pandagirl Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 So, I had written him an email tonight that I wanted him to read while we were on the phone. I've been so out of it, that I didn't even realized I, uh, called him at 12:45am! Ugh, I'm not even drunk, just feel like a zombie. Anyway, his vm was full, so I just emailed him what I wrote, saying I just tried call him to see how his weekend was and to talk, sorry for calling so late, but that I'm sending him this email because I'd never be able to be so articulate over the phone. ( I tend to clam up.) The email was just a long letter not placing blame or taking blame. It was just talking about how I understand what happened, where I feel like we miscommunicated, where I made mistakes. But also pointed out, in a non-accusatory way, how his actions did not help and confused me. I didn't write this email as a way to "reach out" even. I just wanted to speak my mind and be heard. At the end I told him, "This is not a breakup letter and it's not about getting back together. It's just how I feel." I felt like we have been in this slippery slope for the past two months, where we couldn't pull ourselves up from sliding anymore. I had a good week to think about everything. Some might say that this email has ruined any chances of getting back together. But that is neither here nor there. I feel like what I wrote was very genuine, appropriately emotional and fair. It wasn't sentimental. It just was. I will not contact him anymore. I told him I'd like to talk when he is ready. I truly believe that the issues we had were fixable ones. They'd be ones that any relationship would have, except ours was LDR which made them hard to fix. If he isn't willing, that says nothing about me, but I think the comfort I take from any possible outcome, is that I know he truly loves me.
Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Panda, I wrote a very similar sounding letter to Skiman a week after we broke up, and then another the week later. I didn't write to him to get a reaction either, just to straight up communicate. It was like the first time I ever felt like I had an honest voice in the relationship - even if he didn't interpret my message the way it was intended, it was the first time I could get my thoughts and feelings out in a logical manner. Like you, I acknowledged that I understood what happened, accepted the breakup, pointed out where I thought I went wrong and miscommunicated, and most importantly, how I thought his actions contributed to our demise. It was...cathartic. It helped, a lot. Both of us. He told me he had his own epiphany after reading it. But obviously, we're not back together... nor will we ever be. So, it didn't have the result that I *think* you're secretly hoping will happen here. You're doing incredibly well with this... I'm proud of you, and here if you want to talk. (((HUG)))
Author pandagirl Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Panda, I wrote a very similar sounding letter to Skiman a week after we broke up, and then another the week later. I didn't write to him to get a reaction either, just to straight up communicate. It was like the first time I ever felt like I had an honest voice in the relationship - even if he didn't interpret my message the way it was intended, it was the first time I could get my thoughts and feelings out in a logical manner. Like you, I acknowledged that I understood what happened, accepted the breakup, pointed out where I thought I went wrong and miscommunicated, and most importantly, how I thought his actions contributed to our demise. It was...cathartic. It helped, a lot. Both of us. He told me he had his own epiphany after reading it. But obviously, we're not back together... nor will we ever be. So, it didn't have the result that I *think* you're secretly hoping will happen here. You're doing incredibly well with this... I'm proud of you, and here if you want to talk. (((HUG))) Thanks, SG. Ugh, it's the middle of the night here, and I woke up feeling like I shouldn't have sent that email. Everyone has been telling me, "Dont contact him. He will call." But I hate that! I get that theory if my "goal" was to get him back, but I don't really believe in those games generally. I think I do secretly hope we can get back together, but I also don't think a possible future hinges on this email I sent. haha. I'm just really want to *understand* what happened. I want him to know that I do understand. Deep down, I know that this is over. I know him well enough to know his limits. He's a proud man. I think he realizes he can't be so focused on his career AND give me what I need in this long-distance relationship. I know people say, "If he really wanted you, he would be with you." This is true to some extent, but I also know I avoided relationships for many years because I knew I wasn't in the right place to have one. My remaining regret is we never got to be together. I just miss him.
shayan Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 The ambiguity which follows a break up can be quite disheartening. I know you still feel like there is an infinitley small chance of reconcilliation when deep down inside you know it's not going to work. In my opinion when you feel this way it's best to follow your intuition and begin sealing the gates of your heart, living in the past is easy to do because you can continue enjoying what was and the love you had. Whatever happens be honest with yourself and try to follow the truth. There is a lesson to be had here Good Luck and you will get through this and emerge a better and happier person I know this for sure
Author pandagirl Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 The ambiguity which follows a break up can be quite disheartening. I know you still feel like there is an infinitley small chance of reconcilliation when deep down inside you know it's not going to work. In my opinion when you feel this way it's best to follow your intuition and begin sealing the gates of your heart, living in the past is easy to do because you can continue enjoying what was and the love you had. Whatever happens be honest with yourself and try to follow the truth. There is a lesson to be had here Good Luck and you will get through this and emerge a better and happier person I know this for sure I just texted him asking him if he could talk tonight. I just need to get it over with, and move on. I need to understand better what went wrong in our relationship.
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