Is this dumb of me?

[D-Lish]

I just fear that for whatever stupid ass reason she has (I see none) she won't want me back. She didn't give me a "good" reason other than that she doesn't feel the same.

 

That's reason enough....

[cody19]

 

That's reason enough....

 

 

I 100% understand that. What I don't understand is how that can be true. I'm a great guy, I mean GREAT. I'm not trying to be cocky but I'm a great guy. She and I got along perfect (well at least near perfect), I made her extremely happy, she made me extremely happy, we had a good sex life, we were best friends, we made each other laugh, and we are weird/immature in our own ways but they were the same as each other. And our maturity/seriousness was also compatible if not identical.

 

So there is no reason to "just stop feeling" it for me I guess. I don't know if that's the way it truly is, I understand, but I just don't see how that could be how it truly is.

 

And to throw this out there.. some of the things she told me about her past also makes me wonder. Her dad cheats on her mom and she knows and has even told her mom but it doesn't seem to change anything so she has had hard feelings towards her dad, she used to have a bit of an eating problem, this, and that and etc. Basically I just wonder if this is not something she is having trouble with so she is feeling afraid to go through the tough time of being apart (I am too but I'm willing to make it work) and she just feels like the only way to avoid it is to this. And I think she has convinced herself. Will she ever realize? I don't know but I sure hope so because I honestly see her and seeing me and her having what my parents/grandparents have. I'm more happy now when I think about our past and then realize it may be over than I was before I met her. I have a lot of evolving as a person to do but she aided that. She made me a better person and I feel as though I did the same for her.

 

 

I'm just going in circles and I'm sorry.

 

 

And come on Don Ho, you keep giving me short posts and aren't ****ting on me anymore. I keep expecting something more HAHA.

 

 

Update, I just did another "intense" dorm room work out (lots of abs and chair dips) and this time I used a bit of anger but it did not take me looking at a picture of her and thinking of some dude on her. Either I'm doing it now just to hope I look better when she sees me and thinks "damn what was I thinking" or else I'm actually starting to do things a bit more for myself. I'm still feeling on about the same plane as far as emotional/feelings. I still want her to admit she made a mistake so we can talk about it, why she did it, what I may have done to contribute to this break up, and what we can do to fix it. But I've got another... oh I don't know... 30 ish days... Damn this may be the hardest thing I have done.

[jnj express]

Obviously she didn't think what the 2 of you HAD together was so great, cuz w/in one week of your split---she was spreading her legs for another man---and in all actuality, at this point it might be other MEN

 

She doesn't think she is cheating, cuz the 2 of you split apart---but she certainly isn't deeply in love with you either, otherwise she wouldn't be out with other men, and having sex with them

 

You can take advice or not---BUT FACTS ARE FACTS, and the facts of this matter are----she ain't in love with you-------end of discussion

[Billie The Puppet]

OH NO!!! BILLIE THE THREAD THIEF IS IN THE HOUSE!!!

 

 

Lmfao I only get replies in threads that are not my own but I reply to other peoples threads sharing my similarities and story. No one is ever alone in this.

[Don Ho]

Bro I haven't been sh**ting on you, I've be trying to smack you back into reality. At least now you're thinking and maybe even listening. Now you're having dialogue with other members instead of a monologue and searching only for members that will support your point of view and how you want to proceed.

 

I agree with D-Lish and JNJ. IF she loved you that much and it was that "perfect", she WOULD be with you. If you're such a "great guy" where did she go? I think your ego is preventing you from the reality that she doesn't think you're as great as you think. That's a defense mechanism when we don't want to or can't deal with the truth. For some reason you can't accept that maybe you're not such a great guy or she didn't think you were such a great guy.

 

You obviously were much more into her than she was you. That's always a problem. What you ideally want, is to always have her slightly more into you than you are her. Your "interest" level can be 90%, but hers better be 100%. What happens when you're too into them, you chase them, you shower them with gifts and niceness is that they lose interest. When they lose interest, they lose their attraction to you. That's why I explain in my posts that when you evolve into a pussy in a relationship, they will lose interest and dump you. Weakness or perceived weakness from either sex is unappealing and unattractive. That's human nature.

[cody19]

Bro I haven't been sh**ting on you, I've be trying to smack you back into reality. At least now you're thinking and maybe even listening. Now you're having dialogue with other members instead of a monologue and searching only for members that will support your point of view and how you want to proceed.

 

I agree with D-Lish and JNJ. IF she loved you that much and it was that "perfect", she WOULD be with you. If you're such a "great guy" where did she go? I think your ego is preventing you from the reality that she doesn't think you're as great as you think. That's a defense mechanism when we don't want to or can't deal with the truth. For some reason you can't accept that maybe you're not such a great guy or she didn't think you were such a great guy.

 

You obviously were much more into her than she was you. That's always a problem. What you ideally want, is to always have her slightly more into you than you are her. Your "interest" level can be 90%, but hers better be 100%. What happens when you're too into them, you chase them, you shower them with gifts and niceness is that they lose interest. When they lose interest, they lose their attraction to you. That's why I explain in my posts that when you evolve into a pussy in a relationship, they will lose interest and dump you. Weakness or perceived weakness from either sex is unappealing and unattractive. That's human nature.

 

I understand your last paragraph, and that's why I'm fighting so hard to not talk to her, and hoping I can basically slap something similar back in her face at some point to show her it sucks. (not best choice of words because I don't want to "slap it in her face" but you get the point.)

 

Thing is she knows I'm great, and honest to god before this she would have said the same things and I wouldn't have said it.. I don't have an over ego at all.. if anything right now I lack self-confidence because of this. But I know myself well enough to know I'm a good person. Even a great one. And even now after the break up she agrees. I've said to her you know were happy as could be it was great and she literally said "yeah it was and our relationship was great" and **** but if I ask her why don't you want it anymore than she says "she doesn't know" She says she doesn't know what she wants or if she will want me back. I've told her sometime down the road she will. I hope its sooner rather than later but it will. I don't think it's out of her mind completely, and to me it's not like she is doing this to end it because logically we need to (like I was a ****ty guy) but the only reason is because distance. But we have dealt with distance and I was willing to work on it. For some reason all of the sudden she isn't, which normally she would have been more for it than me. I just don't get it because like I said before she had to say she was on the same page as me if not more in love with me than I was her, but how does that just suddenly stop? I don't see how she can not miss me at all, yet she acts like she misses other people from America, I was her best friend and we would talk **** about her friends even at times (like when her good friends were being really dumb) and vice versa.. I don't understand how it can be like now I'm nothing and she doesn't miss me but she misses other people.

 

 

 

I'm not trying to deny what everyone is saying here, I'm just saying what I think I guess.

 

Oh and to jnj, I understand that. But I still can't help but feel that it's in there it's just deep down inside or hidden. Because I get that she thinks/feels that she doesn't love me, but I really don't understand how that will last.

What sucks, is I don't know how long I will wait for her to figure it out, because right now I'd be willing to wait...

But I'm not the most patient of guys when it comes to things like this and these last 4 days have been hard as hell. Especially when I've got no one to chat with. I'm just so used to talking to her about anything/everything. So this is weird as hell.

 

Idk, I'm doing better, I'm not crying/hysterical all the time... but I still feel it on the inside and I still want her back.

 

 

I asked in the title if this was dumb of me... and it may be... but the thing is that I feel this whole situation is just her being dumb. And I am just waiting for her to realize she is being dumb.

 

So far I've tried to hard to make her realize it, but that didn't work. So now I'm doing the NC thing in hopes that she does realize

 

and if not hopefully NC will allow me to learn to live without her again... which I have to do either way due to the distance for now.. but it's a lot easier to deal with if we are "together" and i just feel she is being dumb.

 

She had sex, so she doesn't feel she loves me. But she said she wouldn't date this guy so I feel like it's not like she found her new boyfriend or something. I think she is just being dumb and missing our sex since it's been since May that we last had sex.

 

Idk, maybe I'm still stuck on stupid.

[Don Ho]

She has another guy Bro. That would explain it.

[cody19]

She has another guy Bro. That would explain it.

 

Eh, the guy was after she "stopped having feelings for me." If not then she has been lying to me constantly which so far when I ask things she has been honest and it doesn't ever sound the best. And she says it isn't for another guy and it wasn't even to have sex, that she didn't plan on doing that and that she wouldn't date him.

 

To me I'm still confused because I am not seeing it as the guy caused her to break up with me. Has it crossed my mind? yeah, but I don't know if that's it.

[cody19]

Here is a question. She says that the week before the break up when we couldn't talk that guys tried to make out with her and she didn't do it. But felt like she wanted to?

 

But then it seems weird to me that the first time with this guy at all she hops in bed with him... I had suspicions about her story about just making out with him (she didnt want to tell me they had sex because she knew it wouldn't help me any but I had it swirling in my head so I asked).

 

Now I cant tell if she is just being strange by having sex with this dude so fast or if she is lying to me about the week before the break up.

 

Now, do I break this NC (only been like 4 days and we decided she would email me in about a month) to ask her if she is lying to me about cheating or what?

 

Or do I just ignore it for now?

 

 

If she cheated on me (even if just kissing) it's gonna set me that much closer to not wanting her back, even compared to the sex thing just because the concept of doing it while we were together when she would have freaked had I ever done it would piss me off.

 

But I'm thinking she isn't lying about it and that she didn't actually do it. So would I be wasting my time by asking?

 

Should I just ignore it and keep going with this NC so she doesn't see me as too needy? or anything?

[Don Ho]

No, do not contact her especially about that. Women lie. So do men. You may not get the truth even if you ask. The reason I say she has another guy is that it's an LDR and she dumped her "great guy". It doesn't add up.

 

The gal I'm seeing now, her Ex broke up with her and I started dating her about three weeks later. Now he's trying to get her back (oh he made a big mistake by cheating on her and breaking up). She wants nothing to do with him because he's lying cheater. Nothing to do with seeing me. She has told him there is no one else and lied to him about us because she does not want him to think it's about me or anyone else and wants him to think and know it's because of how he behaved and there is no coming back for him. That's another reason I say your Ex may be lying. But, like I said, you will not get the real truth even if you ask her .... EVEN IF she has always been honest with you. Just let it go permanently.

[cody19]

No, do not contact her especially about that. Women lie. So do men. You may not get the truth even if you ask. The reason I say she has another guy is that it's an LDR and she dumped her "great guy". It doesn't add up.

 

The gal I'm seeing now, her Ex broke up with her and I started dating her about three weeks later. Now he's trying to get her back (oh he made a big mistake by cheating on her and breaking up). She wants nothing to do with him because he's lying cheater. Nothing to do with seeing me. She has told him there is no one else and lied to him about us because she does not want him to think it's about me or anyone else and wants him to think and know it's because of how he behaved and there is no coming back for him. That's another reason I say your Ex may be lying. But, like I said, you will not get the real truth even if you ask her .... EVEN IF she has always been honest with you. Just let it go permanently.

 

 

I hope you're not comparing me to her ex. That's not me. Thats why I'm having this trouble. You keep acting like I'm being cocky about being a great guy but this is the most I've ever actually put it into words/text is on thsi forum. I don't boast, I'm not cocky, and I'm actually a more quiet guy (not always true when you really get to know me and be around me) but she was the same way so its not like that is what did this.

 

She even admits I'm great and that I made her happy. She doesn't even know why she is doing this.

 

That's why I'm so stuck you know? I can't get rid of the idea that she is going to come back to me. I'm making a mistake by holding on so tightly right now and it didn't work so I'm working on putting a little distance between us so she can figure it out on her own. But the thing is that we are really good for each other and even she would admit it. If there is a reason for all of this, she hasn't told me because she just tells me she doesn't know. I think its retarded. She is making a mistake. Isn't that sort of the right mentality for me to have to help me move on? That she is making a mistake?

[D-Lish]

Sometimes people leave relationships regardless of how great the other person is.

 

Regardless, she has left and went on to sleep with another guy- as much as that hurts, that's what you should be focusing on.

[Don Ho]

Sometimes people leave relationships regardless of how great the other person is. Regardless, she has left and went on to sleep with another guy- as much as that hurts, that's what you should be focusing on.

 

Yep and as difficult as it is to accept, you have to move on. I also have to agree with what Caliguy said in another thread; women do not come back after they break up with a guy. Those feelings are gone at that point and they never come back. You are, unfortunately, not the exception to the rule. You should read his threads, "Second Chance" and "Guide to NC".

 

No, I was not comparing you to my gal's Ex. I was comparing your Ex to my gal's Ex to point out that people lie after they break up. She probably has a guy and is lying to you. There is no point approaching her on the subject because even if it is true, she probably won't tell you the truth no matter how honest she has been with you in the past.

[cody19]

Yep and as difficult as it is to accept, you have to move on. I also have to agree with what Caliguy said in another thread; women do not come back after they break up with a guy. Those feelings are gone at that point and they never come back. You are, unfortunately, not the exception to the rule. You should read his threads, "Second Chance" and "Guide to NC".

 

No, I was not comparing you to my gal's Ex. I was comparing your Ex to my gal's Ex to point out that people lie after they break up. She probably has a guy and is lying to you. There is no point approaching her on the subject because even if it is true, she probably won't tell you the truth no matter how honest she has been with you in the past.

 

F man, I basically just relapsed. It's friday night and I don't have any close friends at this school and any of the few I have are gone. I'm alone bored out of my mind and starting to feel crappy. I tried taking a little nap but waking up from it just made me fall into a ****tier feeling state. I started to look back at some old emails from a month ago, and idk I think I was to ****ed up by the thought that she wasn't coming back and tried to hard to tell her she needed to come back to America and didn't really say anything about her being gone. I'm starting to feel like I pushed her away. **** IDK man. Then I read your post which right now isn't what I need to see. Just ****s my mind more and makes me feel more like I need to say something to her and say "hey I didn't mean to try so hard to get you to come back, but you didn't need to do this" and **** idk

 

my mind is straight up ****ed right now.

 

I'm sorry

[D-Lish]

Look Cody, it's totally okay to vent here on the forum. It helped me through an incredibly difficult time 4 years ago when my bf broke up with me. I actually started getting lost in helping others on the forum, and it helped. Initially, putting your thoughts on paper helps a whole lot.

 

Lots of people won't sugar coat things for you- but you can't live on hope, only clinging to things you want to hear. I know by posting you are looking for people to tell you what you want to hear, because it always makes us feel better to be supported in that way. Truthfully, you'll get more out of the posters that are going to give it to you straight.

 

If your social life is a little thin right now, bridge the gap by being social here for the moment. Talk about it all you want- we're listening.

[Don Ho]

Well Bro, you are evolving in your thinking! No, you shouldn't contact her. It won't do any good right now and it might make you feel better for a minute and then worse later. Don't do it. I don't know how outgoing your are, but I used to put on my "out going Don" persona and go to bars myself. Have a drink at the bar and just chat with some guys. Try to make some new friends. Try to learn something about someone else and their life. Lots of people sitting alone at the bar top are wanting to talk. Just my .2 and one idea for you.

 

D-Lish, I do sugar coat it!! Now stop being such a pussy with him!! Seriously Bro, I do empathize with you and your anguish, the racing mind and so on. I know all to well about feeling hopeless and not knowing what to do. I've been there; so depressed I couldn't get out of bed or barely made it through the day. If I have been tough on you, it was only because you didn't seem to want to listen to anyone. No, it may not work out with her and she may not come back. But you will be fine and it does get easier as time goes on. Continue NC and try to go out tonite and have some fun.

[cody19]

Thanks guys. I get the continuing NC. And I know you guys are being straight with you but honestly I'm being straight back.. At least straight on what's in my mind. I may be lying to myself but I'm telling you what's in my mind. I'm still stuck on hope and the type of guy I am I think I will be a long time. She had said something about coming to get her stuff somewhere down the road but it wouldn't be until next summer, and even though I don't want to wait that long, I even think if she came back and saw me, she would change her mind then. Maybe its because when my uncle told me to just walk away from things he said how my other uncle told a girl that she wouldn't find anyone who treated her better and they went their seperate ways. It was like 9 months later they got together and they grew old together and married. Until she died recently but they were happily married. That may be giving me the hope I need but dont need at the same time. As well as an old gf from early years thats a friend now was on and half for 2 years with a guy.. then they were off for a real long time, the guy had sex with some girl and the girlfriend wanted nothing to do with them. Now they are back together for around 4 ish years and engaged so again i feel if they can have a ****ty 2 year relationship and somehow get over it and be together again, i feel like i could have a 2 year awesome relationship and someday have it back. But my problems is I want to KNOW that I have hope and its crushing me to think that I might not you know.

 

 

Anyways, update, right after I posted I was feeling way to ****ty so I drew a picture (not good but kind of a design) and then went out for a run and stuff. Luckily for me my brother is up for the weekend and tomorrow I will be going to see my cousin play softball and my parents and some uncles/aunts will be there. Since the break up I have made the 5 hour drive home both weekends so I didn't have to deal with lonely weekends and I'm lucky that this is going on this weekend. My brother said I could go stay with him next weekend and chill at his school. Basically it doesn't make me feel good but it helps me get through one more day you know.

 

And as far as getting out, I'm not that outgoing per say. I'm not old enough for bars yet ha... turning 20 soon. And I don't feel social and like my counselor agreed to this but I seem to be "more mature" than most guys my age and I'm not big on acting like a total ****ing retard (another thing she and I had in common) so I mean... getting drunk and screwing a chick isn't what I'll be doing ... although I have gotten drunk/high since the break up but it was mainly just me and my best friend back home. It felt good enough I almost thought about dropping out of school for a semester and living with him/working.... but I don't wanna do that to myself.

 

 

I'm letting a lot out again and starting to forget what I'm saying and not knowing if I'm making sense so I'll stop

 

I'll tell you guys what I've told a lot of my friends. Thanks for putting up with my ****.

[paperbag111]

Hey Cody,

 

How are you feeling now? I can pretty much relate to this hurtful situation you're in, however things are slightly different. I on the other hand had to move to a neigbouring country for work related reasons. We're in our mid-20s and have been together for over two years when I moved, she said she is willing to wait for me etc etc. After about 4 months of being apart she came over to visit me for about 5 weeks. Everything was like a dream, the reunion, the days spent together, dinner, and simply being in each others arms. However we did have a serious argument during this time but made up, I know a lot of you on here will say after a fight thing don't magically return to normal, I know. Since then I did my best to treat her well, told her I loved her everyday and yeah, thing did slowly turn back to what it was pre-argument.

 

Now when she left, it was very heart felt etc because we wouldn't be able to see each other for another few months. A few days later, she called to break up with me because of the long distance and our fights. I was f**ken shattered. And here is where it is similar to your situation, not even a week after she broke up, she slept with someone after a night out with the girls to get her mind off things. She was really upset and drank a few too many drinks. We chatted a few weeks after the breakup of NC and that's how I found out...she told me because I was still trying to win her back. She said she felt really dirty and it made her sick. But being so in love with her I said the typical thing of "realistically we were single and not together" and was willing to start fresh.

 

Not long ago I was granted a transfer back to my home country and am now in the process of getting things together for the move. However, it is not for another month but now...I don't know if I want her back. I felt the same way you did and would take her back in a heartbeat but the more I thought about it, the more I've changed my mind. She wants to meet up and 'see' how things go, but now I don't think I want to 'see' how things go, I'm thinking of just letting her go. Like someone mentioned earlier in your thread "she let some guy shove his penis into her" (or something to that effect). It's something very intimate and I personally would not have sex with anyone unless I feel something for the girl and am in a relationship, call me a pussy but that's just how I am. Thing is, I KNOW SHE ISN'T THAT TYPE OF GIRL TOO. She would never do that. I just don't think I could deal with her letting some else's touch get between us.

 

Like Don Ho said, if she was the one or "perfect" she would have never broken up with you. My girl said she was willing to wait for me and look what happened. I also read in another post and remember that it doesn't matter how sure you are of someone being the 'one' for you, there will always be someone else out there for you, that once you meet and fall in love with, you will think that they're the one. Someone also said, you only get one chance per girl per lifetime. Like JNJ Express said, "she certainly isn't deeply in love with you...otherwise she wouldn't be out with other men, and having sex with them". Yes my ex was slaughtered when it happened but, if she did still love me, or had something special, she wouldn't have done it, no matter how drunk she was. I'm sure there's a lot of people who'd agree with me on this, but when you're really drunk and have/had something special recently, YOU DON'T GO AND DO **** LIKE THAT. END OF STORY.

 

I know it's hard buddy, I really do but you have to let her go. People say that if you love her so much, you would put this in the back-burner but the thing is, it'll always be there. How could the one do something like that to you, okay if you had broken up for 6 months, a year then whatever, but a WEEK? Your girl and my ex had no respect for us OR themselves for that matter.

Edited September 12, 2010 by paperbag111

[cody19]

To how am I doing......

 

Well brother came up friday, went to softball game saturday hung out with parents/brother that night, ate with them this morning but now they have left and I feel low again (even if she was "with me" I would after my family leaves). But the thing is I still feel more and more each day that I should be able to talk to her like things are normal. For instance I saw on ESPN that a tennis player we both like (djokovic) beat a tennis player we both hate (federer) and I just want to talk to her about that, just be like yeah I'm happy he lost yeah me too blah blah blah. So because I feel more and more like that I feel worse and worse because I keep having to tell myself it's not there, at least not now, it's too early, it's only been a week.

 

 

Thanks for sharing paperbag and I do see how our situations are/were similar.

 

How long until you decided you wouldn't take her back in a heartbeat?

 

I know it's early but I just don't know when I will ever think that. I get more and more pissed off that she is doing this to me (the break up) but I mean, I still feel like she will come around and we will work through it and get back together. I can't help it, it's what my mind tells me.

 

And like you say how what our girls did to us was not like themself (for your girl, and its the same for mine, she isn't like that) and like thats what kills me. She isn't being herself. I feel like this situation is ****ing with her mind maybe even more than it is with mine. And it's like she isn't being herself, so obviously I just want to be like, hey that's not you so stop doing it. My clouded vision tells me that her being so unlike herself is a sign that sooner or later she will be herself again and thats when she will realize that she loves me.

 

I really can get over the sex thing, I don't like it by any means but I mean... sex isn't the key to my relationship. It won't be easy or anything but I feel like being with her is worth working through it.

 

And like I don't know that I agree with the one chance per girl thing.

 

 

My aunt/uncle is the example that I will use and it may not be what needs to be in my mind now but it's something that sort of gives me hope.

 

My uncle told my aunt she wouldn't find anyone better, they split... 9 months later she came back to him. They were married for years (idk how many) and were happy. I don't know I just can't get over this girl. Maybe because it's been so short but the last 2 weeks or w/e it has been have been the LONGEST weeks of my life. I feel like she should smarten up by now but I know that even if she will smarten up she won't by now, it's just not soon enough.

 

 

My bday box I sent her should get there in a week or so i think (judging from when it was sent) and I guess we'll see if she feels the need to say thanks or anything for it or if she will stay true to the NC too. If she just says thanks or something I probably won't answer. In a month is when she is supposed to talk to me... so about 3 weeks ish now.... which is around my birthday. I'd almost rather my birthday come before her contacting me so I don't have to worry about being crushed again before my birthday and it would be interesting if she feels the need to tell me happy birthday or not.

 

 

This is dumb. I'm so pissed off and its at her but also just angry because I just want this to end for the best. Best is having her back. I can put the past behind me.

 

 

I'm rambling again. I need to stop.

 

Parents just left so my mind went fried again so what I am saying may not be the most sensical and might be hard to follow so sorry if that's how it is.

[cody19]

Just an update.

 

Yesterday was a very ****ty day for me. I don't know why. I think it was because I played tennis and I miss playing with my girlfriend because she was good and coached me too ha. But what was worse was while my friend and I were playing a girl and guy from the tennis team showed up to practice with each other. The girl told me that she talked to Britt (my ex) "today" and I just said "oh really cool" and I said "I haven't talked to her for a week" but I don't think she heard and she told me that apparently the paper made a mistake and put her name in for playing tennis.

 

(side not I got to take some anger out on an old racket.. I had bent it in the past by hitting myself on the ankle.. I hit myself on the leg yesterday and made it a bit worse so I decided it was time for a new one so I just destroyed it.)

 

After playing I went back to doing basically nothing and felt really low. In fact it was the first time I cried a lot for a few days. I couldn't explain it I was just feeling terrible.

 

Today has been a bit better but not at the same time. I still can't believe any of this and not talking to her is so hard since she is my best friend. (reading around helps me realize that I can't break this contact because I told her a month and told her to email me so I can't say anything to her.. She may even "want" that so she can get upset with me, I really don't know what's going on in her mind now... I don't even know how she is acting on a daily basis)

 

I've been really pissed off/hurt today though. I can't beleive that she doesn't miss me one bit. I just think of all the different memories and I think "she doesn't miss ONE thing about me? Not one thing? I can't beleive that" and then I also think... "does she miss some other friends... but how can she not miss me.. I was her best friend she spent more time with me than them and we even talked about how she didn't like them that much and stuff"

 

I don't know. I'm feeling more and more "dead"

 

I don't like holding onto hope but its the only thing keeping me afloat right now. I feel like there is hope because there is no way she can miss me forever. Sooner or later she will realize it.

 

I don't know man.

 

I just don't even know what to say anymore.

 

Why is it that 2 weeks can seem like an eternity? yet 2 years ago seems like it was just here?

[Billie The Puppet]

Hate to tell you this but there is a way she can miss you forever she can even forget about you. I am the "good guy" and my ex wants nothing to do with me.

Or she is actually respecting my NC request this time (Day 9).

 

She very well can fall in love with another and another. Your hope is actually giving up LS and any scheme and hope it just happens as chance I am starting to think this is my only way too. Yet at the same time you have to move on with life itself not necessarily relationships but other aspects of life.

[cody19]

Hate to tell you this but there is a way she can miss you forever she can even forget about you. I am the "good guy" and my ex wants nothing to do with me.

Or she is actually respecting my NC request this time (Day 9).

 

She very well can fall in love with another and another. Your hope is actually giving up LS and any scheme and hope it just happens as chance I am starting to think this is my only way too. Yet at the same time you have to move on with life itself not necessarily relationships but other aspects of life.

 

 

I'm not sure what you are saying? My hope is to give up LS? What do you mean?

[Billie The Puppet]

We are on here daily hoping that some magic reply will save our own relationship, we are obsessing on coming here to vent so others good words make as feel better for the night perhaps etc. Look there is no guaranteed way our ex's will come back. Yes we hope and hope and hope but have we lived?

[cody19]

I don't even know how to respond.

 

I'm having a very crappy time right now..

 

And yeah I come on here and vent but it's because at times I have no one to talk to.

 

And not only that but I feel like the people I am talking to are getting annoyed by me.. which is not a good feeling. My uncle said that is how he felt and he got so depressed that he tried to kill himself (by making it look like an accident). I don't want that to be me. I have feelings like I just don't want to wake up in the morning. So yeah I guess I hope and hope... but I hope because I'm afraid of what will go into my mind when I lose hope.

[cody19]

And yet another speed bump.

 

 

So I'm feeling really low and all.... well first let me go back a bit

 

I deleted her off of my friends on facebook. That's because I KNEW I would be looking at her page all of the time... and I still have.. but I mean that is why I deleted her. So for the past week I have gone to her page and I could only see a limited about, for instance that she is still "single" and isn't like putting that she is in a relationship with some dude....

 

Anyways I couldnt see much more than that, not what people posted on her wall or anything, and not her photos.

 

Well just a minute ago I felt like going to her page... just to see the few things I could... she her picture (most recent picture of her so it's the best one) and all that jive and then I would leave after a second or two.

 

Well... for some reason it seems now that she has changed her privacy settings... and I can see just about everything.

 

I can now see her pictures... I can see her wall....

 

Man.. I know I can make myself not look.. but its just that I deleted her on purpose so I wouldn't even be able to look when I was tempted to.

 

 

And now I noticed I can see the old facebook bumper stickers on her page which her and I were big into when we were first together and she was over seas. I even stumbled accross a certain bumper sticker that played a big part in our summer that year, right away. (its a dumb little dinosaur that says " "rawr" that means I miss you in dinosaur"... so basically for that whole summer we would text each other/end our online conversations by saying "rawr")

 

It just makes me miss her more and miss who she IS and not who she IS BEING. I don't get why her privacy settings are changed now.

 

It almost feels like she did this to me.. but idk, for all I know she didn't know they changed... or something else happened. I'm not sure.

 

 

Again just venting... sorry if you don't care...

 

 

Honestly if I don't get anymore responses at all in this thread it would still be better for me to post on here... just an outlet I guess. And hopes someone will at least converse with me some over it I suppose.