Why do they do this crap..?

[9Lives]

I kinda agree with this post above cause I lived it. I don't like the sht he is pulling on you. he is either in or out. its that simply. why the hell he gets all sweet AFTER its over? why is he doing that? I know this is your life and you got to figure this out on your own but I just don't want you to experience this. it hurt so bad. I could cry telling u how messed up I was/am being the yo/yo relationship. your heart is in it but what is he trying to do? I'm in your corner and I don't want this muthafker hurt u the way I was. I want u to be happy and feel good about yourself.

 

I went out tonight and met another guy. he was sweet and we had a lot in common. I brought this up to let u know. I promise..if this don't work with ol boy...YOU WILL have happiness again in your life. I'm here to let u know. this guy is not all that. I thought my ex was the beginning and the end. its a lie we tell ourselves. open your eyes and u will see that you don't need this guy and you will be just fine without him. just fine! if u got his a.ss...you can get someone better for sure if that is what u want. don't be afraid to make a tough decision if you don't like the way you are being treated. I will walk u thru it cause I understand it completely. if he keeps all the calling and aint taking u nowhere are asking u out...you are being played!!! RECOGNIZE!!! you are not the cell phone..cyper chic on the side. nope..YOU are bigger than that for sure!

Edited September 11, 2010 by 9Lives

[Silvaria]

Hey, guys...well, I'm sitting here feeling pretty miserable, and I'm really starting to understand what you all have been trying to tell me. I have been making excuse after excuse for him...attaching all kinds of meaning to some little thing he said, or the fact that he writes me almost every, blah blah blah...and I began to realize, it's almost midnight, I've not heard from him at all today...and so I came over here and started reading some posts, and someone said something that really, really resonated with me.

 

They weren't talking to me, but they said, quite simply, "He's not WITH you, and if he wanted to be, he WOULD be."

 

And for no real reason, I just started crying, quite hard...because all of a sudden, the clear truth of this simple statement hit me like a hammer in the head. I am hanging onto something that just isn't there any more, because I don't want to accept the truth. I love him more than I ever thought I could love another human being...I trusted him more than I ever thought I could trust someone...and the fact that he spent the last year and a half telling me that even if he walked away, he would always come back...what kind of rotten thing is that to say to someone, you know?!? What a way to set them up to wait for you in the future, no matter WHAT the **** you do to them...

 

And then reading the last two posts you guys wrote...it became even more clear. He's keeping me around in case he doesn't find someone else...and I know he hasn't, because he would throw it in my face. So I started thinking back over the last couple of weeks...yes, he writes almost every day, but usually only late at night, and sometimes, only makes conversation for maybe 15 or 20 minutes, then goes to bed. It's like I'm an after-thought...he's giving me JUST enough attention to keep me hanging on...but without overly inconveniencing himself.

 

So yes...it is finally slowly dawning on me...it doesn't matter if we have a "chance" in the future or not...this is the here and now, and this relationship OVER. If he wanted me to be his girlfriend again, he would ask me to be his girlfriend again, plain and simple. He doesn't, so he hasn't.

 

What an idiot I have been...lapping at every crumb, like a dumb puppy. This hurts so bad, I lack the words to even describe it...in 5 hours it will be exactly 5 weeks since he dumped me, and I have been hanging onto so much hope, but it's fading fast. This just isn't healthy for me...I'm not eating right, I'm not sleeping well, I'm in a constant state of stress, constantly waiting for that next IM or text...it has to stop. I can't afford to end up in the ER, and at the rate I'm going, that's exactly where I'm heading...

 

I have a feeling I'm going to be awake most of the night, crying and feeling miserable. And what I'm trying to figure out is, how do I end this? How do I pull away? Even now, somewhere in the back of my head, I keep hoping he'll write, and say something sweet that will make me believe he still loves me...how in the hell do I find the strength to walk away after 5 weeks of not having anywhere NEAR the strength to do so?

 

Anyhow, I'm rambling now...I drafted up an email about a week ago...I know a lot of you would say don't bother, but somehow, I feel like if I'm going to do this...if I'm going to take that plunge into NC...I have to burn my bridge entirely, so I won't be tempted to turn back and try to cross it again. And this email would do it, LOL...I've sent him at least 4 or 5 since we broke up, and he never replies to any of them.

 

For the first time, I finally see the purpose of NC...not to try to draw him back in, but to start healing myself. I feel like the lightbulb is finally going on over my head...but I'm so damn miserable...

 

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply, and show me the light...sorry it took so long, and I know I'm far from being in the clear yet...but at least I'm finally starting to see things as they really are, and not as I want them to be.

 

This just ****ing SUCKS...

[9Lives]

don't you DARE beat up on yourself. when you love somebody, confusion is so easy to happen. this aint easy. one thing I am so so so proud of you for understanding is that NC is not a game or joke. its for real. its not a tool to get your ex back. its for healing only. nothing else. many people have used it for the wrong reasons. you saved yourself a lot of more pain. your lucky you didn't have to learn the real hard way meaning keep going thru the bullcrap for freaking years and not understanding why. you got support. you understand the fk up game and now you are going to be stronger. he is not your beginning and end. you getting ready to see that. so chill out on yourself. you been thru a lot. make your decision when u ready and watch and see what happens. do NC for the right reasons. its not a game

[Oxo]

Silvaria, itt sounds like you have had that "a-ha!" moment and that is really good! I know what you mean about wanting to send that final email, I've been there, but the best way to go NC is just do it. However if you really need the closure, just send something simple saying you're done and then that's it.

 

I know how much it sucks, I went 5 weeks of no contact with my ex last time and it was so hard! I'm not overly social either and the weekends seemed to go forever (not in a good way).

 

I wish I could say NC feels great. But in the beginning, it won't. You're probably gonna feel hopeless, alone, desperate, depressed, anxious and sick to your stomach.

 

BUT then you will realise how many weeks it's been since you last spoke to him, and you will look at all the good things you've been doing for yourself, and you will be so proud of yourself. And rightly so.

 

It just takes that first step of NC. I believe you're strong enough to do it

[Am4Real]

Well, he definitely knows how to keep me hanging on, as the song goes...today while at work, I got the following text:

 

"Hello.. Sorry for picking on you.. I was just being my mean self.. No hard feelings, ok?"

 

I keep thinking more and more and more about going NC...not warning him or telling him that's what I'm doing, simply...disappearing, never answering his texts or IMs. It's just scary, you know?

 

Silvaria,

 

Hi!

 

I’m not going to pick on you so please take this advice in the best spirit. You are causing yourself so much pain by practically “always being available” to these intrusive communications. If you don’t change your environment, I’m afraid you will be in turmoil for some time to come.

 

As several posters have already commented, you need to cease these communications, especially your near around-the-clock accessibility via e-services like Skype, AOL, IM, TEXT and whatever else you have. You are even checking messages and being available while at work so you never know or have control of "the next emotional" break in.

 

Call your cell carrier and see if they can specifically block incoming texts from a target number; get a new number if needed.

 

At the very least block “him” from seeing your online status and if he is the main user between you and the PC, delete the applications altogether.

Do this for yourself and start the healing process right away. You sound very tormented by these behaviors of his (and to some extent your own). I know it’s a tough act to initiate but believe all of us when we tell you it will be much better once you start to take control.

 

Best wishes!!

[Silvaria]

Hello...well, there's nothing I can disagree with in the last 3 posts, LOL...but I do agree very much with:

 

don't you DARE beat up on yourself. when you love somebody, confusion is so easy to happen.

 

Silvaria, itt sounds like you have had that "a-ha!" moment

 

You are causing yourself so much pain by practically “always being available” to these intrusive communications.

 

Thank you so much for your support...I can honestly say this whole experience would be a lot worse without this site.

 

I haven't heard from him today, and I'm OK with it. Yeah, it kinda sucks, but at the same time, I haven't had to worry about saying the wrong thing, or whether or not he's saying the right thing, and so on.

 

And best of all, I don't have to make the decision of whether or not to respond...and if I can get to a point where NOT hearing from him is better than hearing from him, then as far as I'm concerned, I'm over the hump.

 

I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks so much, again.