Wrenne Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 (edited) hi all: i've written on this site a few times and am looking for some guidance. in april i broke up with a man i was completely crazy about because i felt like he was commitment-phobic and not treating me right. he would joke about marriage with me, be dishonest about his relationships with other women (but he never ever cheated and never would), and tell his ex that he loved her. for some reason from the moment i saw him i was drawn to him. i was completely in love with him for over a year before we got together. we then dated for about a year and a half and had some of the happiest times of my life. but as time wore on, i became increasingly insecure with his commitment-phobic behavior. i did find a number of ways to rationalize and justify this behavior, but it still made me feel bad. eventually, i was moving out of the state for a job (which he knew since before we were dating) and felt like rationally the best thing to do was to break up. he took the breakup very hard and found a new girlfriend several weeks later. they have now been together over two months. all of my friends have told me that they do not seem to have the same spark we had and that she seems like a classic rebound girl in a number of ways. i have tried no contact but it has been a struggle. he has very good relationships with nearly all of his serious ex's and really wanted to remain friends. we text, chat and email about twice a week. i rarely if ever initiate contact but always respond if he does. he has told me that he "sometimes feels sad" about us and that his new girlfriend has "nothing to do with our relationship". he told me once (after dating his new girlfriend) that he loved me. but his behavior is not always consistent. for example, we met for dinner once last week and while we talked for hours, he was texting someone (likely his girlfriend) throughout the night. rationally, i feel like he is feeding me the same lines he fed his ex when we were together and that i should just move on. but emotionally i am struggling to do that. a part of me feels that we could have a happy life together and that i'll never find that same spark with someone else. aside from breaking off contact, i feel like i am doing everything i can possibly do to get over him. i recently returned from a trip around the world. i have a great new job as an attorney and lots of hobbies and am in great physical shape. i am going out with my friends. i have been in therapy. but i still find myself thinking about him 90% of the time, all the time. what is wrong with me? will this end? should i try to get him back? is this really love, or am i just seeking approval from someone who will never give it to me? any advice would be appreciated. Edited September 8, 2010 by Wrenne
Trovador Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Don´t fight it... let if flow... you are thinking about him most of the time... so what? What did you expect? Of course you are going to feel like you know what... that's why break ups are infamous... just accept that you a "hot potato" in your hands and that you are going to do all you can to get over your problem... It's no question of will power but of good will... You know, going away or avoiding your regular routine isn´t really going to help, so you might go on living normally or at least try to do it... let him go and let yourself go... stand tall on your right to get a partner that will respect you...
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