wawa Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 My exgirlfriend called me tonight after being NC for about 2 weeks. She broke up with me this past june, and we have been on and off talking. I never called or emailed. She was the one who always broke NC. Anyhow the last time we talked, we videochatted and it stayed casual. I do want her back but I have not tried to force anything. I do not have too hard a time just going NC and hearing from her once in a while, but i feel it prevents me from getting her back, or just moving on with my life. The question is do I stay friends with her (which is what she wants) or do I tell her to not call me anymore like this? Tonight she just called to wish me luck on a big exam i am taking this thursday, but suggested if we can be friends. I told her in the past (while we were broken up) that I did not want to stay friends and told her to stop calling me. She ended up calling me back the next day crying and saying she missed me too much. She said that she would call me again tmr. So what do you guys and gals think? Do I stay friends with her in hopes of maybe snatching her heart again or do I tell that its best she does not call me anymore? Im open to all opinions but please do keep in mind that I do want her back and want to hear advice on what may be the best way to get her back. Thank you
Trovador Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Breaking up isn't easy for dumpers either, that's why sometimes they ask us to remain friends, even to the point of fighting for the friendship... some other times they really care about us, not as just friends or lovers but as persons or human being if you want... add to the mix that in a few occasions we are really interesting people, with some added value that it is really appreciated by them, and in actuality you wasn´t a jerk and possibly was the best partner they ever had, and you have an ex thinking your friendship is the best second thing ever... obviously, I am talking about exes who genuinely want to keep us in their lives... Life would be great if all this was tantamount to win them back in the shortest time possible, but alas, as you will soon see for yourself if you choose to remain friends with her, a best friend a great lover doesn´t make... But you have a great advantage, you want her back, I wish I wanted mine back because I would remain friends with her because I don't see any other way to possibly have them back... if you want that you are for a challenge because you have to show her that you are the best man around (or did you think she wasn't going to look for prospects), that you have improved the qualities that attracted her in first place, plus being a kind of renaissance man, with many interests and areas of expertise... I guess you know the drill... Because being the clingy, needy, insecure man who pushed her away (I am not saying you are one of them despite the tendency of us dumpees of being so) is not gonna do anything to bring her back... Many will hate me here for saying this but I think NC is not a tool or a rule to win back past lovers but a powerful lifestyle to heal and improve our crushed souls... sorry for my long rant and bad English... later...
cavedweller Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 You both need closure here.. I would ask her to meet somewhere for coffe or lunch, ect. ect. and talk about trying to work it out.. My question for you is---What do you have to loose? my 2 cents
Author wawa Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Trovador - thanks for your reply. We have been broken up these past 3 months and in that time I have lost 30 pounds, got my first six pack ever, and been more focused. I really let myself loose while dating her but I really took the time to make myself better. I feel I did improve my qualities as a man alot and thats why I feel maybe being friends with her might work to my advantage. She has not seen me in person yet (shes in a different state) So being friends would just be a phone/email/chat thing. Cavedweller- Thanks for your reply. I would like to get closure and ask her to meet somewhere but she lives 5 hours away. I doubt she would make the trip to me and I feel if I make the trip to her, it just makes her think im clingy or available to her at anytime. what to do?
Trovador Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 If the trip might accomplish something, go... remember, you want her back, do whatever is necessary to achieve that... But I'd try first with the available means... she has called you and she misses you, and those signals are favorable... nobody is going to blame you for trying... Problem with me it's that I don't want my ex back and that stops me of reaching more to her... we are friends but here I am waiting for her call... it's no cinch, man... that's why I am going NC... again... If I really wanted my ex I'd anything I could and even if she refused I'd be better than just wishing and doing nothing...
Billie The Puppet Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I asked my ex not to contact me anymore and so far she isn't still kind of hoping she caves but I doubt she will she does have a strong head for things like this after awhile though she did cave from all the previous times I asked for the same thing only this time it was in an email and not voice so it is written down. You have to ask yourself if you are comfortable with the friends zone. I personally at this time am not , I tell myself I am as long as she stays single but that doesn't accomplish anything because I become a friend and nothing more. As a friend one day she will move on so Staying NC is the best in my situation question yourself now.
PixieStix Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Get on with your life and ignore her. If she comes back it is meant to be. If not, then you know.
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