on, etc., and you are completely comfortable with it, there's no harm in it in my eyes. But telling her you miss her, etc., puts her back into the power position and shows her that you're weak, etc. Don't do that. Don't also fall into the trap where meeting up means you two are getting back together. Go into it with a mindset of just a friendship thing, doing anything else will just set you up to fall hard again.
Author Steve11 Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 It was a mutual desicion, but I havnt coped with it very well. I feel pretty lost & lonely. I'm in plans of getting my first house & we were gonna live together. We spoke about kids & even a bloody dog. She insitigated the drinks first, but I said no. Then I had a weak day and texted her about the drinks. She said we Can organise when this week, but I havnt heard from her. I'm not gonna contact her asking either. Just feel a little hopeless.
Don Ho Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 It's rarely mutual Bro. You're here, so I assume that really she dumped you. Do not contact her about drinks. You are correct. Also, it would be helpful if you gave us a little background about the two of you.
Cee Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 It was a mutual desicion, but I havnt coped with it very well. I feel pretty lost & lonely. I'm in plans of getting my first house & we were gonna live together. We spoke about kids & even a bloody dog. She insitigated the drinks first, but I said no. Then I had a weak day and texted her about the drinks. She said we Can organise when this week, but I havnt heard from her. I'm not gonna contact her asking either. Just feel a little hopeless. It sounds like you are in the post breakup mourning period. Medicating the loss by running back to the relationship is a normal feeling. Like when people quit smoking and are in agony and want "just" one smoke. We know that a cigarette is not the answer. That's why NC works like magic because it allows the grieving process to happen. When people go NC for several months, they realize that they are going to survive without their ex. And they move on with their lives. Grieving is painful and horrible, but it is allows a time of deep introspection and change. I have learned to embrace the lessons of pain after a breakup. Even when I'm lying on the floor in a puddle of tears. Hang in there.
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 You are walking a fine line of self-destruction. There are several things you need to know here but ultimately the most IMPORANT thing to know is that you CANNOT be the one who initiates a “second chance”. That has to come from the dumper, NOT the dumpee. If she really feels like she made a mistake (and this is very rare for women because once they decide to walk away, they’re pretty much gone for good) then she will be the one contacting you and trying to patch things up. By you even thinking about initiating a second chance you are only going to CEMENT the decision she made to walk away. You will simply destroy whatever self-respect you had and what little respect she had for you. Understand something. You should NEVER EVER make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an “option” (and sometimes, not even that). The longer you pine/scheme or otherwise try and twist fate to work in your favor the longer you will stay depressed, upset and even more so, you will allow the RIGHT person who should be in your life to pass you by. Learn from experiences like this. Become a better, stronger person when relationships fail. Put the PAST behind you and look forward to the present and future. There’s an old saying that goes something like this “A man who plows the field while looking behind him is not fit for the Kingdom of God….” In other words, if your focus is on the past then your present and future will suffer in the meantime. If you really want to be happy and be in the right frame of mind for the right person to come into your life, you need to wash away the past. What’s done is done and you cannot change that. All you control in this life is yourself, not your Ex. Whatever decision she has made, you have to deal with it. So stop trying to manipulate her back into your life and start moving on with your life. I know that’s easy to say but as someone who has learned this first hand, I know that by pondering what could have been you are simply missing out on what CAN and WILL happen: Someone new and someone BETTER for you. (Read my links below) Cheers, mate.
skydiveaddict Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I want to get back with her. What's the best way of going about it? Should I just say upfront I still have feelings for her? Or should I play it cool, not mention anything about us? I think I'm just going on hope here, but where's the harm in that?! :os The harm is that you will get your wounds re-opened and have to start the healing process all over again. Listen to Cali-guy
charliecharlie Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Learn from experience: the longer you stay in NC, the easier it becomes. It's hard from time to time but remember, it's just emotions and emotions will pass. Don't identify with your emotions because they are not you. They will come and go and if you hold on to NC day by day you will feel stronger, untill one day you feel indifferent. That's the part that makes the struggle worth while, because you're actually moving on. And if you are moving on, you stand much stronger with a clearer view on what happened and a clearer view on what you want. Is she worth it? Do you really want to be with someone that makes you feel this miserable? Is that's what love is all about?
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